Avoiding depression

[ajk]

Hi everyone I am posting this because I feel so bad. I came home from work on Thursday to a letter from my live in partner, telling me he "couldn't take it anymore" and was leaving to try and find some happiness. He had packed most of his clothes, told me he would look after me and our daughter financially and that was it, he had gone

Things were not good between us and one of us had to do something but I wasn't prepared for this - I feel as though I have had no say in it at all, I keep crying, I can't sleep and I can't eat - he doesn't want to talk to me because he says I get too emotional and has left me to tell our 9 year daughter.

This is so awful I keep thinking I am going to go under,(depression, panic attacks and my favourite - inventing serious health problems) again and I can't cope with that thought. How can I stay positive when this totally horrible thing is happening to me.

I am not taking any medication at the moment and am glad not to be but I'm not adverse to the idea.

Help and support needed - thanks and love, Alison

[jo61]

So sorry to hear this Alison. You have my support for starters and I suspect a lot of people on here. Have you any support network? By that I mean a good GP, therapist and most importantly friends? I really hope you get through this and if you want to chat PM me your MSN if you have it.

[Pixette]

So sorry for you Alison. Try to take things a day at a time or even focus on getting through the hour if you need to. Access all the support you can as Jo said and do not be affraid to ask for help. Try to look after yourself as you need to be there for your daughter. I too had a traumatic breakup several years ago. I couldnt eat, sleep and I and walked miles (I couldnt keep still) to try and use up all of the emotional energy I was experiencing. I began to loose a lot of weight and used to drink meal replacement shakes to try an keep my energy levels up as I has two young children at the time. I saw my GP and went on anti depressants for a while to help myself. Talking to family and friends was also very helpful. It did get better and I found a new partner and my anxiety and stress soon eased as I tried to regain my life back, but this was hard to see at the time. Take courage and keep yourself well for your daughters sake and inevitably for your own sake. Getting through these difficult times is possible and I wish you and your daughter all the best. Please be strong xx

[IzzyB]

Hi Alison
I am so sorry to hear your sad news.
I think that what you have done by coming here and asking for help in staying positive is by far and away the best thing you could have done. It shows that you are brave, prepared for the fact that you may well (and completely understandably) have a little bit of a set back but mostly are going to be able to deal with this.
There are so many lovely people here who can remind you that you're not alone. You have shown great courage in getting over your problems before. It is a naturally reaction to feel stressed by a situation like this, and you would be very unusual if you could get through this by yourself.
Whilst being single is a daunting prospect, sometimes these things happen for a reason and they can make us stronger. Who knows, if you truly love your partner, a period apart could be for the best and there is nothing to say that if it is meant to be - you could reunite later down the line once you have both worked through the issues behind the breakup.
The future is not to be afraid of, and you will be able to get through this I am sure.
**Hugs** Izzy xx

[eastender]

I can't even begin to understand how you must be feeling right now. But I do know you've got to try and be strong for yourself and your daughter, its easier said then done I know, but maybe something positive could come out of this situation. If things were going wrong between you then maybe some space and time apart could help, try to keep a good relationship with him, even if your feeling bitter and hurt right now, it best for you and your daughter in the long run, no matter how things turn out in the future. I hope it all works out for you.

[ajk]

Thank you all so much for your replies, they have been so helpful to read. My tears started early this morning, I know it will get better but the future seems such a scarey place. I was anyway booked to see a counsellor on Tuesday and I will get to my GP - dealing with the nervous energy aspect is interesting because I too have been going for long walks with our dog - who incidentally knows someting is wrong and is pining for him!!!. So between me, Roisin (my little girl) and the dog - it's a pretty miserable Sunday morning!

Thank you so much again, I will come back, believe me it is good to know I am not on my own on this forum Love Alison

[skylight2007]

Hiya Alison, so so sorry to hear that,. I cannot pretend to understand what you may be feeling, and it must be so hard for you, and having to tell your daughter the news too. I know you may not want to do this alison, but quiet often I phone the smarathans to just talk about my feelings, and I can you tell you, at first I didnt want to, but then I didnt want to bother my friends either who have been a pillor of support to me. Maybe its something you could think about, and they are very very good at just listening to. It may help . Once again I hope things get better for you and it is hard to stay positive and also strong for your girl, but hang on in there wont you and you have all these people here who will support you too. take care of you. skylight.

[ajk]

Hi Skylight - thanks for that funnily enough I was thinking about the Samaritans as well - like you did, I worry I will exhaust my family and friends with too many tearful phonecalls.

I have just lay down quietly and done 2 rounds of... breathing in for 4 holding for 7 and blowing my breath out slowly through pursed lips. You follow this sequence four times in each round (so today I've done it 8 times in all). Amazingly it really calmed down the knot of anger or anxiety or whatever it is tensing up my stomach. I read that if I could practise doing 4 rounds of this breathing technique every day it would have a really beneficial change. I'll keep trying.

Sorry to waffle on but thanks and love, Alison

[skylight2007]

:hugs: Hiya Alison, the breathing techique can help calm you down, so at least you do have some control in that. I understand it early days for you, and things will take time to heal. I cant tell you how many times I use to pick up the phone and put it down when ringing the samritians, but once I did many years ago, I never looked back. Sometimes we often don't realise how sites like these and telephone helplines are a life saver for us and whilst I can write here and share my thoughts and feelings like yourself and others, the helplines are useful too.
I use to refer to helplines as a place I could confess all, say exactly how I felt and never felt judged, the relief I use to feel for just having someone I didnt know, to just listen to me., Like this place they are fantastic, so maybe when you feel ready, give a try and see how you feel.
Keep up the breathing if it helps you and I wish you every strength and courage for the coming days ahead, and like you said Alison, your not alone!!!!! sincere thoughts. skylight