View Full Version : Scared someone I love has made me ill
My partner of 6 years broke up with me two weeks ago quite out of the blue. It was one of my worst fears. However, since seeing at least four recent references to HIV in books, online, posters etc. I have been crying and panicking for the last few hours that the reason he ended it is because he has it and he's infected me and feels guilty and isn't brave enough to tell me. I've had so many tests over the years - it's been my number one health fear (which strained our relationship) and it just all makes so much sense that this would happen. There are behavioural things from him. that suggest my theory is quite likely. I'm frantically trying to compare the last time we had unprotected sex with the last time I had an HIV test but I can't quite align them.
I feel beyond terrified. I don't know what else to do. Should I have a test tomorrow? I am under so much emotional trauma with the breakup and know I can't keep having tests all the time but I honestly can't cope. I just want someone to sedate me. I'd love to think my mind is playing tricks on me as my world has just collapsed but that seems too good to be true.
Please, please help me.
What was the reason it ended? Was he unfaithful? To come to that conclusion just because you saw references in books etc. is quite a jump.
Positive thoughts
He fell out of love with me. He said. I asked if there was anyone else and he said no. But I am in so much shock and so lost that I am extremely paranoid and don't know who he is any more.
Thank you for replying.
He fell out of love with me. He said. I asked if there was anyone else and he said no.
I'm sorry for your heartbreak but you're adding an extremely unlikely scenario to your already stressed emotional state.
Positive thoughts
I just can't cope. It just seems like my luck - the two worst things I've dreaded being somehow fate for me. I can't burden my family any more. My dad already has depression. My doctor can't see me til next week. He told me if I had health anxiety symptoms again to remind myself that I'm just displacing the agony and grief about my relationship but I really think this is real. Albeit unlikely. But the fear is so powerful.
My doctor .... told me if I had health anxiety symptoms again to remind myself that I'm just displacing the agony and grief about my relationship but I really think this is real. Albeit unlikely. But the fear is so powerful.
I would say the same thing. I wish there were words that would help but take what your doctor said to heart. He's spot on IMO.
Positive thoughts
Hi,
So sorry about your break-up. They are never an easy thing, whatever way they come about, but being on the receiving end of a split is very hard, I know.
It is hard to advise really as you don't quite make it clear as to why you believe that HIV is a possibility here? Why do you think that theory is probable? It is difficult for us to really calm your fears unless a bit more detail is given, hon. Was he unfaithful or do you suspect that he was from his behaviour, so now you are worrying he had unprotected sex with someone else?? This is the only thing I could figure from what you say.
Anyway, that being said, I would hasten a guess that the truth of the break is what he said. After being together for 6 years, I would find it incredible if he did not disclose a HIV status to you, in order for you to get tested......do YOU think he would do that?? Would he lie and put you at risk? I would struggle with that scenario, though of course I know it isn't unheard of......BUT this is pure speculation on my part as -like I said - without knowing extra info about your suspicions, it is tricky to help.
My STRONGER suspicion is that the sudden break up has really hit you hard and so your anxiety has ramped up and off the scale, which will be throwing up such an anxiety and random panic as this, that being the HIV thing. Reading about HIV or seeing various references to it recently IS NOT a supernatural sign that this is what has happened......that is just anxiety talking, hon. When my anxiety was off the scale years ago, I had all kinds of wild fears and thoughts in my head, that I now look back on as being so silly.
Please try not to worry. It really does sound to me like you are totally stressed and upset and anxious after the split, and this is creating a lot of questions primarily, that has created the HIV paranoia. If you are really concerned about this issue, you can bypass your GP and go to your local GUM clinic. You can find out your nearest one on Google (be it in a local clinic or hospital) and get tested for HIV and other STD's, and without an appointment. You just turn up, get a number and wait.
I am sure you will be ok though, and this is high anxiety doing its worst. xx:hugs:
If you need someone to talk too I am here just pm me.
nirvanainchains
15-03-16, 05:05
Why did you arrived with HIV suspicion? Is he BISEXUAL? Because based from your scenerio, it doesn’t make sense.
WiseMonkey
15-03-16, 06:45
I agree that you should have an HIV/STD test just to put your mind at rest, I've felt the same before when a relationship has come to a sudden holt.
It's the end of a relationship so it's sensible to get tested, put that behind you and deal with the rest of the emotional fall out.
Good luck with it,
L
Hi everyone. Thank you for your replies. It means a lot.
I don't have any real reason to suspect him - other than the fact that now I can't trust him after how much he hurt me. We lived together and unless he's been living a complete double life I guess I don't think he's bisexual or was sexually unfaithful. But I can't guarantee that.
Hiv has been my main obsession for years and my doctor has tried to help me stop seeking reassurance and getting tested all the time (eg if I feared 'exposure' that wasn't really exposure) so I know it would be better for me to avoid it. But at the same time, I'm so scared. I wonder if it's time to consider medication - my doctor has raised the option of Sertraline a few times but I've always bounced back from whatever was bothering me.. But this time I might have gone over the edge. I just want to grieve the breakup but I feel things have changed too much and I'll never be the same or happy again. I know deep down that my partner isn't right for me long term but it's just such an upheaval.
I'm just so miserable and my world has changed irreversibly and the fear has taken over. And the worse it is the realer it seems. It seems like just my luck that I've feared these things so much that they'd converge like this and make my life worthless.
Quick update. I spent hundreds of pounds on tests at a private GP. All came back negative. So far I believe them but in dark moments I've been known to wonder if someone at the lab messed up. But am going to do everything I can to be strong.
I'm a bit nervous that I'll now move onto the next HA concern but am going to try not to.
Since this isn't a relationship forum I won't go on about it here, but my goodness, the end of a long relationship, especially in one's 30s, is truly harrowing.
Thank you everyone for replying and supporting me. Wishing you all a good weekend.
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