View Full Version : "Peace of Mind"?
So many people post here wanting "peace of mind". I just wondered what this meant to the individual. Do you think anyone can give you complete peace of mind regarding symptoms over the internet or should peace of mind come from within? Of course it should, but how, particularly if therapy hasn't helped.
Is the best thing just to accept HA and manage it without constantly seeking reassurance? Should we all learn to live with uncertainty and understand that we can never have complete peace of mind, whatever that means to the individual?
I think it depends on the extent of the anxiety and of course; acceptance!
Peace mind does have to come within and therapy can or cannot help.
Each Therapist has different methods and I think you need a connection with the client and an understanding of the way that they feel.
If we don't have reassurance, then surely the doubt does not go away.
But to what extent of reassurance. That depends on the person again.
For some they will never accept and constantly stay in this over-sensitised state, but in the end, does anyone have complete peace of mind, even if you don't have anxiety. It is the brain's natural response to try and diagnose and protect ourselves.
If we can eliminate and manage the constant need for reassurance, then it would at least give us some freedom to live a normal life, but breaking a habit of doing this is another issue in itself. It becomes automatic from the moment we wake, so if you can let go of a few situations of checking, then the 'symptom' may go away of it's own accord.
Good topic Pulisa. :)
Superworrier
09-04-16, 13:02
Amazing post Pulisa and thought provoking xxxx:hugs:
Great question! IMO, it comes from within and as Carnation said. "Acceptance". How you arrive at it is the million dollar question.
Personally, having faced life threatening health issues and literally stared death in the face, it came from within and accepting that I have no control over many aspects of my life. It was also recognizing and embracing the things I do have control over and making them the things I strive for.
"Eat. Drink. Enjoy the work you do. Be thankful for the blessings God gives you in this life. Live, love and seek out the things that bring your heart joy. The rest doesn't matter... It's like chasing the wind." King Solomon
In many ways anxiety and particularly HA is an illness that has you chasing the wind. You'll never catch it! BUT... you can allow it to blow past you. Using the same analogy and a fresh perspective, you can't catch the wind but it is beneficial. It can cool you on a hot day. It brings rain to water the fields, and it can fill the sails of a boat and take it places it would never get to on it's own. Perhaps beating your fears means using the winds of uncertainty to fill the sails of your life to move you past them.
Positive thoughts
In many ways anxiety and particularly HA is an illness that has you chasing the wind. You'll never catch it! BUT... you can allow it to blow past you. Using the same analogy and a fresh perspective, you can't catch the wind but it is beneficial. It can cool you on a hot day. It brings rain to water the fields, and it can fill the sails of a boat and take it places it would never get to on it's own. Perhaps beating your fears means using the wind to fill the sails of you life.
Love this Fishmanpa :)
For me it's letting go of control, accepting I can't control everything. Understanding that there is no 'normal' so striving to be normal is unrealistic.
Being compassionate with myself, allowing myself to have a bad day, if I want to sit with my head in the sand until I figure a way out, so be it.
Realising their is no such thing as 'perfect' and in trying to create perfection I have ruined experiences and special times for myself by not enjoying the moment as I'm too busy trying to make everything perfect. Does it matter if I forget to pack the crisps for a picnic, or forget to pack a t-shirt for a holiday, as long as I don't forget to put a kid in the car then what else really matters.
I write this with tears in my eyes, because many days I need to remind myself of the above, I've lost precious days, weeks and months to anxiety, I'm one of the lucky ones, I have a partner who loves me but can't 'fix' me, I have two beautiful healthy children and a family that raised me well.
There can never be peace of mind as there are too many factors beyond our control, the closest we can be is to accept that we're only human, we make mistakes, we have bad times but if we can still breathe, laugh, smile and hold our loved ones close than surely that's the best it can be.
Xxx
Superworrier
10-04-16, 00:53
Great question! IMO, it comes from within and as Carnation said. "Acceptance". How you arrive at it is the million dollar question.
Personally, having faced life threatening health issues and literally stared death in the face, it came from within and accepting that I have no control over many aspects of my life. It was also recognizing and embracing the things I do have control over and making them the things I strive for.
"Eat. Drink. Enjoy the work you do. Be thankful for the blessings God gives you in this life. Live, love and seek out the things that bring your heart joy. The rest doesn't matter... It's like chasing the wind." King Solomon
In many ways anxiety and particularly HA is an illness that has you chasing the wind. You'll never catch it! BUT... you can allow it to blow past you. Using the same analogy and a fresh perspective, you can't catch the wind but it is beneficial. It can cool you on a hot day. It brings rain to water the fields, and it can fill the sails of a boat and take it places it would never get to on it's own. Perhaps beating your fears means using the winds of uncertainty to fill the sails of your life to move you past them.
Positive thoughts
My friend xxx
When life is going quite well, then one can brush aside uncertainty or contain it. When something goes wrong - thats when it becomes so much more difficult. Worries from 1 aspect of our lives can spill over into others & snowball.
Life is a compromise & will never be perfect. There will always be change (in my experience not for the better!). Perhaps acceptance is hard to come by because it isn't what we WANT. Life doesnt have the happy endings that fairy tales had when were children & baddies dont always get their comeuppance. Maybe we expect too much & its only when one is faced with an incredibly threatening situation (like Fishmanpa) that we start to view life in a different way.
Maybe we expect too much & its only when one is faced with an incredibly threatening situation (like Fishmanpa) that we start to view life in a different way.
Ahhh Lucinda.... perhaps the answer lies in what the difference is between what I went through and what mental illness does to the sufferer which IMO are equally threatening, just affecting a different body part.
Positive thoughts
I agree that a physical condition & mental illness are equally threatening to the sufferer. Is it only when things reach a certain point, that we try to deal with the situation & learn to live with the old devil?
I think so. We can learn to limit the way HA spirals whereas with a physical illness-especially a major, life-threatening one-there is no way to do this of course.
My HA started when I was about 10 and I don't believe it's something which will just fade away after many decades of it. My own life circumstances as a carer make it more essential for me to protect and be vigilant re my own health so this doesn't help but it's not an excuse. I think managing my HA, accepting it and getting on with my life is the best way for me. Living with uncertainty is a hard thing to do for us but we all have to do it as best we can.
nirvanainchains
10-04-16, 14:33
Well, for me, I do accept that I have no control of everything. But, what really bothers me is whenever I do have flare ups, it’ll really break my day, and I would suffer from sort off different pain, agony from aches would crushed my soul to pieces, everyday a group of pain comes, then the next day it will be gone but only to be replaced by another group of pain. For example: Yesterday, I was in agony from intense dull and cramping abdominal pain, it subsides. But today, it is now headache, ear ache, and dizziness, tomorrow I would predict that joint pain, muscle pain , and chest pain would come. It has always been that way since a year ago. My blood test, urine, and fecal all came back normal, my BP is 110/80, so I am not sure what’s wrong within me. Is anxiety causing all of this? Or sickness within causing anxiety? That’s the puzzle that I want to solve to have that peace of mind. I need a full-functioning, free from pain body because I work as an engineer in a construction field and all these aches really affects my job. That very reason gives me intense worrying and stress because I love my job. :-(
I agree that a physical condition & mental illness are equally threatening to the sufferer. Is it only when things reach a certain point, that we try to deal with the situation & learn to live with the old devil?
Isn't that the only real choice we have? Again, is it any different than living with physical ramifications and side effects of serious illnesses? The side effects of meds or the blips one gets with their anxiety disorder are really no different than dealing with any other real physical issues on a daily basis. We learn to live with them and push through. We learn to move forwards with our lives despite the mental or physical challenges that are places before us. It's what makes humanity the wonder that it is. I truly believe the "Peace of Mind" is something we learn.
Positive thoughts
I think learning "peace of mind" is a lot trickier with a chronic, entrenched anxiety disorder. I agree that it should be a learned behaviour but in practice it's challenging especially when there are ongoing stresses in real life. Some people can manage it better than others...as with everything really.
I think learning "peace of mind" is a lot trickier with a chronic, entrenched anxiety disorder. I agree that it should be a learned behaviour but in practice it's challenging especially when there are ongoing stresses in real life. Some people can manage it better than others...as with everything really.
Absolutely true. Everyone possesses the strength to push through any situation but whether they believe it is another thing. Some are, for lack of a better word, "content" with where they are and manage. Many unfortunately don't. I do think "Peace of Mind" gets easier as we grow older and experience more of finite aspects of life.
Positive thoughts
ServerError
10-04-16, 18:42
I put my anxiety down to any number of things, but one of the most important aspects I believe is my age.
I'm still young, but not so young I feel invincible anymore. Like, the end of my youth is in sight.
I'm kinda old, but not so old I have a life of experiences and achievements to look back on.
I'm 31, and it feels like an awful time to lose what I have. I have so much good in my life, so much left that I want to do, and yet I'm old enough to feel aware of the finality of life in a way I didn't in my 20s.
You could call it an existential crisis. I'm not actually afraid of death. The way I see it, I've been 'dead' before, prior to my birth or conception. It was fine. Caused me no problems. But I'm scared of suffering that might accompany my eventual passing, whether a long, drawn out process or a quick but painful shock. I hate the finality of life, which I guess shows how much I love life itself.
But do I have peace of mind? I'm fortunate enough to be equipped with a mind and abilities that allow me access to the things I want out of life, which are pretty modest anyway. I love what I have here in this moment. I'm young enough that the odds have me having plenty of great times to come are still in my favour. I have good friends and wonderful family. For me, peace of mind is acceptance and living in the now. I'm learning to do this. It's an ongoing process, but I fancy it will be more effective than any pill or even therapy at bringing me that sought after peace of mind.
But do I have peace of mind? I'm fortunate enough to be equipped with a mind and abilities that allow me access to the things I want out of life, which are pretty modest anyway. I love what I have here in this moment. I'm young enough that the odds have me having plenty of great times to come are still in my favour. I have good friends and wonderful family. For me, peace of mind is acceptance and living in the now. I'm learning to do this. It's an ongoing process, but I fancy it will be more effective than any pill or even therapy at bringing me that sought after peace of mind.
Sounds a lot like me. You might want to try reading The power of now, if you haven't already, it's really helping me
ServerError
10-04-16, 20:10
Sounds a lot like me. You might want to try reading The power of now, if you haven't already, it's really helping me
A few people have recommended that book to me. I haven't read it as yet. My therapist keeps suggesting material for me to try, but I've read a lot of self-help and, to be honest, I'm fed up of it. I want to go back to reading things I'm interested in, like travel literature and political work. So that's what I've been doing.
If I'm going to read another self-help book, it will be that one, though. For now, Paul David and Claire Weekes have gotten me back on my feet, and that's enough.
MyNameIsTerry
16-04-16, 05:48
So many people post here wanting "peace of mind". I just wondered what this meant to the individual. Do you think anyone can give you complete peace of mind regarding symptoms over the internet or should peace of mind come from within? Of course it should, but how, particularly if therapy hasn't helped.
Is the best thing just to accept HA and manage it without constantly seeking reassurance? Should we all learn to live with uncertainty and understand that we can never have complete peace of mind, whatever that means to the individual?
But is it just the internet? Reassurance seeking is surely that in whatever form it takes? Some pursue their partners over their ROCD issues, for instance. The internet just makes it a lot easier to do.
When I see people say 'go and see your GP', I know we have to be careful about our advice on issues but really some of them stick out like a sore thumb. Some people have moved from one cancer to the next, all of which can be distinct issues and many other problems. Really how unluckily would someone have to be to experience all of them in their entire lifetime, let alone a few months timeline? So, surely it should be 'go and see your GP about your anxiety', shouldn't it?
So, why do people encourage reassurance seeking via GP's? And why do they encourage reassurance seeking via tests, some of which are paid for?
I will never judge anyone on here for seeing a GP or anyone else or seeking a test, I know how horrible why own anxiety can be, but part of me is thinking that we should consider the bigger picture of the NHS too in this. It's not easy to get an appointment with a GP for any patient, and worse for a consultant. So, when I see pointless appointments & testing being encouraged, I do think about the people who can't access services. The person in the spiral, I can understand as they are scared and in pain, the rest of us though can take a wider view.
Do people encourage it because it can lessen sometimes fever pitch anxiety? And how much of a gamble is that when some are terrified of the waiting or even having the tests or appointments?
Does it even work? I've seen some on here get very worked up over an issue to chase tests and then see their anxiety fall away. But then some just keep worrying anyway or switch to a new worry. I find the former curious but the latter seem to be a more stereotype fit in anxiety. Thinking of the former again, I find it even more curious how much they fight to get past their GP and dismiss their views through doubt and also even the tests until they come through.
Going back to encouraging reassurance seeking via testing for a minute, if they have been resisting it for ages, I don't think encouraging compulsive activity is wise. Does it open a can of worms for the future? And besides, if they could resist it anyway, they can carry on resisting can't they?
But yes, it has to come from within at some point. That's one of the end goals for those with this issue.
It's all complicated, isn't it? HA is a made up term with disorders under it that have different (and some similar) behaviours driving them. So, straight away we have no clear way forward and can't afford to make generalisations or assumptions about peoples behaviours. Then we have issues of personality, how they have been brought up, etc in play e.g. does a more independent person seek as much as someone who has grown up more dependent on the validation and reassurance of others.
So, when there is a difference between those who post a hell of lot and those who don't, I don't just wonder about severity but also this. For instance, if someone who posts 50 times on Facebook (think pictures of their lunch) then I could see someone like that being more prone to constant posting when they are afraid.
---------- Post added at 05:48 ---------- Previous post was at 05:46 ----------
A few people have recommended that book to me. I haven't read it as yet. My therapist keeps suggesting material for me to try, but I've read a lot of self-help and, to be honest, I'm fed up of it. I want to go back to reading things I'm interested in, like travel literature and political work. So that's what I've been doing.
If I'm going to read another self-help book, it will be that one, though. For now, Paul David and Claire Weekes have gotten me back on my feet, and that's enough.
Perhaps try a book like that with a course element? I haven't read Eckhart Tolle but there is always MBSR or MBCT books that look towards moving forward rather than self help.
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