View Full Version : Can't cope (Please help?)
Hi as you probably know I worry about my mum a lot and previously it was the lung cancer worry because she had a smokers cough. She stopped smoking two months or so ago and the cough kind of went and turned into the very occasional cough but now it seems to be getting a little more frequent to like one cough every 1-2 hours or so and maybe once at night even, so I'm back at the lung cancer worry. She says it's hayfever and she does have a blocked nose and itchy eyes but even still I'm scared stiff. I'm only 15 and I know I shouldn't be worrying about this but I can't help it, it's consuming me. She doesn't have any of the other lung cancer symptoms like weight loss or loss of appetite etc but she was a bit tired today but I guess that could've been because I kept waking her up at night checking on her because I'm that obsessed. Her voice does go croaky when she shouts and she's clearing it a lot idk if that's a LC symptom (I hope not) but I thought that was worth mentioning. I've been here about 3 times previously and now I'm back it's all just getting tiring.. I can't cope. My next appointment with CAMHS won't be for quite a while now but I'm so desperate :weep: Also, yes I have spoken to her about this A LOT and she's sick of hearing about it and she says it's ridiculous and won't go to the doctors
Hi,
Sorry about your worries. I know how that feels as I am always worrying about my Mum and Dad too.
I hope I can help settle your mind a bit with this, as my Mum has very similar issues. She has never been a smoker, but she suffers from COPD, asthma and allergies. All year round she has an intermittent cough, day and night sometimes.
Though she has never been a smoker, I knew it wasn't unheard of for non-smokers to get lung cancer, so I too was really worried and urged her to get checked out. She has had loads of tests - blood tests, chest x-rays, ECG's, you name it, she has had it.....and there is nothing sinister going on.
Like your Mum, my Mum has been told by her GP that this is a year round allergy to grasses and pollen. I always questioned this as my thinking was ' What?? Even in the Winter??' but apparently this type of grass allergy thing can linger year round, as different seasonal grasses trigger allergy, and coughing is part of the allergy.
My Mum is on year round, daily antihistamines and nasal sprays as well as her asthma meds, but still she coughs.
Rationally speaking, your Mum also has runny eyes and a blocked nose, so it does indeed fit the pattern of an allergic reaction rather than anything sinister. The most positive thing your Mum has done which you must really take some personal optimism from is that she quit smoking. This has instantly reduced her chances of contracting C, which is great.
I hope this helps you a bit. Try not to dwell on the negatives here. Like you, I still worry despite my Mum having had numerous tests - that is the nature of anxiety sadly, but try if you can to have some faith that things will be ok.
Can you see your doc to see if they can hurry up your next appt with CAMHS? x
Thanks for the reply, Deb. I can't hurry up the CAMHS process really, my mum's already tried. It's just really worrying me because I've read absolute horror stories on the internet about this kind of thing and sometimes I get so worried I'll cry myself to sleep. I do sort of know I'm in a way being irrational but idk because I must've been here like 4 or 5 times previously and it's kind of wearing.
Oh yes, the internet is a real curse sometimes when it comes to stoking the fire of anxiety, especially about health stuff.....but the issue here really is that your high anxiety is driving your fears I think, hon.
If I had a pound for every time I had worried myself into a total state, either over my Mum and Dad or some problem of my own, I would be sitting on a beach sipping a cocktail now, lol.
Seriously though, your Mum's symptoms (to me at least) do tie into the allergy thing. I totally see why you are worried about lung C, as your Mum used to smoke, but whilst there is of course that risk, it doesn't necessarily mean that your Mum will have it.....there is far more to indicate otherwise here.
I am certain that once you are able to get some further help with your anxiety, your fears will significantly calm down. Big hugs to you. xx:hugs:
Thanks again, so you reckon I'm just being irrational? And thanks :)
No worries hon.
Nope, not at all! I think that it is perfectly rational to worry about your Mum, and the reason why you are worried is totally valid, especially with all the stuff you see on tv adverts about ongoing coughs. That is why I myself was worried about my Mum, but I think that your anxiety is probably making your fears a lot bigger than they maybe should be, especially as your Mum has other symptoms of allergy, and doesn't tick all the boxes for LC.
Anxiety by nature creates all kinds of fears, heightens every little worry and makes us really dwell on even the smallest thing. Over the years I have diagnosed my Mum with a stroke, myself with breast C, ovarian C, kidney disease, and the list goes on....none of which have been true! Try if you can to replace that niggling thought about LC with 'this is anxiety making me worry like this'.....it sounds stupid but it really does help. xxx :hugs::hugs::winks:
That's true but I just can't cope with it anymore, I feel so low and depressed all the time:weep:
Have you looked at any other forms of support? There are some really good CBT programmes online (Moodjuice is one) that might be helpful while you are waiting for your next CAMHS appointment. x
Have you looked at any other forms of support? There are some really good CBT programmes online (Moodjuice is one) that might be helpful while you are waiting for your next CAMHS appointment. x
The worst thing is I don't feel like getting help will help because I'm so convinced my mother's ill that it's my responsibility somehow to ensure she's okay because she's not going to the doctors or anything it's really complicated. I feel like getting help with be ignoring the problem, that's probably not even there. I will give it a go though
MyNameIsTerry
11-04-16, 23:15
Toby
If you know about lung cancer, you will know it mostly presents itself at the later stages, probably why it evokes such fear in places like this.
You said that her coughing improved. That isn't going to happen once lung cancer shows as it's aggressive.
Debs - yeah, it's on the rare side for a non smoker with the smokers version. It can be genetic. My GF's mum was told this by the doctors , nurses in her treatment team as she has never smoked.
Toby
If you know about lung cancer, you will know it mostly presents itself at the later stages, probably why it evokes such fear in places like this.
You said that her coughing improved. That isn't going to happen once lung cancer shows as it's aggressive.
Debs - yeah, it's on the rare side for a non smoker with the smokers version. It can be genetic. My GF's mum was told this by the doctors , nurses in her treatment team as she has never smoked.
Thanks Terry for the reply :)
I dunno where my logic goes when I'm anxious. I'm under the strange impression that this is an early form of LC presenting itself with the odd tickly throat when I know there'd be more to it than that. Yeah the cough is much better too. I guess that's why it's only caught in the later stages. Also, sorry to hear about your GF's mum
MyNameIsTerry
12-04-16, 04:46
Thanks Toby,
4 rounds of chemo so far and she has been responding well since the first so she is looking like one of the lucky ones.
When my dad quit smoking after many decades he was having more coughing for months after. I thought this was common and because the lungs are working hard to expel all the tar that has built up.
Glad to hear that :yesyes:
My mum's cough is dry at the moment though.. that's what's worrying me. It could fit into the hayfever criteria if it's dry but maybe her lungs are damaged from smoking so she's still coughing? It's a very rare cough, it's like four or five times a day.
Glad to hear that :yesyes:
My mum's cough is dry at the moment though.. that's what's worrying me. It could fit into the hayfever criteria if it's dry but maybe her lungs are damaged from smoking so she's still coughing? It's a very rare cough, it's like four or five times a day.
My Mum's cough is also dry. She also has constant runny eyes, but weirdly not the other typical hayfever symptoms - no snuffly nose/sneezing, itching, etc.
Regnardgreeb
12-04-16, 21:36
Yeah - many, or pretty much all, who quit smoking will find that their cough gets "worse" This is all normal and is because the lungs are repairing, like has mentioned before. But I defintively get your concern!
Yeah - many, or pretty much all, who quit smoking will find that their cough gets "worse" This is all normal and is because the lungs are repairing, like has mentioned before. But I defintively get your concern!
The thing is though that it's dry and she quit like 2 months or so ago :weep:
---------- Post added at 22:15 ---------- Previous post was at 22:09 ----------
I really can't cope with this horrible worry it's getting too much for me. I just want a normal mum:weep:
---------- Post added at 22:53 ---------- Previous post was at 22:15 ----------
By "normal" I just mean one who doesn't display a conveyer belt of symptoms. Like I look at my friend's mums or just mums walking casually in the street and honestly it makes me want to cry. It sounds horrible of me, I do love my mum but I just hope to god she's alright
The thing is though that it's dry and she quit like 2 months or so ago :weep:
Toby, not sure if you read my previous post, but my Mum's cough is also dry. This is pretty typical with an allergy type cough, I believe. Kind of an irritated throat rather than a productive cough.
Toby, not sure if you read my previous post, but my Mum's cough is also dry. This is pretty typical with an allergy type cough, I believe. Kind of an irritated throat rather than a productive cough.
Sorry, I wasn't ignoring you or anything I must've missed it :)
Yeah it hasn't got a wheeze to it or anything like that it's just a dry cough like you say sometimes a little cough sometimes a bigger cough, but not that big. Like when you get a tickle in the throat and it sets you off coughing. Is that normal? Although not a coughing fit.
Toby, the fact that you disturb your Mum's sleep during the night to check on her isn't really helping you and will certainly not be helping your Mum in her battle to stop smoking. Any added stresses for her are not a good thing and stopping this behaviour can help her get a good night's sleep without the disturbances.
I appreciate you are really anxious about her health but your Mum is trying her best and you've got to encourage her and not be continually monitoring her for morbid signs.
I sincerely hope that you can see someone at CAMHS as soon as possible-it must be awful to be so terrified at 15.
Toby, the fact that you disturb your Mum's sleep during the night to check on her isn't really helping you and will certainly not be helping your Mum in her battle to stop smoking. Any added stresses for her are not a good thing and stopping this behaviour can help her get a good night's sleep without the disturbances.
I appreciate you are really anxious about her health but your Mum is trying her best and you've got to encourage her and not be continually monitoring her for morbid signs.
I sincerely hope that you can see someone at CAMHS as soon as possible-it must be awful to be so terrified at 15.
She quit about 2 months ago. I try not to pester her, at night especially, but if she coughs I do get all anxious and even a bit annoyed because it's like she's trying to bully me with it
She's entitled to cough, Toby.
She's entitled to cough, Toby.
Of course she is. It's just my anxiety that causes me to overthink it. What frustrates me most is that she won't even consider the fact that there could be something more sinister going on and she won't even get checked out or anything. The last time she did was at the end of October and nothing was wrong according to the doctor but I've told her that if she really wants to help me then she should get checked out again now this "hay fever" cough has come along but she won't. If she dies of lung cancer I will actually blame myself for not prompting her to get checked. It's like she's out there to bully me, my therapist has said that my thoughts are bullying me but that's not completely the case because the facts are there- she has a cough and it could be something really deadly. That's what's bullying me :(
Of course she is. It's just my anxiety that causes me to overthink it
Exactly. Try to keep that thought in your mind when she does the odd cough?
Exactly. Try to keep that thought in your mind when she does the odd cough?
Yeah I do try but the dark thoughts take over.
PS. I edited and extended my reply:)
Yes she does have a cough and it could be something sinister...but it could also be something completely routine and benign which is far more likely particularly as she has seen her doctor recently. Yes, it was in October and you will think that this was ages ago and in those months since then the "cancer" has had time to spread etc but these are your "dark thoughts" which are bullying you.
If she had a chest x-ray would you be reassured or would you continue to worry that something had been missed?
Yes she does have a cough and it could be something sinister...but it could also be something completely routine and benign which is far more likely particularly as she has seen her doctor recently.
Would you call 6 months recent? :/
Yes, it was in October and you will think that this was ages ago and in those months since then the "cancer" has had time to spread etc but these are your "dark thoughts" which are bullying you.
I guess they are, I'm the only one in my family with this worry.
If she had a chest x-ray would you be reassured or would you continue to worry that something had been missed?
Probably be reassured for a short time then move onto something else
It's good that you have such insight into your anxiety but I know that this doesn't stop the morbid thoughts. I really feel for you as I'm sure these fears are absolutely overwhelming you and that's why you really should be talking about this to a trained CAMHS professional. is there anyone in your family who could try to bring your appointment forward?
It's good that you have such insight into your anxiety but I know that this doesn't stop the morbid thoughts. I really feel for you as I'm sure these fears are absolutely overwhelming you and that's why you really should be talking about this to a trained CAMHS professional. is there anyone in your family who could try to bring your appointment forward?
It really is so difficult living with this especially as I have a few GCSE exams next month amongst other things that I actually should be worrying about. I'm wasting all my time and energy on this. My mum's fighting hard to get me in asap but it's hard cause there's a waiting list and everything.
I know what it's like with CAMHS as my daughter was seen by them when she was your age...Having GCSEs coming up won't help you with your anxiety either so it's such a tough time for you.
Living with uncertainty must be very challenging for you. Focussing on your Mum's health is definitely not helping either you or your Mum but unless you believe this it's pointless trying to convince you. You have to believe it yourself and this will be very hard for you.
My daughter monitors me all the time so I can see this from your Mum's point of view too. I'm so sorry that you are suffering so much. I really hope that CAMHS can help you to manage your anxiety so that life can become a lot easier for you
I can't help but think it's all my fault that my mum is potentially ill because I was the reason she got stressed, so continued to smoke in the first place. That's the real weight on my chest, I feel soo guilty. Maybe if I had left her alone she'd have quit earlier and that could've prevented any possible illness caused by smoking.
Sorry, I wasn't ignoring you or anything I must've missed it :)
Aww, no I know your weren't, hon! :hugs:
I was just worried that you missed it, as I thought you might gain some reassurance that my Mum has the exact cough that your Mum seems to have.
I know that stopping worrying is easier said than done with anxiety.....anxiety is one GIANT worry in itself, but this must be horrible for you as every day worry about your Mum is taxing. I must say this though, Toby - as much as you have tried to get your Mum to listen and see a doc to be checked out, the thing is that she is a grown woman and her health is her health, and if she chooses not to listen to you, then the burden of worry should not be on your shoulders. Again, I know this is easier said than done, as who DOESN'T worry about their Mum/Dad, etc.? I am just concerned that this is really stressing you, more than I have any concern that your Mum could have LC, in all honesty.....which I suspect not from what you have written here.
I have to agree with the fab pulisa here. The anxiety is totally driving your fears, and I think that cutting that off at the knees will make a huge difference as to how you view your Mum and her health, if you can FINALLY get your appt that is, grrrr!!:mad:
Anxiety - in my experience - and any kind of focused worry such as a health worry, is really helped greatly by keeping busy and occupied. The brain has less time to fixate on a particular thing if you can shift the focus elsewhere. I know this will be tricky right now, as you say you have some exams coming up, but trying to home in on your studies if you can will be good, and then when you are not revising, taking time out for YOURSELF - out with friends, watching some DVD'S, playing some games....whatever you like to do in your freetime. It sounds dumb, I know, but distraction is a key way to tackle anxiety that nags at you.
Until you get your appt, you know that there is always support here for you, Toby. xx:hugs:
Aww, no I know your weren't, hon! :hugs:
I was just worried that you missed it, as I thought you might gain some reassurance that my Mum has the exact cough that your Mum seems to have.
I know that stopping worrying is easier said than done with anxiety.....anxiety is one GIANT worry in itself, but this must be horrible for you as every day worry about your Mum is taxing. I must say this though, Toby - as much as you have tried to get your Mum to listen and see a doc to be checked out, the thing is that she is a grown woman and her health is her health, and if she chooses not to listen to you, then the burden of worry should not be on your shoulders. Again, I know this is easier said than done, as who DOESN'T worry about their Mum/Dad, etc.? I am just concerned that this is really stressing you, more than I have any concern that your Mum could have LC, in all honesty.....which I suspect not from what you have written here.
I have to agree with the fab pulisa here. The anxiety is totally driving your fears, and I think that cutting that off at the knees will make a huge difference as to how you view your Mum and her health, if you can FINALLY get your appt that is, grrrr!!:mad:
Anxiety - in my experience - and any kind of focused worry such as a health worry, is really helped greatly by keeping busy and occupied. The brain has less time to fixate on a particular thing if you can shift the focus elsewhere. I know this will be tricky right now, as you say you have some exams coming up, but trying to home in on your studies if you can will be good, and then when you are not revising, taking time out for YOURSELF - out with friends, watching some DVD'S, playing some games....whatever you like to do in your freetime. It sounds dumb, I know, but distraction is a key way to tackle anxiety that nags at you.
Until you get your appt, you know that there is always support here for you, Toby. xx:hugs:
I totally get what you're saying about distraction but it's like I can never distract myself from this, it's like an inescapable written-in-the-stars thing in my eyes and at the end of the day I'm so convinced my mum's suffering and in pain and I can't do anything about it. It's so hard for me right now, thanks so much for your support, I just feel trapped in this situation and my rational thinking has just gone completely. I'm just desperate to know what this cough could be. It may be nothing like your mum's but knowing my luck it'll be something horrendous:weep:
MyNameIsTerry
14-04-16, 05:10
Toby,
Lung cancer isn't interested in whether you think your mum has it or not, if it's there, it's there and you have absolutely no bearing on that at all. Thinking you have caused it is just Magical Thinking, something I suffer from in my OCD. What you have to learn to accept is that what is in your mind has no power to create anything in the physical world unless you choose to cause it AND you cannot cause cancer. You cannot cause it, change it or mitigate against it - if it's there, it's there - AND the rest is Magical Thinking.
You mum chose to smoke. Regardless of stress caused by anything, people don't experience stress and start smoking. If that was actually true, then alcoholism is also caused by the people invoking the stress to, as is other substance misuse. Your mum is an adult and if she chose to deal with her stress by smoking, that was HER choice. She knew the risks, we've known long before you were born what smoking is likely to cause.
That's not meant to sound harsh, but you may perceive it that way. When I chose to get bladdered after a hard day at the office the people who caused me stress weren't pulling me the pint. You weren't lighting the fags for your mum. She could have dealt with it my going for a run or having a good old moan to her mates or anything else that many people do when stressed.
So, this thinking is part of the trap. You are perceiving yourself in a negative way and forgetting the reality.
Something I think you also need to accept is that your mum doesn't not see a GP about her coughing to upset you. She doesn't see a GP because she knows it's pointless. You are the HA sufferer, she is not. All she sees is a cough, you see lung cancer. The error is in YOUR thinking, not hers. If a smoker or ex smoker ran to their GP for these issues every time they happened the NHS would be done for.
What you need to accept is that this is YOUR thinking and just as her smoking was never your fault, your distress isn't hers either. Don't allow your anxiety to cause problems between you & your mum because you will always need her no matter how old you get. You can make that choice not to allow your anxiety to make you angry about her perceived lack of action. The truth is, she doesn't need to take action - other than to keep pushing to get you help.
Toby,
Lung cancer isn't interested in whether you think your mum has it or not, if it's there, it's there and you have absolutely no bearing on that at all. Thinking you have caused it is just Magical Thinking, something I suffer from in my OCD. What you have to learn to accept is that what is in your mind has no power to create anything in the physical world unless you choose to cause it AND you cannot cause cancer. You cannot cause it, change it or mitigate against it - if it's there, it's there - AND the rest is Magical Thinking.
You mum chose to smoke. Regardless of stress caused by anything, people don't experience stress and start smoking. If that was actually true, then alcoholism is also caused by the people invoking the stress to, as is other substance misuse. Your mum is an adult and if she chose to deal with her stress by smoking, that was HER choice. She knew the risks, we've known long before you were born what smoking is likely to cause.
That's not meant to sound harsh, but you may perceive it that way. When I chose to get bladdered after a hard day at the office the people who caused me stress weren't pulling me the pint. You weren't lighting the fags for your mum. She could have dealt with it my going for a run or having a good old moan to her mates or anything else that many people do when stressed.
So, this thinking is part of the trap. You are perceiving yourself in a negative way and forgetting the reality.
Something I think you also need to accept is that your mum doesn't not see a GP about her coughing to upset you. She doesn't see a GP because she knows it's pointless. You are the HA sufferer, she is not. All she sees is a cough, you see lung cancer. The error is in YOUR thinking, not hers. If a smoker or ex smoker ran to their GP for these issues every time they happened the NHS would be done for.
What you need to accept is that this is YOUR thinking and just as her smoking was never your fault, your distress isn't hers either. Don't allow your anxiety to cause problems between you & your mum because you will always need her no matter how old you get. You can make that choice not to allow your anxiety to make you angry about her perceived lack of action. The truth is, she doesn't need to take action - other than to keep pushing to get you help.
I think this is definitely causing major problems between me and my mum. She's getting annoyed by me and I'm getting annoyed by her. Do you think this is all just anxiety making something out of nothing? I mean there's no blood, no fatigue, no wheeze or anything like that but I can't sleep now because I've just heard her cough, oh my this is horrible.
MyNameIsTerry
14-04-16, 05:30
Yes, anxiety is definitely a big issue here. Only a doctor can ever say for sure (with tests) and that's something that we have to learn to live with, a common problem with anxiety sufferers, but the level to which this is affecting you is 100% anxiety disorder because I don't have HA worries and there is no way this would bother me like this or me jump to conclusions of lung cancer. My dad smoked for about 40 years. Can you imagine how that would play on your mind? I don't think about, I don't need to.
Anxiety does come between people. Loved ones become frustrated and they don't understand how we feel, they just can't unless they feel it. The same for any doctor, counsellor or therapist on this planet. I've never broken my ankle, but I have sprained it many times. I don't know how a broken ankle feels and I can't compare the lesser pain of a sprain to that. The same is true for anxiety or any other mental health disorder or physical ailment. So, we have to try to understand the frustration we cause to people who can't see it beyond how their normal range of anxiety has affected them.
But you can try to calm yourself down over this. Outbursts do occur, I've done them myself. But apologise quickly and don't let it fester. Accept being in the wrong when you react harshly and don't let it kick you back through guilt or shame. Take yourself away from the situation and ask yourself about how you are feeling when this happens. Try to calm down and try to rationalise it.
You are a young guy, Toby. What you are trying to deal with is hard for any adult 3 times your age with a lot more life experience. You will make mistakes.
And you can break out of this. For a start your emotional elements in your brain will still be developing into your early twenties so how you feel now may not be the same.
Yes, anxiety is definitely a big issue here. Only a doctor can ever say for sure (with tests) and that's something that we have to learn to live with, a common problem with anxiety sufferers, but the level to which this is affecting you is 100% anxiety disorder because I don't have HA worries and there is no way this would bother me like this or me jump to conclusions of lung cancer. My dad smoked for about 40 years. Can you imagine how that would play on your mind? I don't think about, I don't need to.
Anxiety does come between people. Loved ones become frustrated and they don't understand how we feel, they just can't unless they feel it. The same for any doctor, counsellor or therapist on this planet. I've never broken my ankle, but I have sprained it many times. I don't know how a broken ankle feels and I can't compare the lesser pain of a sprain to that. The same is true for anxiety or any other mental health disorder or physical ailment. So, we have to try to understand the frustration we cause to people who can't see it beyond how their normal range of anxiety has affected them.
But you can try to calm yourself down over this. Outbursts do occur, I've done them myself. But apologise quickly and don't let it fester. Accept being in the wrong when you react harshly and don't let it kick you back through guilt or shame. Take yourself away from the situation and ask yourself about how you are feeling when this happens. Try to calm down and try to rationalise it.
You are a young guy, Toby. What you are trying to deal with is hard for any adult 3 times your age with a lot more life experience. You will make mistakes.
And you can break out of this. For a start your emotional elements in your brain will still be developing into your early twenties so how you feel now may not be the same.
I just have no idea how I can rationalize it because it's such a big thing in my mind, it's like there's a little guy in my head with a megaphone screaming "YOUR MUM COULD POSSIBLY HAVE LUNG CANCER YOU NEED TO WORRY NOW" 24/7. The worst bit about it is the uncertainty because I don't feel like I'll be able to change unless I know for sure what's going off.
MyNameIsTerry
14-04-16, 06:47
Yeah, the "inner chimp" as one psychologist termed it.
If your mum went to her GP tomorrow and he sent her for every test there is for lung cancer, and there are a few, biopsies are not the 100% test as I learned recently with my GF's mum, do you believe your subconscious would just think "ok, that's sorted out so back on with life now"? It wouldn't. Anxious thinking is "learnt behaviour", it didn't get that way over night, it took time to train it to be this way. So, how will knowing with certainty change that? It won't. What happens? It just looks for another target (remember your non lung cancer worries a while back?).
It will take a period of conscious retraining to make that subconscious anxious reaction change. The same process that put it there will retrain it to a healthy way of thinking. CBT is founded on this principle, and it can work. Many therapies are.
You have to learn to accept uncertainty because life is full of shades of grey. You will come across many things in your life where you can never be certain. You can choose to let them go or let them plague you. All the adults on here will tell you this, we're all going through in some way or other.
Your therapist needs to work with your thoughts and your perceptions. You can greatly change how you view things. How do I know this? Because like lots of others on here, a few years ago I was saying exactly what you are now. I was wrong and now I know why.
That that inner bloke is screaming in your mind he wants you to react with fear. This is why learning to react with positive/neutral responses like in CBT can help. Other ways are like the acceptance route (which is essentially positive/neutral too) or routes like Mindfulness which apply acceptance to other concepts such as "curious observation".
Terry is so right here, Toby. You so very much need professional help here in order to challenge these horrible intrusive,negative and distorted thoughts. There is absolutely no reason at all for you to feel guilt regarding your Mum's decision to smoke but I know that you do not fundamentally believe this hence the torment continues..
Please keep chasing CAMHS? It's so important for you to get the right help.
Toby. You so very much need professional help here in order to challenge these horrible intrusive,negative and distorted thoughts... It's so important for you to get the right help.
Many here have been saying this since you joined the forum Toby. As a parent, to see such a young person struggling so badly is troubling and sad to say the least. There are those that can digest words of advice and logic and some that cannot and IMO, you're of the latter category as no words or common sense seem to help you in any way. I wish there were a way to reach through the screen and drag you to get help. I know there are challenges in the UK in getting the proper help but something seems more amiss in your situation and I can't quite put my finger on why....
I just hope you find a way to cope with your anxiety and live a happy and productive life.
Good luck and as always
Positive thoughts
Yeah, the "inner chimp" as one psychologist termed it.
'Inner chimp'......I absolutely love that, LOL.:yesyes::sign20:
something seems more amiss in your situation and I can't quite put my finger on why....
My mum's trying to get me seen by CAMHS but they just can't rush it because there's a long waiting list, but I suppose mine should be coming up soon as I was put forward 2 months ago. Also, what seems amiss? I don't understand. I'm not some 50 year old pretending to be a little kid if that's what you think.. I have better things to be doing than making up false stories.:)
---------- Post added at 16:42 ---------- Previous post was at 16:38 ----------
Yeah, the "inner chimp" as one psychologist termed it.
I love that:D
If your mum went to her GP tomorrow and he sent her for every test there is for lung cancer, and there are a few, biopsies are not the 100% test as I learned recently with my GF's mum, do you believe your subconscious would just think "ok, that's sorted out so back on with life now"? It wouldn't. Anxious thinking is "learnt behaviour", it didn't get that way over night, it took time to train it to be this way. So, how will knowing with certainty change that? It won't. What happens? It just looks for another target (remember your non lung cancer worries a while back?).
Yeah I understand what you're saying. She went back in October and the doctor said she was apparently fine but I then went on to worrying about something else, think it was throat cancer or a "missed" form of lung cancer.
It will take a period of conscious retraining to make that subconscious anxious reaction change. The same process that put it there will retrain it to a healthy way of thinking. CBT is founded on this principle, and it can work. Many therapies are.
You have to learn to accept uncertainty because life is full of shades of grey. You will come across many things in your life where you can never be certain. You can choose to let them go or let them plague you. All the adults on here will tell you this, we're all going through in some way or other.
I dunno how to let them go though. I think distracting myself right now is the best thing to do.
Your therapist needs to work with your thoughts and your perceptions. You can greatly change how you view things. How do I know this? Because like lots of others on here, a few years ago I was saying exactly what you are now. I was wrong and now I know why.
I can certainly notice a pattern in all of my posts. I doubt anyone on here has ever been correct about cancer worries.
That that inner bloke is screaming in your mind he wants you to react with fear. This is why learning to react with positive/neutral responses like in CBT can help. Other ways are like the acceptance route (which is essentially positive/neutral too) or routes like Mindfulness which apply acceptance to other concepts such as "curious observation".
Also, what seems amiss? I don't understand.
Like I said... According to the posts I see here, I know the NHS has it's challenges concerning mental health care but your case seems to have gone around in circles more than most according to what you've posted... the school nurse handling things as opposed to your GP referring you... what you've said goes against standard protocol according to what other members have stated... and again, by your posts, it also seemed as if your parents weren't actively involved in getting you help etc.
As with some other rather young members here, seeing you in such distress is troubling and sad. I know when my daughter came to me (she was 18 at the time) and spoke to me about what she was going through, I and her mother made sure she got help. She was pretty bad off too. Now, with the help of therapy, meds and a lot of hard work, she's doing great...in fact she graduates college the end of this year and will pursue her passion of teaching children.
I just hope that you and the other young members posting get the help they so desperately need. You should be out enjoying life at your age. I hope you get to the point where you can do so.
Good luck to you Toby... sincerely...
Positive thoughts
Like I said... According to the posts I see here, I know the NHS has it's challenges concerning mental health care but your case seems to have gone around in circles more than most according to what you've posted... the school nurse handling things as opposed to your GP referring you... what you've said goes against standard protocol according to what other members have stated... and again, by your posts, it also seemed as if your parents weren't actively involved in getting you help etc.
As with some other rather young members here, seeing you in such distress is troubling and sad. I know when my daughter came to me (she was 21 at the time) and spoke to me about what she was going through, I and her mother made sure she got help. She was pretty bad off too. Now, with the help of therapy, meds and a lot of hard work, she's doing great...in fact she graduates college the end of this year and will pursue her passion of teaching children.
I just hope that you and the other young members posting get the help they so desperately need. You should be out enjoying life at your age. I hope you get to the point where you can do so.
Good luck to you Toby... sincerely...
Positive thoughts
Oh, right. I can assure you 100% that my mum is desperately trying to get me in at CAMHS but she can't rush the waiting list or anything. I wish she could, she's in such a bad spot at the moment with everything that's going on.
Unfortunately it is incredibly difficult to get CAMHS support over here. My son is struggling to attend school at all and has GCSEs coming up. Apparently less than 50% attendance is not serious enough for a referral! When you do get one there is a waiting lust. The school has done everything they can and me and my husband the same. One thing that was recommended (which my son did not feel able to do) was Off the Record. You can self refer and it is aimed at young people. Why not look them up, Toby? x
By the way, my elder son had a very positive experience with CAMHS for his OCD, so hopefully once you get to the top of the list, you will too. x
Unfortunately it is incredibly difficult to get CAMHS support over here. My son is struggling to attend school at all and has GCSEs coming up. Apparently less than 50% attendance is not serious enough for a referral! When you do get one there is a waiting lust. The school has done everything they can and me and my husband the same. One thing that was recommended (which my son did not feel able to do) was Off the Record. You can self refer and it is aimed at young people. Why not look them up, Toby? x
By the way, my elder son had a very positive experience with CAMHS for his OCD, so hopefully once you get to the top of the list, you will too. x
Thanks fish, I'll check Off the Record out.
Unfortunately it is incredibly difficult to get CAMHS support over here.
Yep, I agree, and it is a deep shame that nothing has improved.
Early on in my nursing career, I worked on a general paediatric ward, and we had a lot of adolescent mental health patients admitted, who REALLY were not in the right place to help them, but were there because no spaces were available for them in CAMHS units. Trying to get appropriate intervention and treatment for them was like trying to find the Holy Grail.
This was over a decade ago, and it is quite disgraceful that nothing seems to have changed.
it is quite disgraceful that nothing seems to have changed.
I agree, especially as there are people suffering out there. I don't mean to sound harsh but maybe the suicide rate amongst teens would possibly even drop if they could actually sort it all out.
MyNameIsTerry
14-04-16, 22:38
Anyone on here who doubts the waiting issues with CAMHS can easily access the House Of Commons report on them that showed they were failing to meet national standards in seeing referrals. That included parents views. It also showed how standards differed by region.
Just for those who doubt the validity of a member on the basis of not getting help. It's been questioned before and I posted a link to that on the thread where that happened.
I also feel the treatment here has been wrong by the GP in not taking control of the referral BUT GP's are well known for mistakes on this level.
MyNameIsTerry
15-04-16, 05:15
'Inner chimp'......I absolutely love that, LOL.:yesyes::sign20:
He has a book called The Chimp Paradox. I remember Oosh saying it was good and I've seen it about. It gets good reviews on Amazon including from one customer, snooker legend Ronnie O'Sullivan! Apparently it helped his performance issues.
Maybe it went something like this:
Commentator: And as Ronnie steps up to take this final tournament winning shot on what could be considered an "easy yellow", he needs to focus and remain calm.
Ronnie: Breathe. Focus. Smooth action.
Ronnie's Inner Chimp: Ooh, I quite fancy a banana. I WANT A BANANA! I WANT A BANANA! GIVE ME A BANANA!!!
[miss cues]
Ronnie: S'#t, bo##'cks!!!
Commentator: Well, what an upset. Who would think Ronnie would miss such an easy shot. It's all over for his tournament win now.
Or translated into pictures:
http://www.bestemoticon.com/smiley/fruits/fruits-11.gifhttp://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/monkey/t122038.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-monkey.php?page=2)http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/monkey/t122023.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-monkey.php?page=2)http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/monkey/t122009.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-monkey.php)http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/monkey/t122006.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-monkey.php)http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/monkey/t122064.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-monkey.php?page=4)http://yoursmiles.org/bsmile/sad/b0431.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/b-sad.php?page=2)
But with the help of the book...
http://www.bestemoticon.com/smiley/fruits/fruits-11.gifhttp://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/monkey/t122038.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-monkey.php?page=2)http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/monkey/t122023.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-monkey.php?page=2)http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/monkey/t122009.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-monkey.php)http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/monkey/t122006.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-monkey.php)http://www.bestemoticon.com/smiley/violence/D_PUNC_1.GIFhttp://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/sport/t31170.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-sport.php?page=5)
He has a book called The Chimp Paradox. I remember Oosh saying it was good and I've seen it about. It gets good reviews on Amazon including from one customer, snooker legend Ronnie O'Sullivan! Apparently it helped his performance issues.
Maybe it went something like this:
Commentator: And as Ronnie steps up to take this final tournament winning shot on what could be considered an "easy yellow", he needs to focus and remain calm.
Ronnie: Breathe. Focus. Smooth action.
Ronnie's Inner Chimp: Ooh, I quite fancy a banana. I WANT A BANANA! I WANT A BANANA! GIVE ME A BANANA!!!
[miss cues]
Ronnie: S'#t, bo##'cks!!!
Commentator: Well, what an upset. Who would think Ronnie would miss such an easy shot. It's all over for his tournament win now.
Or translated into pictures:
http://www.bestemoticon.com/smiley/fruits/fruits-11.gifhttp://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/monkey/t122038.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-monkey.php?page=2)http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/monkey/t122023.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-monkey.php?page=2)http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/monkey/t122009.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-monkey.php)http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/monkey/t122006.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-monkey.php)http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/monkey/t122064.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-monkey.php?page=4)http://yoursmiles.org/bsmile/sad/b0431.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/b-sad.php?page=2)
But with the help of the book...
http://www.bestemoticon.com/smiley/fruits/fruits-11.gifhttp://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/monkey/t122038.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-monkey.php?page=2)http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/monkey/t122023.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-monkey.php?page=2)http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/monkey/t122009.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-monkey.php)http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/monkey/t122006.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-monkey.php)http://www.bestemoticon.com/smiley/violence/D_PUNC_1.GIFhttp://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/sport/t31170.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-sport.php?page=5)
LMAO......your way with words is legendary, Terry! :roflmao:
Well... 3 years later and she's still alive with no lung cancer:yesyes:
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