Feeling really alone :-(

[chatty girl]

So it appears today the one person who I could always talk to about my fears has had enough this time. My husband has always listened to me but that's ended. He's so fed up with me and screeching I can't have a colonoscopy privately because we can't afford it. But would he rather I die from bowel cancer! Im sure those of you on here know my story by now.

My 4 year old son keeps seeing me upset and asking why but what can I say, mummy's convinced she has bowel cancer!!! No!

When I see the doctor tomorrow and if she refuses to refer me for a colonoscopy I really don't know what I'm going to do. X amount of weeks is a long time to wait for a flexible sigmoidoscopy.

Sorry to go I'm just so scared xx

[ShaunRyder]

Yes I remember a previous post about this issue from you, I remember you saying the consultant said there was nothing to worry about, what is making you still think you have bowel cancer? Have you had anymore blood in the toilet since the first time?

It sounds more of an anxiety issue than bowel cancer, If you have not already, you should visit your GP regarding how worried this makes you feel and how worried you are getting over your health, he may offer support such as counselling or CBT (Really helpful!) and prescribe you some medication which can help your anxiety.

[chatty girl]

Thanks Shaunryder,

I actually have my first CBT tomorrow morning and hopefully an appointment at the doctors in the afternoon. I've absolutely no idea why I'm still obsessed with this, I think alot of it is because I was so flustered when I saw the consultant I didn't ask him everything or about a colonscopy.

I so scared of dieing and leaving my little boy, he's my world and I couldn't bear it for him or me.

Xx

---------- Post added at 16:06 ---------- Previous post was at 16:03 ----------

Also the thought of waiting however meny weeks for a flexible sigmoidoscopy makes me feel sick! Firstly because I'm crying so much I might start a flood and what if it is cancer and its to late. Just because I have health anxiety doesn't mean this time I'm not right xx

[Elen]

Sorry to hear that this is causing friction with your husband and more worryingly impacting on your son.

The first step has to be seeing your GP regarding treatment for you HA.

You have seen a consultant, had tests yet you still don't believe them. This is the problem.

Countrygirl responded on one of your other posts regarding this, go back and really read it.

You say you are scared of dying and leaving your boy, you have already left him right now, sorry if that sounds harsh but I grew up with a parent with HA and it was horrible, and we have no contact.

You owe it to your family to tackle the HA which is the real problem here. You know yourself that this fear will pass then another one will take its place.

[helenhoo]

I can't relate on the bowel cancer worry. If a eorried for a day or two but then looked up symptpms and age incidence and somehow got over that dear quickly but I can relate to the husband (boyfriend in my case) getting annoyed. He's said he doesn't want to live with me as I am currently but doesn't inderstand I can't really help the fear and worry i feel. EVERYONE around me is sick of it. Current for me is melanoma despite being low risk and dark featured I have freckles and moles like family do. God forbid I feel one that is raised (probably always have been) I have a few that are raised!

Your husband loves you and is frustrated as would we be vice versa. I don't know if you're like me in the sense of seeking constant reassurance from him but it's one thing my boyfriend can't stand

[Fishmanpa]

This was just 4 days ago....


I saw the consultant this afternoon, they had a cancellation, he was lovely, he did some sort of internal examination abd said he can't see any reason for the bleed and he really thinks its nothing to worry about but it would be silly not to follow up by having the sigmoidoscopy on the nhs, so I'm back on the waiting list but I feel so reassured now I'm glad I forked out to see him.

The fact you're back to this after getting an all clear speaks to the severity of your anxiety. Nothing is going to happen between now and the peace of mind sigmoidoscopy. Elen is spot on concerning leaving your family as you've basically done that already. It's good that you'll be starting therapy. You owe it to your family and yourself to get better :)

Positive thoughts

[chatty girl]

Thank you all for you comments I really appreciate it xx

Ever since having my son my anxiety/health anxiety has hit the roof. He is my whole world and we are extremely close so the prospect of me losing him or him losing me brings me to tears immediately. I always promised myself I would never let him see me upset over things like this and up until now I have managed it. I've never been this bad or so convinced I have cancer.

If only I had stayed calm and asked the consultant more questions I might not be so bad! I've had cbt before last year but this time I have been re referred with a more senior if you like therapist. I think it says intensive on the letter, this time its a man. Normally this wouldn't bother me but I'm worried I'm going to feel embarrassed about everything.

My appointments at 10.30 but I hope to get an appointment with the doctor in the afternoon, for a chat! The receptionist knows my name now, worrying!!!!!!

My tummys bloated and I keep having to go to the loo, again these things weren't happening when i saw the consultant so apart from the blood I answered normal to all his questions, I wouldn't now so would his opinion be different! ?

Xx

[countrygirl]

Please see that your altered bowel habit has happened because you have got in such a state of anxiety. You didn't have this when you saw the consultant but after seeing him and getting into such a state about all the questions you didn't ask him and the wait for the flexible sigmoidoscopy you now have an iffy bowel. Cause and effect!

I explained in my previous answer on your other thread that your rigid sigmoid test would have shown up any polyps that would be a sign of genetic condition predisposing you to cancer.

You haven't got it - end of.

Hope the therapy goes well, remember they have heard everything before and nothing you say will embarass or freak them so just be honest.