mrgonz
17-03-16, 14:55
hi my name is luis, I have lived all my life being the " he is just a nervous kid" "why are you like that all the time?" "you always look scared" and thought that it was my personality I've been diagnozed with GAD about 3 years ago, and began taking venlafaxine 75 mg and Alprazolam 0.5 mg I'm 27 now and honestly it changed my life, like 180 degrees I became this man that I never new i could be, I felt strong, confident, motivated it felt great.
Last year by november I decided to tell my doctor that I felt so good that I thought I could start quiting the venlafaxine, since Alprazolam I only took it for about a month and only had to take it IF I ever experience a anxiety attack and so i did, honestly almost did not use much Alprazolam, only my venlafaxine one daily intake.
So my doc told me how to do it and by january I felt free at last, I just recently started a new job on december everything felt amazing. So february came, my mom and dad got sick with the sika virus, and of course "I had to know what that was about" and read a few things, but the thing that stuck to me was the "guillain-barré syndrome" ( pls don't look it up If you don't know it), my parents they are very healthy people and got through the virus like a harmless flue no big deal actually, but there is this overwelming media terror on that moment that is hard not to think of the worst.
So..one day after that I felt weird while sleeping like hot flashes or something cos' it didn't feel like a fever, but it got me a bit anxious, so it happend the same the next day, even I got up and since I "knew" how to handle anxiety i did everything and went back to normal. two more days go by and guess what, i got this rash which is the obvious sign of the sika virus.
so from then it all wen down hill for me, i lost total control of my self, a part of the sika virus is this feeling of dizzyness or feeling really tired but my anxiety made it so hard for me, there was not a single momment i felt relaxed i was always fighting this numbness, crying almost everyday, it was a really really bad week, I havent had that type of crisis since 3 years this thing that makes my wanna run, that makes me wanna have control but obviously i can't cos' i was sick, physically ill, honestly if my anxiety weren't there the sika would of got through me even easier than my parents. but it woke up my big and scary monster.
after weeks of feeling defeated,feeling like a lost my time and money, a bit depressed, i got anxious again and went to this other doctor that really felt good, he made me realize that apparently i haven't being treated appropriately, that psyco therapy is not only talking crap all day, is hard work, and that also my medication was not proper, and he told me about this 6 months plan to work on my anxiety really hard, he really gave me hope of get it rid of me for good, he prescribed me valium 2 mg, and trazodone 50 mg, just a cuarter of the tablet for four days and then half tablet and then increasing until i get to 50mg, so of course.. i started doing "research" and saw all the side effects of both medicine and really got me worked up ( i feel like i can't trust, not even myself), i been trying to reach my doc through text messages but he doesn't answer and i really dont wanna feel like i'm bothering anyone ( even though he told me i could text him any time but be patient) it's been 2 days sending a few anxious questions, since yesterday and today and no answer, i feel scared and alone.
last night was my first intake of these new drugs, he told me about what i might be feeling on the next day (today) but while sleeping at 4 am i had this bad dream and got up and my anxiety was at it's full, i thought i was going to have a panic a attack, i felt my heart beat so fast and strong, all this thoughts coming to me about " this is the medications fault" " im gonna have to wake my family and take me to the ER" but then i started trying to bring my self to here and now and little by little starting feeling more "calmed" right now i feel a bit numb ( he told me that) and of course tired cos it was really a fight against myself for me to go to sleep. ( and me fighting myself against feeling numb)
the thing is that he let me know that anti-anxiety medication works for about 6 hours usually, when I do the math by the time i got this nightmare it have been more than six hours since i took the valium, and my logical mind says well that's it, you weren't protected by the valium by the time you had the nightmare and that's why you got a panic attack, but my anxious side says theres something bad happening to me or is going to happen, the medication is gonna harm me, i don't like feeling like i don't have control it makes me more anxious, and that's the reason im writting here, my doc still doesn't answer my texts, i know this a stupid thing cos' is not like im taking huge intakes on meds it's barely something, but i feel so alone so scared, so worked up about "side effects", i just wanna know or confirm that what i felt last night is "normal"? but i probably wont feel at ease until my doctor says "everything is alright".
i really have a hard time trusting, in me, that everything is alright, i really have trust issues about me and some others, especially when it comes to health issues, i always have this feeling that "there's something really bad in me that no one wants to tell me"
If you read all of this thank you very much, i just needed to express what i'm thinking and feeling without feeling judged. and meet other people like me, so this stops feeling like no one understands.
Last year by november I decided to tell my doctor that I felt so good that I thought I could start quiting the venlafaxine, since Alprazolam I only took it for about a month and only had to take it IF I ever experience a anxiety attack and so i did, honestly almost did not use much Alprazolam, only my venlafaxine one daily intake.
So my doc told me how to do it and by january I felt free at last, I just recently started a new job on december everything felt amazing. So february came, my mom and dad got sick with the sika virus, and of course "I had to know what that was about" and read a few things, but the thing that stuck to me was the "guillain-barré syndrome" ( pls don't look it up If you don't know it), my parents they are very healthy people and got through the virus like a harmless flue no big deal actually, but there is this overwelming media terror on that moment that is hard not to think of the worst.
So..one day after that I felt weird while sleeping like hot flashes or something cos' it didn't feel like a fever, but it got me a bit anxious, so it happend the same the next day, even I got up and since I "knew" how to handle anxiety i did everything and went back to normal. two more days go by and guess what, i got this rash which is the obvious sign of the sika virus.
so from then it all wen down hill for me, i lost total control of my self, a part of the sika virus is this feeling of dizzyness or feeling really tired but my anxiety made it so hard for me, there was not a single momment i felt relaxed i was always fighting this numbness, crying almost everyday, it was a really really bad week, I havent had that type of crisis since 3 years this thing that makes my wanna run, that makes me wanna have control but obviously i can't cos' i was sick, physically ill, honestly if my anxiety weren't there the sika would of got through me even easier than my parents. but it woke up my big and scary monster.
after weeks of feeling defeated,feeling like a lost my time and money, a bit depressed, i got anxious again and went to this other doctor that really felt good, he made me realize that apparently i haven't being treated appropriately, that psyco therapy is not only talking crap all day, is hard work, and that also my medication was not proper, and he told me about this 6 months plan to work on my anxiety really hard, he really gave me hope of get it rid of me for good, he prescribed me valium 2 mg, and trazodone 50 mg, just a cuarter of the tablet for four days and then half tablet and then increasing until i get to 50mg, so of course.. i started doing "research" and saw all the side effects of both medicine and really got me worked up ( i feel like i can't trust, not even myself), i been trying to reach my doc through text messages but he doesn't answer and i really dont wanna feel like i'm bothering anyone ( even though he told me i could text him any time but be patient) it's been 2 days sending a few anxious questions, since yesterday and today and no answer, i feel scared and alone.
last night was my first intake of these new drugs, he told me about what i might be feeling on the next day (today) but while sleeping at 4 am i had this bad dream and got up and my anxiety was at it's full, i thought i was going to have a panic a attack, i felt my heart beat so fast and strong, all this thoughts coming to me about " this is the medications fault" " im gonna have to wake my family and take me to the ER" but then i started trying to bring my self to here and now and little by little starting feeling more "calmed" right now i feel a bit numb ( he told me that) and of course tired cos it was really a fight against myself for me to go to sleep. ( and me fighting myself against feeling numb)
the thing is that he let me know that anti-anxiety medication works for about 6 hours usually, when I do the math by the time i got this nightmare it have been more than six hours since i took the valium, and my logical mind says well that's it, you weren't protected by the valium by the time you had the nightmare and that's why you got a panic attack, but my anxious side says theres something bad happening to me or is going to happen, the medication is gonna harm me, i don't like feeling like i don't have control it makes me more anxious, and that's the reason im writting here, my doc still doesn't answer my texts, i know this a stupid thing cos' is not like im taking huge intakes on meds it's barely something, but i feel so alone so scared, so worked up about "side effects", i just wanna know or confirm that what i felt last night is "normal"? but i probably wont feel at ease until my doctor says "everything is alright".
i really have a hard time trusting, in me, that everything is alright, i really have trust issues about me and some others, especially when it comes to health issues, i always have this feeling that "there's something really bad in me that no one wants to tell me"
If you read all of this thank you very much, i just needed to express what i'm thinking and feeling without feeling judged. and meet other people like me, so this stops feeling like no one understands.