Help please freaking out over relationship

[RyanTheWorrier]

Hey guys
Basically my partner has gone to one of his friends parents funerals up north so he's gone for a few days.
Anyway he's not out as gay to his parents so can't often talk when he is with them but I see him a lot and he's a great guy so I don't mind.

Anyway after not hearing all day I went in to panic mode thinking he didn't love me etc you know the usual anxiety stuff
I called him at 23:30 as he wasn't replying to me after getting a very generic reply about bad signal but I could see my messages were recivied.
Anyway I text him far too much even before calling and after calling he turned his phone off as was likely annoyed as it was late and he's sharing a hotel room with his parents.

I'm in mega panic mode he'll leave me over this as he has left me before when I became so over the top. He understands I have anxiety but not fully as I have been fine for ages except I get very insecure.

So yeah freaking out as I obviously know not to text anymore tonight but if I don't hear tomorrow I'm really going to be in a shitty slump of a mood or even worse he is pissed off enough to leave me or get angry. I mean I know he's trying to be there for a friend and I shouldn't of been so obsessive in the first place but hind sight is a great thing eh... :(

Edit: I know I sound so stupid but he has been there for me so much and I've nearly pushed him away due to my insecurities and accusing him in the past to the point I'm on quite thin ice.

Don't know if to text him in the morning or wait until the evening after the funeral is over and just be normal as I've sent about 10 texts apologising so might be best to just wait now? I'm not good at waiting unfortunately

[debs71]

Hi,

I can relate. I have had a similar situation with my boyfriend over the years, with me being a complete paranoid worrier, and him getting hacked off with it, and my texting which bugs the hell of him. It is hard when one person is more easily put on edge than the other, as inevitably it ends up winding the other one up....and suffering from anxiety makes our worries even worse of course.

My advice is to now wait for him to contact you. Trust me when I say that I totally know how hard that is to do, when you are desperate for some contact and answer to your worry, but I think some breathing time is now needed, for both of you!

Try not to let your mind go into overdrive and assume the worst possible outcome. Think of it this way - this has happened before, and yet you still were drawn back together again, so that is a sign of a real connection between you. Yes, he might well be a bit pissed off, but then again, it may more likely be he just couldn't find a time during what would have been a busy and awkward day, for him to reply to you. That is a far more likely scenario, given that he was with his parents and is sharing a room with them.

Try not to dwell on negative thoughts with this. At the moment there is nothing you can do about what he may or may not be thinking, so I would just wait to hear back from him, hard as it may be I know. xx:hugs:

[RyanTheWorrier]

Thanks for the reply X
Well he's being off with me and if I'm honest I'm close to ending it.
I know he's with his parents but I'm kind of getting pissed off with being a secret and he can't even have the decency to send a text to say he loves me only "everything's fine. Stop being a nutter" so yeah pretty pissed off.
Supposed to be seeing him tomorrow but I don't know if I can be bothered as I will be ignored all day again today :(

[debs71]

Yep, it certainly doesn't help when your relationship is a secret and he hasn't come out to his parents yet. It sort of interferes with you contacting him, which adds to the whole communication difficulties thing.

I suspect that will have a big bearing on how and when or how little he is responding to you at the moment. If they are around him, he will probably be finding it hard to reply in the way he usually would to you, as psychologically, them just being in the room will make him edgy, and affect how intimately he replies to you.

Don't give up on itl! I would see him tomorrow and talk about it all with him, face to face. Get things off of your chest about it and see what he says. I think that the fact he replied at all is a positive, as if he was that pissed off and annoyed he wouldn't reply at all (in my experience :D) x

I know how frustrating and annoying this is for you. I have been exactly where you are, having my head done it and getting more and more steamed up. Hang in there! x