HA... again (TW DVT/PE)

[inha]

Hi, well I haven't been here for a few months.

My HA is back in full force, and I just don't know what to do anymore. As the title says, I'm now afraid of DVT and PE. I'm a mess, I cry when I call my parents because I believe it's the last time I will see them, I have panic attacks at uni, I can't sleep and I check my legs compulsively.

I'm currently doing CBT but it's not helping a lot, and I try to practice mindfulness as best as I can... to no avail for now.

I have shooting pains in one leg (calf muscle, thigh and shin), and from today I've felt a dull, tight ache behind my knee. I fear DVT because it's so often misdiagnosed and doctors won't refer me for a least a D-dimer. I'm absolutely convinced there's no other explanation for my pain. I sometimes feel short of breath and I've read studies that concluded that many patients only have shortness of breath on exertion/are not in excruciating pain and still have PE.

I'm basically waiting to drop dead and haven't showered for 2 days for fear of dying while in the bathroom. I'm at loss really, I realise this is ridiculous but I can't shake it.

The pains won't go. They keep happening, and now when I fold my legs, I even feel like my calf muscles are all big/swollen/tensed up so it adds to the discomfort. I have back, chest, shoulder and neck pains on and off, sometimes spontaneously, sometimes with breathing.

According to all my research I have some 6/7% chance of having DVT. It's not a lot. It's 94% chance of not having it. But I can't reason myself. I feel really hopeless.

I would be very grateful to hear from some of you who might have been in my situation. Thanks for reading !

EDIT: I just found an old post of mine where I basically ranted about the same thing but for another potentially deadly condition. It's not that I'm lacking evidence that all of this can be anxiety. But it just doesn't help. I'm too scared...

[Booboo111]

I've had the same fear off and on for almost two years. Oddly enough, just today my calf felt painful, behind my left knee, and even felt a little warm to the touch. I felt it and then a minute later my chest got tight. But I go to CBT and I've made a lot of progress and I was able to step back and rationalize that I was being overcome with anxiety and that it was just a muscle strain and that I would be ok. It's not easy, not at all, but I also have low dose klonopin to take when I start to panic like that. Do you go to therapy of any kind? Or take any medication? If not, you may consider it. My fear stemmed from an actual elevated d dimer almost two years ago. They gave me an ultrasound on my legs and arms, which were negative, l and I still couldn't let it go. But guess what? A week later I had a cyst on my ovary burst and they said that was what caused the slightly elevated d dimer (it was only .12 over the reference range, so barely even elevated) and it can be caused by any inflammation. Positive thoughts. You will be ok!

[Dharmatown]

I had almost exactly the same thing in January. I had taken a long flight and walked during a layover, had a bit of a leg twinge but put it down to cramp. Then I got off the next flight and my calf was sore and more pain.
For the next two days I was consumed by fear. I was constantly measuring my legs, couldn't go to work. It felt slightly better when I went to work and I was more occupied, but I felt myself checking my legs constantly even at work.
I went to the doctors and paid for a private ultrasound, which was very thorough and came back clear. Then for the next two weeks my fear became PE.
I was having panic attacks nearly every day, which made me feel like I was constantly on the edge of death. I felt like I couldn't swallow or eat. It was awful and I ended up going to the hospital after a particularly bad panic attack.
They did another ultrasound and a D-dimer, but everything came back clear. When we were waiting for the results my friend said 'Do you truly think it will be positive?'. It kind of all dawned on my then that I knew it would be negative and it was a big realisation in terms of getting help!
My anxiety was almost immediately alleviated. It was definitely still there, but having the all clear from that particular fear was very reassuring.

Sorry, I know that is more of a rant about my own story. But I guess I want to say that I think your anxiety can cause all kinds of leg pains (the cause of mine wasn't found - probably a mix of cramp and tension). Also I still experience the same neck/back pains as you even now that my anxiety has reduced a lot! It is crazy what the mind/body can do!

[inha]

Thanks to you two for your messages. I'm sorry you had to go through this !
Today I feel somewhat less panicked over dying any moment but I still have a lot of discomfort in my legs.

I try to reason myself by reminding myself of the fact that the pain is not constant, which seems to be a characteristic of DVT pain.
I feel like I'll have to show up in A&E and ask for a blood test eventually but I'm trying to keep calm for now...