Relapse or blip?

[jadedreams]

Hey everyone, I had been doing really well for a month but the last couple days my anxiety has been high and intrusive thoughts have been bugging me again. today I have been crying a lot, so worried I'm going to be stuck like this. I thought I was past this and now it feels like I'm back to square one. any help or tips would be so appreciated.:weep:

[MyNameIsTerry]

Sorry to hear this, Jade. Don't worry, it will be a blip. We can have many of them throughout recovery, I know I have.

You wouldn't mistake a relapse, it would be falling back into the pit...a major thing to you.

What I always go by is to monitor them. Unless there are patterns that point towards consistently spiralling backwards, it's just a blip. Never judge them until there is evidence - a load of blips or something major. Blips come & go and they are very demoralising, like how you feel at the moment, but this reaction will change the more you get used to them and the more you keep moving forwards and find them less intense.

Everything you said in your post is exactly what I said to myself many times through the many blips AND it's exactly what I've seen so many people on here say when they are going through them.

How you feel right now is not how you will feel in a few days time. You won't slip back to square one without something truly major to increase your anxiety levels or mood problems in a more dramatic way. All the progress is in your mind remember, it has been rewiring and creating new neural pathways, associations and core beliefs and stripping the old ones. That won't be undone quickly, just as an anxiety disorder doesn't come on quickly. Without a major traumatic event, that newer healthy thinking can only be unpicked with the same process and a certain amount of time, just how recovery takes it's time. Sadly, negative works quicker because it's more attuned to the fight or flight response, hence why recovery seems to take so much more work, that's just how we are set up to protect ourselves from real threats.

[jadedreams]

Thanks, you are always so helpful. I do feel better today, not great yet but an improvement. I'm trying to change my attitude towards off days so I don't panic if I get one and think I'm back at the beginning. I did meditations yesterday afternoon and went out with friends for dinner and a movie. it helped to redirect my focus.

One thing I think contributed to my mood yesterday is that I've been tapering off steroids from the broncitis treatment and I'm getting withdrawal symptoms from the change such as nausea, fatigue. Whenever I feel physically unwell my anxiety usually spikes, as it does with many of us.

I will continue to work on positive responses and watch my thoughts when they turn negative.

[pulisa]

Physical symptoms will trigger your anxiety, Jade. You are doing absolutely the right thing by carrying on as normal and I'm sure you'll be feling mentally stronger and physically better very soon.

[LiveAboveIt]

It sounds like just a blip to me, jadedreams.
Mind if I ask if you are on any medications?

I ask because I haven't tolerated SSRIs very well and I'm trying to beat anxiety and symptoms that are very similar, that you appear to have recovered from.

Are you on medication for your anxiety and is it helping? I'm trying to stay the course of being drug-free, because of bad reactions, but I'm worried that I might need drugs to help me out of this one. The negative intrusive thoughts are tough to deal with.

[jadedreams]

Thanks Pulisa, yeah I'm trying to stick to my normal routine and just treat it as a blip.

Liveaboveit, hello I don't mind you asking at all. I am taking lexapro 20mg which I have been on before for health anxiety in the past. I also take a low dose of mirtzapine to help with sleep and have klonopin as needed. I have been on all these at least 8 months. However the biggest improvement I've had has been in the past month. I've dealt with health anxiety on/off for 10 years but it was never constant. This time last year I had a health scare and my anxiety went way up, it turned into gad and intrusive thoughts.

About a month ago I got really fed up and decided I wasn't going to let anxiety control me. that made a big difference, I began to focus more on things I wanted to do, I've also been doing meditations from "Finding peace in a frantic world". They really help to ground and calm me, search for it online if you can. I too find distractions help and I know it can be tiring to always keep busy. I think you have to work on getting your mind in a better place and not always on anxious or intrusive thoughts, in the beginning it is a lot of work, but I think it gets easier with time. it is like you have to get your mind out of the anxious habit to give your nerves time to settle down. Hope this helps some, feel free to ask me questions.

[jadedreams]

Still dealing with higher anxiety and a lot more sadness, intrusive thoughts have started in again too. Just makes me frustrated and not sure what to do, I want my life back so much... I had a really good month, then about 5 or 6 days ago started feeling bad again. It actually coincided with tapering down on steroids I was taking for bronchitis for 2-3 months. I have heard and read that you can get side affects such as depression/anxiety as well as physical stuff such as stomach issues and fatigue while your adrenals recover. Have any of you heard of this? I'm trying so hard not to get discouraged, it just feels like I was blind-sighted by this.

I'm not totally sure the steroid change caused this but it was literally later the same day when I dropped my does from 10mg to 5mg that I started to feel off, then the next day it was a lot worse with physical and mental symptoms. It was over the weekend that someone told me that tapering off steroids can cause a host of "withdrawal" symptoms.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi Jade,

There is information on Drugs.com about the side effects and they do include various physical & mental ones. As Shaz said on your other thread, it could be that you needed to taper down in a less harsh manner because steroids can come with a withdrawal syndrome, it is mentioned against abrupt stoppage anyway.

Could it be that maybe? I conversation with the doctor is definitely a good idea here to see how they think is better to manage it, if it is that.

Just being on them comes with a load of possible side effects and the potential for them increases >10mg per day. I wonder if some of how you were feeling was even because of that?

[jadedreams]

Thanks Terry, you are always so helpful. I did go look at my thread under HA and what Shaz said. Didn't mean to post about this twice just was concerned! Still waiting to hear back from my doctor about a slower taper. I'm still getting physical and mental symptoms, blah. Right now I'm just trying to take one day or moment at a time and focus on it improving. Not easy though.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I'm trying to change my attitude towards off days so I don't panic if I get one and think I'm back at the beginning. I did meditations yesterday afternoon and went out with friends for dinner and a movie. it helped to redirect my focus.

Like Mark Williams says early on that book, we will make mistakes and fail, but that's still a learning process. Until you can progress enough to take on any trigger rather than just the current ones, it's still a learning process for us.

The fact it helped redirect your focus shows plenty of progress anyway, can you imagine that being possible a few months back?

It's good to hear your doctor is monitoring the steroid withdrawal. Once you get the dose back up, it should ease.

[jadedreams]

Thanks Terry and you are right, a few months ago I don't think I would have be able to redirect my focus that well. Do the mindful meditations the past couple months have been a big help. I did pick up my prescription of prednisone after work yesterday. I'm back on a higher dose and a slower taper of 2mg a week. I see my doctor on Monday to see how I'm doing.

Last night I felt quite a bit better and more encouraged, woke up too early this morning though and felt rather blah again with stomach issues. I hope the stomach issues will improve as I get a few days of the higher dose of meds, but it's also possible it could be anxiety as that has caused stomach upsets in the past.

But I made myself get up, went out and got breakfast, went to the store and then went to a used book store and picked up a couple books. I also rented a movie I've been wanting to watch. When I got home I started laundry and did a bit of cleaning, so I doing my best to do my normal things in spite of how I'm feeling.

I want to get better so much and will do what it takes to help myself! My inner stubborness is good trait right now I think. That and everyone who has been so helpful on this site, it is so good to have people to share with who have been or are going through similar things. I greatly appreciate all the advice and kind words

[anastasia04]

I understand what you're going through. The past 2 months have been nothing less than amazing for me but the last few days my anxiety has been at an all time high. I'm really scared of going back to that dark place i was in a few months ago.

[jadedreams]

Hi Anastasia, yes that is a big fear of mine, going backwards. I'm working hard and trying to use my coping skills. Saw my therapist today which helped. Let me know if there anyway I can help you.

[jadedreams]

Ok, really having a hard time everyone. Anxiety is very bad, depression is bad, intrusive thoughts are bad. Hasn't been this hard since last summer when things really started going downhill. I'm still tapering down on the prednisone so I am not sure if that is causing or contributing to all this. I have a message into my primary doc and my psychiatrist to see what they want me to do. I called my therapist 2 days ago in tears, have an appointment to see her next week.

I even stayed home from work yesterday trying to get some sleep because I haven't been sleeping well and I couldn't sleep. I got up, ate lunch, watched some tv and tried to lay down again around 4pm. I started getting tons of intrusive thoughts about harming myself (this has always been the theme of them). I got so scared I got up and took my prescriptions, scissors and knives out of the house. I talked to my niece and took a klonopin. Calmed down some, fixed dinner and talked to my brother on the phone.

I am so scared guys, these thoughts and these feelings are scaring me to death and I don't know what to do. I was doing great until I started tapering down on the steroids I took for 3 months for bronchitis. So I am not sure how much of this is from that, but the timing seems very coincidental. But I am having a hard time handing things, I'm at work right now but finding it very hard to concentrate.

Any tips, kind words or hugs? I could use them all right now. Thank you so much.