Feeling disconnected...any advice?

[Worrygirl96]

Hello,

A little back story:
I've had generalised anxiety since i was 14 but I find it tends to come in clumps. I do worry in general a lot (way more then any 'normal' person would) however my anxiety tends to attack all at once. For example, a few years ago it was Health Anxiety and I was convinced I was dying of cancer/brain tumours/strokes etc.

Now this time it's latched onto my relationship. I'm suffering with ROCD but I feel like I MIGHT be starting to improve.

I just feel really detached from my boyfriend mainly. Like when I think of him he feels really far away. When i'm with him it's easy for me to shoo away the negative thoughts and I know that it's going to pass, but when i'm away from him I feel scared because I feel so far away and weird.

Can anyone relate? I think I feel a bit disconnected from everyone right now, but i mainly notice it with my boyfriend because the relationship has been the main focus of my anxiety this time.

I just want to feel connected and happy and in love again.

Does anyone have any advice? This is killing me.

[NoPoet]

These clumps sound like "blips", where your symptoms temporarily increase in severity, usually in response to something that's happening in your life (sometimes even good things can cause a blip).

This disconnection sounds like derealisation or depersonalisation. They are actually defensive states your mind retreats into, to protect itself from emotional overload.

It seems like your subconscious has gone into "siege mode". It's noticed that your anxiety has latched onto your relationship, so it's retreated into a derealised state to prevent you from "turning against" your boyfriend, or somehow rejecting him. He may also be your "safety person" and maybe you're trying to stop yourself from becoming reliant on him -- as the reliance will alter the nature of your relationship.

You're in a secret war with yourself, but it's not terrible, to me it shows you're actually defending yourself and your relationship.