First post- terrified of dying [Archive]

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Beckeroo79

14-03-16, 14:36

Hi all. I am new here, and relatively new to HA.

I think my trigger is leaving an abusive relationship 3 years ago. I am terrified if anything happens to me my beautiful children will be sent overseas to live with their Dad.

I am now in a wonderful relationship with a great man. My life is in a good place, but HA is completely ruining things for me right now. I am completely convinced that I have pancreatic cancer and that it is incurable. Blood tests, chest X-ray and ultrasound have all come back normal but in my head it is just because they have missed it. I have back pain, sickness and high abdominal pain on the left. The dr thinks it's either gastritis or an ulcer.

If I see one magpie. It's a sign, every advert seems to be about cancer, or making a will. The news seems full of stories about this that I have never noticed before.. It's literally making me miserable.

I am 36. This is completely ruining my life and I know all my friends and family are exhausted with my anxiety.

So now I'm here. Thanks for taking the time to read.

cry

14-03-16, 15:49

Hi,

I can't really help but I just wanted to say I've been feeling exactly the same. I'm convinced I'm going to die and have to leave my boyfriend, family and friends behind. I'm starting Cbt soon so I'm hoping that will help.

Nzxt27

14-03-16, 16:03

I feel the same way that I'm letting everyone down around me. I want to spend many many more years with my girl and everyone thinks I am fine around me. But I don't feel fine.

Beckeroo79

14-03-16, 16:05

Nzxt27

14-03-16, 16:06

And I feel the same way about signs. If go past funeral and there are people there then I feel like im next. If I hit a reflector while shifting lanes then something bad will happen. But I feel like that is just fueling my anxiety more and more so I try to just ignore it now.

Beckeroo79

14-03-16, 16:18

So glad to be able to share with others who get it.

The rational part of my brain knows the signs thing is just like when you are trying for a baby and there are babies everywhere.. We notice it more because we are tuned in to it.

Nzxt27

14-03-16, 16:32

Yeah. At least you don't have these twitches I have. They are getting annoying.

cry

14-03-16, 17:13

Actually it does help, just knowing other people understand the dark and miserable place it takes you to provides some comfort.

I have so much to look forward to, that in itself seems to cause me anxiety. Almost like the life I always dreamed of is within reach, so something has to go wrong.

That is exactly how I feel! I'm twenty four and I should be thinking about the great life that's in front of me with my boyfriend but all I keep thinking is its too good to be true and it will be taken from me.

LilGsMama

14-03-16, 17:14

Yeah. At least you don't have these twitches I have. They are getting annoying.

I have twitches.. noticed them during my last HA in 2011 and they're more noticeable now.. really annoying! x

Nzxt27

14-03-16, 18:01

I have twitches.. noticed them during my last HA in 2011 and they're more noticeable now.. really annoying! x

Yeah mine are like minor fast spasms or nerves in the muscles going off at random.

Beckeroo79

14-03-16, 18:28

That is exactly how I feel! I'm twenty four and I should be thinking about the great life that's in front of me with my boyfriend but all I keep thinking is its too good to be true and it will be taken from me.

Yes I relate to this entirely! Literally feel worried about making plans for the future in case it tempts fate and I lose it all. :weep:

Fishmanpa

14-03-16, 18:36

Yes I relate to this entirely! Literally feel worried about making plans for the future in case it tempts fate and I lose it all. :weep:

It's the fear of "What If?". Having lived life, taken chances, won some, lost some etc, I can tell you of all the things to fear or regret in life, it's the things we didn't do for fear of "What If?". The things we regret most are not the things we've done but the things we didn't do because of that fear.

Positive thoughts