View Full Version : Feels like I'm going crazy.
Hi all.
I hope everyone is doing okay. To be honest I'm just looking for some people to talk to who are in the same situation.
I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels very alone in their anxiety.
It's not that I don't have friends. I do (I don't have any close family, only child, never known my dad and my mum passed away a few years ago). They are brilliant. But they have families and young children and busy lives and I sometimes feel like I don't want to bother them with my stupidity.
My anxiety seems to be based in the 'what if'. I worry myself to the point of being sick about things that haven't happened and may never happen. Anxiety is very new for me, having only suffered from it the past few years.
I feel quite often like I'm going crazy. My chest is constantly tight. Shoulders stiff and a feeling of utter dread sits in my stomach constantly. It also has a massive effect on my IBS.
The doctor ha referred me for CBT, which I'm a little weary of as I had a bad experience last time.
Basically I would just like to be able to chat with people who know how it feels. My friends, whilst fantastic and very understanding don't really get how it feels (I hope they never do fully understand!).
Thanks for reading
Shazamataz
22-04-16, 06:52
Hi Lyceum,
Yep, anxiety is a lonely disease! I'm having a bad patch right now which has gone on for 6 months and I feel increasingly isolated, especially as I had to leave work.
I do have some supportive friends and a brother who live's in town (the rest of my family are at the other end of the country and have busy lives and kids etc so I haven't really talked to them much about things.
The biggest issue, I think, is that getting isolated makes things worse and then one can become more isolated and the circle continues.
I'm not sure of your situation, if you are working or not, but getting out and about as much as possible makes a big difference to me. A while back I couldn't leave the house alone and was calling in a lot of favours to get to appointments, shopping and to take me out with my two dogs.
I'm managing better with that now but missing the company. I have days where the only conversation I have is when the dogs and I bump into someone on the beach BUT I'm at least managing to take them on my own which is a huge step forward from a few weeks back.
'What if' is the curse of anxiety. I still haven't figured out how to get past that thinking except to remind myself things like 'I've done this before so I can do it again'
I'd say go for the CBT as at least you're taking action in some way. Different therapist may work better? Are you on any medication?
You aren't going crazy, even though it can feel like it. I've had moments of really thinking I was losing the plot but it's just the anxiety talking.
Take care and I hope you find this forum helpful.
Thanks for the reply.
No I'm not working. I also have two dogs and honestly, besides walking them I don't get out much. With not working I can't really afford to go anywhere do anything as everything cost money. Even going to see friends means paying bus fair and some weeks I just don't have that £5 spare.
I tend to fixate on things and then they become what I worry about. Right now it's my dogs. I worry they'll get sick/hurt/stolen etc (there was a spate of dog thefts in the area a while back). And I just fixate and overthink it massively. Say one of them coughs I immediately have a panic attacks because in my head he's not just had a cough and gone back to sleep he's got some serious illness and I'll not be able to afford the vet bills etc etc etc and it all just spirals out of control worry wise. It's always overthinking and worse case scenario.
I'm on mertazipine for depression and recently been put on propranolol for anxiety but they've seemingly got the side effect of making me very short of breath so have stopped those until I go back to the GP.
I have asked for a different CBT therapist as I genuinely fee the last one was a joke. I had 5 sessions spread out over about 18 weeks with one session being basically her giving me a self help CD and saying 'see you next week'. Another was her giving me a sheet of plain paper and telling me to make a worry diary. Then at the end when she asked if I'd found it helpful and I said no she said it was my fault as I didn't engage. Not entirely sure what it was I was supposed to be engaging in to be honest.
Hi there,
I'm sorry you're suffering from anxiety.
My recent spell with anxiety/depression/panic disorder/OCD almost crippled my entire existence and still now I find myself fine, but still worrying if it'll come back, nonetheless I am okay now.
I did go to therapy because lots of friends/family mentioned it might work, however, therapy got me thrown into psychiatric for a day or 2 and pushed drugs on me. I took some drugs but they made me worse. These combinations work for some people and thats great, however not for me. I think it all comes down to what makes you feel comfortable because, and I deeply believe in this, no matter what route you go to make yourself better, it'll eventually work.
What I think happens in our brains is that the brain feels like theres impending doom and no hope. However, when we begin to work on whatever we can to fix our anxiety and this work makes us feel comfortable, even if it doesnt feel like we're accomplishing anything, it slowly lets the brain now, there is hope, it WILL get better, its training our brain that we can fix anything and eventually it hops on the wagon and we're FINE.
I also dealt with HA for both myself and my children and it all comes from anxiety and the fear that it'll get worse. What helps is to simply tell yourself that its fine, give yourself a little reassurance, and I'll worry about it if it gets worse in the meantime, we are fine now, we are breathing and we are OKAY then moving on.
In any case, this WILL get better, anxiety sufferers eventually learn that anxiety is just a feeling and nothing more, and that YOU are in control of your life.
Thank you.
I do keep telling myself that eventually it will pass. I just need to find my coping mechanism.
My anxiety started after my mothers passing. I became her carer age 6. It's all I've ever known. And honestly, worry was something that never bothered me. Things happened and they were just dealt with.
Then not long after my mum passed I found myself worrying about stupid things and it's just gotten steadily worse.
Hi Lyceum, be patient and u will find a good therapist.. I'm not sure does ppl will be like me... But whenever I knew I'm gg to see my psychiatrist I feel very comfortable...
Shazamataz
22-04-16, 23:14
Hi again Lyceum,
We seem to be in a similar situation, even on the same medication!
Sorry about your mum. I lost my mum in 2007 after which I spent a lot of time 'taking care' of Dad who lived just a few minutes up the road. He eventually became ill as well and my life revolved around looking after him. Eventually he decided he wanted to downsize and move out of the house and ended up moving to the other end of the country into a retirement apartment complex just down the road from my brother and his family. This was a huge loss for me and that's when I got my first dog Lola (border collie/american bulldog rescue). The next three years involved lots of visits and then Dad's health went downhill rapidly from May 2014 and I watched him die in October. Worst experience of my life.
A couple of months after that I got myself another dog, Zico a beautiful Golden retriever, I think I was hoping he would fill the hole on my life from losing Dad, which of course he never could. I'd also acquired an elderly Golden retriever, Caesar, a couple of years earlier due to a marriage break up and kinda new his time was coming so wanted to get another one before that happened.
I kinda just got on with things, kept busy with work (part time due to my own health issues) and the dogs and a bit of voluntary stuff but I felt myself struggling more and more with feeling stressed and exhausted, then (last October) on the night before the anniversary of Dad's passing I had a MASSIVE panic attack, followed by another one an week later and an even worse one the week after that.
Then I had to get Caesar put to sleep. He made it to 13.5 which is a pretty good innings but the timing was just terrible.
I failed at some medication attempts, ultimately used up all my sick leave and holidays so had to leave work, and feel like the anxiety ended up worse, went from panic attacks to 24/7 anxiety and chronic insomnia. 6 weeks into Mirtazapine has only given my a mild improvement. I'd ended up feeling very depressed (no wonder) and it has helped with that but not much with the anxiety.
Anyway I'm glad you have your dogs for company and as a way to get out of the house. I understand the stress/worry about them getting sick and needing vet care. I have insurance for Zico with him being a purebreed he's more likely to have issues, but not for Lola. I am currently on little income (from the government) so it is definitely a worry/struggle but I am fortunate that I own my house (or at least half of it) so I can access emergency funds from the bank if necessary.
Can't think of anything else, but just wanted to check in. It's morning here and mornings are the worst time for me with dread of the day ahead.
We just have to know this WILL get better! Loss of such a central family member is a huge thing and I guess we experience grief by having anxiety? I'm hoping it just has to work itself through.
x
Hi again Lyceum,
We seem to be in a similar situation, even on the same medication!
Sorry about your mum. I lost my mum in 2007 after which I spent a lot of time 'taking care' of Dad who lived just a few minutes up the road. He eventually became ill as well and my life revolved around looking after him. Eventually he decided he wanted to downsize and move out of the house and ended up moving to the other end of the country into a retirement apartment complex just down the road from my brother and his family. This was a huge loss for me and that's when I got my first dog Lola (border collie/american bulldog rescue). The next three years involved lots of visits and then Dad's health went downhill rapidly from May 2014 and I watched him die in October. Worst experience of my life.
A couple of months after that I got myself another dog, Zico a beautiful Golden retriever, I think I was hoping he would fill the hole on my life from losing Dad, which of course he never could. I'd also acquired an elderly Golden retriever, Caesar, a couple of years earlier due to a marriage break up and kinda new his time was coming so wanted to get another one before that happened.
I kinda just got on with things, kept busy with work (part time due to my own health issues) and the dogs and a bit of voluntary stuff but I felt myself struggling more and more with feeling stressed and exhausted, then (last October) on the night before the anniversary of Dad's passing I had a MASSIVE panic attack, followed by another one an week later and an even worse one the week after that.
Then I had to get Caesar put to sleep. He made it to 13.5 which is a pretty good innings but the timing was just terrible.
I failed at some medication attempts, ultimately used up all my sick leave and holidays so had to leave work, and feel like the anxiety ended up worse, went from panic attacks to 24/7 anxiety and chronic insomnia. 6 weeks into Mirtazapine has only given my a mild improvement. I'd ended up feeling very depressed (no wonder) and it has helped with that but not much with the anxiety.
Anyway I'm glad you have your dogs for company and as a way to get out of the house. I understand the stress/worry about them getting sick and needing vet care. I have insurance for Zico with him being a purebreed he's more likely to have issues, but not for Lola. I am currently on little income (from the government) so it is definitely a worry/struggle but I am fortunate that I own my house (or at least half of it) so I can access emergency funds from the bank if necessary.
Can't think of anything else, but just wanted to check in. It's morning here and mornings are the worst time for me with dread of the day ahead.
We just have to know this WILL get better! Loss of such a central family member is a huge thing and I guess we experience grief by having anxiety? I'm hoping it just has to work itself through.
x
Thanks for the reply. I appreciate it.
It's not easy being a carer is it. My mum became disabled when I was 6 so I became her carer then. I don't have any qualifications or work experience besides being her carer.
She was diagnosed with leukaemia in 2012. She had so many other medical issues chemo wasn't even an option. A few weeks after diagnosis she caught an infection and ended up comatose in hospital. They doctors said she would t wake up. She did!
Then she developed meningitis. Again they said she wouldn't wake up. She did! Then came the heart attack and the broken leg.
Four times she proved them wrong and woke up. She was super strong. Nothing ever made her blink.
Eventually it spread to her brain and she started fitting (she had epilepsy anyway but hadn't had a fit in years). She fitted non stop for a week, the doctors couldn't stop it.
There are no words to describe how horrific seeing that was. After a week the fitting stopped but she was brain dead by then. She passed away a few days later. I held her hand and told her I loved her as she went.
I don't remember much about the months following. To be honest I was in a bit of a trance. Just going through the motions.
I have two staffy crosses! They're the reason I get out of bed of a morning.
Shazamataz
23-04-16, 06:40
Oh that's a LOT you went through with your mum! She was very lucky to have you.
Eventually when you are more well you'd be perfectly qualified in getting work caring for others (if you could handle it).
How long since your mum passed?
Also I love staffies, such great smiles! There's a bit going on here in New Zealand at the moment as the media have been reporting a lot of dog attacks and they always label them either pit bulls or staffies (regardless of what they are, either that or those are the only ones we hear about) so they're contemplating banning 'dangerous dogs'. Staffies are LOVELY dogs in my experience. I had one myself for a while but that was not a good decision as I ended up with two one year old rescue dogs with behavioural issues (he came from the same foster home as Lola, they were great friends and I end up adopting him too). I couldn't manage them both at the time I'm ashamed to say so he went back to his fosterer who became a good friend of mine and he's with her permanently now so we get to visit often.
Please get out of the house as much as you can so you don't get stuck in your head at home
x
Definitely in the same boat as you. No one takes me seriously or they think I'm overreacting and just "need to get over it". I've said this so many times that everything bothers and scares me now, always thinking the worst. When I finally felt comfortable to tell someone seeking help and comfort they treat me like a joke and think I'm just going through some type of faze. I don't know what else to do and don't want to suffer alone.
Oh that's a LOT you went through with your mum! She was very lucky to have you.
Eventually when you are more well you'd be perfectly qualified in getting work caring for others (if you could handle it).
How long since your mum passed?
Also I love staffies, such great smiles! There's a bit going on here in New Zealand at the moment as the media have been reporting a lot of dog attacks and they always label them either pit bulls or staffies (regardless of what they are, either that or those are the only ones we hear about) so they're contemplating banning 'dangerous dogs'. Staffies are LOVELY dogs in my experience. I had one myself for a while but that was not a good decision as I ended up with two one year old rescue dogs with behavioural issues (he came from the same foster home as Lola, they were great friends and I end up adopting him too). I couldn't manage them both at the time I'm ashamed to say so he went back to his fosterer who became a good friend of mine and he's with her permanently now so we get to visit often.
Please get out of the house as much as you can so you don't get stuck in your head at home
x
She passed away in December 2012.
I think we were lucky to have each other. Despite being disabled and needing care she was a brilliant mum. She could be having her worst day and if I had a problem she took care of it and despite everything I never felt like I missed out on childhood etc and I never wanted for anything. I never missed not having a dad around because she was more than capable of being both.
I won't say it was easy. It was anything but. But whatever happened we dealt with together. And I'd do it all again if it meant I got her back.
Sadly over here in the UK there's already a ban of certain bull breeds of dogs. And anything that might look like them. Staffys get a massive amount of bed press to the point people will cross over the road when they see my dogs. That's their loss! Staffs are the most affectionate and loyal breed of dog. The problem lies at the other end of the lead. With idiots after status dogs training them to be aggressive. You can train any dog to be aggressive. And until those in charge realise that they are looking at the wrong end of the lead. Things will never change.
---------- Post added at 15:00 ---------- Previous post was at 14:56 ----------
Definitely in the same boat as you. No one takes me seriously or they think I'm overreacting and just "need to get over it". I've said this so many times that everything bothers and scares me now, always thinking the worst. When I finally felt comfortable to tell someone seeking help and comfort they treat me like a joke and think I'm just going through some type of faze. I don't know what else to do and don't want to suffer alone.
I'm so sorry you're not being taken seriously.
I know how you feel my previous doctors medical advice to me, the week after I stamped suicide was 'why don't you try travelling'.
I had to change doctors before finding a doctor who would take me seriously and help. But it wasn't easy and it took years because a lot of doctors are over prescribed and weren't taking on new patients. Those that were I wasn't in the catchment area for.
Is impossible for you to try and change doctors?
Oh I don't have a doctor at the moment, trying to find one. I was mainly talking about family. Sometimes they can be jerks. Lol
Oh I don't have a doctor at the moment, trying to find one. I was mainly talking about family. Sometimes they can be jerks. Lol
That's even worse!
I'm very thankful in the fact my friends and family are very supportive. Yes they can be jerks sometimes but not about my anxiety and depression. My friends especially are understanding and supportive. Even though I know the don't fully understand they do try. I'm immensely grateful for that.
I hope you manage to find what works for you. Feel free to drop me a PM if you ever want to talk.
Oh I don't have a doctor at the moment, trying to find one. I was mainly talking about family. Sometimes they can be jerks. Lol
My wife sometimes appeared like she was being cruel or resentful about my anxiety and I resented her for it at times.
Really, its just that she didn't understand. Sometimes we have to accept that some people just don't understand and we shouldn't try and look for help from them until they do.
Many times my wife would tell me to "lighten up" or the worst line: "SNAP OUT OF IT" Its not that simple for people like us, if we COULD we most definitely WOULD snap out of it, anything to get us out of our own mind.
Alot of "normal" folks deal with situational anxiety, such as, oh I got a test tomorrow, or I have to speak in public. I try to tell those that dont understand, well imagine that happening all day everyday sometimes for NO REASON and you can't stop it, that's the chaos some of us deal with.
Anyhow just stick here until you find someone to talk to that understands, anxiety is a horrible state to be in but it CAN be overcome.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.