Extreme 24/7 anxiety, need advice.

[LiveAboveIt]

I was prescribed 20mg Citalopram for anxiety but had an adverse reaction to it and was taken off of it cold turkey.

Im about 28 days off of the Citalopram, but Im stuck with pretty severe 24/7 anxiety. It feels very similar to the increased anxiety you get when starting an SSRI, no real cause. Its to the point now that Im afraid of thinking in general because all of my thoughts are anxious and full of fear, like chemicals are off or something.

Ive had anxiety my entire life, but has always been easy to work through. This anxiety doesnt budge for anything and I can only distract myself from it for a couple minutes, but never completely.

Im told that this has to do with withdrawals, but I dont think I can do it anymore.. Im considering pills, but Im terrified they will make it worse. I cant reinstate the Citalopram because the side effects were just horrible.

My mind is constantly racing and I feel dread all day for no reason. Im going to make an appointment with my Psychiatrist, but it will be awhile before I can see him. This is the worst anxiety I have ever had and it feels almost completely artificial.

I cant handle this anxiety anymore. Would a different med just make things worse? I just need to find a way to decrease this anxiety, I just cant get a grasp of it and its just constant panic everytime I even think about it to figure it out.

Ive been stuck in waves of constant despair and wmotional pain to the likes of which I have never felt before. Im a 27 year old male and I have lost all of my pride, I feel hopeless and suicidal, just bawling about the way I feel which is not like me at all. Ive never been a big cryer and I always loathed the idea of suicide.

Is this what cold turkeying an SSRI leads to? I want to get back on something but I have no idea what to even ask for or try for this constant anxiety. Effexor XR used to work for me better than anything, but it doesnt work anymore and also causes pretty severe withdrawal.

Are SNRIs better for anxiety? Im so lost.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Well going onto the Cit seems to be where this has started and the higher that dose went, the worse it got. Coming down saw that change so it's obvious that was too strong for you on this med.

Coming off cold turkey could have meant removing the reason for the problem but if the withdrawal is too harsh, perhaps that makes the situation worse for a time?

It's very hard to say but what is obvious is that how you are now is not how you were before this started. So, is this a case of your baseline of anxiety being raised, so you are more sensitised? All that means is that your been put under more pressure and your disorder made worse. I remember how I transitioned to that when the GAD first came and I was starting to panic and then it became an all day thing.

Meds are always going to be a gamble. Other than anti anxiety meds that will calm you down quickly, like Benzo's, where you know the effect will be quick and likely.

It's very possible that you could try one or more other SSRI's and feel an improvement or you could experience what you have here. So, if you do this perhaps the best way is to ease in with tapering up to see what happens rather than risk a big jump in anxiety because that's all you need right now.

The other option with meds might be to look at those with lesser side effect profiles. Basically, not SSRI/SNRI's. So, ones like Mirtazapine or Pregabalin. I've seen people on here talk about how they kick in quicker and are less harsh on start up side effects.

There could be other options like combos of them or other meds. You really need to get access to your psychiatrist and get a plan to try something.

Going back onto a low dose Cit could be a possibility, but a very low dose and taper up to see if it provides any stability or just another SSRI to help Serotonin. It's such a gamble though and some professional insight is really needed.

[Shazamataz]

Hi Live,

Sorry you're in such a bad way. It sure is horrible isn't it?

I've been the SSRI route too and had really bad effects so gave up after a week on sertraline and then 3 weeks on citalopram.

How long were you on the citalopram? I'm thinking if it wasn't long that any withdrawals should be gone by now?

I had a few weeks break and then was in such a state (similar to you I think) I agreed to try Mirtazapine. I've been on 30mg for just over 6 weeks and while it hasn't worked miracles it didn't have the bad start up effects like the SSRIs do. Maybe you could try it?

You can do this, you can get sorted and you are not alone


I've just seen Terry's post, we must have been writing at the same time. Sounds like SSRIs have just made your anxiety worse even now you are off them. That is exactly what I have experienced and I feel they completely screwed my brain. Definitely get onto things ASAP and look at alternatives. No fun being in such a bad way :(

[MyNameIsTerry]

Shaz,

He wasn't on the Cit long either from what I recall so I wouldn't have thought the withdrawal would be too bad, but who knows with all this stuff? What I wonder is whether this is a kind of traumatic shock, an increase in the anxiety disorder that was there, all fuelled by the Cit.

I've been on Cit and Duloxetine so far. In both cases they made me much worse for a period and I spent months clawing my way back to how bad I was when I asked my GP for help. I think it was right that LAI came off the Cit, or at least reduced it, and some of this at least is withdrawal but I wonder whether it's also been a major shock as the side effects were bad?

[Shazamataz]

Shaz,

He wasn't on the Cit long either from what I recall so I wouldn't have thought the withdrawal would be too bad, but who knows with all this stuff? What I wonder is whether this is a kind of traumatic shock, an increase in the anxiety disorder that was there, all fuelled by the Cit.

I've been on Cit and Duloxetine so far. In both cases they made me much worse for a period and I spent months clawing my way back to how bad I was when I asked my GP for help. I think it was right that LAI came off the Cit, or at least reduced it, and some of this at least is withdrawal but I wonder whether it's also been a major shock as the side effects were bad?

I agree. I have ended up far worse than I was when all this started first by doubling my escitalopram and having seretonin syndrome (so GP and I agreed for me to wean off it), then a few weeks later and giving in and trying sertraline which was just awful and then citalopram which I'd been on in the past with no major issues but made me so physically ill and anxious I took myself to A & E.

I think that experience has triggered this all consuming anxiety which was only panic attacks before (not that there's any 'only' about panic attacks). Sounds, Live, like we've had a similar experience. I can tell you that while I'm still not doing great, I am a lot better than I was. It's a lot to process isn't it? Hopefully if it's a psychological trauma as opposed to some physiological one, we can talk ourselves through it and come out the other side?

[joe86]

I cant tolerate SSRI's either

[LiveAboveIt]

Yeah, I'm not sure what it is. I was on Effexor XR for about 3 weeks before I discontinued because they tried increasing the dose and I started to suffer severe panic attacks, always in the middle of the night. Was put on 20mg Prozac to bridge while I tapered down the Effexor, but had a severe reaction of akathisia after taking them both for about 4 days and had to just cold turkey both of them.

Had pretty severe withdrawals for around 4 weeks before they started me on 20mg of Citalopram. I was on Citalopram for around 5 weeks before I was told to cold turkey because of the severe reaction I had to it.

Since then, I am always in a constant state of anxiety and my thought patterns are very negative and I think I have convinced myself that I can't stop thinking about the anxiety and worrying. I don't know if this is normal GAD, but when I try to stop worrying about it, my mind continues to worry anyway and this ramps up the anxiety even further. I don't know if this is normal GAD or withdrawal. My automatic negative thoughts have much more punch than they ever had, anytime I have a thought like "I'm going to be stuck like this forever," its a very painful thought and is immediately considered truth before I even have time to analyze it or be rational.

It feels like I have absolutely no buffer for stress and anxiety and the emotions are just running wild. I have horrible anger spells for no reason where I get really hostile and aggressive. I cry at just about everything. And often times I will just suddenly feel overwhelmed by the anxiety and thoughts for no reason and start to despair with suicidal thoughts and what I would describe at psychosis. Last night I was in a terrible state where I couldn't handle the way I felt and the constant anxiety/thoughts, I was bawling to my girlfriend about wanting to kill myself and how I cant cope or do this. She kept trying to reassure me that it is withdrawals and would pass and I just didnt care, I firmly believed that I couldn't handle it anymore.

After it passes, I no longer feel that way and I'm just kind of left in bewilderment about what happened and how the hell I got to that place and I just worry about when its going to happen again, because so far it's been inevitable. It's so intense that I can't separate whats really me and when I just go off the rocker for no reason because of the withdrawals. I haven't been able to make that disconnect between myself and the symptoms.

But yeah, it wouldn't be so alarming if this was usually how I am, which it's not AT ALL. Before the Effexor XR even I wasn't this bad and never constantly thought about suicide or felt overwhelmed and unable to cope. This is my first experience with this and I have no idea how to handle it.

I have a long history of anti-depressant usage, but it's never been this bad before. I've been on and off the meds for the last 6 years or so. On for 3 weeks, off for 3 weeks, on for 4 weeks, off for 4 weeks. I've only ever been on maybe 2 or 3 medications that I was on for 3-4 months. Those were Effexor XR, Lexapro, and Citalopram.

But for whatever reason I can't tolerate meds at all anymore. Hell, even caffeine and sugar. I used to be able to drink coffee before bed and have absolutely no anxiety or trouble sleeping. Used to drink soda and sweet tea ALL DAY. Now I can't even have a glass of sweet tea without waking up in the middle of the night with random panic attacks and constant intense anxiety throughout the day.

I always do worry that this is just my anxiety now and this is the way it is, but there are too many other changes that point to some kind of chemical issue that I haven't ever had problems with before.

It feels like now I'm just stuck constantly ruminating/obsessing about the anxiety and the way I feel, like automatically, even though I don't want to.. And then it just builds for no reason and I lose control. And then some days I wake up and feel almost back to normal and I think I'm cured and then the next day or the end of the day causes me to lose control again.

My mind is just constantly whirring with anxious thoughts and thinking and I can drop over the cliff on a whim, it feels like I have no control.

I feel so unstable right now, it's awful. I don't want to reinstate Citalopram at all. I'm more open to trying a new med, like Mirtazapine or Pregabalin like Terry mentioned, but I'm scared of going through this all over again and I'm worried about how long I'm going to have to wait this out.

Sorry for the giant journal and thank you for the support.