Health anxiety gone crazy please help

[anxiousbelle]

So over the last month or so my anxiety has gotten to a point I cannot control. I can't as much as leave my bed to go to the kitchen, let alone go outside or drive etc. or go to sixth form, without feeling completely out of it, dizzy, heart palpitations, flashing lights, nearly fainting.

I have gotten so afraid that something is really wrong, because this just is not normal. Even lying in bed its here, so how is it anxiety, this is my safe place, but still it is here. I can't live my life anymore, and its horrible.

I do not want to go to the doctors, not because I am afraid of what they will say, but more what they won't. I feel like okay, maybe, this is all anxiety, BUT, it might not be, and the doctors know I have a severe anxiety disorder, and thus might completely brush me off without so much of a second glance. But I feel like something is really really really wrong, I just feel it.

[nirvanainchains]

I can completely understand how you feel because I am also like that, I am feeling so miserable. Hope I will be completely symptoms free for the remaining days of my life, I don’t wanna live my life dealing with mysterious pains and symptoms.

[ServerError]

Hi anxiousbelle,

I think this is going to be a very long reply. I feel an essay coming on. I hope you'll read everything I have to say. You don't have to agree with it all, but do consider it and do read it carefully.

Firstly, what you're going through describes anxiety perfectly, alongside agoraphobia. You say 'so how is this anxiety'. Well, it is. And the whole catastrophic 'what if' thing you're doing is also classic anxious thinking. You probably feel like nobody really understands you and what you're feeling. You probably think that you're more broken than anybody else has ever been and that you are less likely to recover than anyone else. You probably feel alone. You may even feel like you're unique and this is something nobody else could possibly have been through. Well, you're not alone. The things you've described are afflicting more and more people around the world. Anxiety is one of the most common reasons people seek medical attention in the UK and other western countries. So so many people know what you're going through. So no, you're not alone. And you know what else? You can get better. You can recover from this. But more on that later.

Before I get onto you, let me tell you about me and what I'm going through. I don't know how long you've had anxiety, but I'm quite new to it. I actually believe I've had it since I was a teenager (I'm now 31), but I'm new to the negative impact of it on my life and physical sense of wellbeing. So you may think I don't understand your level of suffering. Well, that may be true. But I'll tell you what I've been through, and then you'll see that I can completely understand what it is to feel permanently anxious, unwell and shattered by this beast we call anxiety. Don't worry, I will be more positive later on.

So what happened to me? Well, for me, it all started with a panic attack. Or a vasovagal attack. I'm not sure which. If you're not sure what the latter is, don't worry. It's no more dangerous than a panic attack. I was sat at work, felt something strange in my arm, instantly thought 'heart attack', started to hyperventilate and thought I was going to pass out. I felt myself slipping out of consciousness. I thought I was dying. My vision fuzzed over and everybody's voices sounded miles away. It was terrifying. I was just waiting to slip away. I was attended by paramedics, who checked me over and, to my surprise, said it was nothing to worry about, that it was probably a vasovagal event (very common and not dangerous) and they left without me. What I should have done was shrugged it off and got on with my life. But I couldn't. I was too scared. I obviously went straight to the brain tumour territory - as if trained paramedics would just turn and leave me if I had a brain tumour! I spent the next week off work, lying in bed, shuddering, weeping, tossing and turning, in a state of utter terror. I went to A&E and was told the same thing and sent home. But I couldn't fight the fear. It consumed me. It ate me up. I thought I was either dying or very seriously ill.

Things came to a head one night when I felt faint, terrified and confused. I rang NHS 111, who put me in touch with my out-of-hours doctor, who decided I should have an ambulance. The ambulance came and I was admitted to hospital. I had blood tests, I gave a urine sample, I had a CT scan, I had a chest x-ray, I had a neurological exam and I was hooked up to a heart monitor. I also had more ECGs than I care to remember (making me look like I'd been for a very amateurish chest wax). Everything was fine. I was told that I was in good shape. But I lay in that hospital bed thinking 'brain tumour, multiple sclerosis, motor neurone syndrome' and all sorts of other things. I couldn't sleep. I could barely walk to the toilet. I was consumed by fear, so confused and baffled by what was happening to me. Anxiety/panic never entered my head.

Anyway, the next day, a nice doctor came to me and said 'right, Michael, we're discharging you this afternoon'. I never ever thought that being told nothing was wrong with me would scare me more than being told something was seriously wrong with me. But that's the state I was in. I couldn't understand why they were letting me go. The doctor offered to arrange an MRI scan because my mum has MS and it was my biggest fear at the time. She wouldn't have arranged had I not shown so much fear at being discharged. I'm sure she expected it to come back clear.

And so, the time came. I stood up out of bed, shaking like a leaf in a gale force wind, wondering who would save me from this hell I didn't understand if not the doctors. I got dressed and staggered my way down to the hospital lobby and arranged a taxi. I read my discharge notes: panic attacks/anxiety/hyperventilation. I knew so little about these conditions, it didn't help much. I didn't know what it meant, really.

The next few weeks were spent Googling, trying to make sense of what the doctor thought was wrong with me and to gain an understanding of what was happening to my body and mind. I went to my GP and she gave me beta blockers and anti-depressants. I didn't question it. I just took them. I didn't know enough not to. I'll come back to medication later. I self-referred for CBT and somehow got in straightaway, which is usually not possible. None of this running around seeking answers was making me feel much better, but I didn't know what else to do.

I also investigated self-help. Very little of what I read made me feel any better. I had a go at mindfulness and meditation and, yes, it did feel like a good way to relax and de-stress, but it was not the answer. Especially while I was still so confused.

Then I found this website (http://anxietynomore.co.uk/) and this book (http://www.amazon.co.uk/At-Last-Life-Paul-David/dp/0956948103/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1459035375&sr=8-1&keywords=paul+david). And this would be my first piece of advice to you. Go on the website. Read every word. Then get the book. You can download his app for less than the price of the book and get it that way, if you want. Now, you need to know that you won't be cured by reading a website and a book. And some may disagree with me about this book's usefulness. No book in the world can serve as a magic pill to save you. But this book, more so than my medication and more so than my therapy, proved a turning point. And it has helped so many people get their lives back on track. I really believe in it and anything's worth a try, right?

So now you know enough about me to know that I have at least some insight into what you're going through. So let's turn the spotlight on you. I want to start by explaining to you why the things you're experiencing really can be 'just' anxiety (don't worry, I know it's never a 'just' thing with anxiety). But before I do that, let me say there is no substitute for seeing your doctor. If you really do believe that you have a serious physical ailment, do seek advice as soon as possible. Your doctor will NOT fob you off. They have a duty of care to you and they are good at telling the difference between anxiety and a major physical problem. So I suggest you do everything within your power to go and talk to your doctor. And if you feel fobbed off in any way, change your doctor! But you won't be. Feel free to break down in front of him or her. Tell him/her everything. That's what they're there for. You may not have anything physically wrong, but you are unwell and deserve help.

So why is it that all the things you describe really could be 'just' anxiety?

"I can't as much as leave my bed to go to the kitchen": This is where I was only a few short weeks ago. A broken man, glued to his increasingly unpleasant bed. You feel this way because your mind and your nerves are primed for threats. You're hyper-alert and you're being tricked into believing that, beyond your bedroom lurks something awful, some kind of danger. This instinct served our ancestors well. It stopped them wandering gaily out of their cave and into the clutches of a hungry tiger. It stopped them exposing themselves to rival tribes. Unfortunately, it's no good in the modern world, where tigers and tribes are less of a risk in British suburbia.

Dizzy: I still get this a lot. It's really annoying, but understand has allowed me to be less fazed by it. You feel dizzy because your mind has been bombarded with worry to the point that it can't function as well as it used to. This does not mean it is being damaged, or that you're going crazy. It just means your mind is weary. It is also a part of fight-or-flight, whereby your body is more concerned with getting blood to the fighting muscles in your arms and legs than to your head. But here's the thing - people rarely pass out from panic attacks. Passing out is no help if you're faced with a hungry tiger. Not only that, stress has so many odd effects that your inner ear, which plays a major part in balance, might not be functioning properly (although it probably is). Again, that would be nothing to worry about. Finally, there's the psychological factor. You identify closely with your thoughts. You feel that if you think something, it will come true. Therefore, you worry about passing out, about swaying and being dizzy, and it becomes reality. This doesn't mean you're doing it to yourself. The feelings are real. It just means that your body responds to the way you feel emotionally and the thought processes you go through.

Heart palpitations: Okay, well, you mention sixth form. So I'm guessing you're 16, 17 or 18. The likelihood of there being anything wrong with your heart is slim. There are a few things to bear in mind about the heart when you have anxiety/panic. Firstly, you're in a hyper-aware state, tuned into your body and the way you feel. You're monitoring your heartbeat so much that you misinterpret things. You might think it's beating super-fast, when really it's not far off normal and well within what a young, healthy heart can deal with. But sometimes hearts too appear to skip beats or beat in a slightly odd way. It's not necessarily dangerous or indicative of anything. But the anxious person spots it and frets about it. In any case, your body is also releasing a lot of adrenaline (which is really all a panic attack is) in order to prepare you to fight or run away. This is what speeds your heart up. It's not ideal long-term, but at your age and with your whole life ahead of you, it's nothing to worry about. Understanding should help decrease your fear of it. Believe me, your heart can handle adrenaline. It can handle anxiety. It can handle beating a bit faster (or sometimes slower). It can handle palpitations.

Flashing lights: I have to admit, this is one symptom I've not yet had, but it is still easily explainable through anxiety. Of course, the best way to reassure you about this is to get an eye exam. Just go to an opticians. You'll have to pay for the exam, but it's worth it to be told you have healthy eyes, which you almost certainly would be. The eyes are extremely sensitive organs with an array of tiny muscles controlling their movement and operation. These muscles come under a lot of stress through anxiety. Your pupils spend a lot of time dilated in order to let more light in and hopefully improve your vision so you can take on that pesky tiger or rival tribe again. This has strange effects on your vision, from blurriness to seeing ghost images (not the same as seeing things that aren't there - more like the trail of an object following you when you move your eyes away from it) to flashing lights. In rare circumstances, flashing lights in your vision can be a sign of something serious, but in somebody your age, it's very very unlikely. To add to all this, anxious people often struggle to sleep, which leads to strained, tired eyes. Your eyes really do take a battering through anxiety.

Nearly fainting: I more or less covered this when I explained your dizziness. You need to ask yourself 'are you really nearly fainting?'. Or is it just light-headedness? If you are nearly fainting, it's worth remembering that fainting itself is not dangerous. If, like me, you're having vasovagal events causing you to feel like you're going to faint, you're not in any danger. But I think it's more likely just regular old anxiety/panic.

Why can I feel it in bed? In my safe place?: Because you have anxiety. It's a bully of a condition and it doesn't always leave you alone, even somewhere you expect to feel safe. As I described, there was a point where I couldn't get out of bed either. Horrible as it is, this feeling - and all the symptoms outlined above - are nothing more than the impact of adrenaline on shattered nerves and a tired mind. Through all the 'what ifs', all the terrifying thoughts, all the fear and illness, you're actually experiencing natural human emotions and feelings - a natural human response to danger. It's just that yours has gone a bit haywire. But you're not in danger, and it really is just that hormone, adrenaline (okay, there are a few others involved, but adrenaline is chief among them).

I'd now like to ask you a question. It's a rhetorical question, so you need not answer it, but I would suggest you at least ask it of yourself. If you believed - really, truly believed - that all the feelings you're having couldn't hurt you and that it was just adrenaline on a tired body and mind - would they seem so bad? Oh, I'm not suggesting you have to like them or ignore them. Lord knows, that's impossible. But if you knew, say, that the heart palpitations or flashing lights weren't going to hurt you, would you fear them so much? Would they have such a hold over you? Would you let them steal your life from you? Really think about this. Examine how you feel right now and consider how you'd feel if someone told you that none of this was going to harm you. You never know, that might be just enough to get you out of bed and down to the kitchen for a drink of water. I don't know. But it might.

So now you hopefully have some understanding of what's happening to you and why it could all be anxiety. So what do you do now? What do you NOT do now? Well, there's good news and bad news here. The good news is, it's actually quite simple. The bad news is, it's hard. Really hard. It requires courage. But I know you have it in you. The first thing you do is admit you need help. I don't know how much of this you've had so far, but make sure you seek it. You're in a place right now where dealing with this alone is not an option. Nor is it necessary to try to do so. Again, based on the fact you're in sixth form, I assume you're a teenager and live with your parents or some form of guardian. Consider opening up to them about what you're going through if you haven't already. Also consider seeking support at school/college. And of course, get yourself to the doctor and get referred for CBT. This kind of therapy does not fix everyone, but it is proven to be helpful and may be very useful for you. But your first step is seeing the doctor. After that, you need to try to realise that the reason you're so stuck, so ill and so miserable is that you're adding fuel to the fire. Your mind is crying out for rest. But rest doesn't mean lying around in bed waiting for recovery. It's unlikely to come that way. Rest means ending the flow of stress and worry into your mind and onto your nerves. Don't get me wrong, I know it's hard. I certainly haven't mastered it yet. But if you can stop creating such catastrophic thoughts, you can gradually allow new things into your life and begin to feel more normal again. It is an up and down process, and you'll notice I'm not suggesting you ever should like or ignore these feelings. I'm saying you should not allow them to ruin your life. You don't need to go backpacking round Asia in order to do this. You're not trying to kick anxiety's butt. You just need to stop letting anxiety tell you what to do and what not to do. And you need to stop adding that fuel - worry - to the fire raging inside you. Recovery lies in this direction, and CBT can help you get there. You can have the life you want. You just need to lose your fear through understanding, and change your attitude to worry. I go about my day feeling odd, but I'm still here. Those wobbly legs are tricking you - they're as strong as ever and will carry you where you want to go. That heart may feel odd at times, but it's healthy and working. That churning stomach can't hurt you. As I say, none of this is to be enjoyed or ignored. But they're just feelings. You're 16/17/18 - are you going to let a feeling or two claim your future? I bet you have a bright future ahead of you. I know people who've recovered from anxiety and say they wouldn't change a thing about their journey. Imagine that!

I've talked about CBT, but what about medication? I don't know if you're on any, but I'll give you my thoughts on it. Firstly, I'll say that I'm not a doctor. I don't know everything about the medications on offer, and I also don't know what is offered to people your age. But the good news is, if you don't want to take medication, it's okay. People can and do recover without it. Indeed, I'm only on it because I saw the doctor before I had any understanding of anxiety and I thought it was the only way. I'd not be on it if I came to it now. Some people even believe you can make better progress without medication. I take no real view on this and would leave it to the individual to make their decision. I'm on Sertraline, a commonly-prescribed antidepressant that works by preventing the body from re-absorbing the feel-good hormone Seratonin, keeping more of it in my system. I found the first few weeks on Sertraline really tough. Antidepressants can be hard to adapt to and take time to work. You do have to be patient. However, it's really helping me now. It's taken the edge right off and given me my life back. Beta blockers are also an option for tackling the palpitations and physical symptoms, although I don't know if you'd be offered those at your age. Then there's the benzodiazepine family of medicines - usually diazepam or lorazepam. Unlike antidepressants, these are fast-acting and have fewer side effects. They can make you feel a lot better very quickly. I loved being on diazepam - it chilled me out like you wouldn't believe. However, you have to be very careful with benzodiazepines. Although they have fewer side effects than antidepressants, addiction is a major problem, as is tolerance, which means people need higher and higher doses to get the same effect. If you're on them a long time, coming off them is apparently a horrendous experience. So they're ever a short-term solution. Usually very short-term. If you're ever offered them, think carefully, and ask your doctor if he/she thinks they're a good idea. That's if benzos are offered to teenagers, which I don't know.

Remember that medication is never the sole answer. You should never rely on medication alone to help with your anxiety. Medication can play a part when combined with therapy and good self-help techniques. So it's up to you whether you want to go down that route. At the end of the day, everything you need to get better is in you. You need courage, positivity, patience, bravery and understanding. You need to, as the famous saying goes, 'feel the fear and do it anyway'. You need to teach your mind about what is safe and what is actually dangerous. And you'll only do this by living. The world hasn't changed. It's the same world. The world you always knew. You're at the start of a journey. It's a challenging journey, but it's one that you can reach the end of if you want to. And you'll come out of it with so much experience and wisdom to put to use in your life. You can do this. You're not unique and you're not alone.

If you ever want to PM me for advice or help, feel free. I'll always get back to you as soon as I can. But you don't need to do this. You don't need me. You already have everything you need.

If anyone else reads this and feels they can add more to my advice, or feel anything I've said is inaccurate and can clear it up, please do. It's all helpful.

All the best.

[GlobusGirl32]

Hi anxiousbelle,

I think this is going to be a very long reply. I feel an essay coming on. I hope you'll read everything I have to say. You don't have to agree with it all, but do consider it and do read it carefully.

Firstly, what you're going through describes anxiety perfectly, alongside agoraphobia. You say 'so how is this anxiety'. Well, it is. And the whole catastrophic 'what if' thing you're doing is also classic anxious thinking. You probably feel like nobody really understands you and what you're feeling. You probably think that you're more broken than anybody else has ever been and that you are less likely to recover than anyone else. You probably feel alone. You may even feel like you're unique and this is something nobody else could possibly have been through. Well, you're not alone. The things you've described are afflicting more and more people around the world. Anxiety is one of the most common reasons people seek medical attention in the UK and other western countries. So so many people know what you're going through. So no, you're not alone. And you know what else? You can get better. You can recover from this. But more on that later.

Before I get onto you, let me tell you about me and what I'm going through. I don't know how long you've had anxiety, but I'm quite new to it. I actually believe I've had it since I was a teenager (I'm now 31), but I'm new to the negative impact of it on my life and physical sense of wellbeing. So you may think I don't understand your level of suffering. Well, that may be true. But I'll tell you what I've been through, and then you'll see that I can completely understand what it is to feel permanently anxious, unwell and shattered by this beast we call anxiety. Don't worry, I will be more positive later on.

So what happened to me? Well, for me, it all started with a panic attack. Or a vasovagal attack. I'm not sure which. If you're not sure what the latter is, don't worry. It's no more dangerous than a panic attack. I was sat at work, felt something strange in my arm, instantly thought 'heart attack', started to hyperventilate and thought I was going to pass out. I felt myself slipping out of consciousness. I thought I was dying. My vision fuzzed over and everybody's voices sounded miles away. It was terrifying. I was just waiting to slip away. I was attended by paramedics, who checked me over and, to my surprise, said it was nothing to worry about, that it was probably a vasovagal event (very common and not dangerous) and they left without me. What I should have done was shrugged it off and got on with my life. But I couldn't. I was too scared. I obviously went straight to the brain tumour territory - as if trained paramedics would just turn and leave me if I had a brain tumour! I spent the next week off work, lying in bed, shuddering, weeping, tossing and turning, in a state of utter terror. I went to A&E and was told the same thing and sent home. But I couldn't fight the fear. It consumed me. It ate me up. I thought I was either dying or very seriously ill.

Things came to a head one night when I felt faint, terrified and confused. I rang NHS 111, who put me in touch with my out-of-hours doctor, who decided I should have an ambulance. The ambulance came and I was admitted to hospital. I had blood tests, I gave a urine sample, I had a CT scan, I had a chest x-ray, I had a neurological exam and I was hooked up to a heart monitor. I also had more ECGs than I care to remember (making me look like I'd been for a very amateurish chest wax). Everything was fine. I was told that I was in good shape. But I lay in that hospital bed thinking 'brain tumour, multiple sclerosis, motor neurone syndrome' and all sorts of other things. I couldn't sleep. I could barely walk to the toilet. I was consumed by fear, so confused and baffled by what was happening to me. Anxiety/panic never entered my head.

Anyway, the next day, a nice doctor came to me and said 'right, Michael, we're discharging you this afternoon'. I never ever thought that being told nothing was wrong with me would scare me more than being told something was seriously wrong with me. But that's the state I was in. I couldn't understand why they were letting me go. The doctor offered to arrange an MRI scan because my mum has MS and it was my biggest fear at the time. She wouldn't have arranged had I not shown so much fear at being discharged. I'm sure she expected it to come back clear.

And so, the time came. I stood up out of bed, shaking like a leaf in a gale force wind, wondering who would save me from this hell I didn't understand if not the doctors. I got dressed and staggered my way down to the hospital lobby and arranged a taxi. I read my discharge notes: panic attacks/anxiety/hyperventilation. I knew so little about these conditions, it didn't help much. I didn't know what it meant, really.

The next few weeks were spent Googling, trying to make sense of what the doctor thought was wrong with me and to gain an understanding of what was happening to my body and mind. I went to my GP and she gave me beta blockers and anti-depressants. I didn't question it. I just took them. I didn't know enough not to. I'll come back to medication later. I self-referred for CBT and somehow got in straightaway, which is usually not possible. None of this running around seeking answers was making me feel much better, but I didn't know what else to do.

I also investigated self-help. Very little of what I read made me feel any better. I had a go at mindfulness and meditation and, yes, it did feel like a good way to relax and de-stress, but it was not the answer. Especially while I was still so confused.

Then I found this website (http://anxietynomore.co.uk/) and this book (http://www.amazon.co.uk/At-Last-Life-Paul-David/dp/0956948103/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1459035375&sr=8-1&keywords=paul+david). And this would be my first piece of advice to you. Go on the website. Read every word. Then get the book. You can download his app for less than the price of the book and get it that way, if you want. Now, you need to know that you won't be cured by reading a website and a book. And some may disagree with me about this book's usefulness. No book in the world can serve as a magic pill to save you. But this book, more so than my medication and more so than my therapy, proved a turning point. And it has helped so many people get their lives back on track. I really believe in it and anything's worth a try, right?

So now you know enough about me to know that I have at least some insight into what you're going through. So let's turn the spotlight on you. I want to start by explaining to you why the things you're experiencing really can be 'just' anxiety (don't worry, I know it's never a 'just' thing with anxiety). But before I do that, let me say there is no substitute for seeing your doctor. If you really do believe that you have a serious physical ailment, do seek advice as soon as possible. Your doctor will NOT fob you off. They have a duty of care to you and they are good at telling the difference between anxiety and a major physical problem. So I suggest you do everything within your power to go and talk to your doctor. And if you feel fobbed off in any way, change your doctor! But you won't be. Feel free to break down in front of him or her. Tell him/her everything. That's what they're there for. You may not have anything physically wrong, but you are unwell and deserve help.

So why is it that all the things you describe really could be 'just' anxiety?

"I can't as much as leave my bed to go to the kitchen": This is where I was only a few short weeks ago. A broken man, glued to his increasingly unpleasant bed. You feel this way because your mind and your nerves are primed for threats. You're hyper-alert and you're being tricked into believing that, beyond your bedroom lurks something awful, some kind of danger. This instinct served our ancestors well. It stopped them wandering gaily out of their cave and into the clutches of a hungry tiger. It stopped them exposing themselves to rival tribes. Unfortunately, it's no good in the modern world, where tigers and tribes are less of a risk in British suburbia.

Dizzy: I still get this a lot. It's really annoying, but understand has allowed me to be less fazed by it. You feel dizzy because your mind has been bombarded with worry to the point that it can't function as well as it used to. This does not mean it is being damaged, or that you're going crazy. It just means your mind is weary. It is also a part of fight-or-flight, whereby your body is more concerned with getting blood to the fighting muscles in your arms and legs than to your head. But here's the thing - people rarely pass out from panic attacks. Passing out is no help if you're faced with a hungry tiger. Not only that, stress has so many odd effects that your inner ear, which plays a major part in balance, might not be functioning properly (although it probably is). Again, that would be nothing to worry about. Finally, there's the psychological factor. You identify closely with your thoughts. You feel that if you think something, it will come true. Therefore, you worry about passing out, about swaying and being dizzy, and it becomes reality. This doesn't mean you're doing it to yourself. The feelings are real. It just means that your body responds to the way you feel emotionally and the thought processes you go through.

Heart palpitations: Okay, well, you mention sixth form. So I'm guessing you're 16, 17 or 18. The likelihood of there being anything wrong with your heart is slim. There are a few things to bear in mind about the heart when you have anxiety/panic. Firstly, you're in a hyper-aware state, tuned into your body and the way you feel. You're monitoring your heartbeat so much that you misinterpret things. You might think it's beating super-fast, when really it's not far off normal and well within what a young, healthy heart can deal with. But sometimes hearts too appear to skip beats or beat in a slightly odd way. It's not necessarily dangerous or indicative of anything. But the anxious person spots it and frets about it. In any case, your body is also releasing a lot of adrenaline (which is really all a panic attack is) in order to prepare you to fight or run away. This is what speeds your heart up. It's not ideal long-term, but at your age and with your whole life ahead of you, it's nothing to worry about. Understanding should help decrease your fear of it. Believe me, your heart can handle adrenaline. It can handle anxiety. It can handle beating a bit faster (or sometimes slower). It can handle palpitations.

Flashing lights: I have to admit, this is one symptom I've not yet had, but it is still easily explainable through anxiety. Of course, the best way to reassure you about this is to get an eye exam. Just go to an opticians. You'll have to pay for the exam, but it's worth it to be told you have healthy eyes, which you almost certainly would be. The eyes are extremely sensitive organs with an array of tiny muscles controlling their movement and operation. These muscles come under a lot of stress through anxiety. Your pupils spend a lot of time dilated in order to let more light in and hopefully improve your vision so you can take on that pesky tiger or rival tribe again. This has strange effects on your vision, from blurriness to seeing ghost images (not the same as seeing things that aren't there - more like the trail of an object following you when you move your eyes away from it) to flashing lights. In rare circumstances, flashing lights in your vision can be a sign of something serious, but in somebody your age, it's very very unlikely. To add to all this, anxious people often struggle to sleep, which leads to strained, tired eyes. Your eyes really do take a battering through anxiety.

Nearly fainting: I more or less covered this when I explained your dizziness. You need to ask yourself 'are you really nearly fainting?'. Or is it just light-headedness? If you are nearly fainting, it's worth remembering that fainting itself is not dangerous. If, like me, you're having vasovagal events causing you to feel like you're going to faint, you're not in any danger. But I think it's more likely just regular old anxiety/panic.

Why can I feel it in bed? In my safe place?: Because you have anxiety. It's a bully of a condition and it doesn't always leave you alone, even somewhere you expect to feel safe. As I described, there was a point where I couldn't get out of bed either. Horrible as it is, this feeling - and all the symptoms outlined above - are nothing more than the impact of adrenaline on shattered nerves and a tired mind. Through all the 'what ifs', all the terrifying thoughts, all the fear and illness, you're actually experiencing natural human emotions and feelings - a natural human response to danger. It's just that yours has gone a bit haywire. But you're not in danger, and it really is just that hormone, adrenaline (okay, there are a few others involved, but adrenaline is chief among them).

I'd now like to ask you a question. It's a rhetorical question, so you need not answer it, but I would suggest you at least ask it of yourself. If you believed - really, truly believed - that all the feelings you're having couldn't hurt you and that it was just adrenaline on a tired body and mind - would they seem so bad? Oh, I'm not suggesting you have to like them or ignore them. Lord knows, that's impossible. But if you knew, say, that the heart palpitations or flashing lights weren't going to hurt you, would you fear them so much? Would they have such a hold over you? Would you let them steal your life from you? Really think about this. Examine how you feel right now and consider how you'd feel if someone told you that none of this was going to harm you. You never know, that might be just enough to get you out of bed and down to the kitchen for a drink of water. I don't know. But it might.

So now you hopefully have some understanding of what's happening to you and why it could all be anxiety. So what do you do now? What do you NOT do now? Well, there's good news and bad news here. The good news is, it's actually quite simple. The bad news is, it's hard. Really hard. It requires courage. But I know you have it in you. The first thing you do is admit you need help. I don't know how much of this you've had so far, but make sure you seek it. You're in a place right now where dealing with this alone is not an option. Nor is it necessary to try to do so. Again, based on the fact you're in sixth form, I assume you're a teenager and live with your parents or some form of guardian. Consider opening up to them about what you're going through if you haven't already. Also consider seeking support at school/college. And of course, get yourself to the doctor and get referred for CBT. This kind of therapy does not fix everyone, but it is proven to be helpful and may be very useful for you. But your first step is seeing the doctor. After that, you need to try to realise that the reason you're so stuck, so ill and so miserable is that you're adding fuel to the fire. Your mind is crying out for rest. But rest doesn't mean lying around in bed waiting for recovery. It's unlikely to come that way. Rest means ending the flow of stress and worry into your mind and onto your nerves. Don't get me wrong, I know it's hard. I certainly haven't mastered it yet. But if you can stop creating such catastrophic thoughts, you can gradually allow new things into your life and begin to feel more normal again. It is an up and down process, and you'll notice I'm not suggesting you ever should like or ignore these feelings. I'm saying you should not allow them to ruin your life. You don't need to go backpacking round Asia in order to do this. You're not trying to kick anxiety's butt. You just need to stop letting anxiety tell you what to do and what not to do. And you need to stop adding that fuel - worry - to the fire raging inside you. Recovery lies in this direction, and CBT can help you get there. You can have the life you want. You just need to lose your fear through understanding, and change your attitude to worry. I go about my day feeling odd, but I'm still here. Those wobbly legs are tricking you - they're as strong as ever and will carry you where you want to go. That heart may feel odd at times, but it's healthy and working. That churning stomach can't hurt you. As I say, none of this is to be enjoyed or ignored. But they're just feelings. You're 16/17/18 - are you going to let a feeling or two claim your future? I bet you have a bright future ahead of you. I know people who've recovered from anxiety and say they wouldn't change a thing about their journey. Imagine that!

I've talked about CBT, but what about medication? I don't know if you're on any, but I'll give you my thoughts on it. Firstly, I'll say that I'm not a doctor. I don't know everything about the medications on offer, and I also don't know what is offered to people your age. But the good news is, if you don't want to take medication, it's okay. People can and do recover without it. Indeed, I'm only on it because I saw the doctor before I had any understanding of anxiety and I thought it was the only way. I'd not be on it if I came to it now. Some people even believe you can make better progress without medication. I take no real view on this and would leave it to the individual to make their decision. I'm on Sertraline, a commonly-prescribed antidepressant that works by preventing the body from re-absorbing the feel-good hormone Seratonin, keeping more of it in my system. I found the first few weeks on Sertraline really tough. Antidepressants can be hard to adapt to and take time to work. You do have to be patient. However, it's really helping me now. It's taken the edge right off and given me my life back. Beta blockers are also an option for tackling the palpitations and physical symptoms, although I don't know if you'd be offered those at your age. Then there's the benzodiazepine family of medicines - usually diazepam or lorazepam. Unlike antidepressants, these are fast-acting and have fewer side effects. They can make you feel a lot better very quickly. I loved being on diazepam - it chilled me out like you wouldn't believe. However, you have to be very careful with benzodiazepines. Although they have fewer side effects than antidepressants, addiction is a major problem, as is tolerance, which means people need higher and higher doses to get the same effect. If you're on them a long time, coming off them is apparently a horrendous experience. So they're ever a short-term solution. Usually very short-term. If you're ever offered them, think carefully, and ask your doctor if he/she thinks they're a good idea. That's if benzos are offered to teenagers, which I don't know.

Remember that medication is never the sole answer. You should never rely on medication alone to help with your anxiety. Medication can play a part when combined with therapy and good self-help techniques. So it's up to you whether you want to go down that route. At the end of the day, everything you need to get better is in you. You need courage, positivity, patience, bravery and understanding. You need to, as the famous saying goes, 'feel the fear and do it anyway'. You need to teach your mind about what is safe and what is actually dangerous. And you'll only do this by living. The world hasn't changed. It's the same world. The world you always knew. You're at the start of a journey. It's a challenging journey, but it's one that you can reach the end of if you want to. And you'll come out of it with so much experience and wisdom to put to use in your life. You can do this. You're not unique and you're not alone.

If you ever want to PM me for advice or help, feel free. I'll always get back to you as soon as I can. But you don't need to do this. You don't need me. You already have everything you need.

If anyone else reads this and feels they can add more to my advice, or feel anything I've said is inaccurate and can clear it up, please do. It's all helpful.

All the best.

You are amazing. And have such a way with words. I wish anxiety didn't have its grip on me so tightly. Reading this was helpful. Ty

[ServerError]

Gosh, it seems like an age since I wrote this. I was still struggling back then. A lot of what I wrote was for my own benefit as well! I wonder what became of the OP. Anyway, glad you've found it helpful. Don't worry - anxiety may be a beast, but she's a tameable one.

[Hears The Water]

Thank you Server Error, I just found it helpful today.
God bless you an dyours
Deb

[emanticoff73]

Wow great post server error. Awesome soul to put so much into a person you don't know. Truly amazing people here.

[anxiousbelle]

Gosh, it seems like an age since I wrote this. I was still struggling back then. A lot of what I wrote was for my own benefit as well! I wonder what became of the OP. Anyway, glad you've found it helpful. Don't worry - anxiety may be a beast, but she's a tameable one.

Hi. Sorry it took time so long to respond.

I am the original poster, and at the time I couldn’t find the words to respond but know your words meant a great deal and helped a lot. I still have many issues but am currently graduating university so I am doing ok!