Please help me

[Soosoo]

I would really appreciate any response at all. My health anxiety is worse than ever. It has been progressing for many years now and I think I've ended up this way because of several illnesses and deaths in my family. I also cared for my mum in law who passed away recently from Alzheimers. I was there with her through it all and as she died, and now at the route of my anxiety is that I'm going to die and leave my husband all alone.
The main worry is Cancer. I'm petrified of terminal illness and most of my worries (persistent cough - lung cancer. Headaches - brain tumour etc) revolve around it. Lately the smallest thing sends me into panic. It's gotten so bad that now, even when I'm not worrying about anything specific, I'm terrified that I'll find something soon. My anxiety has become a phobia itself! I'm scared to check my breasts every month in case I find a lump, because I know what state I'll be in if I do.
I can't function when I worry and I'm exhausted trying to stay distracted all the time. I'm going on holiday in less than a week and I'm unable to relax and look forward to it. Health anxiety sucks the joy from everything and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
I'm wondering if anyone out there can relate to this at all and if so what you do to help yourself?? I tried CBT and found the thought diaries repetitive and unhelpful. I have heard of Mindfullness and wonder if that works at all? Any advice or others personal experiences with this would be amazing. I feel so alone. If you have read this till the end thank you so much!

[Annoyed]

Well you are identical to me, so you for sure aren't alone. CBT did nothing for me. Mindfulness... eh... it works. But its hard to do. Essentially the idea is fully investing your mind in anything you do. Think about every detail of everything. Live fully in the moment. It works. If I'm driving, I notice the smell of the flowers along the road. The sun in the sky. Bad thoughts don't enter my mind. But if I'm anxious, its hard to start thinking happy.

Medication is what I'm going to resort to. The reason is simple... my concerns about cancer are horribly illogical. The medication will help me focus on the logical thoughts as opposed to the illogical thoughts.

Cancer is unlikely at my age. (26) A lot of people get cancer, but they are typically old. Everyone needs to die of something when they are old. So when you hear scary statistics... remember that its very old people. Many cancers are preventable so that lowers the chances too.

[Carnation]

Soosoo, I read your post and can relate to all of it. I suffer with Health Anxiety too.

I am currently caring for my Mum 'n' Law with my partner who has dementia and is 90 years old in April. I also care for my Mum too who suffered with Cancer for many years.

I have suffered with Health Anxiety since my breakdown 2 years ago following looking after my Dad with Parkinsons Disease who died 2 years ago.

That was shortly after caring for my partner with Kidney Stones.

Do you see where I am going with this?

I have been surrounded with illness, disease, death, old age.
I still have Health Anxiety, but try to keep it under control.

The first thing I did was plead with the Doctor to have blood tests done for Cancer and anything else he could test for without me going to the Hospital.
He did and thankfully everything came back clear. It was not easy, but I had got so bad that my health anxiety was haunting day and night.

Then I started replacing the chest pain with heartburn and indigestion and stomach ache with wind or hunger and not relating it to illnesses.

I then began to get some activities in to my life and some enjoyment, rather than sitting around dwelling on every ache, pain, mark and feeling.
I filled my time to stop my thoughts.
I changed my diet to a much healthy one and got more sleep, rest, exercise and 'Me' time. Meditation, yoga, walking.

basically, I am doing everything I can to help my good energies and healthy Mind and Body. And that is all that you can do. Mindfulness is good too. Hope this helps? x

[Soosoo]

Thank you so much for your response. I really needed that. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this hell too and I appreciate your feedback on the cbt and mindfulness. I'm skeptical either will work for me too and I'm considering medication also. I'm 32 so a little older but not too old I guess. I always convince myself that I'll be the odd younger person who will be very unlucky. I feel bad that others like yourself are living with HA too but it's a comfort to know I'm not alone. So thanks again. I hope things work out for you

---------- Post added at 18:41 ---------- Previous post was at 18:33 ----------

Thank you so much Carnation. That's all very good advice. I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through. It must have taken amazing strength to get through all of that. I'm glad you have managed to help yourself, I hope I can do the same. I really appreciate you getting back to me, it means the world to me. After all your challenges you still manage to share your advice and help others and that's really lovely. Keep doing what your doing. Take care and thanks again

[Carnation]

Anytime Soosoo :)