View Full Version : week 4 hell
Well I've just hit what is hopefully rock bottom, cos of it ain't I wont be here to type after, rough week ended with a letter I was dreading.....but it was worse than even I expected.....thats when the breakdown started...anxiety worries helpless.....and over the next 36 hours...ive been to hell.....even working out where and how to end it...i didn't leave the house ignored every one including the few who no how bad things are....i feel worthless lifeless.....do I still want to take the bus....yes.....will I be allowed to...no a handful of people who care wont let me....so here's to week 5....
Oh Biker sorry to hear you are having such a tough time! Sounds like you are really going through it. You should really go back to the doctors if you are feeling that bad as I'm sure they will be able to help. Keep talking to friends and family and know we're here to support you. X
Suziewuzie
20-03-16, 10:16
Tell us what's been going on Biker x
Basically what I've said, not felt right all week like I was forcing myself to be normal human...when inside I've felt like hell....then got home to a letter regarding a problem from 12 yrs ago after my mum died...and basically its tipped me over the edge...to the point I cant see that light to be honest I cant see the tunnel
Suziewuzie
20-03-16, 10:59
Is there someone you can call and talk it through with? So it sounds like you've had a horrible week in general because of things that have been going on rather thsn because of the medication?
Trying not to bother ppl, when mum died I had a nervous breakdown and ended up sectioned in a mental unit....and that's somewhere I wouldn't wish my worst enemy to go. Hence why I keep to myself
Suziewuzie
20-03-16, 12:05
I'm certain that people wouldn't think you were bothering them. In any case, you can bother us. Do you feel like your mood is heading towards the way you felt last time?
My heads so screwed I don't no....just feel the weight on my shoulders is to much....can't remember how I felt then...other than pain
I think you really need to speak to your doctor for some extra help Hun x
Week 4 was by far my worst, very similar to how you are now. It does pass
Suziewuzie
20-03-16, 12:44
Come to think of it, week 4 was when I went to my GP crying saying I didn't want to stay on citalopram because it was making me depressed.
I can only hope its the worst it gets.....
Hi I have also been feeling this way today.
I have cried 4 times the last time I fell on the floor and started punching the sofa.
I can't talk to anyone.. I can see it's painful on my mum so I try and pretend I'm ok and when everyone asks if I'm ok I lie and say yes.
I'm only on day 25 of the tablets.. I don't know what to do I really don't. I am losing faith in the medication and losing faith in everything.
It's really destroying my life again.
Dan this is a great place for support, and tbh....tell the truth to ppl...I've tried hiding it and it is part the trouble in having I'm sure of it...ive got 3 really good true friends I Can 100% trust....they now everything....stick with it like I've been told...its just side effects and I spose part of our journey
LiveAboveIt
20-03-16, 20:37
It gets better, I promise. The pill side effects will wear off and you will only be left with mild anxiety to work out.
Stick with it dan your still in the side effect window and could still be experiencing these. If it gets too bad please speak to your family, they will want to help you! Also speak to your doctor as they might be able to give you something to help x
is this feeling of hopelessness and depression just a symptom/side effect?
it's really scaring me. im trying to play games and listen to music until the feeling passes.
i don't want to talk to anyone about it because i don't want to burden them and worry they will think im a nutjob. i dont have any friends i feel comfortable to talk to about what im going through
---------- Post added at 20:59 ---------- Previous post was at 20:58 ----------
im so grateful for this forum. i want to hug you all lol
LiveAboveIt
20-03-16, 21:05
Stick with it dan your still in the side effect window and could still be experiencing these. If it gets too bad please speak to your family, they will want to help you! Also speak to your doctor as they might be able to give you something to help x
What is the official side effect window? Im on Day 38 since my very first 10mg. I will say that they have definitely lessened, but I still feel really out of it, almost like nothing is real.
Suziewuzie
20-03-16, 21:06
Think everyone is having a crap day today :(
Dan don't feel like you have to tell people you're OK if you're not. I found it so therapeutic to break down to my mum last week and say "I'm not OK. I'm not coping" She did get upset and she doesn't really understand it all but it helps a lot knowing I can fall to pieces to someone if I ever need to.
A lot of what we feel and go through is because of the medication, and a lot if it isn't - a lot of it is just our anxiety. We expect a lot from the medication and I think when we feel like it isn't delivering it makes us feel even worse. It's a frustrating loop. But dont let every bad day undo any of the good days you've had. When I first got really bad at the start of the year I used to have a saying "Count the moments until you can count the days" so every time I had a good moment - like half an hour watching TV without feeling raging panic, or actually belly laughing at something, or seeing my friends without having a panic attack, then I'd think Right, that's one good monent today. Then eventually long portions of the day turned into good moments, and today I can say I've had an almost perfect day. It's been over 3 months since my panic & anxiety got bad, so over 3 months of "counting the moments" and only now do I feel like I'll finally be able to start counting the days.
Sorry for making this all about me, I just want to try and help you feel positive. And you should feel positive because despite the absolute hell that you're feeling inside, it hasn't hurt you or killed you, and you even managed to go for a night out with your friends - you're clearly not letting this defeat you! X
LiveAboveIt
20-03-16, 21:08
is this feeling of hopelessness and depression just a symptom/side effect?
it's really scaring me. im trying to play games and listen to music until the feeling passes.
i don't want to talk to anyone about it because i don't want to burden them and worry they will think im a nutjob. i dont have any friends i feel comfortable to talk to about what im going through
---------- Post added at 20:59 ---------- Previous post was at 20:58 ----------
im so grateful for this forum. i want to hug you all lol
I dont know, Dan.. but I feel the same way. Constantly having thoughts that I might be stuck feeling strange and anxious forever.. it has gotten a lot easier since I was where you are now.
---------- Post added at 16:08 ---------- Previous post was at 16:06 ----------
Think everyone is having a crap day today :(
Dan don't feel like you have to tell people you're OK if you're not. I found it so therapeutic to break down to my mum last week and say "I'm not OK. I'm not coping" She did get upset and she doesn't really understand it all but it helps a lot knowing I can fall to pieces to someone if I ever need to.
A lot of what we feel and go through is because of the medication, and a lot if it isn't - a lot of it is just our anxiety. We expect a lot from the medication and I think when we feel like it isn't delivering it makes us feel even worse. It's a frustrating loop. But dont let every bad day undo any of the good days you've had. When I first got really bad at the start of the year I used to have a saying "Count the moments until you can count the days" so every time I had a good moment - like half an hour watching TV without feeling raging panic, or actually belly laughing at something, or seeing my friends without having a panic attack, then I'd think Right, that's one good monent today. Then eventually long portions of the day turned into good moments, and today I can say I've had an almost perfect day. It's been over 3 months since my panic & anxiety got bad, so over 3 months of "counting the moments" and only now do I feel like I'll finally be able to start counting the days.
Sorry for making this all about me, I just want to try and help you feel positive. And you should feel positive because despite the absolute hell that you're feeling inside, it hasn't hurt you or killed you, and you even managed to go for a night out with your friends - you're clearly not letting this defeat you! X
That was lovely and comforting, Suzie.
Suziewuzie
20-03-16, 21:16
Oh I'm glad :) I expect you all to return the favour when I'm having a sucky day and need some words of wisdom! X
Thankyou for that Suzie and thankyou to all for support.
I'm feeling a little calmer now..
I think I just put too much pressure on myself.. this week has been generally ok, and yesterday was a good day, i did go out to a few clubs. (someone kept saying i was beautiful which was nice lol)
The anxiety was there but i managed to get through it.
On the bad days i let everything crash down and i lose all the positivity i work so hard on which is easy to do!
I'm taking it easy tonight!
Suziewuzie
20-03-16, 21:29
See? You know all this, and it's good that you can step back and say "Yeah yesterday was a good day, and I know I put too much pressure on myself" honestly I think you should cut yourself A LOT of slack, feeling like this is a bloody battle and it's only normal to have days where you hit a wall and think you can't carry on.
anxiety always lies but why do we believe those lies?
it is incredibly comforting to know there are others who can relate.
i do hope we can find peace
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