megumin
13-03-16, 12:14
Lately I have been feeling out of it. About a month ago I had a bit of food poisoning after I ate some end-of-the-day chinese food and threw up quite a lot the day after. About a week later I thought I had been experiencing symptoms of glaucoma. It seemed like I had been seeing halo's around lights and I was very afraid of going blind, and I was also convincing myself that I had been losing my vision. I believe I may have had anxiety for a long, long time, but it became even worse when one day I got into a serious altercation and was expelled from high school. Day after day, I had been really scared that I was going to get murdered while I was walking alone on the street, because I ended up putting the other guy in the hospital, and I felt really guilty about it, because I never intended to get into a fight, but I was forced to defend myself. A month after I had settled things with the court justice system, I started seeing a shrink in training, not really a professional therapist, but someone who was placed in a program for minors who needed help. That's where I learned that I may have an anxiety disorder. I wasn't prescribed any sort of medication, but instead I had been given several methods that were supposed to help with my anxiety. The program ended up being very helpful, but eventually, my life became a mess, and my anxiety has only seemed to get even worse. A couple people I love have passed away, and ever since I have become disconnected from my family and friends. I applied at a college for a music major last year, and I got caught up with a strange situation with the school system and haven't had the courage to try and sort it all out. I can't enjoy the music I used to love anymore. It all sounds so bland to me, or I get tired of it quickly. I spend a lot of my time sitting at home, either on my laptop or my video games thinking about all of the things I want to do with my life. Most of the time I'm thinking about moving far away, like to Japan or some other place, because I feel as if it will bring me some sort of peace in my life.
Fast forward to today, in case you don't care to read all of the excess. As I said earlier, I had been worried about having glaucoma about a month ago. I got so scared I went to the optometrist because I didn't want to wait for treatment if I was going to be blind eventually. The doctor told me that my eyes were perfectly fine. My IOP (Inner Ocular Pressure) was normal, but I was told that I simply had an eye allergy in my right, and she had told me to just take some benedryl and use eye drops to make my eyes feel less dry. I was given a minor perscription for glasses, not necessary, but they would help me see farther than normal. Now it's been about a month since then. I've felt pretty much at ease, besides this strange tingling, or some other feeling, it's kinda hard to describe, but I'm not exactly sure if it's pain or not. A couple days ago, I woke up, took a shower, and when I looked in the mirror, a portion of my face was red, what I believe to be where my sinuses are. I shave my legs, strange for a young guy, but I feel self-conscious about my body hair and I don't like it. I cut my self with an old razor. No older than a few months at least, but still usable. I started to believe that I had tetanus. I woke up and my left arm was hurting, probably because I sleep on the couch, and because I had been sleeping in a strange position, but it made me feel as if I had caught the disease, despite me finding out recently that I may have had a tetanus shot within the past 10 years, as I have had at least one within my short lifetime. I went walking to get a haircut at a shop about a mile away. After I got home I started feeling the same sensation in my left leg as in my arm, probably just a side effect of walking so far when I don't bother to get any exercise. I'm fairly skinny, but for a while now I've been eating a lot of unhealthy food. I decided I was going to try to stop after I thought I had a glaucoma scare. A couple days ago, I started feeling this strange sensation in my head, after I started to consider that I might have, or be developing a brain tumor. I got out of the shower and I felt absolutely terrible. I really wanted to go to the hospital. I talked to my grandma, asked her if I had a fever and she took my temperature (which came out to be normal) and said that it's because I haven't been going out with friends, and I haven't been called into work for a couple months. She brought pizza yesterday, but my body didn't want to eat it because I knew it was unhealthy. I tried to eat it and I felt like I couldn't even taste it, so she made tacos instead. Today I felt a lot better, but not nearly as normal as before the incident about glaucoma. I ate some fast food, despite thinking that I should try to eat healthier. Later, my dad suggested we go get something else, and when I thought about how detrimental it might be to my health, I found that I couldn't eat it, because the taste had become disgusting to me. I ended up eating some of it, but not nearly as much as I should be eating a day, which is another issue of mine. I don't typically eat more than once, or sometimes even twice a day, and I think I've been doing it for as long as I remember, and this worries me, because when I do eat, it's usually fast food. I also drink a lot of iced tea, instead of water. I've stopped drinking iced tea as much ever since I became worried about my health, and have been trying to drink more water. Today I've been fairly constipated, and I spent the last two days worrying about having some sort of brain tumor or similar condition. I've been trying to confirm that my google searches have been giving me these feelings, and also been trying to concentrate on other things. I also searched meningitis today and I started to feel this burning on the back of my neck. My grandma told me it's because I have my head hunched over whenever I'm playing video games or sitting with my laptop. I came across a couple articles about young adults who develop brain tumors, particularly one about a girl from london who was 19 (my age) when she found out about a malignant tumor, after she had had numerous seizures, loss of concentration, bouts of memory loss, and above all else, a car crash. I have never had a seizure in my entire life, and I most definitely don't drive, so I couldn't have had a car crash. The woman's first real scare was when she collapsed during work, after which is when they found her tumor during an MRI scan. Two of the reasons this concerns me is because I don't want to feel worried over nothing, especially because of the incident with glaucoma, and also because if there is really something wrong with me, then I don't want to wait before it's too late, and I collapse and bust my head open or something. My mother has also had issues concerning Hypochondria. She used to say she had a number of diseases, including AIDS, hepatitis, and different cancers. In reality, she was bipolar, and has since developed schizophrenia. There's no real presence of physical illnesses in my family history, except my aunt (70) who just found out she has Multiple Sclerosis, and my other aunt who developed breast cancer a few years ago but was ultimately cured by radiation therapy. Mental illness is a lot more prevalent in my family history, and I share a lot of physical similarities with my mother in particular, so I figured of course that my genealogy might be the same. Of course I have no reason to believe I have borderline personality disorder, schizophrenia, or bipolar disorder, but an anxiety disorder, and depression are a huge possibility. So the question I really want to ask is if it's something really wrong with my physical health at the moment, or if I'm experiencing Hypochondria like my mother before me. With all the bad things happening lately, I feel like my health might start playing a serious factor within my life like it has with my older relatives and it scares the living crap out of me. I also feel as if my deeds in the past are playing a part in my misfortune, of which I have discovered may also been a symptom of Hypochondria. I have also considered strange things, such as my family not caring about me enough to take me to the hospital, or maybe even poisoning me to make me feel this way, which I know isn't true, but I can't help but consider with the state my mind is in right now. I tend to be as descriptive and accurate as possible when I write things, so I apologize if this came out to be a little too extensive for some folks reading. Right now, I really feel I need some consideration and reassurance to feel better, but despite how you may feel about me after reading all of this, whether you think I'm just crazy or something else, I'd like to thank you for taking to time to read my words, even if just a few. Please have a nice day.
Fast forward to today, in case you don't care to read all of the excess. As I said earlier, I had been worried about having glaucoma about a month ago. I got so scared I went to the optometrist because I didn't want to wait for treatment if I was going to be blind eventually. The doctor told me that my eyes were perfectly fine. My IOP (Inner Ocular Pressure) was normal, but I was told that I simply had an eye allergy in my right, and she had told me to just take some benedryl and use eye drops to make my eyes feel less dry. I was given a minor perscription for glasses, not necessary, but they would help me see farther than normal. Now it's been about a month since then. I've felt pretty much at ease, besides this strange tingling, or some other feeling, it's kinda hard to describe, but I'm not exactly sure if it's pain or not. A couple days ago, I woke up, took a shower, and when I looked in the mirror, a portion of my face was red, what I believe to be where my sinuses are. I shave my legs, strange for a young guy, but I feel self-conscious about my body hair and I don't like it. I cut my self with an old razor. No older than a few months at least, but still usable. I started to believe that I had tetanus. I woke up and my left arm was hurting, probably because I sleep on the couch, and because I had been sleeping in a strange position, but it made me feel as if I had caught the disease, despite me finding out recently that I may have had a tetanus shot within the past 10 years, as I have had at least one within my short lifetime. I went walking to get a haircut at a shop about a mile away. After I got home I started feeling the same sensation in my left leg as in my arm, probably just a side effect of walking so far when I don't bother to get any exercise. I'm fairly skinny, but for a while now I've been eating a lot of unhealthy food. I decided I was going to try to stop after I thought I had a glaucoma scare. A couple days ago, I started feeling this strange sensation in my head, after I started to consider that I might have, or be developing a brain tumor. I got out of the shower and I felt absolutely terrible. I really wanted to go to the hospital. I talked to my grandma, asked her if I had a fever and she took my temperature (which came out to be normal) and said that it's because I haven't been going out with friends, and I haven't been called into work for a couple months. She brought pizza yesterday, but my body didn't want to eat it because I knew it was unhealthy. I tried to eat it and I felt like I couldn't even taste it, so she made tacos instead. Today I felt a lot better, but not nearly as normal as before the incident about glaucoma. I ate some fast food, despite thinking that I should try to eat healthier. Later, my dad suggested we go get something else, and when I thought about how detrimental it might be to my health, I found that I couldn't eat it, because the taste had become disgusting to me. I ended up eating some of it, but not nearly as much as I should be eating a day, which is another issue of mine. I don't typically eat more than once, or sometimes even twice a day, and I think I've been doing it for as long as I remember, and this worries me, because when I do eat, it's usually fast food. I also drink a lot of iced tea, instead of water. I've stopped drinking iced tea as much ever since I became worried about my health, and have been trying to drink more water. Today I've been fairly constipated, and I spent the last two days worrying about having some sort of brain tumor or similar condition. I've been trying to confirm that my google searches have been giving me these feelings, and also been trying to concentrate on other things. I also searched meningitis today and I started to feel this burning on the back of my neck. My grandma told me it's because I have my head hunched over whenever I'm playing video games or sitting with my laptop. I came across a couple articles about young adults who develop brain tumors, particularly one about a girl from london who was 19 (my age) when she found out about a malignant tumor, after she had had numerous seizures, loss of concentration, bouts of memory loss, and above all else, a car crash. I have never had a seizure in my entire life, and I most definitely don't drive, so I couldn't have had a car crash. The woman's first real scare was when she collapsed during work, after which is when they found her tumor during an MRI scan. Two of the reasons this concerns me is because I don't want to feel worried over nothing, especially because of the incident with glaucoma, and also because if there is really something wrong with me, then I don't want to wait before it's too late, and I collapse and bust my head open or something. My mother has also had issues concerning Hypochondria. She used to say she had a number of diseases, including AIDS, hepatitis, and different cancers. In reality, she was bipolar, and has since developed schizophrenia. There's no real presence of physical illnesses in my family history, except my aunt (70) who just found out she has Multiple Sclerosis, and my other aunt who developed breast cancer a few years ago but was ultimately cured by radiation therapy. Mental illness is a lot more prevalent in my family history, and I share a lot of physical similarities with my mother in particular, so I figured of course that my genealogy might be the same. Of course I have no reason to believe I have borderline personality disorder, schizophrenia, or bipolar disorder, but an anxiety disorder, and depression are a huge possibility. So the question I really want to ask is if it's something really wrong with my physical health at the moment, or if I'm experiencing Hypochondria like my mother before me. With all the bad things happening lately, I feel like my health might start playing a serious factor within my life like it has with my older relatives and it scares the living crap out of me. I also feel as if my deeds in the past are playing a part in my misfortune, of which I have discovered may also been a symptom of Hypochondria. I have also considered strange things, such as my family not caring about me enough to take me to the hospital, or maybe even poisoning me to make me feel this way, which I know isn't true, but I can't help but consider with the state my mind is in right now. I tend to be as descriptive and accurate as possible when I write things, so I apologize if this came out to be a little too extensive for some folks reading. Right now, I really feel I need some consideration and reassurance to feel better, but despite how you may feel about me after reading all of this, whether you think I'm just crazy or something else, I'd like to thank you for taking to time to read my words, even if just a few. Please have a nice day.