Desperate for friends, afraid to have them

[alohaitslee]

Hi there. I am 21, I have exactly one friend. (We never talk about my problems: GAD, Social Anxiety and Depression caused by the anxiety) I was very social when I was back in school. Before I turned sixteen, that is. I lost all my friends and now I haven't been able to leave the house to even try and make new ones. I'm afraid to go shop, because I'm afraid I might know someone. Or I wouldn't know what to wear. Or they'll judge me or something. I'm just very alone and I really desperately want friends, but I don't know how. Any advice?

[humandart]

What would happen if you saw someone you know at the shop? Maybe they'd be happy to see you?

How do you know they'd judge you? Can you read minds?

Can you meet new people through your friend?

I sometimes think in the same ways you do, and it's definitely easier for me to write what i've just written, than to constantly think it.

[dally]

Try googling meetup sites. There may be some local too you.
Or perhaps. Online pen pals . Which, if near to you, you could build up a friendship and eventually meet up.

[robinsky]

Well I'm kinda in the same boat.

I am not blessed with friends. I have 2 friends who were close once but now, I seem to feel that flame is flickering out a bit and its now just a casual thing, just meet up every now and again to go to the cinema etc.

Maybe go online and meet people through a hobby or something or get a hobby through a joint interest with others?

I too want to make friends but I am terrified of doing so in case of getting hurt and I've been hurt through bullying and am afraid to strike up a relationship in case I get hurt again. Add to that I am incredibly shy and introverted, its not helping me. Its been like that a lot of my life and nothing's changed much now.

However, as I say, if you wish to make friends, I suggest through a mutual interest. Just remember though that as a person, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, no difficult how times might get, that is very important.

[EliStarrz]

Hi there. I am 21, I have exactly one friend. (We never talk about my problems: GAD, Social Anxiety and Depression caused by the anxiety) I was very social when I was back in school. Before I turned sixteen, that is. I lost all my friends and now I haven't been able to leave the house to even try and make new ones. I'm afraid to go shop, because I'm afraid I might know someone. Or I wouldn't know what to wear. Or they'll judge me or something. I'm just very alone and I really desperately want friends, but I don't know how. Any advice?

Hey alohaitslee,

I have Social Anxiety Disorder and Long Term Chronic Depression so I can kinda relate, I lost my 'friends' in my last year at school due to bunking school because of my anxieties etc I've never had friends since, I'm a crazy cat lady instead :yesyes: not saying you have no choice but to be a crazy cat person of course! Just sharing a bit about myself with you, personally for me i've never been able to make friends in person so for me I find it easier meeting people online, chatting until I'm comfortable then taking it to skype until eventually I'm semi comfortable to meet in person etc I'm always worrying about my looks and to be honest I'm not sure if that'll change anytime soon but the thing to remember is 'those who mind don't matter and those that matter won't mind' so if you're feeling uncomfortable about something just keep telling yourself that, also another thing I tell myself is the majority of people I pass by are never gonna see me again so what's it matter if they don't like my hair? It's on my head not theirs, or my clothes? they're on my body not theirs, you're your own person, embrace it! You've every right to speak how you want to, dress how you like and be who you want to be, yeah of course it's easier said than done but like with me, my insecurities come from repetitive comments in my school years of people, family and boyfriends telling me I'm a mess, I'm not good enough, I'm too quiet and I'm ugly etc so if I'm going to believe something based on the repetitive comments from others, why can't I believe in something based on the repetitive comments from myself? You know yourself better than anybody else so tell yourself everyday that you're awesome and hey this is how I dress, deal with it! and keep repeating it until you believe it, also try rescue remedy maybe? It's a natural calming remedy for stress and anxieties, hope this helps in some way, have a great day :flowers:

[georgewing]

Well disperate and afraid you must delete them from your mind if you want to change .Disperate gives a signal to others that you are alone and disperately want friends and others dont like this and afraid its stop you to live your life its disastruos .And also why you are afraid what others could think and speak about you ? Go in society let this thought out ,people are centered in theirself