Health Anxiety triggered by Dad in hospital and can't stop worrying!

[snowflake293]

Hi all

My own health anxiety (and to some extent my health anxiety about other people) has been under control. However my uncle died a few weeks ago and last night my Dad got rushed into hospital so I am worrying again and some of my health anxiety symptoms have come back.

The doctors don't know whats wrong with my Dad yet but he is in his 60s, overweight, diabetic and a heavy drinker. He has had very swollen legs that he gets cramp in and last night he woke up in pain with his legs and when he tried to stand up he passed out.

They have checked his heart and done a CT of his head and both are ok but his bloods have shown elevations in lactic acid and they think in might be due to the Metformin he takes for his diabetes.

He has just had a chest xray so hes waiting for results of that and also blood tests.

A similar thing happened to him 18 months ago. He had to stay in hospital for a few days and they never got to the bottom of the cause but said it was a problem with his medication (he is on loads of stuff!)

All I can do is run things over and over in my head :( I am so frightened of him being ill and I desperately want him to be ok but the old anxiety feelings are flooding back. It is like a cloud of fear that just descends on me!

I am being calm for my Dad and my Mom (my Mom has anxiety and depression and she needs me to be calm) but its so hard cause she rang me when it happened at 4am and she was really panicking!

I know parents getting older, getting poorly etc... is a reality of life but I am really struggling to cope with the idea of anything ever happening to either of my parents :( when my anxiety was at an all time low I was thinking about it constantly and even now whenever the phone rings I feel sick!

Has anyone else been in this situation? What did you do to help manage your anxiety when a loved one is ill? Finding it all too much and I just feel really weak and emotional.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Sorry to hear about your uncle, Snowflake. :hugs::flowers:

And now your dad is ill. This must bring back emotions from the loss of your uncle too and make this seem worse and confusing.

This is not the same situation though, your dad is in good hands and you have to trust them to sort him out. They have identified the potential problem so now they can set about treating it and monitoring him until he improves.

All you can be right now is strong for your family. Try not to show your dad how you feel and be strong for him as he will only worry about your otherwise, parents always worry more about their kids than them themselves.

The thoughts you are having are all natural, only anxiety can be twisting them further. Your dad is being well looked after.

He isn't old yet. I have those worries myself but at his age he could be living 20+ years more yet.

I hope he is better soon.

[Traceypo]

Sorry to hear about your dad hun, I hope he's feeling better soon, the uncertainty and no clear diagnosis I believe is just as much a trigger than a condition or disease.
Do you have friends or a partner who can offer you support at this difficult time? We're here for you but sadly we can't put our arms physically around you when you maybe need it the most.
Thinking of you xxx

[snowflake293]

Thank you for the replies and kind words xxx :)

My Dad is hopefully coming out of hospital today. I have handled the situation better than I thought I would and have been strong for my Dad and my Mom too.

We don't know for sure what caused this with my Dad but he is in bad shape and needs to take better care of himself. The fact he drinks so much and is overweight really worries me and my Mom and we both feel like he is a ticking time bomb at times!

My fiance has been really supportive (I have mentioned him on here before he suffers with anxiety too so is very understanding)

I find it hard to have a 'normal' life when I am constantly obsessing over illness, death, loss, diagnosis etc... I am better than I was though and I know I can find a way through the anxiety.

Hopefully he will take better care of himself now. It has made me realise how much my Mom needs me to be strong too (I dont have any siblings in this country only me)

Its funny I look back on my old posts and it makes me realise just how far I have come and how I have learned to cope with the thoughts. Does anyone else do that? It is good for times when you despair!

Snowflake xx

[Carnation]

Snowflake, I have just had my Mum in hospital for 2 months, so I pleased your Dad is being released. :) We are never prepared for something like that. x

[Traceypo]

I've reflected a lot too hun, especially after my last round of therapy. I stopped looking for the anxiety cure, I now look at acceptance of the anxiety and how to cope and manage with it. This has worked for me as I'm no longer feeling like a failure for not 'overcoming' anxiety.
You should feel proud, you faced something scary and unknown but you coped, you managed and you were strong for you and your family. Never underestimate yourself, we have coping mechanisms and resilience that we don't know we have until we really need it.
Pleased your dad is feeling a little better, he has some lifestyle decisions to make and I hope he makes changes.
Xxx

[snowflake293]

Sorry to hear about your Mum Carnation :( Hope she is ok now? 2 months is such a long time to have a loved on in hospital :(

Traceypo I totally agree with what you are saying, I am the same I look at acceptance of the anxiety and it has helped me cope much better.

Really hope my Dad can come home today :(

xxx

[snowflake293]

Hi all

I am really worrying and my anxiety has gotten bad again. Last night I kept bursting into tears cause I am so scared of losing my Dad and frightening of who will get ill next! I feel this overwhelming sensation of dread that I can’t shake. It is eating away at me and I feel awful. Finding it so hard to focus on work etc...

My Dad was kept in again last night. Most of his tests have come back clear, but he is get to have an echocardiogram and another ultrasound of his abdomen and potentially an endoscopy. His bloods have shown he is anaemic, and they aren’t clear of the cause (hence the further tests) so frightened the tests will show he has something terribly wrong with him L I am worried they will find something bad! I love my Dad so much, we are very close and I can’t bear thinking of him being ill or our family losing him!

Dad said the Doctors said one possibility is his anaemia is due to a bleed somewhere so of course now my head is on overdrive :(

I am not showing my Dad any of my anxiety cause I don’t want to worry him and I want to help him recover.

Hopefully he can go home later today but the worry is making me feel so low. I keep crying whenever I think about him and my own health worries are creeping back again. Feeling really low and like I don’t want to deal with anything. Been really snappy/irritable all day L

[Mindknot]

Ugh, feel for you. It was hearing about a collapsing incident involving my dad that I think kicked off my HA in the first place...

It's natural to feel anxious right now, but your dad's in the best place he can be and the doctors will do everything they can to find out what's wrong. The best advice I can give is to try not to let your anxiety spread to other worries, as you'll just be piling it on yourself and making yourself feel worse - remember this doesn't make you ill (they're disconnected!), don't fall back into that trap - recognise that your anxiety is entirely normal in this situation and any symptoms you have are entirely normal (annoying, but normal).

Then, try and stay in the present moment, focus on supporting your dad and mum (anything practical that you can help with (cleaning, stocking up food?) will make you feel productive & give your mind something else to focus on) ...and don't think about the 'could be's' - trust the doctors are doing their thing & they know that the family will be anxious. This is probably going to be a bit of a wake-up call for your dad already and he'll know he needs to make changes so just try to be there to support and love him through it rather than fretting over him. HTH a bit and your dad gets better soon :hugs:

[Traceypo]

Hi hun, it's understandable that you're having a difficult time. Imagine you were someone who didn't suffer from anxiety, how do you think that person would feel? The likelihood is it would be some similar fears and emotions that you're feeling.
You're doing great hun, you are being there for your family but please be compassionate to yourself too.
Take care hun, thinking of you.
Xxx

[snowflake293]

Thanks for the replies xx

Really worrying about my Dad cause they said he's got anaemia and it might be caused by internal bleeding :( I saw him today and he doesn't look well at all and told me he is worried himself! I told him he will be ok but I am so worried!

My health anxiety and fear of bad stuff happening has gotten bad again. I feel tearful a lot of the time like something awful is going to happen. I keep thinking someone in my family is going to suddenly die :(

To top it all off I found a 'new' mole yesterday on my back. My other half thinks its always been there, but I think it is new. It is darker in the middle and looks a bit dry (tiny bit) and is about 3mm. It is symmetrical but not perfectly round. Cant stop looking at it!

Feel really rubbish cause I just want to get on and enjoy my life but I am obsessed with cancer, death, illness... it's like I can't get these awful thoughts out of my head!!! I know one day I will look back and feel angry that I wasted so much time worrying and that makes it even worse.

What do I do? How do I get through this? I am trying the usual techniques I learnt through my CBT sessions and I KNOW this is anxiety making everything worse but everything feels jumbled up in my head and I cant even think straight.

I am worried sick about losing my Dad or him being really ill :( I am so close to him! I get married in September and I am so frightened he wont be there! What an awful thing to think!!!

If anyone can offer some words of comfort, or advice I would really appreciate it cause I feel so low today :(

[MyNameIsTerry]

Sorry to hear your dad is still ill in hospital. :hugs::flowers:

I know hearing internal bleeding is likely to conjure up some seriously scary images but if they thought any bleed was serious, they would be doing something about it right now. In considering an internal bleed, I bet they will have scanned him to check on it so they must be satisfied it can be dealt with in some other way rather than an emergency (which is what we are bound to assume being told of that).

It's not awful to worry about your dad not being at your wedding and him not being able to come because of what you fear, its because you love him and want him to walk you down the isle and be proud of you. He will be, I'm sure.

So, rationalise it. Counter the irrational worries with logic.

The same with the mole, challenge your thinking. Your BF says he thinks it's always been there and there's a chance he will have seen it many times I would think (:blush::winks:). But you think it's new. OK, well he thinks it's not. What evidence have you got to challenge his view? For a start, you only think it's new. So, you don't know for sure.

That's an approach you can take to it, a CBT way. But you really are under a lot of stress right now so your anxiety is going to be heightened anyway. Try to do things that are aimed at bringing the overall levels down whether it's relaxation, TV, reading, etc. Whatever helps. The rest of the worry about your dad also includes the normal worry anybody would have whether they have anxiety or not so a certain level of worry is expected in these situations. It's about being strong and not letting your imagination run away with itself into catastrophizing (and all the other Cognitive Distortions that will be in play with a situation like this).

I hope you have some good news soon that he is recovering from this. I would imagine this will be a wake up call for him on the health front. My dad felt the same when he had an all clear on something, it made him think.

[snowflake293]

Thank you. He is home now though, the discharged him on Sunday and he even went back to work on Tuesday! He said he doesn't feel 'right' though and thinks its due to the anaemia. He said he feels dizzy if he gets up too quickly and feels a bit weak/breathless. He looks pale too.

He had various blood tests in hospital (not sure what for) and ECG and a CT (just of his head). He is going to have an endoscopy and colonoscopy as an outpatient and his GP is going to do the blood test for prostate cancer.

His recent screen for bowel cancer (the thing though the post with the card!) came back clear, no signs of any blood.

I am worried about stomach/oesophageal cancer :( he has had no other signs though, no blood in stools or vomit.

He is a big man and is on LOADS of tablets for various things so I have worried about him for a long time now. The good thing is he has cut right back on the booze since being in hospital. I think he is worried about what is wrong with him :(

The waiting is horrible, but you are right - I must rationalise things. Same goes for my mole. I keep looking back to when my HA was at its worse and it sort of helps me realise a lot of this is my anxiety and not 100% 'real' if that makes sense?

Can anxiety make you feel really emotional the whole time? I feel like I am constantly on the edge of either crying or really irritable. I feel really needy of my other people too, like my boyfriend has gone to work and I am just sat here in tears now cause I am worried about something happened to him :( I keep thinking about how much I love him and my family too and it hurts me so much thinking about losing them :(

So tired of feeling this way. Does anyone else ever feel like this?