I feel real illnesses from other people that are fake????

[Carnation]

I want to talk about my therapy sessions in more detail.

Yesterday, she said that I had over the normal amount of 'empathy' which could be the cause of anxiety. I actually take on fake illnesses of family and friends in a physical form. I have read about this before. It feels very real and IS real, but it is fake. Yeah, sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? But, it does exist.
So I have been born with a curse. :scared15:

Now, looking back, I acquired many of my Dad's ailments when he had Parkinsons Disease and when some things that Mum has suffered from.
Take the present moment. Mr C has had a bad shoulder, I now have a bad shoulder.

My Mum has a chest infection and now I am feeding off a chest infection, even though there is not an infection. Come to think of it, if I watch something on TV, that can affect me to. :shrug:

My therapist also suffers from this and one session I arrived in tears because I was worried that I was going to make her ill because of all my grievances being poured out to her and on leaving a session the week before, I heard her stomach making noises similar to what I have when my anxiety is bad.
So I would be interested to hear from anyone else who suffers like this or has any facts. And most importantly, how do you get rid of it!!!!!!

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/images/nmp/misc/progress.gif

[NoPoet]

Being able to walk in someone else's shoes is a blessing, not a curse. Your anxiety is ruining it by creating unpleasant experiences. You're vulnerable to the (imagined*) thoughts, feelings and suffering of other people, and this is a well known trait of anxiety.

You won't make your therapist ill. For a start, she'll have dealt with people in far worse condition including possibly psychotic, violent and self-harming states, things that do not and will never affect you. For a second, she is unlikely to be an "Average Jolene" who changed career from working in a call centre last month to being a qualified therapist today - she is not experiencing the same issues as you, and she cannot be "contaminated", as she knows where to draw the line (this is something you'll learn too). She will also have access to specialised support and training as therapists aren't expected to carry everything on their own shoulders.

You may be in some kind of identity crisis -- you are kind of living in other people's heads, and maybe in some way trying to "become one with them". Maybe this is a way of escaping your own feelings, or maybe you're punishing yourself by piling on the stress.

My advice is to focus more on YOURSELF, rather than worrying about what other people are going through. Your friends and family are ok now and they will continue to be ok. You've got your own issues to resolve. Build up your self-confidence and self-esteem. Build up your sense of self-worth. Recover, become a more positive person, and this example, as well as the natural confidence and goodwill you'll radiate, will do far more to help people and you'll have a much easier time of things.

* I mean you're imagining what they're going through -- you can't know for sure because you're not them.

[Carnation]

Thank you NoPoet for such an interesting reply.

I DO live in other people's head and tryb to work out how they are feeling/thinking/suffering. And I DON'T think about me and my identity/life/desires.

I have very low self esteem and worth, which I need to build on. My Therapist has said this.

As far as a 'Blessing', which she also referred to, I can't seem to grasp the plus side of this. How is it exactly a blessing?

You seem to know a bit about this, do you also have the curse/blessing yourself?

[NoPoet]

Hi, thanks :)

Yeah, I did it all the time and occasionally still do, but I've been in the fight long enough to know that "tuning into" the thoughts and feelings of other people is generally self-deception. You're creating "facts" from guesswork. The fact is, unless that person specifically tells you what they're thinking/feeling, there is little point torturing yourself about it. Even if they have a problem, maybe it just doesn't bother them that much.

People with empathetic qualities are needed to make sure that disadvantaged people are protected and the human race doesn't destroy itself altogether. Very few people would ever consider putting themselves in someone else's shoes. If everyone in the world did it starting from now, that would be the end of war. Don't think empathy is a mistake or an accident, it was designed into certain people with good reason.

Anxiety doesn't need rest, or a holiday. It doesn't want to leave you alone. It's a stalker that pretends to be your perfect angel, when in fact it's a monster made of smoke. Heal yourself first, and discard anxiety's lies. Then maybe you can start making a difference.

[Carnation]

Thanks for taking the time to explain NoPoet.

I think I understand it a bit better now. :)

[MyNameIsTerry]

Carnation,

Therapists/counsellors are trained on boundaries and how to spot when they are slipping due to emotional pressures from their work. The associations they tend to belong to have a lot of guidance for them on this, they should have supervisors (not always when private) and have codes to adhere to. They may not be former sufferers or they may.

The thing is, it's like sitting on here talking to people. This can really affect you as people are giving incites into their pain. It's natural if you are a sensitive person to feel emotion due to this.

What I found was that my boundaries were weaker when I was really struggling and it's obvious why when you think about it. As you start the recovery all the elements start to build up again and the natural resilience comes back.

I remember reading an article about how some people may need to reduce or expand the shield they have around them. Whilst this maybe be something that is pseudoscience, I think it's true regardless because we have always kept some people at arms length and allowed others to get closer to us. Your therapist will know how to handle this, so don't worry.

The fact you worry about shows even more about those qualities. However don't forget that mind reading is a Cognitive Distortion and who says your therapist wasn't hungry? What if they had been unwell the night before? So, assumptions, mind reading, generalisation, etc is all something to be aware of if it affects you in some way. I would imagine your therapist will hopefully be taking you through some of this anyway.

I know enough about you to know that you are someone who takes on the worlds troubles. If you see someone in pain, you want to help. That's a good quality but it can also be a negative one too as we need balance in all things.

So, I think it's entirely possible to be the same kind & empathic person without succumbing to the negatives of feeling it affecting you. Since your therapist has picked up on this, she will obviously be working no it with you.

Think of an example outside of your situation to illustrate this. Think of how being a perfectionist can be very useful. You get things right, you check and make sure you don't make mistakes, you are efficient, etc. But if you take this out of it's equilibrium, it becomes a negative. You now check everything too much, you micromanage and upset others by becoming overbearing, you become less efficient because you spend too much time checking when you could be moving forward on something else, you take everything on and end up not getting anything done, etc.

I was like that.

Without balance, we move into negative unhealthy behaviours and it blights the good we have by making us suffer with our mental health.

In your situation, it's not as simple as looking after yourself and not worrying about others and so it's very challenging to find balance because you are a carer. You also have the current stress of your mum in hospital. So, try to use the time you can for yourself and try your best not to spend it thinking about the other situations.

As for taking on other people's illnesses, that will mean building up the boundaries and increasing things like your self worth, self esteem, self confidence, etc. These will all help you to learn to say no to those feelings but without berating yourself as being uncaring at the same time.

It's a personality issue, it will take time.

[Carnation]

Yep. Spot on Terry. You know me too well. :D

My Therapist has for the last few sessions; even before I mentioned this, has wanted me to take more 'Me Time', without the feeling of guilt.
I find that very difficult to do. In fact, I don't know what to do?
My life has basically revolved around doing things for others. Being there, attending to situations where help is needed, taking a backseat, going without.
This will take time, as you say. And, I know it's not just taking time out to draw a picture or read a book, it's more than that.

I DO feel I take the whole world on my shoulders and want to put everything to right.
I take on things that are too much but feel I have to, it's my job.
I'm a perfectionist as well, but nothing is perfect.

Take nearly 3 years ago....
I had my partner ill very shortly after we had just started a business, my Dad's Parkinsons had developed in to the last stage and we had Mr C's Mum with us disabled and suffering from dementia. I was so busy at work, I was not eating all day long and only eating at night. I worked the positions of 4 people and worked a ten hour day solid 6 days a week. I then had to wrap up our business and home and move back to tend to my Father. I was then running back and forth trying to look after everybody to then that I was the one who eventually collapsed and broke down.
I felt like I had let everyone down and then went in to a deep depression, because I could no longer be the one who kept everything together.

I now find the simplest of tasks tiring and over bearing.
I thought I was invincible, strong and the only one that could do everything and was capable. But, I was wrong. Everything still went on and everyone managed.
I started to concentrate on me more and as time went on and I started to improve, then I started to slip back in to the old me again.
I can't help it, because it is my personality, but I DO need to manage it better and have a better balance. It's just difficult to do.
This will be discussed with my therapist, I know that, but I don't want to revert in to a non-caring person, but I can't turn my back on people that need help. My Mind won't let me. When I first joined the Forum there was a young girl desperate and for ever quoting that she didn't want to live. I sat up most of the night waiting for her to log in so I could be there for her even though I was suffering so badly myself. I would then worry about her all day and night. She was actually making me ill and in the end I had to wean myself away and felt so much guilt for doing that.

But, it is much, much more than that with me. I actually feel the pain inside of me.
It's too much. I can't even watch anything to do with hospitals on the TV, because I feel for those people who are only Actors at the end of the day, but my imagination runs wild!