Worrygirl96
24-03-16, 16:29
Please help :(
(Just as a start note I've had generalised anxiety disorder since i was 14)
About three weeks ago I was happily at work. Happy, in love, a little stressed, but happy. I was stocking a shelf, when suddenly, I can't actually remember what the thought was, but I suddenly started questioning my relationship with my boyfriend (of a year and three months). Within a minute I had gone from a happy in love girl to feeling sick, like i wanted to cry and very depersonalised (when you feel like you aren't in your own body). I felt really weird, and spent the rest of the shift in a dream state and constantly terrofied about these thoughts I had just had about my boyfriend.
The next week I was a mess. I felt sick whenever I was with my boyfriend, depersonalised, I was crying, my heart was racing, I couldn't get this horrible feeling to go away. I remember feeling numb.
The next week I was still a mess, but one night I actually picked myself up. I went to my boyfriends house and to my pleasant surprise I felt relatively normal. Something still felt off, but I felt happy when I was with him. The next morning I still felt okay but I spiralled down again throughout the day.
I was very depressed, and began to feel extremely distant from my boyfriend, emotionally and physically. At one point, it almost felt like I was looking at a stranger.
I went to the doctors and was offered medication but I am going to have a big think about it before I think about accepting.
I am also going to apply for CBT for my anxiety problem. (Do you think it will help?)
I just am feeling really hopeless. Does anyone have any advice? I know I love my boyfriend so so much deep down, but I feel really really far away from him and I'm so scared.
Sometimes, it's like his face looks a bit different or something.
For the first two weeks I couldn't stop obsessing over the doubts. I can't even remember what the doubts were now.
Now, i'm constantly getting these thoughts "am i thinking about him enough" "wait, you just smiled- that means you don't care about these thoughs" "even if this passes you're not going to feel fully happy" "you'll be faking your love forever" "this will never pass" "maybe it's not your anxiety" "you feel far away from him because you don't love him anymore" "you shouldn't be feeling like this"
And i'll have moments of clarity. For example, I had another day and half this week of feeling pretty much normal with him (again, the thoughts were still there but I was able to just tell them to do one because i knew they weren't me). But I seem to have spiralled again today and feel back to square one. I thought I was getting better but I seem to have slipped up.
If you have read all of this, thank you. I just don't know what to do. I feel so far away from him and I'm scared. I really really don't want to lose him....please help me. I want my love back.
(Just as a start note I've had generalised anxiety disorder since i was 14)
About three weeks ago I was happily at work. Happy, in love, a little stressed, but happy. I was stocking a shelf, when suddenly, I can't actually remember what the thought was, but I suddenly started questioning my relationship with my boyfriend (of a year and three months). Within a minute I had gone from a happy in love girl to feeling sick, like i wanted to cry and very depersonalised (when you feel like you aren't in your own body). I felt really weird, and spent the rest of the shift in a dream state and constantly terrofied about these thoughts I had just had about my boyfriend.
The next week I was a mess. I felt sick whenever I was with my boyfriend, depersonalised, I was crying, my heart was racing, I couldn't get this horrible feeling to go away. I remember feeling numb.
The next week I was still a mess, but one night I actually picked myself up. I went to my boyfriends house and to my pleasant surprise I felt relatively normal. Something still felt off, but I felt happy when I was with him. The next morning I still felt okay but I spiralled down again throughout the day.
I was very depressed, and began to feel extremely distant from my boyfriend, emotionally and physically. At one point, it almost felt like I was looking at a stranger.
I went to the doctors and was offered medication but I am going to have a big think about it before I think about accepting.
I am also going to apply for CBT for my anxiety problem. (Do you think it will help?)
I just am feeling really hopeless. Does anyone have any advice? I know I love my boyfriend so so much deep down, but I feel really really far away from him and I'm so scared.
Sometimes, it's like his face looks a bit different or something.
For the first two weeks I couldn't stop obsessing over the doubts. I can't even remember what the doubts were now.
Now, i'm constantly getting these thoughts "am i thinking about him enough" "wait, you just smiled- that means you don't care about these thoughs" "even if this passes you're not going to feel fully happy" "you'll be faking your love forever" "this will never pass" "maybe it's not your anxiety" "you feel far away from him because you don't love him anymore" "you shouldn't be feeling like this"
And i'll have moments of clarity. For example, I had another day and half this week of feeling pretty much normal with him (again, the thoughts were still there but I was able to just tell them to do one because i knew they weren't me). But I seem to have spiralled again today and feel back to square one. I thought I was getting better but I seem to have slipped up.
If you have read all of this, thank you. I just don't know what to do. I feel so far away from him and I'm scared. I really really don't want to lose him....please help me. I want my love back.