All time low - complete breakdown THIS is what HA does

[KatiePink]

I feel i needed to post this as last night my Health Anxiety reached an ALL TIME LOW. Long read,

I have been worrying for weeks now about my low back problems(tingling around tail bone) and strange sensations in hip/thighs. A slight numbness feeling in saddle area.
I have suffered on and off with lower back issue's and sciatica for years. I once had an MRI on the lower back which came back normal, i had physiotherapy but left it at that.

Anyway, as my back has recently been playing up, not really painful but more tingling feelings, i remember that the doctor's used to always ask me (have you lost any bladder/bowel control ect) and i knew this was due to a serious but rare situation that can occur called Cauda Equina Syndrome.

A week or so ago, because of my Health anxiety i thought i would sit there all day and look up this Cauda Equina, video's, recovery statistics ect, when i came across something that said Cauda Equina must be treated with surgery from the onset of symptoms within 24-48 hours for any chance of recovery.

HUGE anxiety followed. I had a few of the symptoms(i thought) the saddle area numbness/paresthesia for example. I went to a walk in clinic and they asked my symptoms, touched in a few places made me raise and lower my legs and basically said i was fine.

I left, not feeling re assured at all, as WE DO with health anxiety.

Since then i have had a constant strange feeling in my saddle area, so constant and so strong that it couldn't possibly be ANXIETY. Or could it?
I've been touching the area numerous times a day to see if anything felt 'weird'

Last night at home with my partner, my lower back tingling got quite bad, i had done quite a few stretches the day before, but this tingling was worrying me, just on my tailbone but very intense, i got up and was pacing around the room, the strange feeling in my saddle area was getting worse, anxiety increasing, heart rate speeding up...

"Something is definitely wrong, i'm going numb down there"
"This is definitely not anxiety"
"I'm so scared"


I felt that i was going to lose control of my bladder and bowels, i ACTUALLY FELT IT, i rushed to the toilet, no wee would come out even though i really needed it, i moved positions and nothing, stood up and then a little bit trickled out..

OMG OMG OMG I'VE JUST LOST CONTROL OF MY BLADDER I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING

My legs went weak, strange sensations all over my lower half, immense pressure around my bum and 'front bum', crying uncontrollably, my partner stood next to me I FELL TO THE FLOOR - and actually felt myself wee my pants.

"I've lost control of my bladder i've p*ssed myself" "check for me quick" "Call an ambulance"


"No you haven't, there's absolutely nothing there"


:ohmy: :ohmy: :blush:

"Do you want me to call an ambulance?".... "No, no i don't" I said, whilst lay face down on the floor crying my eye's out.

"What's happening to me? I'm losing my mind" I blubbered.

After a lot of crying, consoling and calming, i looked at my partner and said i'm so sorry, and for the first time he didn't automatically reply with "It's okay"..

I looked at him as to say what's up, and he said

"Everyday when you tell me your symptoms, my heart speeds up and i get so angry, not at you but at this, because there's nothing i can do or say, i can't give you the answers you want, it's so depressing"

This really hit me hard. WHAT AM I DOING TO MY LIFE?!?


I AM 25!! This anxiety is absolute torture and after actually feeling myself wee myself plus immense pressure in that area that was obviously ALL IN MY HEAD. I created that, i am now more convinced than ever that anxiety can cause anything you want it to.

I don't want this from life, we only have ONE LIFE, ONCE CHANCE to be HAPPY. There is no RESET BUTTON. It's now, right now, that's all we have and I need to put a stop to this.
Me and my partner have talked and have come to an agreement that i will take his advice and stick to it, with regards to no symptom checking, or asking him for re assurance. Also he always tries to get me to do things to keep me active or happy instead of sat here talking about my symptoms, now i am going to LISTEN TO HIM.

It will not be easy, will i have blips? YES
Does that mean i've failed? NO
Can i do this? YES I CAN BECAUSE I AM MORE THAN ANXIETY.

[countrygirl]

I have 3 herniated discs in my lumbar spine and I too get the weird numb feelings around my anus and buttocks. I have had this sensation for many years but if I actually touch the area I can feel perfectly well. Even a feather touch I can feel.

They are really only worried if their pin and cotton wool ball test shows genuine lack of feeling or if you lose all control of bladder/bowels or if you don't feel the need to urinate over a long time. They also do a test where they stick a finger in your bum and ask you to clench ( you can try this yourself:)) if you can't tighten your bum at all they worry.

Remember that lower back problems can cause all sorts of weird sensations without cauda eq syndrome being present.
I also get intense prickling sensation in my buttock and at base of spine. It can feel as if I am sitting on a boulder with the same buttock. I can suddenly get my leg giving way with a sensation of sharp shooting pain right down leg for a second and it often hurts to walk on my heel again due to nerve irritation in back.

I am due another mri in 2 weeks of my lumbar spine. I will post on here with the results because if my scan shows no cauda eq then you can be reassured that weird sensations are part of back problems.

[KatiePink]

I have 3 herniated discs in my lumbar spine and I too get the weird numb feelings around my anus and buttocks. I have had this sensation for many years but if I actually touch the area I can feel perfectly well. Even a feather touch I can feel.

They are really only worried if their pin and cotton wool ball test shows genuine lack of feeling or if you lose all control of bladder/bowels or if you don't feel the need to urinate over a long time. They also do a test where they stick a finger in your bum and ask you to clench ( you can try this yourself:)) if you can't tighten your bum at all they worry.

Remember that lower back problems can cause all sorts of weird sensations without cauda eq syndrome being present.
I also get intense prickling sensation in my buttock and at base of spine. It can feel as if I am sitting on a boulder with the same buttock. I can suddenly get my leg giving way with a sensation of sharp shooting pain right down leg for a second and it often hurts to walk on my heel again due to nerve irritation in back.

I am due another mri in 2 weeks of my lumbar spine. I will post on here with the results because if my scan shows no cauda eq then you can be reassured that weird sensations are part of back problems.

Sorry to hear that, I bet you must get quite a lot of pain with 3 herniated discs?
They never did a pin test or such on me, I think they just knew with me that it definitely wasn't CE, I was automatically assuming I had this because of the sensations I was getting refusing to believe anything else could cause such feelings. Clearly its a scary condition so especially us with anxiety will be drawn to it like a moth to a flame, very hard to get it out of your mind when it's so scary.
After having such a health anxiety attack last night I feel a new sense of determination to put my all into no more googling for sure x

[countrygirl]

They will have checked very carefully that you had full feeling in the saddle area.
Def no googling, you can stay strong and beat HA again.