Eating

[Samantha]

Hi, really didnt know where to put this. Have been a way for a while just geeting my head together and stuff trying to clear my mind. Things are a bit up and down at the moment.
For about six months now i havent been eating properly and lately ive been noticing that its becoming a bit of a problem. It started with the pressure of my gcse's and coursework i was getting so worked up my headteacher actually gave me mentor sessions through the exams. Over the last couple of months ive lost a LOT of weight i wasnt exactly big but ive always been a bit negative about my body image. Im a size 10 now but when i look at myself i think i look really big compared to other people. I don't eat breakfast and restrict whast i eat as i found out that women should be eating 70g of fat everyday (counted fat since the numbers were easier to handle lol). I take lunch to school with me but dont eat untill 4.00 then i dont really want any tea (we dont eat till late). My parents are really worried, but i cant tell them why i do it, i just feel like its something ive got to do. At lunch i try and keep what i eat to a minimum anyway so that by the end of the day ive eaten 35g but i worked it out in calories today what id eaten and it was 650. I know this is not healthy and my hair and nails are beginning to show it. I read in a book today the long term effects of what doing this can do and im scared. I dont want to be so obsessed about food, but i dont enjoy eating, i know im not doing too well cause sunday i went to bed with masses hunger pains because id spent the day on 20g because i had some rice for lunch. I know i should see a doctor but that means discussing whats happening with my parents. Ive just started to come out of an 8 month depression when my nan died so now i dont know where i am but i am scared. I know its a stupid thing to do but its my way of controlling myself and its not easy to snap out of ive thought about going to see the school nurse but this'll be two weeks before i can do it

Sam

[minny]

Hi Sam!

Sorry to hear things have been up and down for you lately. There is plenty of help and support available so try and relax. Its understandable that your parents worry but communication is the key. Keep talking to them about your fears and keep them in the picture.
Your right, your diet does need some attention and your GP can help you with this as well as any stress related problems. Please try not see food as something you can control but on the same hand dont put undue pressure on yourself to eat. The secret isnt the amount you eat but WHAT you eat. Its much better to eat small amounts and often rather than 3 big meals a day if food is an issue. Fruit, nuts, cereal bars, raw vegetable sticks etc are all excellent snacks. You can eat these in unlimited amounts. Calcium is important too and milk, yoghurts and cheese are all rich in this supplement. Once you are comfortable snacking you can then build your diet up from there.
Its finding a balance and the right sorts and amounts of food that suits you! You are already aware that there is a problem so you are halfway to tackling it! :)

Good luck to you....Minny..xx

[seh1980]

hi Sam,

Maybe you could try just increasing what you eat a tiny bit each day?? It's not good to just jump from eating a little bit to eating loads but if you increase what you eat little by little, your body will get used to it and will slowly want to eat more.

Sarah :D

[sal]

Hi Sam

Sorry to hear how you are at the moment, but i agree with Sarahs advice. Slowly try to build it up what you are eating. Not eating properly will not help how you are feeling and will make you feel worse.

Just try progressing to a bit more every day. You calorie intake at the moment is way too low and you will need more calories to help you get through the day and give you more energy.

Dont forget you are not just feeding your body you are also feeding your mind.



Love Sal xxxxx

[Karen]

Hi Sam

I hope you are feeling a little better. I can understand your pre-occupation with controlling food intake because I do the same thing, just maybe not quite to the extent that you are at present. I relation to feeling it is something in your life that you can control because I feel the same way, although I also recognise it isn't a good thing to be doing.

I have struggled with my weight for a number of years and a couple of years ago started piling the weight on. Being overweight made me feel disgusted with myself so I started dieting. I think the trouble is that dieting and losing weight can become quite addictive and once I started I didn't want to stop. I feel better about myself when I have lost another 1lb and I want to keep going. I still look at myself and feel overweight, although like you I am now a size 10.

I'm not sure what the answer is but I think the others have made good points about trying to slowly increase what you a eating a little. I am very aware that I don't want my control of food to get too out of hand and I am not starving myself, but at the same time I am terrified of putting weight on again. It definitely sounds like you are not eating enough at the moment and I really do understand how difficult it is to try to eat more when feeling this way. You are quite right when you said it is to do with a negative body image, which stems from poor self esteem.

Take care.

Briary

[Samantha]

Hi everyone thanks for replying

For the lats couple of weeks ive been trying to deny that there is anything wrong, but ive accepted it has since i can no longer tell the difference between feeling hungry and feeling sick. I never set out to lose weight and have never done diets at the time when it started i didnt have time to eat at lunchtime i was always in the library but then i realised that i didnt need to eat untill later if i could help it. But when things started going down hill it was something that i could at least control over myself sort of my way of punishing myself without people being able to see what was happening, just my way of coping combined with the fact that i heard someone who i considered to be one of my best mates basically calling me fat. I was gutted, i instantly becam paranoid about everything, and felt like i had to prove myself at everything just push myself that bit further. I started to discuss this in my last councelling session and wheni was asked if it was becoming a problem i said no its just something ive got to do, and in a way it is. I found a book in the school library yesterday about eating disorders and there was so much in there that made sense, and reading through it made me realise that things were getting out of hand, especially if people i hadnt seen in a while were commenting. I read through long term effects of what food restriction can do and it scared me because i never realised how serious it was. I know what im doing will be considered stupid by most but its my way of dealing with things, i cant eat infront of people so i dont eat at all. Theres a lot of things out there that are low cal and everything but its more a thing of me concentrating on what i eat i just dont enjoy it and as my dad says make eating look like hard work. Id never make myself sick after eating because thats too obvious but there have been times when ive thought about it. I feel uncomfortable with eating and snacking even if its fruit ive just basically started eating as little as i can.

by not eating i feel as though i can block things out but i feel that if i try to talk to people about it the'll just think im being stupid. My esteem is pretty low at the moment a year ago i was really confident, but that is the past and unfortunately cant go back. Controlling what i eat is my way of staying in control of my life whether it makes me ill or not, its just something that i cant deal with so try not to think about it, which is the wrong approach, everythings is so confusing i even questionned whether i had made the right choice in going back to school, but i know that without it id be lost.

Thank you all very much for your support

Sam









Positive thinking is the key to success!