candy555
15-03-16, 20:06
H i am posting this for help please read.. i went to meet my mum at a cafe that ive never been to before today. Woke up this morning feeling ok for once but as time reched for me to leave the house became more and more agitated..as i do so often but not always .. did i look ok did i have the stuff i needed for the day, couldnt find my hand cream.. changed my top Realised i was going to be late, forced my self out of the house and rushed down the road to get bus which wasnt there yet , waited for a while decided to set off as running late. walked past many people (who i thought at the time were looking at me judging me because i didnt have the right top and my face was red as i had been rushing .. etc)
By the time i came to meet my mum i was in a foul mood the place was busy my mum had sat on a table in the middle lots of people around and i was very hot. as soon as i sat down i wanted to get out of there so went to the toilet to sort my self out. i came back and waitress wants my order.. havnt even looked at it yet and so end up snapping at her which i feel bad about imediatly after. Then we order and its like garble to me on the page so i just say whatever i can see that looks edible.
My mum wants to chat but the noise is getting worse i cant hear her for the people on the right who are ratteling on about there weekend to amsterdam and on the left the noise from the staff who are clattering about and its so bad i put my fingers in my ears.. this goes on for an hour as i wait for my mum to slowly eat her sandwhich. i have alrady abandoned mine which was greasy and awful that i think the people in the cafe have given me it on purpose to poison me for being so snappy with
the waitress..!i need to leave and so say i will pay and leave to sit outside. my mum asks me if im ok today (even though she is used to this behaviour) i say not really. she dosnt say much and has to leave to get her bus home. so i sit outside in the cool air but i feel rampent and just want to go home. i eventually get a taxi home as i cannot face the walk back. when i get home i feel fine just guilty for my behaviour. then worried i have upset mymum. i am sick of this kind of thing being such a daily occurence for me. i have had this since i can remember i have been to the doctors, i have had antideppressents and short term aniexty drugs. i just want to share this day with other people to find out if it is a normal occourence for others as i dont feel it is? im not looking for a label just some help in dealing with it as maybe i am just "normal" or maybe not! i dont know anymore i just no i am not happy with me being like this.
By the time i came to meet my mum i was in a foul mood the place was busy my mum had sat on a table in the middle lots of people around and i was very hot. as soon as i sat down i wanted to get out of there so went to the toilet to sort my self out. i came back and waitress wants my order.. havnt even looked at it yet and so end up snapping at her which i feel bad about imediatly after. Then we order and its like garble to me on the page so i just say whatever i can see that looks edible.
My mum wants to chat but the noise is getting worse i cant hear her for the people on the right who are ratteling on about there weekend to amsterdam and on the left the noise from the staff who are clattering about and its so bad i put my fingers in my ears.. this goes on for an hour as i wait for my mum to slowly eat her sandwhich. i have alrady abandoned mine which was greasy and awful that i think the people in the cafe have given me it on purpose to poison me for being so snappy with
the waitress..!i need to leave and so say i will pay and leave to sit outside. my mum asks me if im ok today (even though she is used to this behaviour) i say not really. she dosnt say much and has to leave to get her bus home. so i sit outside in the cool air but i feel rampent and just want to go home. i eventually get a taxi home as i cannot face the walk back. when i get home i feel fine just guilty for my behaviour. then worried i have upset mymum. i am sick of this kind of thing being such a daily occurence for me. i have had this since i can remember i have been to the doctors, i have had antideppressents and short term aniexty drugs. i just want to share this day with other people to find out if it is a normal occourence for others as i dont feel it is? im not looking for a label just some help in dealing with it as maybe i am just "normal" or maybe not! i dont know anymore i just no i am not happy with me being like this.