Major step backward.

[.Poppy.]

Honestly, I've been doing pretty good HA wise, recently. I think the meds are starting to help, at least a little bit. My main anxieties have been pretty much about the same things, aren't all health related, and I don't obsess quite as much as I used to.

Then, this.

Basically, I have a visual trail. It does NOT appear when I am active concentrating on the object (so, if I focus on my hand and move it, I can't see a trail). Instead, when I don't focus on the object I see a light trail following. More so when there is a contrast (my white arm against a black stovetop, for instance).

I've had this for some time now. I think it started about 4 or 5 years ago actually (!!). I worried about it at the time, but as I was coming out of my first serious round of HA I didn't worry about it as much as I could have and just kind of lived with it. I swear I made a post on here about it but can't find it so maybe not.

I googled (UGH!) and have found all kinds of things, so nothing to specifically fear but as always, just the idea of: BAD. Some say it could be long-term lyme disease (a personal fear of mine). MS came up but I'm not really worried about that. Someone else posted that it could be reaction to antidepressents...probably not as it happened long before I started my meds but it seems to happen more frequently - not sure if that's a coincidence or not.

I know I'm not supposed to seek reassurance and I'm going to go through tomorrow and try some of the CBT exercises. I'm getting better at some of them, but it's still a lot of work - a lot of it seems to revolve around finding the worst case scenario and deciding how likely it is and how you'd cope; I'm still at the point where I want to curl up and just say "I don't know how likely it is, I don't know if I can cope....". But I'm getting closer to sitting upright...:winks:

[ServerError]

Aren't visual trails a pretty common anxiety symptom? I'm sure I've seen them listed somewhere. Obviously it's hard to know exactly what you're describing, but it sounds like something I experience quite a lot. I had my eyes examined and got a clean bill of health. I'm sure you're fine and it's just part of your anxiety. I know how it feels when you're doing well and then something gnaws away at you until you can no longer ignore it.

[Fishmanpa]

Basically, I have a visual trail. It does NOT appear when I am active concentrating on the object (so, if I focus on my hand and move it, I can't see a trail). Instead, when I don't focus on the object I see a light trail following. More so when there is a contrast (my white arm against a black stovetop, for instance).

Ok... First off, you've been doing fantastic! One only need look at your posting history to see it :)

What you said is a contradiction of sorts. You may perceive it differently but it is. In order to see something that under normal circumstances is unconsciously ignored, one must focus on it. You're essentially misconstruing reality. Does that make sense? It's basic visual perception that you're misinterpreting as abnormal when its not.

IMO?... You've been living with this for so long that anything out of the "ordinary" for you seems to be abnormal when anyone else who doesn't suffer from anxiety disorder (me) sees it as normal. Think about it. who, in their normal right mind even focuses on such a thing in their every day normal life? If I do what you're saying I see the same thing :shrug:

To me, (and I tested your theory) its what would happen if I did the same thing as you, but you see it as a threat where I see it as "ehhh.. Ok..." if I were asked to perform the same task.

You're doing fine kiddo! Keep on working hard and this will pass.

Positive thoughts

[.Poppy.]

Thanks, to both of you.

I am starting to feel a little bit better. Less fixating, I think. I still tend to worry about things but it's getting a little easier to let that worry pass. I guess that's a good sign and I just have to press on.

Funnily enough, I did find the thread I made on the exact same subject - it was my very first post here! Someone commented on it with a very scientific answer as to why this happens and it made me feel better. Reassurance doesn't always work, obviously, but when someone who knows what they're talking about (this poster was apparently an eye doctor) says "it's normal" or someone else says "I get this too" it does make it easier to move past the fear and accept it as not dangerous.

I'll keep trying with the CBT. It's not easy but I do think it will be worth it in the end.