Hiv

[supportneeded]

Hi all.

I once belived i was infected with hep b and hep c because slept with another man.
After numorus test i accepted the fact that i wasnt and moved on. After suffering with health anxiety about this i said i would never put myself in a sitiuation again.

Stupidly i did putting me and most importantly my girlfriends health at risk.

In 2014 i licked a mans penis and got his fluid on my tounge and then i stopped. instantly i was worried about hiv and then exactly two weeks after when i could of fell ill i did and hiv anxiety went thorugh the roof. I wasnt really ill with the flu but i felt achy and just rubbish.

I really struggled at this point as i needed to test for my health and more importantly my girlfriends.

I tested negative at 4 and 6 weeks with a lab based 4th generation test, to my supprise it was negative. I was so surprising it seemed so right but i moved on after my test as no antigen or antibodies was found.

Fast forward 4 months later i started with headaches on the left side of my head its such a strange pain and discomfort.

I had strange rashes and stuff and never thought of hiv.

It wasnt until june 2015 when i started having penile thrush and then everything clicked that it must be hiv

I tested again at the clinic at:
4 weeks
6week
8months
7months
9months
14months
16months all negative.

By this time it was march 2016. And i kept trying to move on and then came the most messed up eye problems ever
Eye floaters. Im not talking about small problems talking about chronice eye blobs and stringgy stuff its horrible.

I went to the doctors and had my wbc taken in october 2015 and my wbc had dropped

Again last weel my bloods taken again my wbc had dropped and my doctor doesnt seem bothered

I asked for a referal to an hiv specialist twice but he didnt bother

Its now i noticed white spots ony tonsils.

I am so depressed now
Im so depressed that i cheated on my girlfriend and possibly given her hiv
There is no other explination for it i cant sleep or eat pr anything.

What is the chance that me has no antibodies to hiv
:(

.

---------- Post added at 04:23 ---------- Previous post was at 04:09 ----------

When i say Eye floaters i mean chronic eye problems.

I read somthing about cmv retinitis that is common in people with hiv. Its like a living nightmare.

It was in october 2015 when i broke down and told my girlfriend everything about me cheating with a man and i asked her to test but she flipped and said i was mental because by this time i had already tested 1 year after.

She keeps getting an infection in her tooth and i keep blaming myself thinking its hiv.

I want to tell her im so sorry so so so sorry the tests are crap i should of spent money on a viral load test

[Shazamataz]

Surely all of those negative tests should be reassuring?

There's no reason any other issues could be completely unrelated to HIV and more to do with your body being under stress from all the anxiety?

[supportneeded]

I know mate you would of thought so too.

I cant actually think of anything else. I cant think of anything else that it could be.

I went to a clinic in london asking for a test for the virus itself bit they said i dont need it so i tried my best to move on and didnt do the test That was in october 2015.

Thing's have just got worse with my health.

3 month apparently for 98 pecernt of people. I tested way beyond that. Why the hell am i being tortured bit these health problems!

[Shazamataz]

Stress and anxiety wear your body down and so it's no surprise when various random illnesses strike.

I really do not think you have HIV.

This may be a silly question but do you think the anxiety and focus on HIV is more to do with guilt at cheating on your partner?

[Fishmanpa]

Why the hell am i being tortured bit these health problems!

Health "nuisances" perhaps and all attributable to a stressed physiology due to anxiety, not HIV and as Shaz said, guilt about an experience that has you questioning yourself and your fidelity/commitment to your girlfriend.

Positive thoughts

[Tangaroa]

After 3 months the HIV test is 99% conclusive. The fact you have tested more than once and received a negative test pretty much means that you almost certainly do not have HIV. As long as the incident you are worried about is more than 3 months ago and there have been none since.

Your health problems are being caused by your anxiety. Anxiety is good at making you think the worst case scenario is also the most likely scenario. It isnt. You should probably talk to your GP about your anxiety and the other symptoms that you have and focus on getting treatment for those. Your paranoia about HIV is just another symptom.

Like others have said, your probably feeling guilty about cheating and this may be compounding your problems. Have you told your girlfriend? I am guessing that she knows something is up as this has been going on for some time?

[supportneeded]

Hi guys.

Thanks for replys. I really appreciate your repsonse.

Basically after the incident i wasnt overly concerned. Yes icheated but it was a low risk exposure and i knew i needed to get tested. It wasnt until 2 weeks after i then fell il (not serverly) but just ached and i was really stressed and what was strange was i woke up sweating it was the dreaded hiv night sweats and this really fncked me up and i convinced myself i was infected.

I took my test at 28 days. It was called a duo test it looks for part of the virus and your antibodies or immume repsonse. It is 98% accurate at 28 days and i followed a forum that said if you have symptoms suggestive of hiv then repeat the test at 6 weeks this result is certain to those doctors and i did i moved on.

Fast forward 16 months to now well ive had rashes dry skin thrush on my privets and white spots on throat.

Nothing really clicked until june (8 months after) when i thought it must be hiv it had to be.

I went to the doctors then and they done hiv and wbc. My wbc had dropped from normal readings that i have yearly.

The doctor didnt seem fussed. It sent me wild

I dont know the stance on drug use/talk on this forum but i then put about 4k of white powder up my nose because i messed up and i then spent all my money and drank myself to oblivion i broke down one day when i ran out of money and told my girlfriend about the encounter. Some how she stood by me and i cannot thank her enough for that. She came to the doctors and we got some pherapy for cbt. It was so slow on the nhs i didnt bother and now pay private.

Since that time in october my thrush is chronic below and my eye sight is just terrible its so distressing waking up and seeing floaters.

No one even the doctors will send me to a specialist and i asked twive and nothing had been done. I dont know where to go.

In march this year i went back to doctors and they done nother hiv test and cbc. My white blood count had dropped again and again doctors said its in normal ranges

I give up.

Why the thrush
Why the eye problems
Why the wbc dropping.

Sorry for wall of text everyone

---------- Post added at 23:20 ---------- Previous post was at 23:15 ----------

Ive had 7 duo test. 7 blood drawn very sensitive tests that look for antibdoies and small parts of virus.

The thing is you can find anything on the internet.

Some people claim they tested negative for ages like me but had health problems then finaly got a positive.

Could somone like me who has never really trusted any medical test in his life no produce any antiboides to hiv.

[Fishmanpa]

With respect,

Your response is typical HA reactive. You ask for an opinion, you get several responses that challenge your thoughts, dismiss the obvious ("Yeah, I cheated BUT" ... which I believe is the root of the issue) and then offer perceived beliefs and Dr Google as evidence to keep your fantasy alive (see this thread (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=182058) as a perfect example).

The craziest thing about HA is the way it lies to you to keep you hooked. I've seen it more times than I can recount.

You asked opinions and got them. Medical professionals, scientific medical tests and people on an anxiety forum have offered the same opinion. It's your choice to believe it and accept it.

Positive thoughts

[Tangaroa]

I have to agree with the advice given above. You can find what ever you want on Google and Googling your symptoms is generally not a good idea because you generally look for the worst case scenario. You need to speak to your GP about your anxiety issues - you may find treating this also helps with the other symptoms.

I had a similar situation to you and I also thought I might have HIV or an STI of some kind. Every time I felt something was wrong I googled how I felt and found out that it was the symptom of an STI and began to panic. The problem is the symptoms of HIV/STIs are wide ranging and similar to the symptoms of lots of other things. I finally got tested and they came back negative. The difference is I have accepted the results and started to move on. You should too.