New job, having severe panic attacks

[breathe79]

Hi folks,

So I just began a new job last week with much better pay and benefits than my previous job (actually this job is one i have wanted for awhile now, with the company I had been looking to get into, so it was a double bonus for me). I was ok up until right around when I began and then the very first week which was orientation I began having crippling panic attacks to the point where on the first day I almost didn't even go. Week 2 (which is this week) I began at the central office where I will be working and the panic, believe it or not, feels even worse. I feel like I can't breathe, I zone out half the time just so I have some form of relief during the day...I'm at a point where I tell myself ok, just try to make it to lunch and if you still feel THIS bad then you can go home and draft an e-mail saying you won't be back in.

Obviously quitting is not what I want to do, if for nothing else than a financial standpoint, but I just do not understand why the panic has gotten to be THIS bad. I've suffered with anxiety and panic my whole life and am medicated for it actually, but the meds do nothing in this case. I just have this overwhelming dread fear that I simply am not going to be able to pick up the complexities of the new position and this is just a countdown to getting let go. I feel quite a bit like my questions are stupid and people probably think I'm an idiot for even asking also.

I guess my question is...well first if anyone else has been thru this please, do the feelings pass? I mean we're going on two weeks of this now. Usually panics just kind of die out in a few hours for me but this feels different. Essentially I feel like I don't even belong working here after starting, like there must have been a mistake or I'm basically a fraud sitting among other people who are actually qualified. Its soul crushing on so many levels because I like office work like this, this position specifically allows me a massive (nearly all) amount of alone time without having to deal with co-workers and is tons of paperwork which means I can just stay busy at the computer and not have to really deal with people (which when it comes to anxiety actually helps, at least for me).

Seriously any advice anyone has is appreciated, because at the rate I'm going I feel like I'd be happier as a manager at a video game store making crap money and listening to snotty kids all day than working in an ideal office setting. Thank You

[Plaidlaid]

When I changed my work, anxiety and feeling of unworthiness subsided completely only after a month. Asking questions at work is fine, although it does feel uncomfortable. What helped me was building up a proper work system, bringing my stuff and plants to work and setting them up on my desk, and then burying my self with so much work i could not even think about anything else.
I think the thing what helped me most was that my plants were there, right before my eyes on my table, and it reminded me that I do indeed belong here, I am now a part of this place and these people.

[shiznit76]

Always is a shock to the systems starting a new job, especially when have underlying anxiety also. Every time I have started a new job I've always felt "oh no, I can't do this, I want to go back to old job", but after couple of weeks things start to settle. This will be case for you too, I hope, it is quite normal

[breathe79]

update 1:

So after my first week I can honestly say I may feel worse than I did before starting. My highs and lows are so bad that I actively think about the pros and cons of just hanging myself to be free of them. I feel trapped to be honest, I wanted this job so much and the training has been so piss poor, my questions get these mediocre answers and my trainer seems more interested in doing their own work than showing me the basics.

I haven't felt this bad in years to be honest. Part of me wants to just quit and start over somewhere else. I have no idea where, doing what or how I'd make it happen but you know what I feel like my emotional state is nearly broken to the point where I could make an irreversible decision like suicide if something doesn't change.