Always fighting off the next scary thing

[lavendar]

I'm so sick of the roller coaster. Every day I feel like I'm fighting off some new fear (usually health related), by the end of the day I'll talk myself down and realize how irrational I'm being, go to sleep feeling 'okay' (not great, drained maybe...but not horribly anxious and maybe even a little peaceful). But I wake up the next morning and I either have fears about something else (some new symptom), or I have to REconvince myself that the thing I was afraid of yesterday is nonsense. Mornings are the absolute WORST.

It's frustrating me to no end! I'm sick of this. Sick of living like this and sick of feeling so drained from it. I have a family- a beautiful family. An amazing husband and awesome kids. And I feel like this anxiety is robbing me of my ability to enjoy them and be the mom and wife they deserve. It's robbing me of the things that I want to do....the things that I enjoy, the things that I've dreamed of, the things that make me ME.

I'm on day 5 of celexa- no horrible side effects other than increased appetite and being a little more tired. No complaints there. I looked into therapy, but unfortunately there aren't any providers in my area that accept my insurance and the cost is just too high to pay privately. I've found some good tips in a Claire Weekes book. Also listening to the Anxiety Coaches Podcast. Any good days I've had recently have been thanks to those 2 resources. But I still have those days that just feel like my legs are knocked out from beneath me.

I'm just so. sick. and. tired. Honestly sometimes it feels like this is a burden I'll have to carry, to some extent anyway, for the rest of my life. And, in the words of my 3 year old, "I just don't wanna.":lac:

[Fishmanpa]

Yeah but you're actually being proactive! That's better than doing nothing and wallowing in it.

Perhaps the local mental health association (http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/find-affiliate) can point you in the right direction or recommend someone that can help with your insurance or at a discounted rate. There may be a local group you could join. It's worth the call.

Positive thoughts

[lavendar]

Thanks, "T". You're right that being proactive is better than wallowing. Although, to be honest, if it weren't for the fact that I have young kiddos that wrench me out of bed every morning around 5:30am, I'd probably spend a lot more time wallowing. They keep me going even when I really just wish I could go back to bed. I'm very thankful for them. <3

I followed your link and did find a support group in my area. It might be worth a shot...biggest obstacle being their meeting times conflicting with hubby's work schedule. Hoping he can work something out and leave a little early on those days since it's only 1x per month.

[Catherine S]

Health anx was a big part of my life when I was younger...mostly heart related... and in my 20s when it was really bad I was convinced I wouldn't see 30, in my 30s I wouldn't see 40 and so on. I'm now 62 so all that worrying, all those negative tests, trips to the cardiologists came to nothing. Ironically i'm now getting to the age where any of the scary illnesses could actually happen, and I look back down those years and wish i'd believed that I was fine when they told me I was. I really do know how hard it can be but try not to let the fear of illnesses that may never happen rule your life now. You don't get those years back to do them again differently. Do them differently now.

Take care
ISB :)

[lavendar]

ISB, one of my biggest fears and motivators for overcoming this HA is the thought that I could live my adult life (I'm in my 20s) as if I have some horrible disease for no other reason than just the fact that I'm terrified of getting it...only to turn 70 one day, be healthy as a horse, and to turn around and realize that I wasted all those years living like I was terminally ill. The thought of that breaks my heart. I've got to kick this thing...

[Fishmanpa]

There was a member named "Skippy66" that said (I'm paraphrasing from memory)... "Your recovery from anxiety starts when you fear not living now more than you fear dying from the unknown"...

Positive thoughts