My friends and family are fed up with me

[anxiousbelle]

I know how much of a burden I am, and I hate it. I feel like I drain everyones happiness, and opportunities away. I know I am doing it to myself as well but thats fine. But my constant anxiety, agoraphobia, panic attack nature stops me from doing exciting things, or even mundane things such as going into a supermarket. No wonder nobody wants me around. I can't go on holiday, and if I do I freak out the second I have to leave my room (same as at home I guess), and I know my parents, my brothers, my cousins, my friends are fed up with having to put parts of their life on hold, or moments that they miss out on due to me. I try and hide away as much as possible to stop people having to suffer alongside me, but it isnt always that easy. Especially being in last year of school and trying so hard to just 'fit in' for the last 6 weeks, so that I appear normal from an outsiders perspective even though the truth is I can't drive anymore due to panic attacks, I have not left my bed in 3 weeks and everything is hell for me. Obviously, my close friends and family know this and I see it in their faces, and hear what they say, and they are done. One friend asked to do something and I said yeah do you want to come over, and she was like nah lets go out. So i kinda explained a little bit, and she replied 'not even a restaurant' and it shattered me, because the not even made me realise how truly pathetic I am, and broke me.

Im currently crying, and this is very rambled, but it just got to much when my mum called me hard work, because I know. I know I am hard work, I know I haven't done the things they wanted me to do, or been the daughter they wanted, or the friend people wanted. I know that really I have nothing to offer people, and it hurts, I try, but deep down I know that one day everyone will realise how unimportant I am to them, and leave without looking back, and I will be there with my anxiety bedridden.

Im not really asking for an answer, I just needed to get it off my chest. If anyone has been here and its gotten better, or is in this situation, please send me some hope that this is not what my life is going to be.

[Buster70]

Hi there I really feel for you but what I can say is at 17 I did a stupid thing and took some drugs I shouldn't have it took about a year to get over it and I did feel at the time I was going insane and my life was over but it wasn't I've had years go by where I've functioned as normal had jobs , had kids , went to gigs festivals etc , there have been some very dark times but on the whole there have been more good than bad , it comes and goes with me usually down to stress and bad luck , hold in there and just take small steps it can and will get better , don't push to hard and let others push you either , my daughter also went through a bad time and ended up in Intesive care after an overdose that was a couple of years ago she now has a job new boyfriend , passed her test , and bought a car at the time she didn't think things could get better , take care :D

[Lisah34]

Are you getting any therapy?

[anxiousbelle]

Are you getting any therapy?

I've had a lot of therapy in the past both private and within the health service. At the moment its to expensive to get any, and the waiting lists are long.