Tv commercial causing bad anxiety😰

[Savvy_Darling]

Ugh, I was watching tv and of course a commercial about cancer comes on. The guy was diagnosed with head / neck cancer....spread to lymph node. He survived though. But it really got me going and I googled the symptoms, I haven't googled in weeks! But I seriously lost my will power and gave into the urge.
Of course, the symptoms have caused me great anxiety and now I'm upset. Like really upset!
I have posted on here before within the last month about how I was worried about a possible lymph node in the back sort of side of my neck. I put it down to a virus I had, which made my throat have excess mucous and difficulty swallowing. I really felt like the bump has gotten smaller & I was really starting to put this fear aside. I was starting to be happy again. BUT.. I have had some on and off ear pain like a dull ache that comes out of nowhere and goes away. It preceded the virus I had and now I still have it. So it's been a month.

One of the symptoms I saw on the Internet was ear pain (with the head /neck cancer) although I don't have any of the other symptoms but the ear pain really scared me and now I'm back on my kick that I have cancer and that's why I have a palpable lymph node and ear pain. That it spread to my lymph node just like on the commercial :(

I deleted the history on Google & won't go back on.. So decided to come on here for support. I'm scared.. I can already see them diagnosing it to me if I go to the doctors. I feel like I'm gonna cry. I'm so scared.
Why me? I don't smoke like why? I hardly even drink. I'm 21 and a girl like I can't believe this. I'm freaking and need someone to talk too...
I wish I never seen that commercial & I wish I never googled. But maybe it was a sign... Maybe I do have it.
My ear is feeling that pain now and I'm spiraling. :scared15::weep:
HELP. I can't even rationalize like I really feel like this is what I have and I can't even think of anything else. ��

[M1825]

Deep breaths!

Health anxiety is entirely emotion driven. Let's for one sec look at this from a logical perspective.

You're 21 - odds of any cancer are sooooo minuscule. So so minuscule.
You don't smoke and rarely drink. Unless you live in a toxic dump, your risk factors are also minimal.

Ear pain - I'd bet my savings on it being benign! Could be residual effect of your virus. Could be ear infection. Could be tension in your jaw or neck. Even etc.

Difficulty swallowing - I had a virus in January. I'm still dealing with remnants with a swollen feeling in my throat being one of them

I hope this helps in some small way. Think "logic"

-Matt

[Savvy_Darling]

Thanks Matt, I was trying to tell myself the same thing. My anxiety got the best of me. Yeah about 2 weeks ago I had some type of virus (so did my bf) which was the difficulty swallowing, excess mucus, feeling congested & dry mouth. I'm not feeling any of those now but just that random ear pain that comes when it wants.. Isn't constant at all. It started before the virus and still happens. Sometimes it's an itch feeling too.. I thought maybe excess ear wax too because sometimes by ear feels blocked for a second. But I just don't know. When I seen the ear pain symptoms it definitely spiraled me & I couldn't think logical. Especially with the lymph node I think I have (even though it feels like it's getting smaller) - I don't even know if it's a lymph node I haven't gone to the doctors about it (too scared) so that's just what I feel like it is. I can only feel in under the skin and it's squishy and moveable feeling.. Not hard or a bump coming outta my neck. The commercial definitely played to my emotions BIG TIME.
I appreciate the logical side though, I need to see that because I just feel so irrational and panicked.
Thankyou /:

[Nzxt27]

I'm sorry you are panicking again. I'm here if you need to talk.

[Savvy_Darling]

Thanks Nzxt27 :/
I'm so overwhelmed and upset again and I was just having a good week. Now I'm convinced that I have this type of cancer and I just wanna cry. Im scared.
:weep:

[Nzxt27]

Yeah I don't see you having that cancer. Or any cancer. When I was at my dr appointment today I mention to my dr about me using Google and she said ol DR Google. And told her how I was going from symptom to symptom. From acid reflux to throat cancer to heart disease to ALS. So I was a new patient of hers she had to ask me stuff about if I ever had heart issues or cancer and stuff when I told her no to the cancer question she said wait you mean after your DR Google cancer. Which made me laugh.

And yes cancer really does run on both sides of my family. Mom and dads side. Heart problems do not and its what I'm afraid of the most.

I think your fine but I do think if it's so hard on you you may want to go get a check up. I know you are terrified of going to doctors too. Hell i broke down and cried before I went in today expecting the worse. And actually my appointment seem to go as good as it could have went.

She did give me some pills to take which I have never toke anything like that before and I'm debating giving it a week and seeing if I can start to get better on my own before taking them.

---------- Post added at 05:41 ---------- Previous post was at 05:38 ----------

And do not Google or webmd anymore. It does not help. ER doctor told me to quit and she even mentioned it today to quit.

[Savvy_Darling]

I'm glad your appointment when well! That's good.
Ugh I know I should go .. But I'm so scared. I wish I could make myself.. Like you did. I'll probably cry too if I go. I know I will.. I also expect the worst! :(
My grandma on my dads side had breast cancer but is still alive today after like 10ish years.
But no one else has . My dad died from a heart attack but because drugs and other things.
I've been scared about heart problems too but it's always cancer that I fear the most. It's an intense fear that thinking I have it is like so scary I can't even deal with it.
Ugh, I wish I had someone to drag me to the doctors.. No one seems worried so it's not like I have anyone forcing me or pressing me about it. It's something I have to do and I can't seem to get the confidence to do it. :(

And yes I haven't googled for weeks and was proud of myself but I just broke down and did it and trust me I regret it because it gave me exactly what I wanted ... A symptom to link too and now I'm convinced and can't be rational or think of other things.

[Nzxt27]

I understand. Well my moms mom died from colon cancer. And my Pawpal my dads side died of throat cancer. Which is suppose to be rare.

If I don't die from heart issues which I think I have. Then I will die of cancer probably.

But why don't you get your BF or husband to take you. My GF came with me to my appointment. It's been hard on me because I know how much this anxiety is stressing her out too. Which upsets me even more because I can't seem to get past it. I use to be a very easy going relaxed guy. Loved to laugh and have fun. And now most of that is gone. I still have my moments but they are not as often.

If I was close to you I'd go with you just so you would have support. It's hard to be the only person you know that has anxiety or had it in person. People think you can just up and change instantly. My brother is like it's in your head your doing it to yourself. He thinks once the ER doctor said I was fine that I'm Instanly healed. Wrong the was on jan 28th it's been almost 2 months since then and I'm stiff struggling with it.

[Savvy_Darling]

I totally understand how you feel.. I feel like a different person too. Just a shadow of myself. Worry and fear taking over most of my emotions. It's like you're living under a dark cloud while everyone else seems to be on the sunny side, carefree and not worrying about dying.
I just can't stop connecting my ear ache to the ear pain symptom I seen in the Internet for that cancer. If I feel it ache it just makes me feel awful and that I'm gonna die because I have IT.
I have to make an apt and the waiting time between the call to set it up & the actual appt is gonna be hell. I'll play all these horrible scenarios in my head (not that haven't already) and I'm just convinced they are gonna tell me the news I fear most.

I can't handle this.. :( and yes it sucks not knowing anyone personally who can relate to this fear and anxiety. I'm always alone with my fears thinking I'm dying slowly.

[nirvanainchains]

You initiated another reason to be anxious so it was your fault, frankly speaking. I got a new job, and this anxiety symptoms flared up again but I don’t mind it, inside of my head I was telling myself that I have experienced this before over and over again, I won’t mind it. And again: STAY AWAY from Google.

---------- Post added at 06:19 ---------- Previous post was at 06:17 ----------

You initiated another reason to be anxious so it was your fault, frankly speaking. I got a new job, and this anxiety symptoms flared up again but I don’t mind it, inside of my head I was telling myself that I have experienced this before over and over again, I won’t mind it. And again: STAY AWAY from Google.

[Nzxt27]

Well I don't think your dying. And I do understand I tried my best not to face another doctor after the ER I was scared what they may say over my barely abnormal EKG they got. Which the ER doctor said some variance are not uncommon. But I finally broke down said enough is enough I can't keep living this way. And I made a appointment even though ER doctor said he didn't see need in me following up. And when I made the appointment k had to wait 9 days I think before they could get me in to see me. And I made sure to go sign the paper releasing my ER records to them even the EKG that I feared the most.

And I'm glad I did now she looked at it and said it looked good that my heart rate was a little high and had t wave a little low but that's not that uncommon and t waves don't really mean much unless other waves are low too. It lifted a weight off my chest that is been holding onto since jan 28th. She made me feel good for a change. Yes my anxiety is still a little worried with it and other things like my twitching ( which she said should go away after I get my anxiety under control). But I felt 100 times worse before I made this appointment and didn't face my fear which was that EKG that they said was abnormal.

It's hard to follow through with it. One the hardest things I have ever done. I truly believed I was dying from heart failure or something bad. And I kept thinking why I'm 32 I don't smoke drink or do any drugs. I don't have diabetes or high blood pressure. I'm not superly overweight. Hell im diwn almost 30 pounds since mid jan from this anxiety.

You can keep running from your fears or face them. To me after month and half I was ready to face mine. Because living in such fear is not really living at all anyways. Yes I'm still worried some and yes I still have anxiety but I think today was a big step for me in the right direction to get back to my old self. I am willing to fight for my old life back. I might die trying idk. But I sure as hell am not living by living in such fear all the time. I know that for sure.

[Savvy_Darling]

Nirvanainchains, I mean I didn't intentionally make myself feel this way, it was a series of events that got me to this point. Also the ear ache I haven't felt before.. And the lymph node I haven't either so I just really feel like it's too much of a coincidence and not something I can tell myself I've felt before and I'm not dying. That damn commercial came on , and I guess , yes, I made the choice to google but seeing ear pain as a symptom just almost confirmed my fears. i don't willingly do this to myself.., anxiety the beast it is, got me. But it's almost like maybe this isn't just anxiety..maybe I'm having anxiety because i might have a real issue here. Just scared is all.....

Glad you seem to have your anxiety under decent control, good on you!

[Nzxt27]

Didn't mean to come off as mean or anything if it comes off to you that way. Lol. Just saying if you can't get past it then I think you will have to face your fears and go let a doctor put it to rest for you. It's very hard to do..

Hell I never knew I had a slightly abnormal EKG till I let DR Google stress me out for a week to where I ended up at the ER. Then it just fueled my anxiety more... It was like poring lighter fluid on a already big fire...

---------- Post added at 06:33 ---------- Previous post was at 06:29 ----------

I was scared too and no one understood. For one no one was in my shoes. They didn't see or feel
The real syptoms I felt on daily basis and still do. I got crazy chest pains today after eating Taco Bell 1 hour after the doctor just checked me out. I was like damn I check out good now I'm having a heart attack a hour later.

[Savvy_Darling]

Nzxt--

I really appreciate that and I definitely needed to read that. If you could do it (and you seem pretty similar to me , than I can do it. You're an inspiration to me.
I'm gonna try and summon the power to make this appt. I wanna be happy again too.. I just really hope I don't actually have what I'm worried about. My symptoms scare me and I just can keep seeing the doc telling me the worst. Ugh, if I get an all clear I know I will feel 100x better but if I don't.. Well that's just gonna be a nightmare I'm not prepared to face.
Thanks again for you're story though, like I said, it does inspire me to wanna face this fear.

The post above this from me was to the other person who posted btw, not to you.

And I had heart burn from eating too many green beans & vinegar and I thought I was having a heart attack too.. (That was Saturday but when I ate some tums I felt better and that anxiety went away.
That's what sucks with this... The ear pain hasn't gone away & neither has the lymph node I suspect either so the anxiety and fear of cancer continues and increases and just seems definite to be the cause.

[Nzxt27]

Nzxt--

I really appreciate that and I definitely needed to read that. If you could do it (and you seem pretty similar to me , than I can do it. You're an inspiration to me.
I'm gonna try and summon the power to make this appt. I wanna be happy again too.. I just really hope I don't actually have what I'm worried about. My symptoms scare me and I just can keep seeing the doc telling me the worst. Ugh, if I get an all clear I know I will feel 100x better but if I don't.. Well that's just gonna be a nightmare I'm not prepared to face.
Thanks again for you're story though, like I said, it does inspire me to wanna face this fear.


I think you will be fine. Everyone around me said mine would go fine and I asked them 100 times I bet. I was asking my GF while sitting in the waiting room.
It won't be easy I know that for sure but right now your just looking at stuff you think is wrong. I knew my EKG was abnormal some before I went in today it and scared the Sh*t out of me. Even though ER doctor said it was not uncommon I felt he missed something or didn't tell me something or they would see something different today. Or give me another EKG test or refer me to cardiologist. It all freaked me out. The doctor was so nice though and made me feel relaxed. And she listened which I thought was very important. For sure with someone with worry and anxiety. When she listened to my heart and lungs she said sounds perfect which made me feel better too.

I think when you get the courage to go see a doctor you will find out how crazy it was to wait so long thinking you had cancer which would be rare at your age.

But no one on here will know if you have it or not. We are just random people with crazy anxiety thoughts. But we are all connected by anxiety and it brings us closer because people without it do not understand. Family or friends..

[Savvy_Darling]

You're completely right, and I really appreciate the help you've given me. It has helped me for sure.. Especially with making an appointmen and trying to face my fears.. Thanks Nzxt27.

[helenhoo]

I completely relate savvy. Any advert I see or story I read I fight the urge to google. Just found out someone I work with had and beat cancer and she's similar age to me so I'm trying not to worry/mention it.

[Fishmanpa]

Now I'm convinced that I have this type of cancer and I just wanna cry. Im scared. :weep:

I'm a H&N cancer survivor. No... just no... :lac:

Positive thoughts

[Savvy_Darling]

Fishmanpa, I actually thought of you when I seen the commercial because you're a survivor as well.

I guess it does seem probably stupid to you since You've been there and been through it & I definitely don't mean to insult you by my post. (Hope I didn't)

It's just when I saw ear pain as a symptom which is something I been experiencing randomly and that lymph node I just got overwhelmed with the possibility and the coincidence. :/ my ears are waxy inside so not sure if that could be a reason but I just can't get over the symptoms I saw and having anything to relate to freaks me out.

---------- Post added at 12:55 ---------- Previous post was at 12:49 ----------


I completely relate savvy. Any advert I see or story I read I fight the urge to google. Just found out someone I work with had and beat cancer and she's similar age to me so I'm trying not to worry/mention it.

Yes Reb I usually change the channel but I was in the other room and by the time I came back it was almost over & I heard to much and curiosity killed the cat in my situation because googling has caused this to get worse and putting thoughts in my head that I can't shake. I was doing so good but I let myself get bad again and I'm frustrated that I'm sure I have another type of cancer. Because of the symptoms I saw.

I bet that would be hard though, knowing someone whose going through it for real, our sympathy for them makes us feel like we're gonna have it or have it.
My gramma on my dads side had breast cancer & survived it so that's why I think I'm gonna get some form of cancer. I don't even know why all of a sudden I started worrying about this, she had her breast cancer like 10 years plus ago (I was little then so I guess that's why)

[Nzxt27]

Are you feeling any better today?

[Fishmanpa]

Fishmanpa, I actually thought of you when I seen the commercial because you're a survivor as well.

I guess it does seem probably stupid to you since You've been there and been through it & I definitely don't mean to insult you by my post. (Hope I didn't)

It's just when I saw ear pain as a symptom which is something I been experiencing randomly and that lymph node I just got overwhelmed with the possibility and the coincidence. :/ my ears are waxy inside so not sure if that could be a reason but I just can't get over the symptoms I saw and having anything to relate to freaks me out.

No, you didn't insult me in the least. I found this forum a few years ago because there were anxiety sufferers (HA) coming onto the H&N cancer boards with their fears and the posts were identical to the fear posts here. Even a board full of H&N peeps couldn't reassure them. Most were banned once admin realized the deal. I actually followed a poster to this and another anxiety site because I had a few things that needed to be said. I stuck around and try to help by offering a rational but albeit blunt cyber-slap viewpoint.

That being said, I have been there and I know many, many people who've been there too and nothing you say or describe presents like head and neck cancer. Besides that, you're so far out of the demographic that gets it.

You know I have a daughter about your age that suffers from anxiety and depression. It pains me to see so many young people here suffering. I know I told you this but her Mom and myself made sure she got help and with therapy and meds she's doing great. She graduates college with a degree in early childhood education the end of 2016 and I couldn't be more proud.

She worked hard to get better, took a semester off school and busted her behind to get back. She still has her moments but she has her therapist and myself to lean on anytime. We speak often and talk about new techniques she's learned or any challenges she's faced and how she overcame them.

I know it's hard. I've lived it and watch it in my family and I've personally dealt with depression and "scanxiety", but you can get a handle on things and move on to bigger and better experiences.

Positive thoughts

[Savvy_Darling]

I really appreciate that fishmanpa, honestly I do.
I know we've talked about this before and you're always right, I know it.

This is completely random but I remember you telling me that your wife gets tonsil stones. So I got a question you could ask her or maybe you already know,
Has she ever accidentally like hit her tonsil weird trying to get one out? I accidentally poked both sides of my one tonsil wrong and they bled a little. I was concerned about that being bad. (And yes I remember reading something about using a water jet too strong could rupture which could rupture the tonsils which would cause severe complications. I'm not sure if that what I did but I don't know anyone else who gets tonsil stones and it does still worry me that I made them bleed by accident. /:

[Fishmanpa]

I really appreciate that fishmanpa, honestly I do.
I know we've talked about this before and you're always right, I know it.

This is completely random but I remember you telling me that your wife gets tonsil stones. So I got a question you could ask her or maybe you already know,
Has she ever accidentally like hit her tonsil weird trying to get one out? I accidentally poked both sides of my one tonsil wrong and they bled a little. I was concerned about that being bad. (And yes I remember reading something about using a water jet too strong could rupture which could rupture the tonsils which would cause severe complications. I'm not sure if that what I did but I don't know anyone else who gets tonsil stones and it does still worry me that I made them bleed by accident. /:


So yes... she's poked a little too hard and they've bled a bit. Also, some stones get so crammed in there it's like picking a scab when you remove them and you can get a little bleeding. Nothing at all to worry about.

Her doctor told her to gargle with salt water several times a day and it has seemed to help.

Positive thoughts

[Savvy_Darling]

Ahh okay good to know I'm not the only one whose done it! Thanks so much fishmanpa! :) you've been a great help today!

[Nzxt27]

How are you doing today?

[Savvy_Darling]

Nzxt27, well coming on here has helped calm me more so I'm doing better than I was last night. Still feel doubtful but I'm trying not to let the bad thoughts overwhelm me like last night. Just trying to stay positive and hope everything will be okay. Thanks for asking..

[Nzxt27]

thats good to hear.