ajmorris87
10-03-16, 18:01
Hi all I've posted on here a couple of times before quite a while ago and I guess this is some sort of update or just the need to try and explain my life as I see it.
Since I was about 19 I have suffered with anxiety or so my doctor tells me, I used to get panic attacks but no longer suffer from them, But I cannot seem to get out of this endless fear bubble. I feel like I am not in control of myself and constantly worry about everything even if it doesn't relate to me.
I am constantly dizzy but it's not a normal dizzy it's hard to explain it's like a spaced out warped distant feeling like I'm looking through someone else's eyes and the more I think about it the worse it get's especially when I'm moving it's almost like my view is delayed and it scares the hell out of me.
Sometimes I can just have a conversation with someone and everything around me goes weird like I zoom and and everything because small it is really hard to explain I just don't know what to do.
I have resulted (Please don't judge) to taking cocaine and alcohol I would have never thought I would have even touched the stuff but for a while it kinda makes me feel normal and in control but I don't agree with it myself but I can't help it.
I pity myself and I worry more about other people and how they feel than I do myself I guess in a way selfishly selfless to myself.
I don't talk to anyone about it because you say the word anxiety and people just frown upon it like it's a made up word, I can't explain how I feel myself so how could I get someone else to understand.
I'm not entirely sure why I am writing this but It's the first time I've spoken about how I feel in probably 4/5 years, Apologies for the long post.
Since I was about 19 I have suffered with anxiety or so my doctor tells me, I used to get panic attacks but no longer suffer from them, But I cannot seem to get out of this endless fear bubble. I feel like I am not in control of myself and constantly worry about everything even if it doesn't relate to me.
I am constantly dizzy but it's not a normal dizzy it's hard to explain it's like a spaced out warped distant feeling like I'm looking through someone else's eyes and the more I think about it the worse it get's especially when I'm moving it's almost like my view is delayed and it scares the hell out of me.
Sometimes I can just have a conversation with someone and everything around me goes weird like I zoom and and everything because small it is really hard to explain I just don't know what to do.
I have resulted (Please don't judge) to taking cocaine and alcohol I would have never thought I would have even touched the stuff but for a while it kinda makes me feel normal and in control but I don't agree with it myself but I can't help it.
I pity myself and I worry more about other people and how they feel than I do myself I guess in a way selfishly selfless to myself.
I don't talk to anyone about it because you say the word anxiety and people just frown upon it like it's a made up word, I can't explain how I feel myself so how could I get someone else to understand.
I'm not entirely sure why I am writing this but It's the first time I've spoken about how I feel in probably 4/5 years, Apologies for the long post.