New(here, not to HA), hitting a low point. Ugh.

[mersault22]

I have not been feeling well for months. Its been a lot of things, but most consistently shortness of breath, feeling of lump or SOMETHING in throat, constant burping after eating or drinking anything, tightness right under sternum pretty constantly. And now issues with swallowing.

Here is who I have seen and what I have done:

Cardiologist: EKG, Stress Test, ECHO, Comp Metabolic Panel: ALL NORMAL
ENT: scope down my nose, CT Scan of neck: NORMAL
Pulmonologist: Spirometry: THINKS IT COULD BE ASTHMA/ALLERGY/POST NASAL DRIP RELATED, GAVE ME MEDS
Various GPs: ALL SAY IT COULD BE REFLUX
GI: Ordered an Endoscopy which i'm getting in a few weeks.

In the last year i've had:

2 Abdominal CT Scans (for a surgery to remove a cyst, besides that fine)
Cystoscopy (to confirm that the cyst wasnt connected to my bladder, it wasn't, and it was fine)
Chest X-ray (slight inflammation)
Urinalysis: Normal
CBC: Normal except I was in the hospital with a post-surgery infection so whites were elevated but came back down.

The CT scan of my check did show "nodules" in my lungs which my pulmonologist says are nothing to worry about and he doesn't want to do any further testing. Of course that freaked me out, but I'm trying to just trust the doctor and not push for unnecessary testing.

I feel like I am losing my mind. I know that I have health anxiety, but this is not health anxiety. I have actual physical problems. I don't dispute that my anxiety makes all of this worse, but I firmly believe there is something wrong. It may not be grave or a death sentence, but it is making me so uncomfortable every day. I'm so distracted and feel like I'm just not there most of the time.

Yesterday I convinced myself I have ALS because of the swallowing. I am just a mess. I've been like this before, but not for many years.

Anyways just wanted to join up and rant. Thanks for reading.

[Holds1325]

Hello and welcome,

First off I want to say that almost 99% sure its your HA after all these tests. Might want to get the endo just to put your mind at ease.

I almost had an endo 6 months ago but I declined it because I felt it was a waste. My symptoms were strikingly similar to yours and what sounds like GERD or reflux disease. Have you tried an OTC or perhaps been prescribed any acid reducing meds such as a PPI? You might consider going that route as GERD is VERY common and easily curable through diet or otherwise manageable through medication or a combination of both.

One thing I do to help with my HA is to be present, mindfulness helps such as I am fine NOW I will worry about it if/when it happens otherwise I am breathing I am not sick now and I can still function. Why let HA ruin your day? By the way it doesn't matter whether you have the sickness or not HA can still and will ruin your life its best not to be anxious about it.

I went from feeling sick to my stomach daily, headaches daily. After several doctor visits I finally put a stop to it and said fine, it is what it is, very difficult at first but it eventually started helping.

Do you google your symptoms by the way? Was there anything that triggered this for you maybe? Recent deaths in the family? Fearful of death? or life? Fear of suffering? the luster of life not appealing? These things usually factor into HA.

[mersault22]

Hi and thanks so much for your response.

I've been trying the ppi's to no avail. But they've been prescribed by random doctors here and always as a "hey maybe its GERD, try this". that's why i went to the GI doc, to just be sure so that I treat it appropriately.

I try my absolute best to not google my symptoms, but of course find myself "relapsing". Yesterday I totally went into a google hole.

I had an actual health scare toward the end of last year. I had a urachal cyst that was undetected for years and years. There was a SMALL chance that it was the c word, but it came up clean after I had surgery to remove it.

I was then hospitalized post surgery for a really really bad infection the day after Christmas. Spent 3 days there and then a few months with wound care to finally have it heal.

My health anxiety started to ramp back up when I found out about the cyst, and just hasn't really let up since. I have also had some emotional stuff, like my grandmother passing away (she was my last living close relative) from cancer, and my brother (only sibling) battling with addiction issues.

I have a 3 year old daughter and just live in constant fear of leaving her.

[Fishmanpa]

Hi mersault and welcome,

I've said this on many other threads. The fear of leaving your loved ones is strong among sufferers. The thing is, by living in constant fear and spending all day worrying, going on the internet Googling symptoms and in forums, you've essentially left them already :shrug:

Are you getting any help with your anxiety?

Positive thoughts

[mersault22]

yeah i have definitely thought that to myself, about already not being present. I feel that.

I haven't had any true help with the anxiety. I have ativan which i take as needed. I was on lexapro for a bit but it caused really bad anxiety and intrusive thoughts. I stopped that and a psych (after talking to me for maybe 5 min) prescribed buspar and prozac(used to take it in college), but i never started taking them. I really dont'w ant to get into antidepressants.

I know I should probably be in therapy but am clearly overly focused on getting a diagnosis which I probably will never get.

[Holds1325]

I never really went with Antidepressants either, I believe if you put in the effort and have the willpower to go with them then great they will probably work for you. My mind was already set against antidepressants and would manufacture symptoms regardless of the drug. I feel that people should do whats comfortable as with not only ADs but therapy can also be hit or miss depending on the care provider. I ended up with a miss on therapy and was sent into inpatient psychiatry against my will which I found out later I didn't have to go but was "convinced" harshly to go.

As with family members, yes its very difficult to think about the thought of leaving them alone. But I think of it this way, we all die eventually right? Whether a year from now or 100 years even, why waste time worrying about that time when you can put that effort into taking care of them presently? Your child needs you just as much now as they would have yesterday or tomorrow, either way they need you now, presently, try focusing on that. It takes practice though.

As far as the GI doc goes, every treatment is PPI-related no matter what the diagnosis. Perhaps the med didn't work and you want to try something else. Have you tried diet? Exercise? These things helped me.

Also with the google its best to just leave that option out, if a symptom comes up, theres not a thing google can do but leave you with worry, remember that. It cannot diagnose you because it does not know you, neither can it even begin to treat you because its a tool not a doctor. I have occasional times where I want to google but I just dont and if it keeps bothering me after a few weeks then I'll consider making an appointment, other than that I let it go.

You'll get through this I'm sure!

[mersault22]

Thanks I'm definitely trying. It feels like a triumph to make it through a day. I was doing mostly ok then I ate and was feeling the whole time like I couldn't swallow. I mean I DID swallow though, says my empty salad bowl.

My problem is that i feel so PHYSICALLY bad that it's incredibly hard to not focus on it.

I am doing diet and exercise. I'm admittedly overweight by a lot. I was once 375lbs. Now I'm more like 260, but still clearly have a ways to go, and was down to 240 last year.

I'm definitely going to cut out the googling. It is in no way helpful.

[Holds1325]

Yeah I understand the general malaise feeling, its horrible, like you know somethings off but you dont know what. In my case that feeling just went away on its own eventually.

I also had this symptom deep imbedded in my head when I thought it was an actual problem. I looked up my illness several times and found that bloating was sometimes due to cancer and that getting full quickly was also another symptom. Well of course, I would get full easy and get really bloated. I found later my mind simply manufactured those symptoms. I could eat alot infact I ate alot to validate this and bloating I'd constantly be pushing on my stomach which I found out CAN CAUSE bloating so it was an endless cycle. Doctor even told my I was bloated and I was losing weight fast.

After a month of just ignoring that and trying to move on, those symptoms cleared.

About the swallowing, is it really that difficult to swallow? Do you find that you need to chew up the food to a liquid almost? Most people with difficulty swallowing have pain and a feeling as if something is stuck there and that is usually due to anxiety really. Sometimes its due to like a throat infection but a doctor could easily rule that out with a quick check.

[mersault22]

The swallowing thing is like a feeling of tightness. Not that the food can't get down just that like its strained. And then whether it's a sip of water or a full meal I can't stop burping after.

I think part of it is definitely that I'm super conscious of it so I'm hyper focused on every time I swallow. And I've got a constant lump in throat feeling. Like really never seems to go away.

[mersault22]

Today the tip of my tongue is kind of tingly and numb. Doing all i can to not Google. Sure it's ALS. Ugh.