Bowel cancer fear PLEASE HELP!

[Chinaski85]

People, please help as Im literally falling to pieces...

I'm a 30 year old guy with serious bowel issues for the past three weeks - first it started with diarrhea which later developed into bloating, painful gas, burping, indigestion, nausea and pain on the right side of my abdomen that sometimes migrates all over my colon area. It doesnt go away and its just not getting better at all.... Due to nausea, fear and queasiness i can barely eat and ive lost weight which is in turn another alarming symptom. Thinking about it all the time obviously makes it worse.

I had indigestion before (diagnosed with reflux disease in the past) but nothing like this. Im terrified I have colon or gallbladder cancer which means im googling all the time and of course all the symptoms fit perfectly, Im giving myself months to live and its unbearable. As im writing this there's no possibility in my mind that its anything other than cancer (we have a lot of it in the family).

I've had panic attacks and anxiety for ten years now (usually thinking im gonna have a heart attack) but it was never as crippling as this as I can barely function anymore. The pain in my abdomen is real and i have a difficulty believing that my psyche alone could be causing all of these symptoms.

Im staying in my room, skipping work, crying and self diagnosing. An added dimension of my problem is that I live in a foreign country (Germany), dont speak the language well and im alone here - separated from my girlfriend of 8 years 2 months ago. I have absolutely no one to talk to. I have an appoitnment with a GP on Monday and am terrified of it. Im praying to God she does all the tests come back negative as I cant live like this anymore...

If anyone has some words of wisdom or comfort or has been in a similar situation please help...

[atvmike]

It's likely IBS brought on by extreme anxiety. You mention breaking up in a foreign country. I assume you are under tremendous stress in this situation and this. An wreak havoc on your digestive system.

I'm just coming out of a month long anxiety nightmare where I was sure I had pancreatic cancer. Turns out my gallbladder is just acting up. I also was unable to eat or leave the house until I had an MRI and my meds kicked in.

[chatty girl]

I feel your pain, I'm absolutely convinced I have bowel cancer! I had a small amount of bleeding without a bowel movement and now I have bloating and diarrhoea!!! I've seen the doc they think its piles and I even paid for a consultant who did a regid sigmoidoscopy and doesn't think there is anything wrong.

I do!!!! I need a colonoscopy! I may have to beg my doctor for one.

The thing that gets me is everyone always puts it down to anxiety but what if this time its not!!!!

Sending a hug xx

[Chinaski85]

Thanks for your replies.

Atvmike in my home country (Slovenia) we have a saying that goes: from your mouth to God's ears!
I know IBS is nothing to joke around with but being diagnosed with it would mean a second chance at life right now...

I also realise the breakup put an enormous amount of stress on me but I had an episode 5 months and 3 months ago (before the breakup) when I vomitted and had diarrhea for a day. I didnt go to the doctor then and now when its happening again (but much worse) Im certain im being "punished" for my own stupidity with cancer. Im terrified.

Chatty girl I get what you're saying - dont leave the office until they agree to it. I'm scheduled for colonoscopy in three weeks but I have no idea how will i make it till then as i can barely leave the house and the pain is contsant.

[Christina_N]

Please try to stop worrying about this, dear! I can totally understand how you feel since I also got through a tough period in February this year thinking I have colon cancer because of a small amount of blood after a bowel movement. I was also having extreme gas, burping and pain in lower abdomen. It turned out it was nothing, and my anxiety was causing all these symptoms. After I got over the fear of colon cancer, all symptoms disappeared. I can assure you that anxiety can definetely cause extreme gas, pain and indigestion problems. I am sure we will be totally fine! Also, remember that bowel cancer is actually unheard of in your age group! Sending hugs!! :hugs:

[Chinaski85]

Thank you Christina. This is my first day on this board and I immediately feel a little bit better.
Still its hard to let go especially when you are experiencing weird pain (my abdominal pain sometimes migrates to the back - pancreatic cancer!!!) that doesnt stop and you cant explain, but google can.
Im also extremely anxious that i wont be able to muster the strength i need to make it through all the testing and (waiting for results) that await me.

How did you do it?

[Christina_N]

Aha, google is our worst enemy....but unfortunately many of us (including me) are kinda addicted to it. I am extremely scared of going to the doctors and having tests so I didn't go...But after a month of being convinced I have colon cancer, another fear came up and forgot about it and my symptoms of bloating and pain went away too. The same thing will happen to you after you be assured its nothing serious. In the meanwhile, try to do stuff that you enjoy or make you laugh and keep your mind away of bad thoughts (I know it is easier said, that done...been there, hundreds of times) :flowers:

[Chinaski85]

Im happy for you! I hope im blessed with a similar outcome.

On the other hand as much as Im terrified of tests and visits to the doctors office this time around I know I wont be able to cope if Im not assured that Im fine - which at this stage of constant pain, bloating and worry seems impossible to me. But im happy and grateful i found this place. Its reassuring and gave me a little window of hope today when I most needed it.

[Mercime]

I feel your pain, I'm absolutely convinced I have bowel cancer! I had a small amount of bleeding without a bowel movement and now I have bloating and diarrhoea!!! I've seen the doc they think its piles and I even paid for a consultant who did a regid sigmoidoscopy and doesn't think there is anything wrong.

I do!!!! I need a colonoscopy! I may have to beg my doctor for one.

The thing that gets me is everyone always puts it down to anxiety but what if this time its not!!!!

Sending a hug xx

You saw an NHS doctor who recommended a flexible sigmoidoscopy, you paid for a private consultant who has performed a test, and has agreed that the original recommendation was the best one. You don't need a colonoscopy, honestly. Bleeding slightly can be a sign of an upset digestive system, IBS, not eating too much, eating too much. A colonoscopy does have risk attached and shouldn't be carried out unless it rally is necessary, not to say it might aggravate the problem that you are having already. Better to wait for flexible sigmoidoscopy.

---------- Post added at 20:03 ---------- Previous post was at 19:59 ----------


People, please help as Im literally falling to pieces...

I'm a 30 year old guy with serious bowel issues for the past three weeks - first it started with diarrhea which later developed into bloating, painful gas, burping, indigestion, nausea and pain on the right side of my abdomen that sometimes migrates all over my colon area. It doesnt go away and its just not getting better at all.... Due to nausea, fear and queasiness i can barely eat and ive lost weight which is in turn another alarming symptom. Thinking about it all the time obviously makes it worse.

I had indigestion before (diagnosed with reflux disease in the past) but nothing like this. Im terrified I have colon or gallbladder cancer which means im googling all the time and of course all the symptoms fit perfectly, Im giving myself months to live and its unbearable. As im writing this there's no possibility in my mind that its anything other than cancer (we have a lot of it in the family).

I've had panic attacks and anxiety for ten years now (usually thinking im gonna have a heart attack) but it was never as crippling as this as I can barely function anymore. The pain in my abdomen is real and i have a difficulty believing that my psyche alone could be causing all of these symptoms.

Im staying in my room, skipping work, crying and self diagnosing. An added dimension of my problem is that I live in a foreign country (Germany), dont speak the language well and im alone here - separated from my girlfriend of 8 years 2 months ago. I have absolutely no one to talk to. I have an appoitnment with a GP on Monday and am terrified of it. Im praying to God she does all the tests come back negative as I cant live like this anymore...

If anyone has some words of wisdom or comfort or has been in a similar situation please help...

Do you think this could have something connected with your relationship breakup? It must be very stressful and stomach is one of the first places to become affected when stressed, excess acid, poor digestion, heartburn, pain. Have you thought about this, that there could be connection?

[Chinaski85]

Im sure the whole breakup situation didnt help any as it was really messy and stressful. That on top of my general anxiety must be a shock for the body.

But still, to attribute all these new, persistent and morphing symptoms just because of a break up im not so sure. I sure hope its all psychosomatic but the physical symptoms are very real. And scary.

[chatty girl]

Chinaski85 thats exactly how I feel. If I dont get another test i dont know how I'm ever going to get over this!!! That is if its just anxiety!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Xx

[Chinaski85]

To get even worse just as I was thinking I was maybe getting a bit better and my symptoms are calming down I've gotten a new, ebilitating symptom thats thrown me back into the abyss of total panic - i have a weird pain/pressure in my rectum that's been there for two days straight. Anybody else ever experienced that? I have a GP appointment tomorrow but Im losing my mind cause of the fear that my colon cancer is spreading...

[Chinaski85]

Went to my new GP today, she was awesome not like my last doctor who didnt even listen to me, did no tests and basically shoved me out of the door saying what i have is GERD. Needles to say I've only gotten worse ever since. Just shows you how important it is to have a GP you trust.

The new one took me seriously, examined my abdomen and ordered bunch of tests - for occult blood in my stool, ultrasound, bloodwork and a colonoscopy. Im absolutely terrified of each and every one of them and as of yet have no strategy how to make myself strong enough to get through them (living in a foreign country by myself) but if I do, and God help me everything is ok, I'm gonna have to change my life around because living under constant fear and pain is no life.

[Holds1325]

This sounds very similar to what I went through. The first doctor I contacted would not test me and said, you're fine, nothings wrong after a physical exam, blood test, urine test. Said you're okay its just hemorrhoids and IBS. Wrote me a couple scripts and sent me on my way. I was NOT convinced and found a new doctor, explained my concerns and she ordered every test under the sun. I went through all of them except a colonoscopy and they all came out fine.

The reason I didn't do the colonoscopy was because my medical care denied it based on my age and previous test and I would have to pay for it and I could not afford it. That was 8 months ago and I am fine now.

I'm not sure whether to tell you to go through the tests or not, probably okay to since you already have them. However, the tests don't usually change your mind or get rid of the What IFs, its like google, it only fuels the obsession.

You'll get test A and B and they come out normal, so you beg to get test C because its conclusive, so you get test C and that comes out normal. Does your anxiety let it go then? NOPE, it only gets worse, what if they missed something? what if its just NOW developing? What if what if? Or then it switches, okay my head hurts, BRAIN TUMOR must get CT SCAN etc.

HA is a ruthless devil and it can be overcome, but you have to treat it as such, its anxiety, so therefore treat the anxiety.

Good luck with your tests I'm sure you're fine :)

[Chinaski85]

Thank you Holds1325...

Immediately after the GP's visit I was somewhat relieved - and now, a couple of hours later Im in the midst of HA hell. My symptoms got worse during the night (I was so scared of going to the doc) and they arent letting go. I have pain on the right side in my colon and im convinced its metastatic cancer, anything else just doesnt make any sense. Ive been googling all day and my anxiety is such that im close to vomiting and have a constant headache which I suppress with more and more painkillers.

I know I have to do the tests but in my mind now its just a matter of earlier cancer detection than if I would've waited and not do them. At the same time I have no idea how am I going to survive the next three weeks that lead up to the colonoscopy. I can barely go to work and I already passed a promotion today because I cant think of anything else. Im destroyed. I hope and pray Im healthy even though that seems like a miracle. If you have any more words of wisdom or comfort please dont hesitate - if only for those couple of minutes while I read them I feel normal and can let go a little bit.

[Holds1325]

I thought exactly that, its just a matter of how far along the cancer is because I already have it!

However I didn't and who knows maybe i'll get it in the future, maybe not. At my age its highly unlikely, at your age its highly unlikely. Bowel cancer at our age is like what .00025%? Its more likely you'll win the lottery or more likely that you'll get hit by a meteor walking outside.

I knew someone that had cancer, not bowel but melanoma, much older than me. Came out fine from that. Anyway he told me he contemplated all the possible outcomes with of course death being the worst outcome. Then he thought, hey it would be a huge waste of time to ruminate/contemplate the outcome and jump in the car and get into a wreck, or get shot somehow etc.

We ruminate over sickness, over suffering and pain and ultimately death. But how about right NOW? Why let your HA ruin your day today? You can still have an OK day and do what you want. Live your life while you have it.

Really though I think you'll be okay after all these tests and I hope you can move on from this, you'll be fine I'm sure, If I was a betting man I'd bet on your health no doubt :)

[Chinaski85]

Thanks again Holds1325 just keep em coming and dont stop writing :)

[Christina_N]

Make a promise to yourself to stay away from google at least for the next three weeks until your tests. You wrote that you are afraid of gallbladder and/or colon cancer. These are extremely rare at your age! Except for that, gallbladder cancer would produce much different symptoms than yours (which I'm not going to list here, for obvious reasons). What is more, colon cancer which I suppose is your main fear, rarely presents with pain, nausea and indigestion! Its symptoms are more specific and indicative of something wrong. Because you are in the middle of a HA crisis, you are catastrophizing and perceiving any single sensation/symptom as considerably worse than it actually is. Keep in mind that as a health anxiety sufferer you cannot be objective and since you are not a doctor any diagnosis you are making has a huge probability of being wrong. What you believe about the state of your health is based on distorted thoughts, it is not a fact. Keep reminding this to yourself and stay away from googling and have some fun. It may seem difficult but give it a try! I am sure you are totally fine...none of your descriptions of symptoms seems that serious or suspect to a third person like me. Kisses!!! <3

[Chinaski85]

Thanks so much Christina. Words like these help immensely.

I cant tell you what I wouldn't give for me to look back in three weeks, after all the testing is done, and congratulate you on account of you being right all along.

[Chinaski85]

Finally had an ok day yesterday with my digestive symptoms a bit better after a long time only to wake up just early in the morning with severe stomach cramps, pain and diarrhea. Im freaking out. Something is seriously wrong. This has been going on for more than a month now...

Seeing my GP on Friday again but I really dont know how will I make it till then. What is going on with me? Im so tired of this. This is no life anymore... Please help

[Christina_N]

Hello chinaski85,

I am so sorry that you feel that bad.I have read that our bowel and intestines are the "mind" of our body. In other words, they reflect our emotions and thoughts. Given that you are going through a tough period emotionally and psycologically there is no need to wonder why you have all these symptoms. Furthermore, even if something is indeed wrong, most possibly you are suffering from IBS. Even the fact that some days are better than others, points directly to something minor like IBS. Cancer symptoms, once they appear do not go away and only become worse. Your anxiety has taken control of yourself. Have you ever considered seeing a psychiatrist or therapist...whatever you feel like? Personally speaking, CBT has helped me a lot. Maybe you should give it a try, too. Sending virtual hugs!

[Chinaski85]

Hello chinaski85,

I am so sorry that you feel that bad.I have read that our bowel and intestines are the "mind" of our body. In other words, they reflect our emotions and thoughts. Given that you are going through a tough period emotionally and psycologically there is no need to wonder why you have all these symptoms. Furthermore, even if something is indeed wrong, most possibly you are suffering from IBS. Even the fact that some days are better than others, points directly to something minor like IBS. Cancer symptoms, once they appear do not go away and only become worse. Your anxiety has taken control of yourself. Have you ever considered seeing a psychiatrist or therapist...whatever you feel like? Personally speaking, CBT has helped me a lot. Maybe you should give it a try, too. Sending virtual hugs!

I ate a fatty meal yesterday and woke up with pains and painful bowel movement today. Maybe thats a possible trigger altough Ive never had problems with that before. Or maybe I have issues with pancreas or gallbladder (cancer??).
All I can think of right now is the fact that i dont seem to be eating much less (im forcing myself to eat even though my appetite is not there) but im still losing weight. Ive googled (I know) about IBS and losing weight is not one of the symptoms, in fact quite the opposite, usually people gain weight. Oh man...

[Christina_N]

Pancreas and gallbladder cancer have very specific symptoms that you have not mention and of course I am not going to, either!! (please dont google it!!). Losing weight is your body's way to tell you to calm down...besides, everyone loses some weight when he has diarrhea!

[Chinaski85]

Thank you so much Christina. I know Im all moaning but its so difficult for me being alone in a foreign country, feeling inexplicably sick for over a month and frightened out of my mind all the time. Breaking up with my girlfriend 2 months ago who I still miss terribly doesnt help.

I just hope with all my heart nothing's terribly wrong with me.
Please say a little prayer for me, I would be eternally grateful.

[Cusper]

Hey Chin,
I have had all the same fears you are having right now and I am telling you if you think of your circumstances alone would cause anyone terrible anxiety. A break up is bad enough but going through a terrible break up and being in a foreign country will absolutely throw your digestion off. I used to have really really bad anxiety and i still do, but when it is terrible all I want to do is be around people I know and home near my parents. I couldn't travel when I had bad anxiety because I would not feel safe in a strange country. Home is a security blanket. When the body is under stress it has that fight or flight response and it tenses up and messes with your digestive system because if you think about it in primitive circumstances it's getting ready for trouble and your brain is a powerful powerful thing. I used to think if only I could take the energy I put into worrying into something productive I would be able to move mountains. One thing I did notice, is that coffee(stimulant) under stress really affects the bowels. It is extremely acidic and really aggitates the adrenals and stimulates insulin. Give up coffee or really ween yourself down for a while if you can. In fact it was the hardest of all of my addictions to give up. But when I did I slept better and had less anxiety. I am not a dr. and it is so good that you went so you can put your mind at ease. But if I were to bet anything is because you are just in a very hard point in your life and it's that awful adjustment period to the new country and life without your girlfriend. 8 years you say? That is almost a third of your life. Huge. I hope you feel better. I know what it feels like to have this worry. My doctor basically used to sigh when she would see me come in because she was like oh no not her again.... Sending you lots of support. Would it help to skype with one of your friends back home?

[Chinaski85]

Thanks Cus. Im sure it had at least something to do with all of this...

I immediately cut out coffee and booze from my diet but as I've also gotten more panicky it didnt have much of an overall impact.
My big struggle now is my apetite/weight loss - I dread food and Im not used to it. Just a month ago everything was normal and I had a healthy apetite and now food almost disgusts me. Im force feeding myself beause I dread more weight loss but still Im not eating as much and being in a constant panic mode probably doesnt help either. In turn I panic more because Im still losing weight and have no apetite (both symptoms of cancer) which makes me want to eat even less... I see no way out of this vicious circle.

[Cusper]

Hey Chin,
Ok I had this too. I was worried about having another cancer a couple years ago after getting some bad test results from the dr. I went right into panic mode. The thought of eating just seemed to reject the idea of food. It repulsed me. Once I talked to a specialist about my situation and was treated for it I relaxed a bit. But It took a lot of time to convince myself I was going to be ok. The main thing at that time was the not knowing. But once I got my test results and the doctors didn't seem at all concerned I slowly gained weight... and now I am back to being a bit over weight. I think once your doctor gives you the all clear things will settle down. I can totally relate. I have noticed on here that a lot of people who are in panic mode can't stomach the thought of food. ok, i know this is a shot in the dark but I read this book called "Dying To Be Me" by Anita Moorjani. It's a cheesy title I know but this book is amazing. In fact I think I need to read it again. But it brought me the most comfort and she talks about how she lived her life in fear. I would highly recommend it.

[Chinaski85]

Thanks Cus. I immediately checked out Moorjani's TED talk and I really liked it. By God if I make it out of this alive and healthy I think Im due to some extensive changes in my life.

In other news - went my GP today to bring stool samples (yuck) and do the bloodwork. They said if they found out something's amiss they will give me a call straight away. Otherwise im waiting till the 13th for an ultrasound.
Needless to say that every call I get in these two weeks will give me a mini heart attack. Please keep your fingers crossed for me as my symptoms (specially pain in the right side of my abdomen) still didnt subside.