.Poppy.
17-03-16, 19:20
The past few days have not been good to me, I'm afraid. My fears seem to be spiraling and jumping from one thing to another and I'm having trouble reigning them in.
My main terrors right now are:
- stomach pain (and loose stool - sorry if that's tmi!). Stomach pain isn't always unusual to me but the other is. The pain seems to intensify when I'm feeling particularly nervous. I'm trying to tell myself that maybe it's just a reaction to upping my lexapro or a combo of that + my time of the month, but my mind just isn't having it and I'm not sure if it started before I upped my dose this Sunday. I'm seriously in such a state I cannot remember.
- bumps/rash? I posted about this one yesterday. The doc didn't have a clue. They don't itch or burn, but do seem to be popping up more frequently. I have an appointment with the derm in about an hour but am afraid she won't have a clue either and will just tell me to see what happens.
I'm scared that they're either a) some strange new acne thing (which sounds super vain) and that they're going to turn into a bunch of really large cysts or b) some sort of systemic disease/illness/damage that's just appearing on my skin.
I have a couple of red bumps on my face that I've had for a few months now; I can't tell if they're similar/the same. In the past when I had acne it would be pus-filled (again, sorry tmi!) but now I just get little spots that are tiny and hard, or more rarely large and hard. I mentioned them to my derm last I was in and she didn't really seem to know.
I'm not googling as I know that might make it worse, but at the same time I'm terrified of all these made-up scenarios or things that I think MIGHT happen. So basically I've convinced myself that something bad is happening to me, I just don't know exactly what. Which almost seems just as terrifying.
Aside from the doctor's visit and some outside time today, I have mainly been upstairs in my bed, watching Netflix and trying to distract myself by coloring. I'm on spring break right now, so I guess I have time to be a bum.
I'm simultaneously hyped up and exhausted. I feel like I've brought all this on myself and I don't know what to do.
My main terrors right now are:
- stomach pain (and loose stool - sorry if that's tmi!). Stomach pain isn't always unusual to me but the other is. The pain seems to intensify when I'm feeling particularly nervous. I'm trying to tell myself that maybe it's just a reaction to upping my lexapro or a combo of that + my time of the month, but my mind just isn't having it and I'm not sure if it started before I upped my dose this Sunday. I'm seriously in such a state I cannot remember.
- bumps/rash? I posted about this one yesterday. The doc didn't have a clue. They don't itch or burn, but do seem to be popping up more frequently. I have an appointment with the derm in about an hour but am afraid she won't have a clue either and will just tell me to see what happens.
I'm scared that they're either a) some strange new acne thing (which sounds super vain) and that they're going to turn into a bunch of really large cysts or b) some sort of systemic disease/illness/damage that's just appearing on my skin.
I have a couple of red bumps on my face that I've had for a few months now; I can't tell if they're similar/the same. In the past when I had acne it would be pus-filled (again, sorry tmi!) but now I just get little spots that are tiny and hard, or more rarely large and hard. I mentioned them to my derm last I was in and she didn't really seem to know.
I'm not googling as I know that might make it worse, but at the same time I'm terrified of all these made-up scenarios or things that I think MIGHT happen. So basically I've convinced myself that something bad is happening to me, I just don't know exactly what. Which almost seems just as terrifying.
Aside from the doctor's visit and some outside time today, I have mainly been upstairs in my bed, watching Netflix and trying to distract myself by coloring. I'm on spring break right now, so I guess I have time to be a bum.
I'm simultaneously hyped up and exhausted. I feel like I've brought all this on myself and I don't know what to do.