OCD? Allergy Phobia - please help!

[blueskies96]

Hi, I'm new to the site. I'm 19 and live in Australia.

Every time I eat, even though I am obsessively careful, I panic I have somehow eaten peanut and will have an anaphylactic reaction.

I was diagnosed with a mild peanut allergy when I was younger, though I have accidentally eaten peanuts on a few occasions (I used to have no idea what satay sauce and had a reaction because I ate satay chicken! Oops.) - my symptoms are an itchy mouth/throat.

I've had OCD and anxiety most of my life, though it's been pretty manageable. A traumatic incident two years ago has unsurprisingly caused my anxiety/OCD to sky rocket. I've always been cautious with food: hesitant to try new foods, always checking labels, always asking if something contains peanuts; but it's been pretty manageable and rational. In the past year the caution has become completely irrational. I've had so many panic attacks about my family eating peanut butter in the house - it frightened me so much I would lock myself in my room and cry.

I haven't gone out to eat in over a year. It has completely isolated me. I never go out with friends if I know they're going out to eat - I fear they would think I'm weird for not eating, ask why I'm not eating etc. and work out that it's because I'm scared, and think of me as childish. I feel extremely childish. Eating a new food or going out to eat is practically an impossible idea. I wouldn't be able to do it.

I panic about contamination, and got into a big fight with my family when I opened up about this fear and asked if they could stop buying peanut butter, because I'm just so scared that there's contamination on the utensils/bowls/etc. they use and I will come into contact with it. I would scrub dishes I was going to use even if they'd gone through the dishwasher. They agreed to stop buying it thank goodness, but I still feel pathetic and childish for even asking them.

I recently saw an allergy specialist to get re-tested because I was convinced my allergy had escalated to severe. It hadn't. It's mild, but there is a very, very slim chance that mild allergies can randomly become severe, and I have been obsessing over that for a long time.

It's controlling my life. I wish I could go out to eat with my family and friends, or go to friends' houses for dinner. It is completely isolating and I feel so alone. My diet has become very restricted and I don't even touch foods that have a "may contain" or "made on equipment that also processes" warning. I'm underweight. It occupies so much of my mind and has drained me of so much energy panicking about it. I feel so childish that I haven't even brought it up with my psychologist. Lots of kids are 'picky', but everyone expects them to grow out of it. Whatever progress I had made on being able to try new foods has diminished because of this.

I wish I could open up to my family about it and get support, but they made fun of me for being picky when I was a child, and I fear this would be the same.

Does anyone else experience this or have any advice? Does it seem like an OCD or anxiety thing? It really is ruining my life. This is the first time I have even fully articulated it, even though it's been going on for a long time.

Thank you in advance. I would appreciate any advice.

[Shellymama]

You just described my daughter exactly. She was born with several food allergies and an allergy to peanuts as well. She had anaphylaxis when she was a baby (before her diagnosis) and to this day we do not know what the actual trigger was. Once she was diagnosed we were very careful about her diet and never had another severe reaction.

Fast forward nine years...she ate something from her schools cafeteria that she forgot to check the ingredients and even though she was fine, she was convinced she was going into anaphylactic shock. After that incident, she completely restricted all food and drink for eight days. She ended up in the emergency room three times before they would admit her. Once she was admitted, they initially diagnosed her with anorexia, but she and I both knew that was wrong. She was transferred to a clinic for eating disorders and literally on the way there, the psychiatrist called us and said "it's OCD and ARFID...avoidant restrictive food intake disorder" She always had tendencies toward OCD, and to this day it is hard to pinpoint the difference between the two, but you exhibit the exact same tendencies as my daughter...down to her fear of contamination, fear of having peanut items in the house or anywhere near her, reading labels obsessively and still not being able to eat the item if it's something new or unfamiliar.

She's doing much better now, but we still have challenges. She won't eat at most restaurants, won't eat food that other people prepare, won't try new foods or foods from supermarkets she is unfamiliar with. It can be very difficult and we try to encourage her without pressure. It has taken a lot of work to get to where she is now, and we also have family that doesn't understand. But, it can get better, even if progress is slow. She responded well to incentives..earning points for trying new foods and being rewarded when she added something new. We always have a backup plan if she can't eat a new meal, and we don't get angry with her, although it is discouraging when she restricts.

My advice is to find support groups for ARFID or "selective eating" online, find a good therapist who understands that there many types of eating disorders that are not anorexia or bullimia, and find someone, a friend or family member who supports you. Keep a list of "safe" foods, or foods you can always fall back on. Add to it whenever you find a new food that's comfortable. It is okay to bring your own meals to restaurants or outings...lots of people have restrictive diets and have to bring their own meals. And to be honest, don't disregard medication...if not for those prescriptions, I don't know if my daughter would be doing as well as she is.

Best of luck to you...hope this message reaches you and please feel free to write back!

[MyNameIsTerry]

This might be a good thread to have a read of as there are loads of people talking about their issues with this:

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=72538

[LF87]

Hey.
Yeah, the issue here is definitely your anxiety / OCD. My friend had this problem a few years ago, also with a peanut allergy but hers wasn't mild, she had one of those allergy pens. Anyway she refused to go out for meals point blank and it really spoiled a lot of her social life. It came down to her gradually going out and her losing the fear of being a 'burden' to the chefs or feeling silly saying she had an allergy. The thing is restaurants are more than happy to accommodate allergies, it's really no big deal so you shouldn't worry yourself. I have worked in a few restaurants and people have all sorts of requests / allergies and it's really not a problem, so don't worry about it! You should tell her your friends about it, I'm sure they'll help you through it and won't think anything at all of your notifying a waiter about it, it's totally normal.

Hope you feel better! Try reading some stuff about OCD too, might identify some stuff in yourself and help rationalise your thoughts X