Help for Anxiety- Light at the end of the tunnel!

[calmcortex]

Dear all,

This is my first post on no more panic but it is not my first time accessing the site, I admit in the past I have been one of the forum lurkers who never had the courage to join but read the posts with great interest!

I wanted to share with you all my recovery and let you all know that there is light at the end of the tunnel for every one of us! I feel its important for those of us who have come through it to help those who are going through it. :D

Firstly a little about me: My name is Chris. My anxiety was initially triggered by the stress of a new job, I felt under extreme pressure and I cuoldnt cope. I couldnt sleep, I was sick, not eating and couldnt work out what was wrong with me. I am a realitively intelligient individual and hence I could work out that something wasnt right! I did as any normal person would do and started to work out what was wrong with me (MISTAKE No. 1!!!). I analysed my thoughts over and over again, naturally it got worse. By this time I went to my GP and was told that I was fine. But I of course new better.

Around this time I also moved in with my Girlfriend - another stressful life event. A few weeks after I left the job. By now I was financially, personally and mentally under so much stress plus I couldnt work out what was wrong with me (see how it all built up?)! Everyone kept telling me I was fine but I didnt believe it.

I started getting intrusive thoughts and felt I was going completely mad. I thought at this point my life was over. I had ruined my own life and all those around me as I could no longer be the person they loved.

This living hell went on and on and on. I lost weight, friends and interests. I saw numerous Dr's. Read hundreds of web pages and forum posts over and over again - nothing worked. Then something happened.

I GAVE UP.

I cannot say that loud enough. I just gave up. I stopped caring about how I felt because I realised that the more I tried to think how to feel the more anxiety I felt. This was not easy especially when thoughts and fears etc feel so real and intense particularly if they are about loved ones or your own health.

Time passed. I had anxiety left right and centre, but I didnt mind. I still had anxiety related behaviour but I kept plodding along and slowly but surely I got better.

I cannot lie to you and say that anxious thoughts and feelings are not there - they are - but they do not matter any more and as such they are not there anymore (I know that doesn't seem to make sense but it will!).

Now, I am fully living my life, I am now me - albeit a much more wise and slightly modified individual :roflmao::yahoo:

What can you do to help yourself? - ARSE!!

Anxiety is nothing but ARSE!! It is and ARSE and makes you feel like ARSE.

But embrace the ARSE!! :scared15:

ACCEPT - Accept you have anxiety
REALISE
SEE
EXIST

Accept you have anxiety
Realise - out of all the worrying you have done, how much has come true?
See your anxiety for what it is - Something that is extremely horrible but is a total liar.
Exist - Live along side it, any uncomfortable feelings eventually pass. Accept this and live with it.

I promise you if you can get to this stage where you feel it but just get on with everything, you are going to be just fine :hugs:

This may take a while, or it might be quicker for you - It truly doesnt matter - You will be just fine! Ocassionally you may look back and realise "wow I have come so far!" - This will be all the motivation you will need to realise you are on the right path.

I truly truly truly hope this can be of some help to at least one person. I know that when you are in the midst of it words of encouragement can help you get through some of the toughest days so I hope this has helped. In my darkest of days I took solace in the fact that (statistically) my suffering meant that one other person somewhere else doesnt have to go through this! We are all amazing for going through this and we will all get better in time :yahoo:

Peace and love to all (and remember......ARSE!!)

Chris

[LittleMissAlone]

Thank you Chris! A wonderful thread!

I'm sitting here knowing I'm getting better, thanks to meds and my own dabbling with cbt, and yet also wondering if I'll cope with Christmas, and yes, we've not had Easter yet!

If that isn't the definition of mindless worrying, I don't know what is!

Well done for sharing your story, your persistence has been well worth it.

[calmcortex]

LittleMiss - Thanks for your reply! Great to hear that you are on your way!

Here is something to think about which might help you see things clearer - The things you are worrying about, Christmas, Easter etc arent actually what your mind is worrying about at all - It doesn't understand why it feels panicked so it tries to find things to explain why its worrying - totally silly things like worrying whether you will get through Christmas, your health, Easter (The list could go on and on ha ha!).

Realise that these worries are your brain trying to make sense of the anxious feelings and totally normal so try not to freak out. Just accept that you will feel anxious about all number of things. Slowly you will notice less and less anxious thoughts. Eventually normality will return.

Take care,

Chris

[Fishmanpa]

Great post! Gives new meaning to a a swift kick in the ARSE! :)

Positive thoughts

[MyNameIsTerry]

Well done for giving it the boot! :biggrin:

Of course, with this method you have now invented you could go pro and I guess this would make you an Analist? (that one could get you some clients you hadn't banked on though. :winks:)

I plan on being kind to my ARSE and so I'm going to http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/sex/t15150.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-sex.php?page=4)

Did you ever come across Nothing Works? From the bit I read it seemed to be taking this approach too. I've seen others say give up the fighting and it works for them, but it's so hard to let go.

[LittleMissAlone]

Thanks Chris again.

I wonder if you can help me on this. I've noticed that I often catastrophise things I know 100pc won't come true, ie being sick. Actually being sick is the only thing I'm scared of, but it's a biggie. I'm so bad I'll even catastrophise people on tv too, but I include the fainting! Makes no sense, and yet these disturbing intrusive thoughts are often enough to make me flee, and that's after being on meds, which are helping, for 4weeks.

Any advice how to ignore them?

[calmcortex]

Hi Terry - No I never read that actually but I did read an excellent post about anxiety being a prison like Alcatraz (I will see if I can find the link) and I read Paul David's materials - Both were excellent.

I know, it is extremely hard to just give up on it - I told myself "Fine, if this is what is going to happen thats just the way it is, it must be fate, therefore there is nothing I can do and will just get on with things." - Realistically, what else can you do?

Hi LittleMiss - I used to worry and catastrophise about things like that too, I found the best way to deal with this is to accept that you will get these thoughts no matter what. You cant stop them. Fact. But you can get on with whatever you are doing while they are there. Let them say what they want, deep down you know they are not true.

This is just another unfortunate symptom of anxiety, but with time it will get better I promise.:hugs: Just dont try to make yourself think differently - This will never work.

Peace and love,

Chris

[LittleMissAlone]

Your last thing about not trying to think differently flies in the face of NLP, which is something I found helpful, but only when it wants to! I've just read a website which seems to back you up, go in for exposure, accept you're going to get these thoughts and carry on until they ease. I've worked out that my biggest issue is anticipatory anxiety, and as luck would gave it the med I'm on, a benzadopine (don't know to spell it) is supposed to be best for that.

Knowledge us power!

[calmcortex]

I dont want to go against something that has helped you as if its working for you then thats great.

My own opinion is that by trying to modify the way you are thinking you are further ingraining into your mind that you are thinking something bad, thus the thoughts keep on coming. It only works for a while as the initial re-assurance it provides doesnt last long. I found that by just letting my mind think whatever it wanted I naturally became less and less bothered by the thoughts as I knew they are anxiety based and nothing more. Then slowly but surely they started to fade and there were less and less of them.

Struggling and pushing them away or trying to change them just made them worse. It is like a scab that you pick and pick, then wonder why its still bleeding.

Hope this helps,

Chris

[LittleMissAlone]

Really helpful, Chris. I found myself nodding. On Sunday afternoon I used the swish technique which is an imagery thing, and it really worked.

Then the next day I was all positive thinking I'd got my armour all in place but I felt a different nausea, and if anything it was even worse. You're right, our minds are too clever to be tricked that easily, though it makes total sense to listen to your thoughts but just face them and say,'well, you can think that but there's no point because what you think will happen never does happen'.

I wondered this morning if I should try to make myself eat something when I'm out and feeling panicked and sick. When I'm home eating certainly doesn't make me any worse, if I'm having a bad day. By eating, I'll be emphasising that the nause is in my head rather than my stomach, thus taking away its potency. Worth a try, though I reckon it would have to be say a chocolate biscuit, nothing healthy!

Really hope all good with you.

[PanchoGoz]

This is brilliant I love it. It's all just ARSE isn't it? :D

[LittleMissAlone]

ARSE, precisely! Knickers to anxiety! Keep calm and eat a pasty!

There's a lot of guff out there about how to cope with anxiety, but ultimately, you've just got to be in charge of it. As a wise friend of mine says, the only thing we are in control of in this life is our attitudes. I used to be against anti depressants but I do think they have their place when your wiring is really out of kilter, and our gps are seriously clever people who know what they're talking about.

I'm almost LOOKING FORWARD to my next panic attack to I can put my newfound skills to good use!

I hope you realise you've helped someone today, Chris!

Now ARSE off!

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi Terry - No I never read that actually but I did read an excellent post about anxiety being a prison like Alcatraz (I will see if I can find the link) and I read Paul David's materials - Both were excellent.

I know, it is extremely hard to just give up on it - I told myself "Fine, if this is what is going to happen thats just the way it is, it must be fate, therefore there is nothing I can do and will just get on with things." - Realistically, what else can you do?

That sounds an interesting post. Prison of the mind. Anxiety long term is like how institutionalisation could be described, I find. Getting used to the new normality of being anxious and being afraid to get better because of the change & uncertainty. It's trying to fight us all the way, almost as if the anxiety itself is a thing trying to preserve itself.

That's a great attitude to take and other than going the positive/neutral challenging route of such as CBT, acceptance seems to be the other way. I'm not sure what else there is beyond that really. Whichever way, learning to change the reaction to prevent the increase of panic & anxiety is a very big one to work to one and with big rewards too.

---------- Post added at 07:04 ---------- Previous post was at 07:00 ----------


Your last thing about not trying to think differently flies in the face of NLP, which is something I found helpful, but only when it wants to! I've just read a website which seems to back you up, go in for exposure, accept you're going to get these thoughts and carry on until they ease. I've worked out that my biggest issue is anticipatory anxiety, and as luck would gave it the med I'm on, a benzadopine (don't know to spell it) is supposed to be best for that.

Knowledge us power!

Acceptance is great helper with intrusive thoughts. I went the Mindfulness route, which my CBT therapist introduced me to, and I found the acceptance element it taught by being a "curious observer" worked well after a lot of practice and dealt with my intrusive thoughts.

There is nothing wrong with changing negative thinking styles and challenging in positive/neutral thinking methods but never try to push intrusive thoughts away, there are studies that show that makes them worse.

[LittleMissAlone]

Thanks for that Terry. Our brains are in charge, and yes, letting the thoughts happen and physically relaxing your body but feeling the thoughts really helps.

Today I've been to a supermarket and I found I was racing around which was instinctive as I was a bit tense. Because of what I've learnt, I slowed down and relaxed, and a lot of the tension went. Very very empowering, and makes me feel I can do it in more challenging situations too.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Thanks for that Terry. Our brains are in charge, and yes, letting the thoughts happen and physically relaxing your body but feeling the thoughts really helps.

Today I've been to a supermarket and I found I was racing around which was instinctive as I was a bit tense. Because of what I've learnt, I slowed down and relaxed, and a lot of the tension went. Very very empowering, and makes me feel I can do it in more challenging situations too.

That's great, well done! :yesyes::yahoo:

We certainly do race through everything and we do need to learn to slow down and simply be present. Part of the Mindfulness in MBCT is to reduce type spent in Autopilot. You were doing that in the supermarket.

Supermarkets are tricky for a lot of us. I just made sure I got into them quick after my brief post med side effect agoraphobia started to reduce. I would stay in them for over an how no matter how much I wanted to run because I felt sick. It took time & repetition but it will come eventually.

It is so important to shift into a positive mindset by wanting to do something rather than feeling we have to. The latter is a trap and we need to change to feeling more in control of what we are choosing to do as opposed to doing because we think we should do. I learnt in CBT that should implies pressure and we have to do it but to replace it with could which implies choice and the ability to change our minds and so the pressure drops off.

[LittleMissAlone]

Yes, I went through a frightening agoraphobic period a few weeks ago, frightening because I live alone and I need food! I live one minute walk from tesco and at my worst I would try up to three times a day to go in. In the end I took the pressure off by saying that if I make it, great, but if I don't I'll just have to make do with what I've got. Most people when they're Ill have someone who can get food, and while I have neighbours who would help I didn't want to give in. Anyway now that side of things much better, and that was my rock bottom.

About supermarkets, the self service things have been a god send haven't they, no more hanging around in long queues!

I hope you have a productive weekend.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Thanks, you too.

Yes, I started using them for this reason. It was less threatening than tills, queues and the human contact back then. It doesn't bother me these days as I've moved on loads. The self service ones hadn't long been in place when I went through it so that perhaps helped in some ways as they were forever blurting out 'unidentified item in the bagging area' and I had to say hello to a human being after all.

When I went through this the first time I got myself out walking and it was always streets, lanes, parks, etc. This meant going back to work was harder because I wasn't interacting or staying in large open plan indoor buildings. When I relapsed and started to get out I made a point of going into supermarkets daily and trying to talk to someone. After some time I started to feel a little boost inside me from having even a brief chat or a joke.

You are doing really well. You seem to be able to adapt your thinking into the positive much better than I ever could and I think that will propel you forward greatly into beating all this.

[LittleMissAlone]

That's kind, Terry

I'm naturally quite a solitude person, but was always fine with people. It's amazing how quickly the negativity can build though, and yes, I am able to physically relax myself, though actually socialising even with very close friends at the moment is difficult, hence I avoid it, which makes no sense! However, I know the tablets are working, and I'm on the lowest dose. It is going to take practice so that being with friends becomes relaxing again.

Also, I've got to remember to not try too much in one go too. Last wed I set out to do a lot, which I half achieved with nervousness and tears. I then went to another supermarket and bought 2 things when actually I needed at least 3 and I felt incredibly tense, even while trying to calm down, NLP imagery etc, and using self service thing. But I did it, and interestingly, I then went to my tesco before going home and it was as a walk in the park! It's as if the hard thing made the easy thing much easier. All that done in about 1.5 hours.

I've so much to be grateful for, even during this bad patch. I may have problems around people but I've always been able to eat and sleep, and ultimately this is the basis of what we need.

One day at a time is the mantra to even normal people, so we shouldn't beat ourselves up!

[MyNameIsTerry]

Yes, that very true. It's important to pace ourselves and allow successes to be cemented. Gratitude, both outward & inward, is important. It can be hard not to fall into despair with these disorders so this is another good indicator or having a healthy positive attitude.

What I found is that each new place represented a new challenge earlier on. Later on this isn't an issue anymore and you can go in & out of where you want. But when you start learning to be safe in these places, a new place can represent a level of change & uncertainty again and so those feelings come back. You beat that place and move onto another and the same can happen but the more you do this, the lesser those feelings become.

I've often seen anxiety as reducing down to that of a child when it gets to it's lowest as you have to learn to do things again that you took for granted and learned earlier on in life. The difference this time being the fear is pushing back more and the excitement of the new can be much less.

It sounds like you are good at rewarding yourself. That's so important. Dopamine is the reward system so feeling good about achievement is only going to encourage you further. I have struggled with this side off & on but it is important to keep telling our subconscious that even the small victories are still movement forward.

[LittleMissAlone]

Thanks for your mindfulness thread. I've just looked at it, and I did a couple when I first came across nmp. Really helpful and free!

[akb]

A good book has just come out this yeR worth reading

The Worry Trick
David Carbonell

It adhers to ARSE principles but goes one step further. You humor your anxious thoughts after accepting them. You do this by reciting a limerick or haiku or song or anything silly suchas repeating the thought in a foreign accent. The idea is not to change the thought but alter your relationship with it.

[LittleMissAlone]

Like it.

When you think that fight or flight harks back to dinosaur times, and we might freak out say sitting on public transport during peacetime, that is hilarious itself.

Laughter is a very effective medicine, and if it tricks our mind into behaving, so much rather better.