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View Full Version : absolutely, positively, terrified of throat/tonsil cancer



manda95
09-03-16, 17:33
Hi there, everyone.

This is my first time posting on any kind of forum. I don't mean any disrespect towards anyone who has or had cancer, I'm just looking for advice, and (hopefully) some reassurance...

First of all, I'm a 20 year old female, about 140lbs, 5'2.
I DON'T smoke anything, never truly have, except for maybe a HANDFUL of times, including marijuana. I drink on occasion, but hardly ever get drunk. Please don't scold me for that...

Anyway, about 2 and 1/2 years ago, I noticed this very specific sore spot on the left side of my throat, near my tonsil area, but lower than the tonsils you can see.. it's hard to pinpoint. I don't remember if it was accompanied by an all over sore throat, but I don't think I was "sick". I went to the doctors and was prescribed some sort of antibiotic, and eventually it went away. However, for the past 2 and 1/2 years, it has come and gone. About a year and a half ago I went to the doctors again, this time the sore was definitely accomapined by an excruciating sore throat. Again, I was prescribed an antibiotic, and that obviously went away.

However the specific sore spot still comes and goes. I can't really describe the pain, its like a deep pain. Its not always there, but when it comes, it's usually for a few minutes at most. I'll almost have "flare ups" that last a week or two, which gives me the feeling of an inflamed throat, only on the left side. I can swallow my food fine, but sometimes it feels like stuff gets a little stuck. I've never chocked, usually just swallow it down with some water and I'm okay.

Sometimes my throat clicks when I swallow. This has happened only a few of times, usually lasts a week or so.

I've usually feel discomfort, pain not really a factor other than that spot on occasion. I've only been truly sick twice maybe three times in 2 and 1/2 years. I feel fine, I wouldn't say I'm ever truly fatigued other than after a long shift at work or when I get little sleep, but definitely nothing abnormal. I eat all the time and usually always crave food so I can't say I've lost my appetite either haha.

When I think about it, it seems to amplify my symptoms. It seems like every little thing that could go wrong happens on the left side. I'd say my anxiety gets pretty severe, I get obsessive, so I'm constantly touching my throat/neck, trying to feel things. Constantly overthinking. Constantly researching. Constantly have an overwhelming sense of doom.

I'd say over the past 2 and 1/2 years this has gotten more bothersome, but not by a lot.

My left tonsil is barely visible, but my right one is definitely visible. I wouldn't say it's swollen though, especially compared to swollen tonsils you see on the internet. You can feel one lymph node in front of both of my ears, the left being a little bigger, but not visible. Both are painless but very moveable.

I also found a painless, moveable lump in my neck, left side. It's probably the size of a grape, maybe a little smaller. I had to really, really look for it though. But this is what truly brought me over the edge. Had me thinking about cancer spreading into my nodes, tumor, all sorts of things. I have dry skin due to winter weather, so I get itch fits sometimes, but goes away with normal scratching. Saw that this was a symptom of lymphoma and ABSOLUTELY lost it. Since I really had to look for the lump I have no idea how long it's even been there or if it's grown. I also feel like my voice has gotten ever so slightly weaker the past few days, but I don't know if it actually has.

I deal with GAD and I have suffered from panic attacks before.

I scheduled an appointment with an ENT (March 14th), and had about a week wait since my initial request for an appointment.

However, lately and especially during this wait, my anxiety over this has been EXCRUCIATING, never have I ever felt like this before. I've had 3 or 4 full blow panic attacks in the past few days over this. I can't think about the future positively because I am 100% convinced I have cancer. I've cried so much the past few days. I can barely eat because I'm so scared. I feel like I cannot function, my body hurts and I just feel numb most of the time. I'm scared that it's in a late stage.

I try to think positively because I can't say this problem has caused MAJOR problems over the course of 2 and 1/2 years, and surely if it were cancer, I would be dealing with major issues now or even before, right? However I've recently read things on the internet about how people could have had cancer for years without knowing or being wrongly diagnosed, and then were finally diagnosed in a late stage...

I'm not trying to sound ignorant, and I'm so so sorry if it comes across that way, I'm just absolutely losing my mind over this. It's truly taking over my life. I keep imagining the worst. I feel like the only thing that will ever truly settle my mind is if I have a throat scope and my body is fully checked for cancer.

I'm terrified the ENT won't take me seriously since I'm young and don't have the risk factors. I'm also scared of him missing something.

If you have any thoughts, suggestions, concerns, or questions I should ask my ENT it would be very appreciated.

Also, I take the generic OC of Seasonique. About 4 days ago I started taking a generic version of Zyrtec, because I think I've kind of always been dealing with post nasal drip, and I read that that can cause irritation..

Thank you so much.

Fishmanpa
09-03-16, 17:38
.... this problem has caused MAJOR problems over the course of 2 and 1/2 years, and surely if it were cancer, I would be dealing with major issues now or even before, right?

I'm a head and neck cancer survivor. Cancer is an uncontrolled growth of abnormal cells. It doesn't come and go nor does it stop once it starts. It really is that way. You would be very ill or not with us by now if it were sinister.

Positive thoughts

manda95
09-03-16, 17:49
I'm so, so sorry to hear that, Fishmanpa. So happy that you are okay. Do you mind me asking what type it was? What is your story like?

I've read online that recurring symptoms can mean cancer and pain isn't always associated with cancer. I've read on forums where someone found a small lump and were diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. I've also read that someone has had untreated cancer for 7 years. It's truly, undeniably terrifying. I've always thought that cancer, especially for this long, would be quite obvious. I've read so many things where someone found something innocent and it ended up being cancer. I'm so sorry if I sound ignorant, which I probably do, I also do not want to offend you, I'm just scared and once my anxiety kicks in, it's this uncontrollable spiral dow to the lowest of lows.

Would I have constantly felt pain throughout this time? Would it have gotten significantly worse? I've always thought that it would have, but the past few days have been driving me nuts and I feel so stupid for not doing anything sooner.

Fishmanpa
09-03-16, 18:13
I'm so, so sorry to hear that, Fishmanpa. So happy that you are okay. Do you mind me asking what type it was? What is your story like?

Thanks :) Suffice it say I'm Ok now. No need to elaborate on my situation as it will only feed your anxiety. What you described in no way presents as OC. I'm 100% sure your visit to the ENT will result in an all clear.

Positive thoughts

S1894
10-03-16, 12:14
Manda95, I am sorry you are going through this anxiety. I completely feel for you because I am going through something very similar and doing all I can not to panic.
It is so easy to reassure others and not nearly as easy to reassure ourselves, HA always makes us believe the worst!

I also have a lump under my jaw at the left side, also about the size of a grape. I too left it for a while thinking it was swolen glands then finally went to the doctor a few weeks ago. I received a letter today with an appointment at the hospital at the end of the month for an ultrasound, so really, until then, I will just have to get on with things.

Until your appointment you should really try to not think about it (I know it is so difficult) because even if the worst case scenario presents itself on the 14th, which I am sure it wont, you will never get these 4 days back and worrying won't have changed one single thing!
Throat cancer is very rare, and most lumps in the neck are not cancer.. and if it is, we have a survivor here who has already kindly reassured you.. so you can have hope. (So glad you are well now Fishmanpa!)

However I am absolutely sure you will be fine and your results will be something much less serious than cancer. I hope you can get through the next few days without worrying too much. :) Stay strong!