What to say?

[heths]

I was friends with a girl at Primary and secondary school, but when we left school we drifted apart.

At around Christmas time she found me online and got in contact. I left her a message with my e-mail address, but for 2 months I never heard from her so I thought she'd probably decided not to contact me.

But today I've heard from her and she's told me what's she's done since leaving school and I was happy to hear from her. But now i'm worried, she's asked me what I've done since leaving school.

I have worked and been to college, but for the past 3 years i've been agoraphobic and I don't work and I'm having therapy, and I don't know how to tell her this. I'm also worried about what she'll say.

Could anyone help me with what to say to her, and has anyone ever told their old friends and did they take it ok?

Thanks,

[Karen]

Hi Heather

I think maybe the question to ask yourself is whether you want to tell her and how much you want to tell her. There is no need for you to tell this old friend more than you are comfortable with her knowing.

Generally I tell people I come into contact with that I have social phobia and talking is sometimes difficult for me and I haven't had a bad reaction yet. This is usually with new people I've met as I haven't had this exact situation but why would she react badly? Friends don't judge each other and if she does then she isn't a true friend.

If you would rather not mention it for now then that's fine. You can still write and tell her about other things that you have done since you knew her and chat about life generally.

What do you want to do?

Karen xx

[Piglet]

Yep think Karen has covered it all there mate.

If the friendship continues then you will be able to judge for yourself if it feels right to tell her.

Piglet :flowers:

[belle]

Hi..
I "re-met" my husband on friends reunited 5 years after i saw him last. When he last saw me i was an outgoing, outspoken, care-free 21 year old, then when i contacted him i was completely 100% housebound. It took me 6 months (3 months of dating) before i told him and during that time i was dealing with regular panic attacks....it was really difficult. I personally didn't feel the need to lay it all out there straight away, i wanted him to know me for the person he saw and not the disability.


Sarah x

[heths]

Thanks for your replies.

I do want to tell her about my situation, I've now written back to her and I've told her other things I've done since leaving school and I've said I'll tell her more later.

Still worried about telling her though. :secret:

[honeybee]

hello.. im pretty much the same as sarahc.. i knew my boyfriend from the age of about 13.. he moved away about 6 years ago and i ended up losing touch with him... when he last saw me i was confident, fun, outgoing, cheeky, maybe even a bit full of myself (but i didn't just admit that, OK? lol)... then we got back in touch last year and i was agoraphobic and pretty much housebound.. i really didn't know what to say, especially when he said he was madly in love with me, always had been and always would be (awww bless, its like a film isn't it?), anyway i felt exactly the same way, the only thing was, was that i wasn't the same paerson as he remebered me to be.. i didn't know what to do, i couldn't even speak to him on the phone, anyway, i did tell him, he didn't care, i finally met up with him a few months later and after about £500 worth of phone credit. i was shi**ing myself.. but it was great, now i'm living with him..

i also told another old mate of mine the other day after lieing to him for a couple of years about what i was doing, he also didn't care, obviously he cared but it didn't change the way he thought about me..

TRUE MATES WON'T CARE..

put yourself in your mates shoes, if she told you she had an axiety disorder would you judge her? not want to be her friend? think differently of her?

you don't have to tell her, but also don't be afraid to tell her..

[domino]

:okay: YOU WILL BE FINE , TELL HER AS MUCH OR AS LITTLE AS YOU WANT.

[heths]

Thanks honeybee,

It's good to know you had good experiences telling friends.

Maybe when she's written back to me, I'll tell her. I'll see what she says. You're right, it shouldn't change the way she thinks of me.

[heths]

Thanks also rickards, :)