Is it okay to say you don't trust your own judgement?

[.Poppy.]

This is going to seem like a weird question, but here goes.

I am currently undergoing therapy for GAD and a bit of depression, as well as an online CBT module, and 10 mg of Lexapro daily (about to increase to 20mg) as well as .5 mg of Clonazapam. Hitting it from every angle I guess.

Side-effect wise, things haven't been too bad (we'll see how they are when I increase). I've had pretty intense anxiety, but then I had that before - a lot of my anxiety is actually HA. It's persisted because I have a fear of side effects, both real and imagined and the idea that I'm doing it to myself by taking a medication is scary and constantly on my mind.

I have my mother for support as well but she doesn't know much about it so while she tries, it's limited. I'm also really, really bad at opening up.

Anyway, to the weird part of my question - it involves my dog. I have an almost 2 year old Cocker Spaniel mix that I got from a rescue at 8 weeks. He's got anxiety too and is severely reactive (barking/lunging/growling) when he's scared. New people are a big trigger but the list is actually very long. He has reactions daily. We've done a lot of positive training, worked with a trainer, and made some progress but really not too much.

My old vet said he was fine and "just protective" (he's not). Another vet said he needed behavioral medication but she also wanted to partake in his training and I didn't agree with her methods so we didn't continue. I'm currently switching vets and am going to take him in for a wellness checkup at the new place. They seem great, but have asked if he's on behavioral meds. He's not. He'll have to be sedated for the appointment because he won't be able to handle it.

Anyway, I'm 24 years old and I feel like I should be able to handle this on my own. He's MY dog. I graduate in December and while he could continue to live on the farm with my parents, I really want to take him with me. However, I'm afraid they're going to suggest some kind of medication for him. I'm not opposed - he's really at the level where I think he needs it. But, I'm still so scared of side effects with my own personal journey and the idea of him having side effects, though normal, makes me sad. It's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Is it okay to tell my mom he's going in for a checkup, but that I want her to come with me because I just want someone else there to help absorb the information and help me make a rational decision? I just feel like I'm failing to adult on so many levels.:doh:

[lavendar]

Absolutely. I'm turning 29 in a few months and failing to trust my instincts/judgment is a huge part of my problem. I've always felt that way. I guess it's because I *know* I tend to be a paranoid pessimist at times. It's this constant struggle of, "Am I paranoid or is this real deal instinct that I need to pay attention to?"

One of the most upsetting times was when my daughter was 2 years old. We were at church and I had to take my her to the back a couple of times because she was fussing a bit in the pew. A man followed us back there 3 times and it was clear that he was trying to get a look at her. I backed her into a corner and stood in front of her and glared at him (mama bear claws!!). But at the same time, it was clear to me that he had some sort of mental disability. I was afraid to accuse a disabled man of being a predator...but at the same time, I felt like something was off. I mentioned it to my husband, fully expecting that he'd tell me I was being paranoid. But he didn't. He spoke to our priest about it, and our priest did some digging and contacted this man. Turns out he DOES have a disability, but he also has a history of other things. He was asked to not come to our church anymore (the priest invited him to an early morning Mass at a different church where there aren't families with children). It kills me to think about what might have happened if I hadn't said something to my husband.

Another time? And this one caused the anxiety that I suffer with today. I was 9 months pregnant with my son, was having signs of early labor for WEEKS. I ignored it, assuming it was false labor (which is very typical for me and not usually something to worry about)...even though I had some very subtle warning signs that something wasn't right. Again, I thought I was being paranoid. I woke up in the middle of the night with a placental abruption. I'll spare you the details, but we both almost died.

I do not trust my judgement because I have history of being paranoid, but that's why it's so important that I have someone who I can trust to bounce my thoughts off of- usually this is my very level-headed, patient, understanding husband. I hope to get to a point some day where I can trust my judgement and not be so anxious and paranoid, and that's something I'm working toward. But until I get there, I think it's totally okay to have a trusted person that comes with you or who you talk to when you're not feeling totally confident in yourself.

[.Poppy.]

Thank you so much for your reply.

I've been emailing with the vet but have now had to give her my number so she can talk to me over the phone. I'm not always good over the phone. I'm afraid she's going to think my dog is too hard a case to take on.

I guess I have a lot of anxiety in regards to meds for MYSELF. My mom has been very supportive but doesn't really believe "meds are the answer". I'm scared they'll get suggested for my dog too and my parents will see me as even more of a failure, or that he'll have side effects and they'll blame me for hurting him. I don't want to hurt him, I love him. I just want him to be happy.

Having her with me may allow me to ask questions and have my mom absorb the answers for us both. And it may just be a checkup anyway. But even that creates anxiety because I'm going to have to explain why I'm switching.

Why must everything be so stressful?

[23fish]

I think it's a really good idea to take your mum with you. You could ask her to take notes so you can give your attention to your dog. You can then take them away and think about what the vet has said before you make a decision. I am sure the vet will be really understanding and you never know, they may have suggestions other than medication. Good luck and let us know how you get on x

[wabbit1]

Absolutely, take your mum with you. It will allow you to have someone to talk it over with and it also means you can look after the dog while your mum takes in the information.

You're not a failure.

[.Poppy.]

Thanks. I was emailing with the vet and she asked for my cell number so we could talk on the phone. She is supposed to call but hasn't yet, so more anxiety. If she doesn't call by Friday I will call the clinic.

It's all rather stressful on top of everything else but I'm trying to take things one step at a time.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Poppy,

Do you think the way you are thinking about this situation is biased because you know why you want some support? The vet won't see anything other than another customer and even if you appear anxious, they will likely put it down to worry as it's very doubtful they will connect the dots to anxiety disorder.

So, perhaps try to see it from the outside and how taking your mum would be seen the vet without the benefit of your knowledge of your thoughts & feelings.

[.Poppy.]

I'm actually more concerned about what my mom will think about needing to go with me, more than the vet. Kind of like, "well you seem to think you're smart enough to make the switch and all these other decisions, why can't you do it ALL on your own?"

Could be my perception is skewed too. I'm feeling very low lately, especially today, and that's not helping.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Or perhaps she will take it as a compliment that you value her opinions, experience, knowledge, etc.

It's not a simple decision. If you change the situation to be you with a baby needing to make a medical decision, would it be a negative to ask your mum in that scenario? She has more experience of difficult decisions due to being a parent and so we can learn from them.

Only you know your mum, Poppy, but again are you seeing it this way because anxiety & depression like to make us think we are weak? I'm 40, I have no kids but if that day comes I will certainly be listening to my parents as they've done it rather than try to do it all on my own. So, when I see your example of you and the love you have for your dog, I don't see it as so different because you are still young and you aren't expected to know everything and be able to do everything, much comes from experience in life.

[.Poppy.]

Thank you Terry. What you say makes perfect sense, actually.

I do think it is somewhat (or largely) the anxiety and depression. I've noticed I've felt this way about a lot of things...medications, whether symptoms need to be checked by a doctor or they're fine, whether something really is as stressful as I perceive, etc. Whenever someone asks me a major question....."do you want to up your meds?" or I get some new spot or rash I just don't know how to proceed. Totally indecisive. Then I just get exhausted.

So yeah....seems a lot like anxiety! Just difficult I guess. Wish I could make a good decision the first time and stand by it completely.