Oh hello self pity...

[helenhoo]

I am feeling rather sorry for myself today.

I feel as though nibody understands. I ask my Dan and he just shouts because he's sick of me asking. I'm sick of me asking. You all are sick of me asking.

I have bought this fear on myself. I fidnt give a flying fudge about my freckles until I heard this melanoma story snd since then, in between other worries, I'm constantly checking. No new freckles that I'm aware of. Yet.

There's a tiny tiny tiny pin prick dot in the dead skin (yum) on my sole that I'm convinced is a freckle or will be. Dan said its just a dent/possible old splinter but not a freckle. You can't see it unless you shine flash light on it.

I just feel like I'm so alone.

[ServerError]

How long is it now until you start CBT

Would you consider talking to your doctor about medication?

[helenhoo]

They bloody lost me Server! I lost the letter I 1000000% got so I didn't know the exact place I needed to call but I called my local branch of talkong therapy assuming they'd have done it by postcode. They took name, postcode, DOB and said they have no trace of me.

The nurse I spoke with at the bloods said to ask her to refer me if these were (and they were) not helpful.

[Elen]

Unfortunately Reb you and you alone can change this.

Have a look at some of the links Terry gave you and try and find something that you think you can work through.

There are loads of small things you can do to break the bad habits you have gotten into but it isn't going to be easy.

Perhaps tell those close to you that you realise that you are being irrational and come up with an acceptable response they can give you.

[helenhoo]

I have tried that. Dan has even said that he can't sympathise when he answers my queries and I yet I ask again and again.

I liked the one thing in Terry's links about the White bear. That is literally how it works. I only worry when o think about it, oddly enough. I am again torn between this pin prick on foot (as it's the worst MM) that is more than likely a splinter and ones on my shoulder.

[Hypo]

I can do self pity.

I am in a really bad place.

Had the evening from hell.

I am broken for good this time. Never been so bad. Husband says I have but this time I feel like I'm going crazy and I'm scared.

So let me join your pity party because it's all I'm good for.

[helenhoo]

Hi Hypo, sorry you're feeling like this! You're a lot stronger than you think you are. Put me in my place a few times!

[Elen]

Hypo listen to your husband hun, I don't think we have any clarity when it comes to how bad or otherwise we are.

Accept it as a blip and re-assure yourself that it will pass.

[Hypo]

I feel different this time and I'm scared.

I am usually strong Reb, but not now. Mind you, I'm due on tomorrow so that isn't helping. I have to work this week, I don't feel like I can do it.

Anyway, sorry Reb for hijacking your thread and thank you both :flowers:

[helenhoo]

It's ok! We are all here to help each other after all!

I feel at my lowest. I'm scouring foot for this thing that Dan is like is that it, can hardly see it, it just looks like a spliter blah.

---------- Post added at 20:17 ---------- Previous post was at 20:11 ----------

My boyfriend has said hr won't move in with me until I sort myself out. Yet here I am checking foot for umpteenth time today. It's new thing. an actual pin prick under the skin possibly a splinter but i think is cancer...

[ServerError]

It's ok! We are all here to help each other after all!

I feel at my lowest. I'm scouring foot for this thing that Dan is like is that it, can hardly see it, it just looks like a spliter blah.

---------- Post added at 20:17 ---------- Previous post was at 20:11 ----------

My boyfriend has said hr won't move in with me until I sort myself out. Yet here I am checking foot for umpteenth time today. It's new thing. an actual pin prick under the skin possibly a splinter but i think is cancer...

You say the system for CBT lost you. I really hope you get back on it and get seen. Be proactive and make it happen.

I'm willing to bet that, deep down, you don't think it's cancer. You're just scared of allowing yourself not to fear the worst. If you saw the bottom of my right foot you'd think I was riddled with cancer! It's actually just some very stubborn verrucas (there goes my chance of ever getting a girlfriend via No More Panic...) This will just turn out to be another fear that didn't come true.

As I say, seek therapy, and at least consider medication. Talk to your doctor.

[helenhoo]

Thank you. You are right. I don't truly think it is I just fear that it could be.

Yesteday it was another freckle, day before another.

I will speak with the nurse and get self reffered, she seemed to really want to help me and said CBT is the best option to start with and reckons I have a hell of s lot of logic about despite what I may think. She was very nice to talk to unlike the first doctor who was like eye roll shrug.

---------- Post added at 20:33 ---------- Previous post was at 20:32 ----------

My feet are grim being a former waitress haha! Lovely chunks of hard skin. Yum.:roflmao: