Friend causing on-going panic bouts

[anxiousbelle]

Hi,

I am a very anxious person, and easily slip into periods of depression but over the last year (while on medication) was actually improving. I came off medication and was fine for a few months, and probably still would be aside from external factors. We are in our last year of school, and I understand everybody is under a lot of stress, but I have one friend who is making my life hell. I am a naturally quite sensitive person, and I usually put others needs above my own - which has led me to some dark places for my own health. But I don't mind when supporting a friend. Anyway, this friend about 2 years ago parents relationship broke down, and other family issues ensued, and she still has trouble with one parent. Anyhow, I have continually been there as a supportive friend, always tried my hardest to keep her spirits up but also be there in the low moments. But she appears to as of the last 5 months taken advantage of this, and has increasingly blamed her parents for her actions. She does not even ask me about me anymore, and if I mention anything she always has to be better off or worse off. I began to not even bother mentioning my own stuff because it was pointless, and instead got closer to my other friend where the relationship is a lot more stable.

I understand she has stuff going on, but it is getting out of hand. If I talk to anyone else she storms off, shouts at me, and finds ways to put me down. She says I am disloyal, unsupportive and selfish even though I try every day to be there for her. Im not perfect, but I am trying so hard to help, but it is never returned. For example, the other day in school I got upset because I had a panic attack and I was very anxious - so my other friend was there trying to calm me down. I came back into the common room the first thing she said was 'why did you go off with her for so long' and I explained and she said 'how selfish of you always leaving me out' and when everyone left screamed at me for always leaving her out, but a lot of the time nobody is leaving her out she purposefully excludes herself in order to have one up on us to say we are, and its so hard.

So to cut a long story short, last night I was very ill came out in a rash etc. (which is fine), but at the time I was panicking a lot - but she was in a dance performance I was meant to go and see. I apologised so much, and even tried to go up and watch, but had to come back because I felt very ill and I was just a mess. She ignored me, never asked how I was but then in school today told people I was selfish, and horrible for missing it. I put myself first once, and I end up being torn to pieces. If the shoe was on the other foot she would have stayed at home, and not even cared to apologise for missing it.

I do not want to fall out, or have any big drama with only 2/3 months left of school, but I just do not know what to do anymore. I do not want to go to school, right now my throat is closed with panic even thinking about seeing her. (We are 18 and this possessive behaviour is suffocating)

Please give advice..

[Col]

Being married, I would not expect my spouse to go off in the manner you purport, your friend to be. I.E, the moment you talk to someone (other than her) she immediately becomes argumentative.

Look I know you want to keep the peace and trust me, I'm very similar and for the sake of 3 mths, you just want to make it to the end without a major brawl but sorry, you really need to be a little selfish here and think about YOU.

Talk to her privately explain how you feel.
Explain what your going through.
Explain she cant always use the victim card to dismiss her bad behaviour.
We can all draw on bad experience to cover up the way we act, but don't!
But most of all, the way she is behaving is wrong, you understand her family situation and you've been very supportive and understanding BUT now she's using all that as cart blanche, for everything.
Tell her she's upsetting you. Tell her she's out of order but be calm in saying so.
You know she's out of order and you know if you was not at school, you probably wouldn't have much to do with someone like this. I certainly wouldn't. The older you get the more you realise, being peacemaker doesn't always work!
Perhaps she needs professional help, to deal with her behaviour.

Be strong, be selfish.
Good luck ��

[LouiseHannah]

Firstly this girls behaviour is her own fault and responsibility it's not your own. I had a best friend for 14 years and towards the ending of high school she showed her true colours. At the time it felt like the worst thing in the world but it really wasn't. The only thing that matters long term and that you can always rely on is your grades and what you do with them, this girl I guarantee will not matter in a years time. Your future does. Do not let some insecure selfish unhappy individual who for whatever reason cannot be a friend to you despite you clearly doing the best for her, get in your way. Distance yourself at the very least, and try and Get some support from your doctor. I had terrible anxiety before my final end of A level exams and my doctor gave me some anti anxiety for that period. You need to be selfish here, toxicity is the last thing anyone needs in their lives. I hope you feel better soon and best of luck for exams xx