Is this relationship OCD

[BrokenAge]

I've been in a very hard relationship/friendship for just about a year now and I'm afraid I might have ROCD because of it. I don't want to explain it all because it would honestly take a long time lol but I dated this girl, we broke up became good friends and she got back togther with her ex many times while we were friends and her ex hated me so everytime they got back togther her attitude would change. She would get bitter and very angry all the time and she would throw everyone in her life away. Then when they broke up she would go back to normal. I came back into her life because I promised her I wouldn't give up on her and I'm the only one who's truly been there for her but I have this thought almost everyday. "She's gonna throw me away again" I have it constantly. I worry about it a lot and I started thinking is it OCD? It doesn't feel like it but I recently just started to what I believe is OCD. Seeing some people post about ROCD made me wonder, but I'm always afraid she's gonna throw me away. Id do anything for her, I've been there for her for a year but I keep thinking those thoughts.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi Nick,

These terms like ROCD are for themes within OCD, not specific forms of OCD itself as OCD the diagnosis. So, some people can move between different themes, have multiple ones on the go at the same time or some have intense singular ones. If the medical manuals used terms like ROCD to diagnose, they would be forever updating them to add in new ones to cover what OCD latches on to next as it can very diverse.

So, if you have OCD, ROCD is a possibility as it just represents your anxiety shifting to e a new focus just like how a GAD sufferer can become anxious about new things in their life, new triggers.

Since you care deeply about your friend it's always going to be possible your OCD can latch onto this, as somebody with any other form of anxiety disorder could see increased anxiety over such an issue.

It seems to me that the problem here lies with your friend. Her partners shouldn't be dictating who she can & can't see, although when it comes to exes it can be the case sometimes if contact could cause problem (but we really should be secure in ourselves to trust our partners). If she is your friend, she should tell him she isn't dropping her friends. If her partner wants her to drop all her friends anyway, there is a problem in that relationship. If the friends are unhealthy, I can understand it, but if they are just normal friendships then it's unhealthy in a relationship to pressure your partner into giving them up and smacks more of your own insecurities.

Her becoming bitter and angry, well, her friends must get annoyed at being dumped & picked up again. If someone did this to me, I wouldn't let them back each time as it's not fair.

If you want to keep the friendship going, will she listen to your feelings? There is a risk that she may go on the defensive and things get worse but only you know how she is likely to react. If she is going to see this as a personal attack, when it's her that is really in the wrong here and is not treating you fairly, then whether you want to continue a friendship based on someone who will appear to be using you is really up to you. I don't want that to sound judgemental, she could have her own mental health issues for all I know, but her whatever drives her behaviour, it impacts unfairly on others and will only frive people away unless she tackles it.

[BrokenAge]

She broke it off with him completely and she's such a nicer person now. All her friends are back in her life but I still have that thought "what if she just throws me away again"

[MyNameIsTerry]

It's tricky because it's an environmental factor, something you can't change.

However, if the only reason she does this is due to pressure from this other guy, what if she meets a better guy who treats her well and is fine with her having friends?

So, can those "what ifs" be tackled with "positive what ifs"? e.g.:

"What if she leaves me again?"

Challenge with:

"What if she doesn't leave me again?"
"What if she meets someone who accepts her friends in her life?"
"What if she continues to see me in her relationships in the future and it was just this guy?"

Was it just this guy? If it was more her, then the issue is more her using her friends when it suits her and this needs to be stopped as it's unfair. It doesn't sound like she was in a healthy relationship there.

[BrokenAge]

This relationship is so much more complicated and I cant wait until I can get back into therapy so I can discuss it haha. She's the girl I PMed you about who has OCD too. But thanks for the advice. I'll actually try those thoughts.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I had a feeling she might be. Now I understand how it's more complicated for her in that aspect as her anxiety is taking it's toll too, it can really drain self confidence and self esteem and whilst it's still not an excuse, it's easy enough to allow others to batter you down and give in to their demands, especially if they use ways to make you feel worthless.