View Full Version : Paranoid of glands/lymph nodes/lymphoma in neck. Ongoing throat problems. & more.
Hello, I'm new. I'm 31 & I'm married with 5 children under the age of 9.
I have had anxiety & panic attacks since age 6, health anxiety since about age 12.
I have had ongoing throat problems for over 2months now, it started with a very sore throat with absolutely no other symptoms, I thought straight away it must be cancer (massive cancer fears). I got obsessed with checking my throat with a light & getting my husband & mum to look too. Went straight to the doctor (first of many visits) as I found a blister at the back of my throat, 2 days later the normal cold symptoms came a long, I had a blood test done which came back normal except very low vitamin D and very low ferritin stores. So medication given. But ever since then iv been a mess, constant checking and over 2 months later my throat still hurts in places and I now am adamant that I have swollen glands/lymph nodes. I'm checking constantly and yes I know this can apparently cause them to swell, my doctor wants to see me weekly so I stop phoning in asking for emergency spots. (yes I know this is bad).
To me my glands feel massive. I can feel them deep under my jawline at the front, I am certain I must have lymphoma!!
More about my health problems..... I'm extremely exhausted ALL the time, I have depression because of my health anxieties, my leg & arm bones ache so much, especially at night and I have literally no energy levels. My poor husband!
My children are my world and I worry over them just as much, I am petrified I will die and leave them without their mummy who they dote on.
Another very recent blood test showed normal white blood cells & platelets, which I no can show as normal even with lymphoma! Can most people feel their glands/nodes? I am certain I'm having a break down. I can't take this anymore. I'm new to the site so I'm sorry I am introducing myself like this. Iv gone from thinking iv had cervical cancer, to ovarian cancer (a great aunt died of this at age 27), to leukemia, to throat cancer and lymphoma!! This consumes my life. Sad I know. My poor babies. I'm petrified of not being alive to watch them grow & take care of them, but yes I know I'm not doing much good for them like this. Any help or advice would be very much appreciated, thanks for taking the time to read this. Jade :weep:
hi jade. i can relate to a lot of this, and just posted an intro thread that says a lot of similar things. a life of anxiety, terrified by the idea of your kids losing you.
i know what it's like to feel exhausted all the time, during my most anxious periods all i want to do is sleep because my brain feels completely depletes, and so my body does too.
do you have therapy? things have gotten quite a lot better for my with the help of some medication and a good therapist, to the point that i'm quite good at cutting my obsessive anxious trains of thought off early, before i get all the way to how my kids will get by without me/my wife and i'm crying in the work toilet stall again.
i'm not giving medical advice but all the symptoms you describe could very feasibly be entirely from your anxiety. sorry if that sounds dismissive.
anyway. you can probably tell from poking around these forums that you're not alone, there are thousands of people experiencing all the same things as you right this second. actually that sounds a bit grim doesn't it? anyway. hi.
Hello, I'm having such a bad day today, I just don't understand how someone this exhausted whose throat & glands have been hurting for this long and not be something sinisterly wrong.
I am sat here crying with a house load of cleaning to do, 5 children to entertain and feed plus 2 extras as my husbands Niece & nephew ate with us till 4pm. I ha ent checked my glands yet but I am so wanting to. Wish I could hibernate away for a while. So upset and I just know iv got cancer. :weep:
I had a similar problem if that makes you feel better. Had a weird throat infection thing. Lasted a really long time. My nodes swelled up to golf balls. I couldn't swallow. The act of eating caused my nodes to swell. I thought I was dead meat.
It was just a throat infection. Nothing more.
Jade,
I'm a head and neck cancer survivor. I'm not a doctor but nothing you suggest remotely raises a red flag for cancer. You've had medical professionals and scientific medical tests that have ruled out anything sinister as well. Cancer is an uncontrolled growth of abnormal cells. It doesn't come and go nor does it stop once it starts. In the 3 months from the time I first noticed a swollen node (and you could actually see it... you didn't have to poke and prod to find it), it grew from a pea to a large grape and by the time they went in to take out the cancer, I had two nodes the size of golf balls! It looked like I had the mumps on the left side of my neck!
On the other hand, everything you describe falls right into place with anxiety and depression. Depression and anxiety aside, 5 children under the age of 9 would be exhausting to 5 adults let alone one! I imagine you haven't had a goods nights sleep in years!
The worry and fear you mention about leaving your family is a rather common one here on the boards. I contend that by being constantly worried, anxious and living in this fear, spending a lot of your time on the internet Googling and on forums, your family is essentially losing you already. If you're not getting help with your anxiety and depression, please look into doing so. I lost my first wife to severe depressive disorder. I know what it's like from the other side to see someone you love slowly fade away. Do it for your children and for your husband and mostly for yourself. You deserve to have a life too!
Positive thoughts
Fishmanpa, can I ask you a few things? But Firstly I am so very sorry to hear what you have been through health wise and about your dear first wife.
On 2 other blood tests i had LOW white blood cells which rings alarm bells for lymphoma, but last 2 were normal. How? And surely if low it could mean iv got it. Iv only thought I have lymphoma in the last month or so, when you first felt yours what symptoms did u have to think "oh somethings not right". Because iv read all lymph nodes are size of pea if normal, my right one under my jaw line is deff bigger than a pea, also painful, shooting pains up in to it and at back of my throat. My throat again looks bumpy with red small veins all over it. The fatigue is like nothing I can ever express with words, I'm literally wiped. I used to have so much energy.
I am vitamin D deficient and very low iron stores, i know this can make people "tired". I wake up after a nights sleep feeling like I havent. I'm so very afraid. Thank you for your time & patience. Xx
Nicholebear
17-04-16, 00:46
Let me share with you a story of what happened to me this January
I started feeling not right a few days after New Year's Day. I remember standing in line at Target feeling kinda spacey and out of it. That morning I had woken up with a sore, scratchy throat, you know, the kind that just feel uncomfortable only when you swallow? Anyway, I just assumed it was because I slept with my mouth open with the heater on or something and didn't think that much of it. Fast-forward to 8pm that evening. The heater is on full-blast and I'm shivering bundled up in three blankets while me, my boyfriend, and his two friends are watching a star wars movie. I start to feel super achy and completely unwell. My sore throat had gotten worse and I couldn't get warm. My boyfriend brought a mattress into the living room so I could lay on that and still watch the movie. I took my temp and it was at 101.9. Yikes! I managed to drink lots of water and probably ate about 100 ricolas but the terrible feeling finally passed and the fever broke the next evening. However I was sick with this for about three weeks. I also got an ear and sinus infection from this blasted illness. The sore throat was the worse. I was worried I had gotten strep because I had the white patches on the back of my tonsils. I also had a blocked Eustachian tube from this, which caused pulsate tinnitus, which set off a whole other bout of anxiety, but that's a different story. But sometime during that three weeks i noticed a lymph node on the front-right side of my neck, about pea-sized. Kinda hard but not like a rock or anything. It freaked me out so bad and if course sent me into a panicked bout of Google-searches. It popped back and forth and could move around easily under the skin. But really I obsessed over this for so long. But in the end everything seemed to turn out ok. I got better, my pulsate tinnitus went away, the lymph node has even seemed to have gotten considerably smaller. I know poking it for as long as I didn't probably wasn't very good for it.
Anyway I know it is hard, but if you visit the doctor so frequently I'm more than certain if they were concerned about anything they would tell you. I challenge you to not touch your lymph node for a full week. Then check them again and see if they feel any different. I know this will be hard. But let your body heal. It has a great way of taking care of itself.
I've told my story here many times.
In August of 2012 I caught a cold/sinus infection. I had swollen nodes on both sides of my neck. Nothing unusual really as I've had sinus infections dozens of times in my life. I treated it with OTC meds but it wasn't resolving. Went to my GP, got some antibiotics and that's it.
Now we're into September.... The infection cleared but one node on the left side of my neck remained. Again, nothing unusual as it takes time for nodes to resolve. By the end of September, the node was still there. It was totally painless and rock hard. I had absolutely no other symptoms. Called my GP and he prescribed another round of antibiotics.
Now we're into October.... The node was still there and obviously growing as it was visible on the side of my neck. Still no other symptoms. I felt fine. I called my GP and he had me come in. Now I can see he's concerned. One more round of a stronger antibiotics. He said if the node doesn't resolve in 2 weeks, call him. In the mean time, I suffered my 2nd heart attack. So into the hospital, and 3 stents later I'm home.
Now we're into November....I go to see him for the heart follow up and all is well except the node. I was immediately referred to an ENT. Upon my examination I asked him to be up front as I had just been through a lot. He said flat out he thought it was cancer as he'd seen enough to know. He just didn't know what type/stage etc. I had a FNAB right there and I was called a couple days later. It was Squamous Cell Carcinoma...
December.... I had my palatine tonsils removed right before Christmas. Along with the tonsils were several biopsies to try and locate the primary site.
Diagnosis: SCC N2B MO Stage IV Meaning... Squamous Cell Carcinoma affecting more then one node in level two, unknown primary (accounts for 1-2% of all cases) and we all know what Stage IV means....
Next came consultations and a 2nd opinion at Johns Hopkins (where I decided to get treatment), surgery to remove the cancer, Lingual tonsil removal and more biopsies... ugghhh.. By the time I went for surgery in February of 2013, The nodes were over 5cm. Other than some fatigue and a bit of pain/pressure in my neck, I still felt fine.
So..... again, based on what I'm reading about you, cancer is not on the radar at all but there's a big blip in the anxiety airspace. Low white blood counts? If they were alarmingly low, you would have been referred. Doctors don't mess around if they suspect something sinister. Many things can cause it and 99% are benign as in your case. If you were ill, they wouldn't have returned to normal I assure you!
Depression and anxiety is exhausting. The stress it causes to your body is akin to running a marathon 24/7. Treat that and you treat the symptoms associated with it. Much like the physical illnesses I suffered, recovery from mental illness is measured in weeks, months and years. I'm nearly 3 years out (April 24th) and it's taken every bit of those three years to reach the "new normal". You have to start sometime or things will never change. I suffered some depression and "scanxiety" from my illnesses and I sought treatment. I beat the *%#%$ out of it and all is well mentally :) The first step is often the most difficult but it's one step at a time. Sometimes it's one step forward, two back but eventually it's two steps forward, one back and it progresses from there. What do you have to lose?
Positive thoughts
Hi Jade,
Hope you are feeling a little better today. I've nothing more to add than what has already been said, I'd truly give huge consideration to either meds, therapy or both.
You are having weekly Gp appointments, I'm sure your doctor would have spotted something serious in this time, you have to trust them. Once you lose that trust and the what ifs start taking over then it's a downward spiral from there.
I've had throat problems for years, it's a mix of acid reflux and a bad ear that causes mine. People with anxiety are more prone to reflux issues.
You clearly love your children very much, my health anxiety began after giving birth with the same thoughts as yours, it took a long time to realise though that if I didn't deal with the anxiety, my son had lost me anyway as I was locked into my own world and isolating myself from everyone who loved me.
Be compassionate with yourself, so what if your house is slightly untidy or you leave the washing for another day, as long as it's a safe environment for you and your children what does it really matter in the grand scheme of things. That said, sometimes menial chores can take your mind off it.
Listen to some music or a funny film with the kids. Try to reassure yourself with your weekly gp visit, when you have a worry or thought, write it down then leave it in a book for when you next see your doctor.
From experience, obsessive worrying won't save your life, it will wear you out, make you unhappy and take you away from all the things you loved in life, your physical presence will still be there, but everything that makes you you will be focused on the worry.
In 8 years I've convinced myself of all sorts, I've jumped from one thing to the next, had many meltdowns and been 100% that I'm dying of my 'illness'. Guess what, I was wrong, I'm still here and would be described by anyone in the medical profession as being in good health.
Xxx
Oh PLEASE help me..... Today I have found a very hard area/lump/swelling inside my collar bone area, if you make that hollow between your neck and collar bone that's where it is and it's on my left side, whereas my right side isn't half as big or hard, stupid me looked up lymph node in collarbone area and it said when these swell & are hard it's much more likely to be cancerous!! I'm doomed, I'm waiting for my doctor to phone back but they will say no to seeing me as I keep going in as an emergency and I'm booked in for Friday, but I CANNOT wait that long. I am getting help but it's a long waiting list & long process.
I NEW I had this terrible thing I new I did. Please please any one can you help? Sat alone frightened, sometimes wondering why I'm here.......
Fishmanpa can you help with this?
Fishmanpa can you help with this?
Hi Jade,
I'm afraid there's really nothing I can do to help... I'm sorry. I've been around the boards enough to recognize someone in a spiral when I see it and reassurance at best works for a short time before something else comes along or the original fear returns. Based on your posts and reported history, this is not a physical issue. Let's face it, we have over 600 nodes in our bodies, if we poke and prod, we can feel them. If you hadn't been doing so, you wouldn't have discovered what's been there all along and turned it into cancer.
I'm truly sorry you're struggling but your fear is not rational. It's painful and sad to seeing so many hurting as they do. Ultimately, it comes down to you treating the real illness.
When you see your GP on Friday, perhaps print out and show him this thread along with asking him about the normal node and ask for some help with your anxiety.
Good luck and as always
Positive thoughts
Nicholebear
19-04-16, 07:33
Oh PLEASE help me..... Today I have found a very hard area/lump/swelling inside my collar bone area, if you make that hollow between your neck and collar bone that's where it is and it's on my left side, whereas my right side isn't half as big or hard, stupid me looked up lymph node in collarbone area and it said when these swell & are hard it's much more likely to be cancerous!! I'm doomed, I'm waiting for my doctor to phone back but they will say no to seeing me as I keep going in as an emergency and I'm booked in for Friday, but I CANNOT wait that long. I am getting help but it's a long waiting list & long process.
I NEW I had this terrible thing I new I did. Please please any one can you help? Sat alone frightened, sometimes wondering why I'm here.......
Fishmanpa can you help with this?
Take deep breaths and relax. Poking around your neck constantly is only making your lymph nodes enlarge even more. It's called a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more you fret about your health, the harder the constant anxiety and panic is on your body, causing all these symptoms that you worry about.
It should be noted that the cancer you are concerned about having is highly responsive to treatment and fewer and fewer people are dying from it.
Also, if you did have this, waiting a few more days to see the doctor will not make any difference.
Something that always helped me to cope with my health anxiety is "if you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras" meaning the simplest explanation is probably the most likely. They're probably hard from you constantly prodding around your neck. And it may not even be a lymph node you are feeling. You've also been to the doctor so many times that I'm more than certain that if there were anything to be worried about your doctor would have told you.
I think maybe it would help that instead of consulting a medical doctor, something that might help is speaking to a therapist about what all you're feeling. There may be things you need to work out emotionally that are making you feel the way you do. I'm not by any means saying you are crazy, we all need to talk to a therapist at least once in our lives. I think it's something that could really help you. Probably a lot better than talking to strangers on an online forum.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.