Cal83
18-04-16, 12:55
Hi,
I'm Caroline. I came here because I feel like I'm at the end of my tether. Taking a step back, life couldn't be sweeter but for some reason on Christmas Day I had my first panic attack. I'm a qualified mental health nurse (I don't practice in this field at present) so I knew what was happening to me. But it didn't make it any less terrifying. It started out feeling hungover which never used to be a problem. I was doing my make up and was convinced I could see my pupils dilating out of control. I stared harder at my eyes and was convinced I looked deranged. All of a sudden I felt like my skin was going to burst into flames, my heart raced and I fled the room calling for my Mum. She was great. She sat me down in the bathroom with the window open and told me everything was okay. By this point I was a quivering mess. I couldn't go back to the mirror in the bedroom to finish my make up because it felt like the place that had triggered it off so I went to another room, finished getting ready and went to a relatives house. For hours I felt awful. Drained, low in mood and a little bit hazy like I couldn't concentrate on what was going on around me. Eventually that afternoon I managed a nap and felt a lot better. That was the extent of it.
Three months later on Mother's Day I was in the car with my boyfriend talking about how much of a great weekend we'd had! Next thing I know my ears starting to hum and I felt like I was under water, the hot flush and racing heart thing started to happen and I flew forward out of my seat and made my boyfriend pull over. I ended up stood on a grassy bank at the side of a dual carriage way shaking like a leaf again. The best thing my boyfriend did was stay in the car and leave me to it. Turns out his ex had anxiety problems too so he knows that mollycoddling isn't the answer, he tends to stay calm and just give my hand a reassuring squeeze. When I got back in the car I felt the same drained feeling as the first time. My boyfriend has housemates so when we got back to his, I felt awful that I didn't want to be sociable but went straight to the bedroom to lie down. His housemates understood. Since the second panic attack, I've been terrified of having more and I've started to feel like the car isn't a nice place to be. I'm not avoiding it though as I know this will only make matters worse. I've noticed my ears tend to go funny right before the hot flushes so as soon as I notice this change in my body, I've started to be able to take control and keep a lid on things but this feeling can take hours to pass. When I'm in this "zone" of holding it together, I might look like I'm watching TV or listening to whoever is talking to me but I don't absorb any of it. I'm in my own head the entire time. Then I have to apologise profusely for seeming "ignorant". Anyway, so it would seem like I can keep panic attacks at bay currently which I'm pleased about. The thing that's bothering me the most recently is my health. I have become obsessed with little changes and twinges in my body. If I get a dull ache in my neck, or go a little light headed, or a little flutter in my chest etc It freaks me out even though I've had these feelings before and not giving hem much attention. Now I'm absolutely obsessed with a weird tingling feeling in my jaw and of course I've convinced myself I have cancer. I've made the fatal error of googling this shit and of course, everywhere I get pain is right where a lymph node can be found. So naturally I think I have some form of lymphatic cancer. So here I am, a qualified mental health professional worrying that I might die of cancer because I'm too busy telling myself it's all in my head, or is it? On one hand I'm telling myself, go get checked out because when it turns out to be nothing I can relax about it. On the other hand what if I get told I have a terminal illness and nothing can be done about but I'm avoiding going while I convince myself it's just my imagination. My boyfriend said to go just to put my mind at ease. He's even said if I go, he'll quit smoking (because I worry about his health too - haha). I'm here mainly for reassurance that other people feel the same as me too. I understand the physiology of it all but I'm sad about the fact that my brain doesn't want to play nice. I'd like to get back to where I once was, someone who didn't ever worry about a thing. Someone who has always been pretty stress free and easy going. If anybody can reassure me that this won't last forever, I'd be grateful x
I'm Caroline. I came here because I feel like I'm at the end of my tether. Taking a step back, life couldn't be sweeter but for some reason on Christmas Day I had my first panic attack. I'm a qualified mental health nurse (I don't practice in this field at present) so I knew what was happening to me. But it didn't make it any less terrifying. It started out feeling hungover which never used to be a problem. I was doing my make up and was convinced I could see my pupils dilating out of control. I stared harder at my eyes and was convinced I looked deranged. All of a sudden I felt like my skin was going to burst into flames, my heart raced and I fled the room calling for my Mum. She was great. She sat me down in the bathroom with the window open and told me everything was okay. By this point I was a quivering mess. I couldn't go back to the mirror in the bedroom to finish my make up because it felt like the place that had triggered it off so I went to another room, finished getting ready and went to a relatives house. For hours I felt awful. Drained, low in mood and a little bit hazy like I couldn't concentrate on what was going on around me. Eventually that afternoon I managed a nap and felt a lot better. That was the extent of it.
Three months later on Mother's Day I was in the car with my boyfriend talking about how much of a great weekend we'd had! Next thing I know my ears starting to hum and I felt like I was under water, the hot flush and racing heart thing started to happen and I flew forward out of my seat and made my boyfriend pull over. I ended up stood on a grassy bank at the side of a dual carriage way shaking like a leaf again. The best thing my boyfriend did was stay in the car and leave me to it. Turns out his ex had anxiety problems too so he knows that mollycoddling isn't the answer, he tends to stay calm and just give my hand a reassuring squeeze. When I got back in the car I felt the same drained feeling as the first time. My boyfriend has housemates so when we got back to his, I felt awful that I didn't want to be sociable but went straight to the bedroom to lie down. His housemates understood. Since the second panic attack, I've been terrified of having more and I've started to feel like the car isn't a nice place to be. I'm not avoiding it though as I know this will only make matters worse. I've noticed my ears tend to go funny right before the hot flushes so as soon as I notice this change in my body, I've started to be able to take control and keep a lid on things but this feeling can take hours to pass. When I'm in this "zone" of holding it together, I might look like I'm watching TV or listening to whoever is talking to me but I don't absorb any of it. I'm in my own head the entire time. Then I have to apologise profusely for seeming "ignorant". Anyway, so it would seem like I can keep panic attacks at bay currently which I'm pleased about. The thing that's bothering me the most recently is my health. I have become obsessed with little changes and twinges in my body. If I get a dull ache in my neck, or go a little light headed, or a little flutter in my chest etc It freaks me out even though I've had these feelings before and not giving hem much attention. Now I'm absolutely obsessed with a weird tingling feeling in my jaw and of course I've convinced myself I have cancer. I've made the fatal error of googling this shit and of course, everywhere I get pain is right where a lymph node can be found. So naturally I think I have some form of lymphatic cancer. So here I am, a qualified mental health professional worrying that I might die of cancer because I'm too busy telling myself it's all in my head, or is it? On one hand I'm telling myself, go get checked out because when it turns out to be nothing I can relax about it. On the other hand what if I get told I have a terminal illness and nothing can be done about but I'm avoiding going while I convince myself it's just my imagination. My boyfriend said to go just to put my mind at ease. He's even said if I go, he'll quit smoking (because I worry about his health too - haha). I'm here mainly for reassurance that other people feel the same as me too. I understand the physiology of it all but I'm sad about the fact that my brain doesn't want to play nice. I'd like to get back to where I once was, someone who didn't ever worry about a thing. Someone who has always been pretty stress free and easy going. If anybody can reassure me that this won't last forever, I'd be grateful x