HA is through the roof after visiting friend in hospital.

[Cusper]

I was doing alright for a while there but when I found out that my friend, who is fairly young is battling cancer has made me paranoid again. I don't want to get into details about the whole thing but my knee hurts and now I am convinced it is bone cancer. I know I went to go see him on Tuesday and it is Friday. My knee started hurting yesterday but I guess I am too sensitive. I always come on this site and to to calm down I type in my fear in the search menu and look up the posts of all the other people who have been afraid of what I am currently afraid of. It is good therapy because they most likely have been afraid of or have several posts about several illnesses, just as I have in the past.

I have slid on my healthy diet the last 6 months and I think I have to go back on it because I am convinced that if it accumulates longer than this I really will get something serious.

I also think that I am afraid to actually be happy. I have recently started to see some great success in my business and it is kind of astonishing and I tend to think if something goes well the other shoe will drop.

I grew up with a family full of hypochondriacs that basically had me well versed in all diseases by the time I was 18. Not to mention that everywhere I look or listen on tv or the radio is just cancer... this... or that basically everything causes cancer. From food to detergents, cleaners, cell phones, viruses.

In the last couple years I have been convinced that I had
cervical/ovarian cancer
pancreatic cancer
liver cancer
throat cancer
anal cancer
brain cancer
MS
parkinsons
bowel cancer


and now bone cancer

it's awful.
So today HA has been at an all time high. I guess it was just so sad seeing my friend all hooked up to those machines. And now I feel a bit paralyzed myself and I haven't been able to get anything done because I have been so preoccupied. That's it, i have to stop worrying and get back to work.
Thanks for listening.

[Holds1325]

Around 6 months ago or so I visited a close relative in the hospital with other family members. We prayed for the individual together and I left. Later that night I got the call that the relative had passed.

I was absolutely terrified while sad at the same time. I remember the whole ordeal of the relative laying there, hooked up to machines, barely conscious. It was then that my mind was set against me, thats WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME!!! Then began a month long period of medical tests, all coming out fine except a vitamin D deficiency.

Sometimes it arises from the fear of death, fear of leaving loved ones like that. I'm not sure, but it lasted quite awhile then eased up and now I'm fine after I dealt with the anxiety from losing a loved one.

[Cusper]

Thank you Holds. So sorry for your loss. Thank you for writing in. Yeah I know, it takes everything within me not to go and get tests done because i know that if it's not one thing it is another. So I know that all of the tests would be just in case so I could set my mind at ease. However some time would pass and I would believe something could have developed over that time! Yeah I guess also I just felt so terrible for him and it was so wonderful outside when I was walking along I just felt a bit guilty on one level too. Yeah I think it will take some time.

[countrygirl]

I understand.

15 years ago my mum was rushed to hospital with huge deep vein thrombosis in her thigh up into her abdomen. She had complained of pain in her thigh and unknown to me at the time her thigh was also very swollen.

I vividly remember visiting her the next day and on the way to hospital I had awful pain in the front of my thigh! this lasted the whole week she was in hospital. I was so scared I had the same thing.

When my mums breast cancer spread to her bones it showed itself in a painful shoulder which eventually after no success with treating it as a frozen shoulder an x ray showed it for what it was. 8 months ago I suddenly got a very painful shoulder and even though the Gp and physio told me it had all the signs of bursitis I was so worried that it was like my mum and hidden breast cancer that has spread to my shoulder. I eventually had mri and guess what it was bursitis!

Stupid health anxiety brain:doh:

[sherry68]

Hi Cusper,

I totall can identify with you. I go through the same thing. When I visited a relative who had a heart attack recently at a fairly young age, I would immediately worry about my heart and my HA will be going through the roof. Just like you I would also search for similar worries or symptoms on this board. They are a source of comfort for me.

My HA will be under control as long as I do not have any symptoms creeping up. But when some twinges here crop up, some pains there appear I will lose my mind. As of now my current obsession with rectal C because of the change of my stool shape and a little smear of blood. I have a flight to catch tonite for a meeting and I take the opportunity to bring along my daughter and son so we could spend a few days after the meeting there. I am supposed to be happy and excited right but no I choose to drown myself now feeding my HA. I havent packed I havent done anything yet just mopping around the house like a bear with a sore head! How I wish I could just put the worry aside, and just see the doctor when I come back, and look forward to the trip.

I truly can feel you and understand what you are going through. Your knee pain could just be a mild arthritis or a minor strain. It is much easier to reassure people than oneself right.

Sorry to rant a bit. Take care of yourself. Big hugs to you from this side of the world..:hugs:

[Fishmanpa]

In the last couple years I have been convinced that I had

cervical/ovarian cancer
pancreatic cancer
liver cancer
throat cancer
anal cancer
brain cancer
MS
parkinsons
bowel cancer


and now bone cancer

Sorry to hear about your friend. I just found out a friend of mine has stage 4 lung cancer.

Concerning your disease track record, I believe we're looking at 0 for 10 ;)

Positive thoughts

[Nicholebear]

I really think nowadays everyone has that fear. We can't go anywhere without hearing about it. My mom even had breast cancer. I was lucky and she was never hospitalized and is currently making a full recovery from it. Fortunately medicine has advanced so much in the last few decades. Cancer is very very terrifying but it is survivable. I hate that so much stuff has been put in our bodies because of greedy companies that want the cheapest option that makes them the most money. It's horrible.


Anyway, my knee hurts on and off all the time. There's an old saying, the older you get, you no longer have a left knee and a right knee, you have a good knee and a bad knee lol

Your knees are one of the most prone parts of your body to feel pain. You never think about how tough you are on your knees, you probably hurt yourself and don't even remember. Do you wear flip flops? One time I walked a mile in a pair and my knee killed me for about a week because I always land on my right foot harder than my left. Was awful lol

There's another saying that helps me calm down a lot "if you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras"

The simplest explanation is also the most likely

Something else that helps a ton is listening to music, I know it's corny, but it really helps.
Try making a station on the Pandora app with all your favorite artists. That's what I've done the past two weeks, when my thoughts get really dark, I play music

A band that has really helped is Motion City Soundtrack, specifically this song
http://youtu.be/SY-c-_sZ8LI
It's kinda like yeah we're all a little scared and anxious about our lives but everything will be alright:)

Hope this helped, best wishes!

[Cusper]

Thank you so much for your replies. I was talking to my mom after that and she was calling it "sympathy pains" which makes sense too. And country girl I think if it were your mother it would especially make sense that you would be extra concerned. Sherry and I had the same worry for a few months back turns out it was hemmies. It's awful I know. Fishmanpa I am so sorry to hear about your friend. I always look out for your great advice on here. And you're right, my knee barely hurts right now. I was also really focussed on it too that day.
Nicolebear, I can't agree more. It's funny, the last few years we have really invested in buying more expensive as organic as possible food. and detergents etc. I think I try to make educated decisions on most things. Funnily enough it was warm here last week and I wore flip flops! My knee is feeling better and that night I forced myself to go out to a friends and I actually had forgotten about it. I will totally check out that soundtrack. I do the same thing with music too. I have never tried Pandora but I will. I used to use RDIO until I think it was bought by Pandora. I really appreciate that you all took the time in to help me. My husband almost thinks its funny and at this point I do too. But when the anxiety hits it can be irrational and sometimes crippling.

I am feeling much better.. for today! :)