View Full Version : Can't take it anymore - feeling more down than ever
I've really hit a breaking point and feel completely out of control, i am so so sad i just don't know where to start. More than anything i am FED UP and can't find any strength to go on anymore it's just so hard, i am very much in need of comforting words because i have lost the ability to motivate myself
I have been and i am pro actively trying to help myself, but it's getting harder and harder to do so because of my physical problems. They are draining me. I know so many people are suffering daily with terrible things and i feel silly, but i really am not well.
I am waking through the night every single night now with this excruciating ear pain, ear goes hot and bright red, i cannot touch the ear at all and i am not exaggerating when i say 'excruciating'. Doctors have faffed me off twice and just look at me like i am daft.
They told me very briefly months back i may have TMJ. I am sure i do very badly and have had for a lot of years.
When i open my mouth the widest i can, there is only an 18mm gap between the teeth, which suggests a closed lock. I checked today something i haven't before which is my tongue, and it is scalloped around the edges very badly, this also suggests night time clenching/grinding.. or hypothyroidism(which docs have tested me for twice and said i haven't got it)
My jaw is larger on one side, my eye is smaller on same same and my face just looks like someone has tightened it up, i get phases of jaw tenderness and my facial muscles are usually very tender when pressed. I'm constantly getting neck pain, problems with my feet, lower back pain, digestive problems and just generally feeling like cr*p. It's really taking it's toll on my mental health as i just can't be positive.
I have the doctors tomorrow and am just dreading it because i have so much i want to discuss, and i work myself up and just get faffed off. I think because of my anxiety they don't take me as seriously.
What saddens me the most is i know probably 99% of the problems i am having have been caused by myself, through stress/anxiety. It really makes me cry every single night that i have so much to offer and so much potential, yet i am 25 and feel like there's no way out, it is literally one thing after another and i really need the doctors on my side. Anxiety IS my issue, but i believe i've caused some problems by suffering for so long. :weep: :weep:
I'd demand a blood test.
I did have a full blood count, and a thyroid function test because they suspected a thyroid issue a few weeks back. They were all clear
If you had a serious physical illness that was causing you extreme distress and physical pain, would you not treat it? The answer is "Of course I would!"
Consequently, if you had a serious mental illness (which you admit to in your post) that was causing you extreme distress and physical pain, would you not treat it also?
You don't treat a broken bone with an ace bandage and aspirin. You don't treat mental illness with physical remedies. They may help a bit with the symptoms but they don't address the root of the problem. Work on treating the anxiety with therapy and/or meds (in this case both would be beneficial IMO) and you start treating the physical symptoms associated with it.
Hope you feel better soon!
Positive thoughts
If you had a serious physical illness that was causing you extreme distress and physical pain, would you not treat it? The answer is "Of course I would!"
Consequently, if you had a serious mental illness (which you admit to in your post) that was causing you extreme distress and physical pain, would you not treat it also?
You don't treat a broken bone with an ace bandage and aspirin. You don't treat mental illness with physical remedies. They may help a bit with the symptoms but they don't address the root of the problem. Work on treating the anxiety with therapy and/or meds (in this case both would be beneficial IMO) and you start treating the physical symptoms associated with it.
Hope you feel better soon!
Positive thoughts
Thanks for your reply, you are correct. I am doing CBT therapy and this week starting my talking therapy. I really want to put all this in to practice but finding it very difficult, i know that regardless of any physical conditions i may have, tackling my anxiety and stress is the most important thing.
I know what i need to do, but it is extremely hard when you feel so ill, i am going to write down my thoughts/symptoms and hand them to my GP tomorrow so it is clear for them just how much pain i am in, how low i feel and how i feel it's affecting any progress
Thanks for your reply, you are correct. I am doing CBT therapy and this week starting my talking therapy. I really want to put all this in to practice but finding it very difficult, i know that regardless of any physical conditions i may have, tackling my anxiety and stress is the most important thing.
I know what i need to do, but it is extremely hard when you feel so ill, i am going to write down my thoughts/symptoms and hand them to my GP tomorrow so it is clear for them just how much pain i am in, how low i feel and how i feel it's affecting any progress
I just want you to know I do understand. When I finished treatment for cancer, you can't imagine the shape I was in! I had lost over 60lbs, couldn't eat, could barely swallow water, had to take my food and meds through a tube in my stomach, ridiculous pain and fatigue...blah blah blah... So yeah, I know how hard it is to motivate yourself when you feel like poop. It'll be three years since I finished (the 24th) and it's taken every bit of that to get to where I am now.
Progress is measured in weeks, months and years when it comes to serious illnesses, physical or mental. It all starts with a step and it appears you're taking them. Tomorrow is another step and the day after another..... Before you know it, you're walking a mile...
Positive thoughts
I just want you to know I do understand. When I finished treatment for cancer, you can't imagine the shape I was in! I had lost over 60lbs, couldn't eat, could barely swallow water, had to take my food and meds through a tube in my stomach, ridiculous pain and fatigue...blah blah blah... So yeah, I know how hard it is to motivate yourself when you feel like poop. It'll be three years since I finished (the 24th) and it's taken every bit of that to get to where I am now.
Progress is measured in weeks, months and years when it comes to serious illnesses, physical or mental. It all starts with a step and it appears you're taking them. Tomorrow is another step and the day after another..... Before you know it, you're walking a mile...
Positive thoughts
Thank you for that, sometimes i get into this mindset that there is no light at the end of the tunnel and things will never be better, i always manage to bring myself out of that, i just need to keep up the fight and not let this take over.
I understand how you feel Katie. I've been the same recently. It's a viscous cycle of physical symptoms causing anxiety and in turn the anxiety causing the physical symptoms. I've had pain in my jaw and neck so much so I'm going to book a doctors appointment just to reassure myself that I'm not dying. It's made me feel so fed but I've used that despondency to my own advantage. I've pretty much got to the point where I've thought "f**k it". The symptoms have reduced since I stopped entertaining the negative thoughts so much so I feel more relaxed today.
I hope you start to feel better soon. I've found just reading other people's experiences on here have made me feel better. You're not on your own x
I understand how you feel Katie. I've been the same recently. It's a viscous cycle of physical symptoms causing anxiety and in turn the anxiety causing the physical symptoms. I've had pain in my jaw and neck so much so I'm going to book a doctors appointment just to reassure myself that I'm not dying. It's made me feel so fed but I've used that despondency to my own advantage. I've pretty much got to the point where I've thought "f**k it". The symptoms have reduced since I stopped entertaining the negative thoughts so much so I feel more relaxed today.
I hope you start to feel better soon. I've found just reading other people's experiences on here have made me feel better. You're not on your own x
Thanks and sorry to hear you're suffering to, see my issue is i never seem to get to the "f*ck it" point no matter how down i am, genuinely wish i could and just let it all go.
Yes it is a horrible horrible cycle, and trying to figure out what is causing what and what might be real what might be solely anxiety is just frustrating and a pointless task, that's why i am hoping the CBT therapy i am doing will give me the techniques to be able to tackle that way of thinking, and negative thinking in general.
Here's to us beating this and coming out the other side, this site is great :hugs:
Thanks and sorry to hear you're suffering to, see my issue is i never seem to get to the "f*ck it" point no matter how down i am, genuinely wish i could and just let it all go.
Yes it is a horrible horrible cycle, and trying to figure out what is causing what and what might be real what might be solely anxiety is just frustrating and a pointless task, that's why i am hoping the CBT therapy i am doing will give me the techniques to be able to tackle that way of thinking, and negative thinking in general.
Here's to us beating this and coming out the other side, this site is great :hugs:
The worst thing for me is that I'm a mental health nurse. I don't practice in the acute areas (I work with dementia) but some of my training has stayed with me. The problem I have is that I tend to think "what if I tell myself it's all in my head and end up ignoring something very serious and physical?". It's crazy really how we can cause a lot of our problems ourselves. I've seen CBT work and believe in it completely. I haven't bothered to seek GP/MH SERVICES help because I want to beat it myself. Also, it doesn't help that I know half of the mental health professionals in the area through my training. Haha. I already know what they'll suggest to help me through it and I'll only take medication as a last resort.
Like you said, trying to figure out what you should and shouldn't be worried about is hard going. I'm looking forward to hearing your CBT story so do share with us when you start. I'm hopeful for you.
Like you said, trying to figure out what you should and shouldn't be worried about is hard going. I'm looking forward to hearing your CBT story so do share with us when you start. I'm hopeful for you.
Definitely. I will update with anything that i think is helping as it may help others, at the doctor's tomorrow, and ready to tell them exactly how i'm feeling this time.
Thank you x
It's a beautiful day today where i am, despite waking every hour with this ear pain, i'm feeling much more in control today, got my doctor's appointment in a few hours and i'm feeling good about letting them deal with it, just need to make sure i get across how severe the pain is and how much it's disturbing my sleep. I want to come out of there feeling like i said all i needed to say and didn't hold anything back :)
Did some meditation last night before bed, it always makes me very anxious the first few minutes i have real trouble staying still, so decided not to force myself to be still and just do what naturally comes to me including the way i am breathing, when i finished i did feel a noticeable different in tension. So going to continue with this
MyNameIsTerry
19-04-16, 11:49
Katie,
The meditation gets easier, it took me weeks to get past that focusing on breathing issue. I had the same when starting Calming Technique and Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR), it's just anxiety trying to find a threat in sensation.
I thought it was totally counterproductive to focus on my breathing when I was already doing it. But there is a difference. Mindfulness is teaching you how to just accept it as normal, to observe it as the "curious observer" that it teaches. In time you will change how you view these things and don't be surprised if it just sort of happens, you can feel what is called a Cognitive Shift, something clicks into place and you view things differently.
Mindfulness in a breathing meditation form is an early lesson. There are other ways to do it which all build on each other. If breathing is still tricky, those could be tried too e.g. movement based, object handling, walking, eating, etc.
Katie,
The meditation gets easier, it took me weeks to get past that focusing on breathing issue. I had the same when starting Calming Technique and Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR), it's just anxiety trying to find a threat in sensation.
I thought it was totally counterproductive to focus on my breathing when I was already doing it. But there is a difference. Mindfulness is teaching you how to just accept it as normal, to observe it as the "curious observer" that it teaches. In time you will change how you view these things and don't be surprised if it just sort of happens, you can feel what is called a Cognitive Shift, something clicks into place and you view things differently.
Mindfulness in a breathing meditation form is an early lesson. There are other ways to do it which all build on each other. If breathing is still tricky, those could be tried too e.g. movement based, object handling, walking, eating, etc.
Trying to be still and quiet makes me realize just how much anxiety i do have, as it all comes at me at once and every sensation is heightened it's quite overwhelming. I've always had trouble with it but always wanted to do it, so yeah now i am just allowing myself to get comfortable with it instead of making myself breathe or sit a certain way.
I have a few short video's on my CBT programme, including Mindfulness eating, spotting thoughts, sounds and a body scan one. Trying to do at least one each night
It's a beautiful day today where i am, despite waking every hour with this ear pain, i'm feeling much more in control today, got my doctor's appointment in a few hours and i'm feeling good about letting them deal with it, just need to make sure i get across how severe the pain is and how much it's disturbing my sleep. I want to come out of there feeling like i said all i needed to say and didn't hold anything back :)
Did some meditation last night before bed, it always makes me very anxious the first few minutes i have real trouble staying still, so decided not to force myself to be still and just do what naturally comes to me including the way i am breathing, when i finished i did feel a noticeable different in tension. So going to continue with this
I'm glad you feel much more relaxed today. You sound much more positive and determined! :yesyes: I'm feeling better this morning too. I still ache around my neck and jaw but I'm alone in the house today so I'm going to use this time to prepare some food and do some relaxation. It's amazing how some symptoms ease so quickly after the cycle is broken.
Good luck at your doctors appointment. Be assertive and don't leave until you're happy x
I'm glad you feel much more relaxed today. You sound much more positive and determined! :yesyes: I'm feeling better this morning too. I still ache around my neck and jaw but I'm alone in the house today so I'm going to use this time to prepare some food and do some relaxation. It's amazing how some symptoms ease so quickly after the cycle is broken.
Good luck at your doctors appointment. Be assertive and don't leave until you're happy x
I spend the days alone too and they can be hard, i like cooking and that is a good distraction and well as being enjoyable for me. Yeah my partner always tells me the same as i tend to leave the doctor's not feeling like i really got it all out and then spending time wishing i would have, not going to happen today i'm going to leave it all in there(poor GP) lol
Thank you i'll update on what happens :)
---------- Post added at 14:00 ---------- Previous post was at 12:14 ----------
Ok so i need a new doctor!
I told her that i am waking up literally every hour or so with this excruciating pain in my ear, that only goes once i am sat up for long enough, that my ear is red and hot(but not swollen) that this only happens at night when i am lay down. It first started more than 6 months ago on and off, but now it is constant. The inside of my ear is sore to touch, and my ear is red.
She says she thinks it's 'Chilblains' and to keep it warm! She even said 'if it persists then errm i'm not sure what we can do as there's no infection' oh, thanks.
I told her i do not believe it is chilblains and it is getting worse each night, i have already tried allsorts changing sleeping positions, pillows, keeping my ear covered ect, she just faffed me off like it was nothing and gave me another fit note for a month easily enough.
I want to go back to work but how can i possibly on no sleep, she didn't seem bothered in the slightest and just advised me to take painkillers.
Not happy at all going to call my surgery and ask for an appointment with a different GP for sure. :lac:
---------- Post added at 14:06 ---------- Previous post was at 14:00 ----------
Oh and when i showed her my scallop edge tongue she didn't even know what that was a symptom of and had to go on google, i told her it was a symptom of hypothyroidism or sleep apnea ect
She's only very young and mentioned something about tests she's taking so i just have no faith in her diagnosis at all, i know something more is causing this and whatever it is is getting worse but because she can't see anything in my ear, it's chilblains
Just had a little Google to see if other people have experienced pain at night like you do. Found a bunch of people who say they get pain in the cartlidge part of the ear when pressure is applied. They experience heat and redness without swelling and have disturbed sleep as a result. None of them seem to have thrown up any answers though but have found conservative treatment with specially adaptive pillows has helped. Without any ear infection present, I'm wondering if it's to do with your jaw joint that sits close to the ear. Tension, grinding teeth etc? I know it's not helpful having a lack of a diagnosis but if you could have some respite from the pain it might be worth a read?
http://www.steadyhealth.com/topics/severe-ear-pain-caused-when-i-lay-down-at-night
Also, as a fellow sufferer of anxiety and the incredible ability to stress about my health, I'm aware Google isn't always our best friend but hopefully the discussion in the link might put your mind at rest a bit.
I spend the days alone too and they can be hard, i like cooking and that is a good distraction and well as being enjoyable for me. Yeah my partner always tells me the same as i tend to leave the doctor's not feeling like i really got it all out and then spending time wishing i would have, not going to happen today i'm going to leave it all in there(poor GP) lol
Thank you i'll update on what happens :)
---------- Post added at 14:00 ---------- Previous post was at 12:14 ----------
Ok so i need a new doctor!
I told her that i am waking up literally every hour or so with this excruciating pain in my ear, that only goes once i am sat up for long enough, that my ear is red and hot(but not swollen) that this only happens at night when i am lay down. It first started more than 6 months ago on and off, but now it is constant. The inside of my ear is sore to touch, and my ear is red.
She says she thinks it's 'Chilblains' and to keep it warm! She even said 'if it persists then errm i'm not sure what we can do as there's no infection' oh, thanks.
I told her i do not believe it is chilblains and it is getting worse each night, i have already tried allsorts changing sleeping positions, pillows, keeping my ear covered ect, she just faffed me off like it was nothing and gave me another fit note for a month easily enough.
I want to go back to work but how can i possibly on no sleep, she didn't seem bothered in the slightest and just advised me to take painkillers.
Not happy at all going to call my surgery and ask for an appointment with a different GP for sure. :lac:
---------- Post added at 14:06 ---------- Previous post was at 14:00 ----------
Oh and when i showed her my scallop edge tongue she didn't even know what that was a symptom of and had to go on google, i told her it was a symptom of hypothyroidism or sleep apnea ect
She's only very young and mentioned something about tests she's taking so i just have no faith in her diagnosis at all, i know something more is causing this and whatever it is is getting worse but because she can't see anything in my ear, it's chilblains
Hi,
Saw your post and I can identify with what you are feeling. I have tmj really bad and also I have a loss of fat near the joint that hurts all the time and if I sleep on that ear on the left side ,same as the area of loss of fat it hurts in the cartilage of the ear with no infection. The loss of fat on that side of the face where it has fallen looks bizarre like I have a hole there when in fact is just the fat has slipped down.
I am so sorry that you are having issues and feeling so bad. Its one thing for someone my age to feel like you do and another for a young person to feel so bad. I am so sorry,I wish I could take it all away for you and others here, it just seems wrong for people to suffer. I am very depressed too with the loss of my health and not being able to do the things i used to.
I hope that you can find some relief and get to feeling better soon and wish I had some answers for you but I don't . I did want to just say that my wish is for you to get better and forget all this soon. Good luck to you.Michael :bighug1::bighug1:
georgewing
20-04-16, 06:14
Yes anxiety cause you all these problems because make you to feel bad ,sad unhappy etc .Its proved stintificaly that when a man think negatively ,feel bad and atrct bad thinks in his life
Just had a little Google to see if other people have experienced pain at night like you do. Found a bunch of people who say they get pain in the cartlidge part of the ear when pressure is applied. They experience heat and redness without swelling and have disturbed sleep as a result. None of them seem to have thrown up any answers though but have found conservative treatment with specially adaptive pillows has helped. Without any ear infection present, I'm wondering if it's to do with your jaw joint that sits close to the ear. Tension, grinding teeth etc? I know it's not helpful having a lack of a diagnosis but if you could have some respite from the pain it might be worth a read?
http://www.steadyhealth.com/topics/severe-ear-pain-caused-when-i-lay-down-at-night
Also, as a fellow sufferer of anxiety and the incredible ability to stress about my health, I'm aware Google isn't always our best friend but hopefully the discussion in the link might put your mind at rest a bit.
Thank you so much, just read some of that link(there's too many replies to it) but it helped a lot, i can't believe all of those people describing pretty much exactly what i've been experiencing! Although it doesn't give me answers it definitely takes some of the worry away x
---------- Post added at 06:24 ---------- Previous post was at 06:22 ----------
Hi,
Saw your post and I can identify with what you are feeling. I have tmj really bad and also I have a loss of fat near the joint that hurts all the time and if I sleep on that ear on the left side ,same as the area of loss of fat it hurts in the cartilage of the ear with no infection. The loss of fat on that side of the face where it has fallen looks bizarre like I have a hole there when in fact is just the fat has slipped down.
I am so sorry that you are having issues and feeling so bad. Its one thing for someone my age to feel like you do and another for a young person to feel so bad. I am so sorry,I wish I could take it all away for you and others here, it just seems wrong for people to suffer. I am very depressed too with the loss of my health and not being able to do the things i used to.
I hope that you can find some relief and get to feeling better soon and wish I had some answers for you but I don't . I did want to just say that my wish is for you to get better and forget all this soon. Good luck to you.Michael :bighug1::bighug1:
Hi, Sorry to hear how much you've suffered with this, truly is awful. The left side of my face/jaw is 'puffier' than the other which makes my face look funny when looking straight on, it's almost as if the muscle on that side has overdeveloped. Have you received any treatment?
---------- Post added at 06:29 ---------- Previous post was at 06:24 ----------
Yes anxiety cause you all these problems because make you to feel bad ,sad unhappy etc .Its proved stintificaly that when a man think negatively ,feel bad and atrct bad thinks in his life
Yesterday i wouldn't have really got this reply but today i do more than ever.
GOOD NEWS i woke up today for the first time having had a full nights sleep and NO ear pain :yesyes: :yesyes:
Actually cannot believe it.
Because i had exhausted all options, tried so many different things to stop it from happening i was at a loss, my partner(being the helpful soul that he is) came to me and said "Let me try something for tonight"
okay...
He then moved our bed which was originally in front of the window, so our heads were at the window. He moved it against the wall away from the window. I thought okay this is strange.. he said it's Feng shui :roflmao:
He said to me please try just for tonight to believe that this is going to work and go to bed as positive as you can, and to my utter amazement, whether it just be a total coincidence or not i have woken with no pain. Just generally feeling so much better :ohmy:
I'm not stating anything but for anybody at a complete loss, then why not give Feng shui a look up on google and try it out - never thought i'd be saying that :roflmao:
---------- Post added at 06:40 ---------- Previous post was at 06:29 ----------
Oh and i might book an appointment with that doctor and say
"No, no it wasn't bloody chilblains, the Feng shui in my bedroom was all wrong, actually"
:roflmao:
They will well and truly think i'm bonkers hehe
Thank you so much, just read some of that link(there's too many replies to it) but it helped a lot, i can't believe all of those people describing pretty much exactly what i've been experiencing! Although it doesn't give me answers it definitely takes some of the worry away x
Glad to be able to help, sort of. Haha. If it takes away some of the worry then you're halfway to winning the battle. Sometimes reassurance is just knowing others are suffering with you and so you're not searching for answers alone. Also, it's a relief to read that nobody has said it's something awful too! Phew!
GOOD NEWS i woke up today for the first time having had a full nights sleep and NO ear pain :yesyes: :yesyes:
Actually cannot believe it.
Because i had exhausted all options, tried so many different things to stop it from happening i was at a loss, my partner(being the helpful soul that he is) came to me and said "Let me try something for tonight"
okay...
He then moved our bed which was originally in front of the window, so our heads were at the window. He moved it against the wall away from the window. I thought okay this is strange.. he said it's Feng shui :roflmao:
He said to me please try just for tonight to believe that this is going to work and go to bed as positive as you can, and to my utter amazement, whether it just be a total coincidence or not i have woken with no pain. Just generally feeling so much better :ohmy:
I'm not stating anything but for anybody at a complete loss, then why not give Feng shui a look up on google and try it out - never thought i'd be saying that :roflmao:
Oh and i might book an appointment with that doctor and say
"No, no it wasn't bloody chilblains, the Feng shui in my bedroom was all wrong, actually"
:roflmao:
They will well and truly think i'm bonkers hehe
That's amazing! I think your other half deserves a round of applause. Not only for thinking outside the box, but for being an absolute sweetheart to you :yahoo:
Glad to be able to help, sort of. Haha. If it takes away some of the worry then you're halfway to winning the battle. Sometimes reassurance is just knowing others are suffering with you and so you're not searching for answers alone. Also, it's a relief to read that nobody has said it's something awful too! Phew!
That's amazing! I think your other half deserves a round of applause. Not only for thinking outside the box, but for being an absolute sweetheart to you :yahoo:
:D It's been a much better day all round, the morning was fantastic which is when i've usually started checking my symptoms again, and i've just had much less aches and pains, might move the furniture in all the rooms see if i wake up feeling like an athlete! :roflmao:
:D It's been a much better day all round, the morning was fantastic which is when i've usually started checking my symptoms again, and i've just had much less aches and pains, might move the furniture in all the rooms see if i wake up feeling like an athlete! :roflmao:
Haha! Maybe I should too. I've felt much more relaxed as the days have gone one. I think I can safely attribute the improvement to joining this forum! It helps to read other experiences when you're feeling despairing.
As for feeling like an athlete, I started training for a 10k race yesterday (I'm by no means a natural runner) and it's something to focus on. Problem is I slept terribly! I think that might be to do with minerals and electrolytes from exercise (or something to that effect). Or I could just move the bed :roflmao:
Yes move the bed! :yesyes:
10k race go you! I am so unfit these days it's something i really want to tackle, i used to love running but i can't even get up my stairs without a pant :roflmao:
Having something to focus on and work towards definitely helps,
I've just signed up for Yoga classes as it's something i've always wanted to do but never got round to it, hoping that will help with lowering stress levels too.
CBT is going well did a good module today all about challenging thoughts, i just need to be consistent and apply the techniques i'm still hopeful and think it was the right way for me to go :D
So i had a nice little break from the ear pain but unfortunately it returned last night :weep:
Woke up twice with the pain in my right ear, used a cold cloth on it for a few minutes each time til the pain stopped, woke up this morning with the pain in my LEFT ear(which hasn't happened for a very long time) the ear was red and some of the cheek too.
I used a cloth on it and the pain subsided,
I did notice though that when i opened my mouth, the pain started to return in my ears, but when closed it was much better. All morning i have had a full feeling in both ears as well as a slight prickly crawling inside.
Doc's have said ears are fine, so i must link it to the obvious which is jaw issues. I really hate having disturbed sleep as it makes me far worse the next day :lac:
I am trying to think if there's anything i've done differently to make it return, the fact that it went (although briefly) makes me feel less worried but nevertheless something is going on and it's frustrating when doctor's don't have the foggiest x
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