Booboo111
22-03-16, 21:49
This will probably be a long and rambling post, but I don't have many other people I can say this to in person, so I just felt the urge to write it out here. I'm going to list every detail of the events, like I had to in my CBT session, so maybe it can show others what it can be like to try hard to be rational.
Just a few days ago I made a post about having a IBC/skin lymphoma fear. I had a very slight rash pop up on my upper left breast, right where it was rubbing on a bra that I hadn't hand washed because too was too lazy. I didn't get the fear until I googled! I stupidly googled once, then twice, then I was reading medical and scholar articles about a disease I had never, nor would have ever feared, if I had listened to my inner voice and didn't go looking to scare myself when I didn't need to exacerbate my anxiety.
I ran to my OBGYN, who said it looked like contact dermatitis. But she said if it didn't go away, they'd do a mammogram. She knows me and my anxiety well, and she was just trying to comfort me and make me heard. I left her office o only a little relieved, because she used the word mammogram. I got some hydrocortisone cream from the store. A week later it hadn't gone away like I wanted it to, so I ran to my dermatologist. He also knows my anxiety, and while he also said it looked like contact dermatitis,he stupidly mentioned some other diseases it could be... But only AFTER I told him I had googled them. So that was my fault, yet I hung on to them and go freaked out when the rash hadn't gone away completely... Two days layers. I was miserable and in a state of pure panic.
Yesterday I went to CBT for the first time in 6 weeks and I had to recount that story, in detail, slowly... And all of a sudden to was forced to pick up on the little details I didn't catch - or didn't want to admit - before, due to my anxiety. I googled - I brought on a large part of the fear. Yes I had a rash, but I hadn't washed the bra in awhile, I have extremely sensitive, pale skin, and I scar easy. The rash had improved - it's still only been barely 5 days - and its looking much better. NONE of this points to anything serious, yet I've wasted precious time - days - worrying about nothing. The OBGYN called to check on me and said that if it was getting even just a little better, it wasn't a breast issue and she had just done a full exam and all looked great. The dermatologist also said that there would be a darker pigmented mark for some time, because of the irritation and my pale, sensitive skin. After finally being forced to be rational, I caught myself feeling my neck, like I needed to bring more anxiety upon myself because I had finally stopped worrying for a minute!
I guess what I'm saying is, even if we don't want to admit it, we unfortunately bring a lot of this upon ourselves. I'm not taking away from anyone's anxiety, because I can guarantee you I am just as bad as you think you are with this crap - but we need to take a step back and force ourselves to be rational so we don't bring unnecessary suffering upon ourselves. The reality is - any one of us could get anything at anytime.... That's the harsh truth of life. But I would teally like to know just how many people where have ever had what they even remotely though had. A small ratio when looking at all the posts, I'm sure.
So I'm sure I'll slip again on the future, and be back asking about a lymph node.... But I pray everyday I can overcome this and LIVE IN THE PRESENT. We all obviously have a fear of dying - but we need to make sure we are taking the time we have to LIVE!!!
I wish you all peace, blessings and Health! God bless you All :)
Just a few days ago I made a post about having a IBC/skin lymphoma fear. I had a very slight rash pop up on my upper left breast, right where it was rubbing on a bra that I hadn't hand washed because too was too lazy. I didn't get the fear until I googled! I stupidly googled once, then twice, then I was reading medical and scholar articles about a disease I had never, nor would have ever feared, if I had listened to my inner voice and didn't go looking to scare myself when I didn't need to exacerbate my anxiety.
I ran to my OBGYN, who said it looked like contact dermatitis. But she said if it didn't go away, they'd do a mammogram. She knows me and my anxiety well, and she was just trying to comfort me and make me heard. I left her office o only a little relieved, because she used the word mammogram. I got some hydrocortisone cream from the store. A week later it hadn't gone away like I wanted it to, so I ran to my dermatologist. He also knows my anxiety, and while he also said it looked like contact dermatitis,he stupidly mentioned some other diseases it could be... But only AFTER I told him I had googled them. So that was my fault, yet I hung on to them and go freaked out when the rash hadn't gone away completely... Two days layers. I was miserable and in a state of pure panic.
Yesterday I went to CBT for the first time in 6 weeks and I had to recount that story, in detail, slowly... And all of a sudden to was forced to pick up on the little details I didn't catch - or didn't want to admit - before, due to my anxiety. I googled - I brought on a large part of the fear. Yes I had a rash, but I hadn't washed the bra in awhile, I have extremely sensitive, pale skin, and I scar easy. The rash had improved - it's still only been barely 5 days - and its looking much better. NONE of this points to anything serious, yet I've wasted precious time - days - worrying about nothing. The OBGYN called to check on me and said that if it was getting even just a little better, it wasn't a breast issue and she had just done a full exam and all looked great. The dermatologist also said that there would be a darker pigmented mark for some time, because of the irritation and my pale, sensitive skin. After finally being forced to be rational, I caught myself feeling my neck, like I needed to bring more anxiety upon myself because I had finally stopped worrying for a minute!
I guess what I'm saying is, even if we don't want to admit it, we unfortunately bring a lot of this upon ourselves. I'm not taking away from anyone's anxiety, because I can guarantee you I am just as bad as you think you are with this crap - but we need to take a step back and force ourselves to be rational so we don't bring unnecessary suffering upon ourselves. The reality is - any one of us could get anything at anytime.... That's the harsh truth of life. But I would teally like to know just how many people where have ever had what they even remotely though had. A small ratio when looking at all the posts, I'm sure.
So I'm sure I'll slip again on the future, and be back asking about a lymph node.... But I pray everyday I can overcome this and LIVE IN THE PRESENT. We all obviously have a fear of dying - but we need to make sure we are taking the time we have to LIVE!!!
I wish you all peace, blessings and Health! God bless you All :)