Purple99
23-04-16, 17:31
I've had a problem with blushing for about 15 years now.My first memory of blushing was when I was about 15/16. It was only momentarily and happened for no apparent reason but I very clearly remember my friends making fun of me and delighted in telling me how red i'd gone. They were clearly only joking and if i'd been a more confident person and more sure of myself, I could have just laughed it off and just forgotten about it, but that feeling of everyone staring at you and wondering what the hell is wrong with you, is a familar one that has never left me, even after all this time. I used to be extremely shy and awkward, and used to blush just when someone spoke to me, but I have mananged to control it to a degree with careful management. It sounds ridiculous to say that, but it's true. One thing I have to have is a full face of foundation. I can't even go over the road to the shop without it on. Even if I do blush, it's obviously still noticable but it's not as noticable and it's kind of like my safety guard, I just feel so much more comfortable and confident with it on. It is annoying though. I wish I didn't have to wear it everyday, I wish I could just stroll out of the house, into work and it not be a problem. I used to even have to have it on if I weren't even leaving the house when I was at home with my parents. Thinking back, my family were a part of creating the anxiety I feel about blushing. I had a normal childhood but I always felt inferior and my brothers used to make fun of me or make me feel stupid, and there were times when my parents did too. I never really very comfortable in my own skin, I guess I still feel like that even now. Anyway, I now feel OK to be makeup free in my house with my partner, but it did take a few years to do that. So moving on, foundation is 1 way I control my blushing, another is what I wear. Because my arms have a tendency to go red, I have to wear long sleeves which is incredibly annoying, especially when i'm warm and would very much like to remove my cardigan, but I have to then decide which is worse, to be too warm and then sweaty and possibly smelly, or be cooler but run the risk of my arms going bright red and everyone wondering what on earth is wrong with me! I also have anxiety about my body odour when I get too warm, so you can imagine what my everyday life is like! I spend ages every morning trying to decide what to wear. It has to be either a long sleeved top or long sleeved cardigan, the top has to cover all of my chest as if I go red, so does the upper part of my chest and then remains blotchy. My neck can also go blotchy but that's only if I blush for a prolonged amount of time, like if I have to talk infront of a lot of people. In the Summer I have started to wear mild fake tan, one that builds a gradual tan as it acts like the foundation does for my face, even thought I know if I do blush, it will be noticable but mentally I feel as though because I have it on, it won't happen. I've noticed as well that when i've had a drink, I won't blush. I'm not sure whether this is down to my body or my mind. I have read in other posts that drinking actually makes blushing worse so i'm not sure. I just wish I could wear what I wanted, say what I want and behave as I wish. I just feel so jealous when I look at people at work in their short sleeved tops, makeup free faces, just going about their days, only worrying about deadlines, financial matters, etc. I definitely feel a lot more confident than I used to be and i'm sure if I told anyone at work about my problem, they'd be surprised, but I still feel as though blushing controls my everyday life and just wish I could get to the point where I can wear short sleeved tops without a second thought, sit at the staffroom table and talk to the whole table and maybe just maybe, go over to the corner shop without a full face of foundation on. I can dream!