View Full Version : Anyone else been cheated on?
I learned today after many years my missus has been cheating on me and it's been going on since last summer at least. I think it pisses me off the most that she was telling me she was working late when actually she was going for dinner with him 2 mins from my work and travelling 80 miles to spend time in hotels. From the texts I read it seems way more than a fling too.
The last text was back in December but not sure if she's seen him recently, my gut tells me yes.
The other thing was she tells things about us I'd expect to hear yet she's going with someone behind my back.
My heart says hang in there but logic says to leave ASAP.
I'm just stuck and confused and highly disappointed.
A betrayal of infidelity hurts more than words can describe. Been there more than once.... For me it was impossible to overcome. Some can... I couldn't.
Good luck and healing in whatever you decide.
Positive thoughts
GingerFish
28-03-16, 20:53
I'm really sorry you are going through this. No one deserves to be cheated on and I can't begin to imagine the hurt, anger and disappointment you are feeling right now. Whatever you choose to do, I hope it leads to better days for you. We are all here for you if you ever need to talk or vent to anyone. Take care.
MyNameIsTerry
29-03-16, 06:42
That's a knife in the guts one. You've been pulling yourself alone too with working at a charity and had some tough moments I recall you asked advice about in the past, now this!
Don't let it push you back, it will try to but try to see the good work you are doing for others and how despite this horrible realisation, there is still so much good out there.
Only you can decide what you do from here and I don't know if you have kids with your wife, I remember you had from the other thread, to make this even more complicated but she needs to come clean on what she has been doing so you can decide where you go from here. I hope she doesn't keep the deceit going until you demand her to unravel it.
Everyone on here will support you either way.
Seriously thanks.
I had this thought the other day after speaking to a customer who had a triple bypass and basically has no one and thought "I've got a great family, I just need to start being there for them... well her mainly, I've not been the most affectionate role model boyfriend so after hearing this guys story I thought I needed stop dwelling on stuff I cannot change, move on and make things better because life doesn't care much for what happens to you.... then this!
I'll keep chipping away and see how it goes.
Thanks again!
Been there done that on more than one occasion. No one can tell you what to do . That is something that only you know. Whatever you do we are here for you and hope that things get better for you . From someone that knows , it hurts.. Feel better soon and do what is right for you . Take care.
I know I need to make my own choices, I don't have anyone to speak to about this at the minute which is why I just wanna get stuff off my chest as it's more healthy as I'm feeling ill and anxiety is through the roof.
Many thanks for listening
Sorry to hear this. I was cheated on whilst pregnant with my son, sucks! I tried to make it work but ended up leaving, that kind of thing can never be forgotten.
Have you confronted her about it? Do you have kids?
I've not yet said anything, I need to get my head straight first and yes we have kids
baldy_dude
29-03-16, 15:47
thats awful - many of us have been there brother. I felt the cold chill of betrayal some years back, and it knocked me for six. Took me a few years to get over, and truth be told haven't really totally got over it. I'm over her, but not over how it affected me. Confide/Trust your friends and family, talking your way through it is amazing therapy.
Love and bond with your kids now more than ever - if you and the missus don't last which could be the case (it will come to a point where it will depend on whether you want to make it last) then at least you have your kids! They are your true, trusting life partners :)
Chin up bud!
I stupidly text her and asked her why she cheated. I then thought I shouldn't have because my mind isn't in the right place. I hope we can talk when she gets back from work. I've got all the anxiety sweats, palps, fidgety.
I'm just laying in bed with little, need a good hug as he's my dude.
Yeah... ouch.... you started the ball rolling I'm afraid. Good luck with everything!
Positive thoughts
Well I think the text has been ignored, she was OK when she came home, no mention affairs at all.
Even if she could tell me in a round about way that she cheated that would be something. I wanna drop some hints about the details I know of. Maybe she's not ready to tell me? I said to her in the text I wouldn't hate her, I haven't been perfect and I think I know why she did it.
If anyone reading this post is the cheater in your relationship know this.... The worst thing about being lied to is knowing your not worth the truth.
I think being cheated on is the ultimate betrayal in a relationship, I've been on the receiving end too and it just rips your insides out.
I hope you can talk this through with her so you know where to go from here. Our thoughts are with you buddy.
One again thanks for the support and advice, your a good bunch!
I would just come out and ask. What is the point in beating around the bush - you will resent her in the end x
baldy_dude
13-04-16, 16:28
Any updates wubu?
If anyone reading this post is the cheater in your relationship know this.... The worst thing about being lied to is knowing your not worth the truth.
Very true. The most hurtful part for me was to have to beg him for the entire truth, heart broken and a mess i just wanted to know it all, but he couldn't even give me that. Swore blind i knew everything on more than one occasion, even with him knowing what it was doing to me he couldn't tell the truth.
When i think back on it now, all the emotions resurface as if it was yesterday, but generally i am over it and do not hold any resentment. Do i think he was a nasty evil person? not at all, he had emotions, heck i even think he really wanted to tell the truth but couldn't bring himself to do it, yes we all make mistakes, some far worse than others.
It's a horrible place to be when the person who you trust the most betrays you like that, it's hard to know what's 'right' just don't fight your emotions let yourself feel what you feel and talking is the most important thing. Only you know what you feel is right but talking and getting it all out there is vital x
OK well I finally confronted her. I dropped hints but got nothing back. If I didn't say something it was going to eat me up. It was either now or let this anxiety rule me for ever. Full of dread and fear I asked the question.
The outcome?
A straight forward "yes". I didn't ask too many questions as I knew pretty much everything. We talked about the reason behind it, of which I understand.
People say never blame yourself but it's hard not to if you know you were part of the problem. I'm happy with what we talked about. We are going to continue together, hopefully a brighter future is out there.
If anyone else knows their partner is cheating I would highly recommend that you do not go on all guns blazing. From my experience you need to let the emotional cycle start and go through the anger, shock, denial, depression and acceptance.
Acceptance is very important, it means you can look at the whole picture hopefully with a logical head and make a game plan that won't emotionally kill you. It also means you'll be a lot stronger when you finally confront your partner.
Greenman50
20-04-16, 21:00
Your a decent patient guy and went about it the right way .
I would have waited until i saw them together and dropped him like a sack of shit then made sure he regretted it .
Was he married ?
I,d still drop him right in it if he is .
Can,t stand cheaters .
Best wishes buddy
He lives a long distance away, if I saw him he wouldn't attempt to do it again. But hey, I've got better things to do than waste my precious energy on him. I think he was single. I assume.
Good to hear rational, calm heads prevailed. I don't believe if I could have or would have had the inner fortitude to handle it the way you did. I give you credit for doing so. I understand much of what you must be feeling having dealt with a similar situation.
Hopefully you continue to proceed with the same amount of temperament and communication you began with. Perhaps couples therapy would be something to consider as you move forward.
Good luck and best wishes and as always...
Positive thoughts
Superworrier
21-04-16, 01:11
Hey I am so glad to hear this :hugs:
You know my take on it so good luck truly I hope you can build on this x
MyNameIsTerry
21-04-16, 05:14
That's a very decent & rational way to approach the situation. Relationships are never simple and a few lines on a thread on a forum doesn't convey the full story of the relationship of two people, only you both understand the reality.
Just to throw in some points about the other guy and fisticuffs (which I can understand).
- what was he told? For all anyone knows on here, he could have been told you were a bad person and so didn't think he should owe you any respect for the relationship. I'm not saying he was, just that we should be careful being judgemental on here.
- whilst you may fancy giving him a smack, it has it's drawbacks long term. For instance, are you prepared to face an assault charge for it? And how do you think that charity you are paid by will react to seeing an employee quoted in the local paper over this? Papers often print peoples occupations and an employer might take that badly. So, is it worth it? And besides, I would want to know all sides before condemning anyone.
But it's great to hear you may be able to patch this up. I don't believe in trust being broken forever over something like this, although I respect that others do, because people forgive far worse in this world. I think it shows a great strength of character to be able to that and continue in a relationship that could just get better.
You acknowledged issues on your own side here and this suggests some middle ground can be reached that you can build on.
Good luck!
very true, Terry. i cant assume i was'nt made out to be a bad person, i would have thought there was a certain amount of negativity towards our relationship that was made clear to him. We've covered some good ground so far and I'm happy with what we have talked about, though it would be good to hear more of her side, but i know most of it any way.
I've learnt a lot from this and learnt a lot about myself and us. I think if she was seeking out casual sex then there would be no us and would have ended very differently.
I'm pretty sure if i did smack him and the local press found out where i worked im sure they would love to run a story on it. I could imagine what it would say!!
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