Just need to tell someone

[M1825]

Good afternoon

I don't know what my intention is with this post. I just feel so scared and alone in this and, having contained this to myself for a few months, I'm beginning to feel like I'm going to explode. So perhaps my intent is just to vent.

I'm 27, married and a father to two amazing kids. Starting in October I began having pain and stiffness in both my wrists, more than likely due to a home remodel I had been working on. Around the same time I stumbled across something about ALS and have since been consumed by fear.

In December I had a full melt down thinking perhaps my symptoms were something else, perhaps lupus. I had to leave a family gathering. Once I was able to get alone I just broke down balling at the thought of not being alive to see my kids grow up or be there for them and my wife.

I saw a doctor and she said its anxiety.

In January I started having tightness in my jaw. This caused me to have trouble talking and eating. I once again saw my doctor and she said to take aleve and prescribed muscle relaxers.

I'm still dealing with these pains and discomfort. Now I've notice once side of my smile is higher than the other. The fear of having a disease such as ALS is consuming me. The only time I feel it go away was when I was working on a garden with my kids.

I'm not being the father or husband I should be. I'm not being the leader at work I should be. I'm just completely controlled by this fear. I'm losing my mind.

[LilGsMama]

Hi. You're amongst people who will definitely understand here. We've all got our fears. Have you considered speaking to your GP about your anxieties? :)x

[M1825]

I appreciate your response, so much. I've internalized these fears so much that just sharing them, and having a reply from someone is just... Just incredible.

I haven't expressed my anxieties to my GP, specifically. I've told her I'm anxious but not about ALS specifically. When I begin to tell her, it all just seems so irrational so I stop.

[Fishmanpa]

Hi M1825,

I really do feel for you. The ALS fear rabbit hole is one of the worst fears I see on the boards in the way it affects it's sufferers. Hopefully, with professional help, you'll be able to learn to rationalize your fear and overcome it.

As you said, it's compromising your ability to be the person you need to be which is worse than actually having the illness you fear (which you obviously don't).

Best wishes and...

Positive thoughts

[Nzxt27]

I have went from GERDto thinking I had throat cancer to heart disease. To blood clots and artery issues. Then after my week breakdown I started noticing muscle spasms and still do. And I thought I had ALS. This is all within 2 months. The ER doctor said I had generalized anxiety which I think it's more health anxiety. And I get the same thoughts as you. I feel like I won't get to grow old with the girl I love. I'm only 32 and I don't drink smoke or do drugs and my side family doesn't have any heart issues or anything. But cancer does run in my side of family. I feel lots of people with anxiety go from one thing to the next.

---------- Post added at 19:35 ---------- Previous post was at 19:30 ----------

Just from me waiting on doctor to see what was wrong with me I went into ER for chest pains and after he said he was checking my thyroid and see if I was anemic. I started thinking I might have throat cancer before he even came back to tell me the results. Anxiety sucks. And I. Hoping I can put all this behind me very soon and be back to normal. I was normal till around jan 10th this year.

[LilGsMama]

I appreciate your response, so much. I've internalized these fears so much that just sharing them, and having a reply from someone is just... Just incredible.

I haven't expressed my anxieties to my GP, specifically. I've told her I'm anxious but not about ALS specifically. When I begin to tell her, it all just seems so irrational so I stop.

I understand totally.. I came onto this site mid-Jan and it has helped no end. Just to chat to others helps so much. It's a nice bit of support when you think no-one else could understand the fears.

I've had counselling for HA before and am waiting to be referred for it again. I found it very useful the first time. My GP is keen for me to start it. I told him my exact fears before Xmas so he knows the score. :hugs:

[M1825]

Thank you all so much for the encouraging words and sharing your story. It helps knowing I'm not the only one going through this.

-Matt